Burning Bright
by Joanna Jacobs
Summary: AU Picking up after Jaime rejects Cersei's letter but never receives a letter from Brienne. The Marbrands are the strongest vassals to the Lannisters and have loyally served them and all the fathers before them, but what happens when Jaime finds himself at Ashemark speechless at the brightest of fires during what was supposed to be a short visit?
1. Prologue

_**Greetings, everyone! This is my first ever fan fiction and I am beyond excited. This chapter is just to kind of introduce the general atmosphere of things, I didn't want to leave any characters as two-dimensional. This is Jaime fic but I think it is such a shame that Addam is a character very often ignored when he is very interesting, very capable, and has the potential to be more than just Jaime's right hand man (pun unintended). I wanted to give them both the depth they deserve, and hopefully by the next chapter I will really get the ball rolling. Please let me know what you think of this story, I would appreciate any and all feedback!  
Disclaimer: I do not own anything except the OC's to be mentioned in later chapters.**_

* * *

 **Burning Bright**

* * *

 **Jaime I**

Jaime sighed heavily, just hours more and he'd be done with this last bout of travels and surprisingly sore back -that he could not complain about. Although, thinking of his destination, he could only wonder whether he was right to be relieved at the close prospect of his arrival. They were done with most of their campaigns in the Riverlands when Addam had received word from Ashemark, beseeching him to return to his family seat -apparently his father wanted to gather all his children under one roof to rebuild the thankfully minor damage done to parts of the castle after they had retaken it from retreating Stark forces.

Jaime recalled how conflicted Addam had looked once he had read the letter regardless of the control he attempted to impress on the situation, he thought to himself what it must have meant to him, and whether it felt anything at all like the letter he himself had received only a week before. He narrowed his eyes at him, almost bitter that Addam could face such difficulty in making a decision regarding his family when he had disregarded his, no matter what she was, she was his. For a moment Jaime almost even felt hatred towards his closest companion, he did not know why, but knowing Addam to be so steadfast and smart he did not think he would ever witness such a shake to his resolve -that was, not until he saw Addam reach for another, seemingly smaller letter that Jaime hadn't even noticed arrive with the other letter, enclosed with the same seal as the first. Addam's eyes widened in eagerness and Jaime knew then to leave Addam to his own devices, only for Addam to emerge from his tent but moments later announcing that he was to return to Ashemark per his father's wishes. Jaime did not know why he had offered to join him then, for it certainly surprised everyone else. Maybe he was done fighting, maybe he was tired, maybe he missed the west, maybe he was curious or perhaps he wanted to sleep in a bed that wasn't close to Cersei or one that reminded him so much of her.

Thinking of Addam and the years in which he'd known him, Jaime has realized over the course of the past weeks on their way west, that he knew very little about Addam's family except for the fact that he surely had an older sister, perhaps a younger one as well. He felt uneasy asking Addam, now that they were on their way. Jaime knew Addam and his shrewdness of the knowledge and information he wishes -or does not wish to impart, Addam most definitely must know Jaime's knowledge of his family was lacking, and since he had not taken it upon himself to inform him on any details regarding his family Jaime could only assume Addam believes it unnecessary. Just then, Jaime looked over at Addam Marbrand riding by his side, his dark copper hair matching his dark red courser, even in his greatness and intimidating stance Jaime could not miss the silent sense of unease stirring in him. He had been awfully quiet as they came closer to their destination, chalking it up to exhaustion, but Jaime believed it may have something to do with the prospects of seeing his home in a state that has been thus far vaguely described.

Jaime supposed it was lucky that Lord Marbrand had not been present during the taking of Ashemark, although it may have led to making his home more susceptible to attack, he could not help but think it would not do him kind to be taken prisoner, much less in his own home. Jaime had known Lord Damon Marbrand rather well, just as mighty and shrewd as Addam, but somehow even greater and more domineering. They had the same hair, he remembered, and Jaime wondered to himself whether the years had been good to Lord Marbrand. Jaime suddenly found it quite odd how little he knew about the Marbrands, Addam had been a page at Casterly Rock when they were both young, Addam's father a loyal bannerman to his family, and Jaime's grandmother, Jeyne Marbrand, also happened to be Addam's great-aunt. Jaime found his eyes straining at Addam's long copper hair darting around the air much like his own courser's mane and he could not help but wonder whether his siblings had his hair. He considered their families' close ties a moment, and in that moment of almost involuntary forgetfulness he thought of how his father would think a match between him and a Marbrand would be most ideal, he could almost hear his father tell him that though it would not be as advantageous as marrying into the Reach it would do very well to have a Western wife who would be well loved by her people, of a noble house with close ties and related ancestors, _my own mother was a Marbrand!_ he could hear him say. Jaime violently shook the thought of his father away, he had not yet decided how he felt about his death, or that his death was by his own brother's hand, or whether he wanted to feel anything at all. No, Jaime Lannister did not want to think of his Tywin. All Jaime wanted now, after months of lifting sieges and tying up loose ends, the depths of Jaime's desires consisted of a comfortable bed, good wine, and perhaps a lovely steak. Yes, that was all Jaime Lannister wanted.

* * *

 **Addam I**

He knew, surely, that Jaime must have noticed a change in him. Regardless of how ardently Addam would like to deny it, he could not help but allow his worry to seep through the cracks of his armor. Receiving the letter from his father was cause for concern, not enough to shake him, but he knew he would not be summoned as such, in a letter written with such formality and indirectness, without their being some dire need for it. Just looking at the other envelope though, Addam instantly knew who it was from. Now, riding but a few hours from Ashemark, his home, he recalled the letter's contents by way of memory,

 _Though father says it is time, it has nothing to do with the mere fact that I do not feel as happy without you here, I beseech you, please return to us. I fear I have such need of you that I have not even realised I needed to express until writing this, and simultaneously I can not bear to say what I feel. Some days I can hardly breathe, my darling Addam, come for us. Father needs you._

His heart had stirred at the words then with a force Addam had almost forgotten could be roused in him, he had been away for so long, and with the war it was difficult enough to hear word from his family other than the reassurance that they were alive and well. But this, this meant that his return was not only expected but required, if not for him, then for the people who were most dear and beloved.  
Although Addam's worry and concern for his family had overtaken him in the past week, it still managed to shock him how Jaime had readily offered to escort and visit Ashemark with him, and despite the fact that Addam had no idea in what state Ashemark was in, or what awaited him there, he was grateful for Jaime Lannister's company -without showing him as much, not that he could. He had noticed, Jaime had definitely noticed, besides the odd jest on their rides, Jaime often left Addam alone after dinner -not even asking to spar with him in order to retrain his left hand, though after their last spar Addam doubted Jaime's unwillingness to subject himself to another session was because of Addam's own changed temperament.

Seeing as he had had so much time alone over the past few weeks, he had not even realised that he appreciated the solitude to ponder on the way things were left for him. He pondered what the sight of his own home would be like to his new eyes, what fraction of his pride would be hurt at seeing parts of it ruined, knowing it had been touched by the enemy. And although his fury bubbled slowly inside him each time he thought of the possible damage to his house seat, with it always came the uprise of sudden guilt.

No one would blame him. He knew that, no one would ever think to blame him for what had happened. He was a knight, who's house was sworn to its liege lord, and when the banner's were called, he not only answered with fervor but with...eagerness. The darkest parts of him recalled how he silently basked in his glory and the victories, the recognition, he remembered sometimes wishing the war would never end. _How foolish,_ he thought, _how utterly, selfishly and undeniably foolish could I have been?_ He _enjoyed_ it, almost every moment and every feeling it roused within him, away from his family, away from the place that needed him the most. He could not even blame the northerners, it is what he would have done. But he should have been there, he should have been there to defend it. Perhaps if he was there he would not be haunted by the image of his sisters starving if they had not been whisked away to safety beforehand. That is what changed him on the journey, his worry had seeped through, but it was his guilt that he wore. It was his guilt that he carried on his back, it was his guilt that weighed heavily on his eyes and it was his guilt that caused him to fall deeper into himself with every breath he took.

He could see Ashemark now, he had almost forgotten where to look until Jaime had shouted it out to him in an almost question. They were a few miles away but he could still make out the basic structure, there it stood on the hilly terrain, still mighty, but Addam could only strangely make out that it seemed slightly _darker_ than how he'd remembered.

"Excited yet, ser?" He heard Jaime lazily say to him, the wind carrying his voice now in a direction he could not even tell,

"In truth, I do not know." he answered with a sulky seriousness he did not even know he had about him.

"I suppose i'll have to be charming enough for the both of us" to which Addam awarded a grin,

"And what would you know of charm, Lannister?" he quipped before galloping away, leading the group, and despite his current onset of feelings, Addam Marbrand would be damned if he'd be anything but first to arrive.  
For a brief moment, he reminded himself that Jaime Lannister had never been here before, and he allowed a coy smile to make its way to his features almost in defiance to the ungodly wind attacking his face. Jaime Lannister was now in his territory, Jaime Lannister would now be lost in his hallways and would have to play at being courteous to his family. For both their sakes, Addam prayed their was enough wine stocked, for they would surely need it. His heart picked up at the prospect of seeing his family, and despite their letters and reassurance he could not help but wonder whether they were all in fact as well as they claimed, guilt rousing him again and twisting in his side, _you should know that yourself_.

He know nothing would change until he could see it all. He could only see for himself, he had to see for himself.


	2. Arrival

**Addam II**

He had always prided himself on knowing what to say. Being a paige at Casterly Rock had taught him that it was always the man that could not be shaken that commanded respect, and the man that had an answer to everything that would be held in close regard, and so he decided he would be both. He had looked so many things in the eye, faced them with a steadfastness that he did not even imagine he was capable of, it seemed as though throughout all his years of trying, he had succeeded in becoming the man that he had wanted to be. Yet despite all of that, at this moment, Addam Marbrand could not think of a thing to say as he passed through the gates of Ashemark, his home.

The heady charred steel gate that he remembered all too well being painted over in gold creaked in a welcome to him and his host of some thirty men, he wondered for a moment whether they'd even be able to accommodate that many men in the first place. Giving a quick nod to Ser Jaime, he made his way forward into the vast courtyard at their entrance, almost knocking over a few moving servants, _it certainly is quite crowded_ , he thought, _no doubt the restoration requires additional work_. And although there were more people than he had remembered there being before, even though the dust had not quite settled, even though some parts of what he could see of the castle had fallen bricks and burnt ends, an overwhelming sense of familiarity overcame him and he shook inwardly as he remembered the last time he had been here.

 _"I shall return, and until then I do expect you to write to me, of everything, the dull and the exciting, if so perhaps a roll of Myrish lace shall mysteriously find its way back with me."_  
 _He regarded them closely, narrowing his eyes at their smiles, they feel like the only real ones he had ever known._  
 _"She wants to know all about your time as well. And I fear even I can not put her mind at rest."_  
 _He smiled softly, craning his head down to kiss each forehead he owed one to,_  
 _"I shall write, fear not._

He could still remember the giggles he heard as he galloped away, knowing very well he would not write as he had promised.

With a yell of command to his men to dismount, he proceeded to do so as a stable boy he could not remember came to take his mare. Just as his feet had settled on the hard ground he was greeted by an approaching figure,

"My son," large arms drew him into a short embrace filled with no less relief and affection than he had expected, pulling him back then to regard him fully,

"it is good to have you back where you belong" his father said softly, causing Addam an involuntary frown. He did not need to be reminded that this is where he should be.

"Father" he nodded, a tight smile gracing his lips. He looked at his father intently, noticing how his hair had become more and more like the colour of chalk, hard lines indented his face and the crease in his brow that seemed to never leave him seems to have relaxed considerably.  
Damon Marbrand was a tall man, muscular and large even in his old age, but for a reason that always escaped him, Addam had always sensed a softness in his father he felt only he and his family were privy to.

"I do say, it pleases me a great deal to not see you awfully maimed" he jested and before Addam could even laugh at his father's quip he heard another voice pipe in,

"Not that it would do your charms too much harm, brother" the lightly instigated insult came as Addam focused on the figure standing a few feet behind where his father had met him.

There stood his younger brother, Duncan, his dark hair just barely curled around his ear, _he never did like his hair too long_ , he remembered. Grinning at the sight before him, Addam embraced his younger brother, and as he felt the unfamiliar firmness in Duncan's arms and shoulders he felt it strange that he had left his brother as a boy still building himself and has come back to find in his presence a man grown, his facial hair almost resembling his own father's.

"It seems I shall have to teach you not to rely on your charms, not all of us can be born pretty like you" he quipped as Duncan's jaw slacked slightly, a silent chuckle escaping him.

Caught in the outskirts of this bracing reunion, Addam realised, stood Jaime Lannister. Patiently, at that. Addam did not know if it was because it was so sunny or if his mind had decided to start betraying him, but he thought he could sense a strange gleam in Jaime's eyes. He would like to think he knew Jaime too well to think it was jealousy... curiosity, perhaps?

"Why, Ser Jaime! Addam mentioned that you would be gracing us with your presence, but till now I had not believed it if I may be honest." His father stepped towards Jaime, looming over him and grasping his hand in a firm handshake, with Jaime grinning widely in response.

"Yes, I found it a great shame when it had occurred to me that i'd never been to Ashemark before, what better time to remedy that when the opportunity had presented itself to me?" Jaime responded, grin still firmly in place.

"It i _s_ good to see you, I was...very sorry to hear news of your late father. There are, no men like him."

At this Addam noticed that tick, perhaps Jaime's only tell, in his jaw. _He only ever does that when they call him Kingslayer_. But Jaime's smile did not falter, merely softened if one could say.

In truth, Addam had seldom spent any time to consider Tywin Lannister's death, the great Warden of the West, and the strange circumstances surrounding it. And even when his thoughts _did_ drift to the matter, however scarce that may have been, he had never thought of the matter in relation to Ser Jaime. It had almost slipped his mind that Jaime had lost his father, not that he did not remember the funeral. Or the time Jaime spent standing vigil by his side. Outside of that Jaime never once uttered a word about Lord Tywin's death. Surely, it was strange, he had been with them as a boy in their own home, and it was no secret that Tywin was a hard man, affection was never by any means dolled out freely at Casterly Rock. But Addam thought that certainly, Jaime must be affected by the untimely passing. He had chalked up this entire campaign to it, he knew it was Jaime's escape. Casterly Rock was at an impasse, and it lay in Jaime's hands to decide what would become of it. Now, looking at Jaime, green eyes scanning the courtyard with impatience, waiting for something new, it became clearer to Addam that Jaime's accompaniment must be an extension of the original reason they had left King's Landing; a reason to run.

"I've kept you all waiting out here long enough, do come in! I hope you haven't forgotten your way around old boy!"

Addam gave a slight smile at that as he motioned for Jaime to proceed with them into the castle, thinking to himself silently that the Lion of Casterly Rock, the great and gallant Jaime Lannister, was running away, and out of all the places he could have run to, he inwardly laughed that this is where he chose. A half ruined castle with him and his five siblings.  
He did not know how he felt about that.

They stood on the inner covered bridge connecting the first part of the castle to the second, still in the same form it had been left in with moss and long Amber Flower vines entwining around its length, encapsulating it in a blur of green and bright orange, stopping to show Jaime the maze garden that stretched beneath them, a rather forced impressed expression wore Jaime's face as he feigned delight.

"Bored already, Lannister?" He smirked,

"I'm afraid i've seen too many gardens in my lifetime Marbrand, could this place possibly be as dreary as you?" he said and Addam stood prepared to feign shock at his most unknightly turn of

"Oh look!" he heard Duncan exclaim, to which he paid no mind to, instead choosing to focus on how to further tease the Lannister Lion, until he heard the sound of distant laughter coming from beneath them and a flash of dark hair spun in the corner of his eye.

* * *

 **Jaime II**

Jaime's head whipped around in sync with Addam's, though with no particular sense of direction to his gaze, more in confusion than in Addam's obvious anticipation.

He could hear it too, it was not a figment of his imagination, there it was, a sound so common and yet he can not recall to himself the last time he had heard it; laughter. A woman's, to be precise -or a girl's he could not yet tell, all he knew was that it bubbled through with such youthful exuberance a shadow of a smile made it its way to his face. Looking to Addam for answers he found his gaze narrowed and looking about the mazes below.

It was pretty, the maze. Jaime had to admit, it was seemingly unaffected by the siege. As grand as the Red Keep's gardens ever were, no part of the castle seemed to tower of any of the gardens like this one. It almost seemed like a sea beneath them -or a pit, depending on which way you thought of it.

Staring down at the maze he could see where Addam was looking, tracing the elated sounds to its source as figures of deep red and pale blue entwined themselves throughout the maze, looking back momentarily as they ran from what seemed to be chasing them, the backs of their heads freely flowing plains of a deep copper, almost chestnut, _like Addam's,_ he thought.

"Our sisters," Duncan said then, directing his gaze at Jaime, trying to bring some light to his confusedly dazed stare,

"I have never made the pleasure of their acquaintance -or come to know of their existence, you have your brother here to thank for that." he quipped giving a pointed look to Addam, who Jaime had almost gotten used to seeing in borderline somber reverie, now, seemed far lighter, and far more at ease.

"You shall meet them in due time, soon enough old Lion"

"Old?" he feigned shock.

"Yes, I suppose you should meet them at the feast this evening, no use having a feast though if our guests aren't well rested." Duncan certainly had been trained in playing the host now, hasn't he?

"Rest now, my boys, much is to come." Said Lord Ashemark, directing his gaze steely at Addam, Jaime knew enough of that look to know Lord Damon would need a private moment with Addam, he knew many of those looks from his father. His father, his father, his father... _stop this at once_. He thought, now was the time for rest, _I wish to close my eyes and see nothing but darkness and maybe even a lovely meal_.

Lurching themselves off the perched ends of the bridge, Lord Ashemark directed himself forward so as to lead the group, Addam and Duncan following behind closely as Jaime trailed closer towards the end, not helping himself from overhearing the conversation being had ahead of him.

"Janyne is here as well. She's brought the little ones along."

"How good of our sister to join us."

"Yes, how good indeed." said Duncan with only a hint of mirth in his voice.

Jaime did not realise how far behind them he was, _the journey has made me weary_. He was still on the bridge, he noticed, staring at the moss, wondering how long it had been there, when he heard it again; laughter. A blithe sound, graceful, it was almost a whisper to his ears and for some reason he felt called to examine its source. Peering down from the bridge he found the familiar sight of hair twisting in the wind, yet this hair was not of copper, like the other heads he had seen. This back of the head was darker, a deep mahogany, _the same as Duncan's_ , and it was not long until its holder spun enough to come into Jaime's view.

 _Young,_ he thought. Not in the way she looked but more out of how light she seemed to be at heart, if ever one could tell from first sight. Her eyes were the same as Addam's from what he could tell, dark and pointed, but her smile was different. There was an awful air of gentleness surrounding her, her fingers dainty and caressing the maze wall at as she peered from its side, scouting out the hunted. _Pretty_ , he added, but his gaze did not linger long.

It seems Addam Marbrand was not lacking in sisters, and a coy smile made its way then to Jaime's lips as he vowed to remember all their names this time.

* * *

 **Hello to whoever is reading this, I hoped you enjoyed this chapter. More is to come! I'm really pushing to get the next chapter done by tomorrow and I think I should make good on that. But I start summer school this Monday so any update from then on will most likely be weekly, i'll still try to get them out as soon as possible. I've had this story inside me for a while now and it's a pleasure to finally be able to get to share it. I've posted this in a little bit of a hurry so any spelling mistakes can be excused until I can get back and edit, thank you!**


	3. A Feast For The Eyes

**Sorry this took longer than expected! I've been so busy -and exhausted! This is a longer chapter and i've figured out that I want fit more things in each chapter from now on, if anyone is reading this I hope you enjoy! Just to quell any thoughts, this is a Jaime fic. Any other POV are devices and additions to the story, I enjoy giving them depth because that's my writing style -I don't like having any two dimensional characters no matter how small they are in the grand scheme of things.**

* * *

 **Jaime**

They must have appeared to be as weary as they felt, as Lord Marbrand and Duncan wasted no more time showing Jaime any new sights and directed him straight to his guest quarters, him having the honour of residing in the same wing of the castle as the Marbrands, as apposed to the opposite end where the guests were usually accommodated. He wondered whether it was because the guest wing may still be undergoing renovations, did they fear a Lannister might swoon at the sight of dust and dirt? _I've seen dirt,_ he thought to himself with growing spite as he lay in bed, staring at the old ceiling of orange above him, _This Lannister knows dirt. Eventually all us Lannisters know dirt all too well._

Wrestling with the rising lion in him that wanted nothing more than to battle the blood in his veins and the monsters in his mind, he turned to his side and shut his lids, drowsiness swiftly settling upon him and taking him to deep slumber in a whisper.

 _The wind breezed through his flowing hair, hissing against the stone walls as Jaime made his way down this corridor that he was sure he knew very well but still felt lost in, he was at Casterly Rock once more. His steps echoed through the halls as the violent yet calming sound of the clashing waves reverberated within his very bones, the smell of salt thick and welcome, he palmed the wall -as if he'd be able to gain a sense of direction through feeling, giving speed to his steps, twisting and turning, choosing left over right, and then right over left, his childhood home had become a maze to taunt him._

 _He took the next left and entered a larger clearing with an exceptionally large window sill, it was then that he noticed he could not hear the sound of the sea any longer. Jaime stood close enough to the window to see what was outside; there was no sea surrounding them, nor a city, there was nothing. Bare, infertile, barren ground surrounded him as far as his eyes could see, and it was then that he heard the light scuffling sound of heavy breathing, a deep growl that sounded inhuman, like it was coming from a predator of some sort. He whirled his head around swiftly to face the dreaded beast, to find his father standing there. He stood with his back straight as always, but with a slight crane in his neck, his eyes hungry and malicious adding a grim twist in his features that Jaime was sure he'd never seen even on Tywin's worst days. How have you made it into my dreams, old man?  
_

 _Suddenly then, Tywin shuffled his feet on the dusty ground and made to charge at Jaime in full speed in some sort of pounce at his prey. In the panic ensuing the attack Jaime stumbled back until his hands found a latch and furiously pulled it back to open and slam the door from the unrecognisable beast that Tywin had morphed into, pressing himself to the door and shutting his eyes tightly as the door vibrated to the beast's attempts to break in and reach him. When the relentless banging on the door finally ceased Jaime, still pressed to the door, opened his eyes in confusion_ _as the wheezing sound of sobbing reached his ears at a subtle volume, as he turned around to face the sound it grew and what lay in front of him was a woman, sat in a chair, her face buried in her hands and a mass of golden tresses surrounded her down to her waist._

 _The sound of her weeping tore at him, and he quickly realised he had reached her and knelt slowly to face her. Her face was still not visible to him, but the weeping grew louder and louder._

 _"Cersei?" he wrapped his good arm around the figure and wound his golden one in her long curls, holding him to his shoulder,_

 _"I can't save you" he whispered as he wept with her -for her, for the sister he had surely lost long before her imprisonment, the sister he lost the moment he decided to give everything up for her. I let you undo everything, sister._

 _"I can't save you!" He cried, shaking the figure slightly._

 _"I wish I had saved you" he heard a soft voice tell him in his ear; the sobbing had now ceased._

 _But as he opened his eyes to look down at the hand holding the long strands of golden hair he found the hair falling from the scalp he held close, and looking to the face he held at his shoulder he gasped at the sight of a visage horribly disfigured past the point of recognition, and suddenly the smell of burning flesh resonated throughout the room as the body he clung to fell to ashes in his arms._

 _Eyes wide with fear and bewilderment, Jaime could not yet form the words to call out to whomever he could before the loud banging at the door resumed, and this time the beast was coming at full strength, the door almost coming off its hinges with every blow._

 _Bang._

 _Come for me_

 _Bang._

 _You think I fear you?_

 _Bang._

 _You are nothing. This is nothing._

 _Bang._

 _Come! Rid me of this wait! You coward! Come for me!_

 _BANG!_

BANG!

Jaime's eyes flung open as he was greeted by the sight of the same orange wall he had turned away from, his brow sweatier than he had remembered leaving it and his heart beating wildly.

"Ser Jaime! Ser Jaime!" He heard from behind the door, the knocking still as incessant as it was in his dream.

"Seven hells Lewys would you come in!" he growled, sitting up in his bed, still fully dressed in his riding clothes save for his boots. The door creaked against its rusted hinges and cracked open only slightly to welcome the sight of one of Jaime's squires, Lewys Piper and his bushy red hair.

"Forgive me Ser, i've been knocking for a while now, I didn't mean to wake you" he said as his eyes gleamed in bewilderment, probably at Jaime's own furious glare.

"Well? What is it then?"

"Ser it's time for the dinner feast, they've told me to come get you, they should be expecting you shortly."

He sighed, even in his time of sleep it seems he would never truly know rest.

"Alright. Let them know i've woken, i'll be down as soon as I can -if I can find it well enough."

"I'm sure you'll have no problems Ser" he said with a slight grin before leaving and shutting the door behind him.

Left in solitude once again he sighed as he swung his legs off the bed and rested them on the ground, elbows resting on his knees and his head hanging down in weariness.  
 _No doubt i've scared the bloody boy half to death._ He smiled. _He'll learn._ Jaime liked Lewys well enough, he had awful red hair and Jaime knew he would never be handsome but he saw a type of innocence in Lewys that Jaime never had even when he would have considered himself innocent. Lewys wanted to live purely for the small things, and for that Jaime was fond of his company.

Standing up he looked at the bath that had been drawn for him, the water was still warm so someone must have come in while he was still asleep; he wasn't sure he liked that. All the same, he undressed and slipped into the bath, leaning his head back as he thought of tonight and whether it was worth the trouble of the journey. _I'd meet his sisters_ , he thought to himself silently.

"Duncan? Was it?" he tried to remember out loud, it would do no good to try and remember all those names if he had already forgotten his brother's. Jaime had never been particularly good with names.

His mind suddenly wandered to the figures he had seen in the maze, particularly the one with the dark hair and light laugh, _pretty,_ he reminded himself. _Perhaps she would make pleasant company_. Something about her laugh resonated through him as he recalled it, it relayed in his mind so many times it almost sounded taunting by the time Jaime had finally gotten dressed.

 _Gods help me if I should ever find this damned hall._

* * *

 **Addam**

"I would have believed I had raised you better than to stand there and deny me of what you know is right. With no good reason, might I add!" growled the now, very angry, Lord Marbrand at his eldest son.

Addam knew his father was right. He did not know why he was fighting him, but he knew he wanted to. It was utterly infuriating knowing he was in the wrong, he knew this had to come, why else would he be here? And yet every fibre of his being had been self taught to keep what his father was suggesting at bay for as long as possible, even he himself had forgotten why.

"I told you I have no wish for it, not yet" _at least that much was true_ , he thought to himself.

"You have a _duty_ to your _house_! Are you not my heir? I am not your enemy, son!"

"Then why have you summoned me here, under false pretences? Why the deception, if you truly are on my side?!" He had to admit, that was smart. Sending him a cryptic raven, making it sound as if there was a slight danger, he knew it'd make him _worry_.

"Would you think me so foolish as to think that if I had written to you that I wished for you to return so that you could finally marry, you would have not burned the letter and fled as deep into the Riverlands as Jaime Lannister would allow? No," he sat back in his chair smiling at Addam, almost like the cat that ate the mouse, "I know you far better than that."

 _He's not wrong._

A sudden thought occurred to him then.

 _"_ And what of Lorraine's letter? Did you force her in on this as well? Did you watch down as she wrote to me? How many people have you drawn in to your schemes?" He fumed in anger, slowly dissipating at the sudden look of confusion on his father's face as it dawned on him.

"I never told Lorraine to write you anything, I had no idea she had even written to you." He stood up, pushing his chair back in the process with a sharp screech against the floor, he stood by the window then, looking out at nothing as he nursed his left hand under his right arm as he always had when he was in deep thought. "What of her letter?" he said solemnly, and right then Addam almost didn't want to answer him, _but he can always tell when i'm lying_.

Looking down he wondered how to phrase it,

"She said you needed me. She said she was sad."

"Sad?"

"Like she couldn't breathe."

Silence ensued for long moments until Lord Marbrand looked back at him, sighing heavily as he made his way back to his seat, eyeing Addam with a furrowed brow from across his desk, saying carefully,

"I'm afraid I have no experience, it's been so long since she's been unhappy -since anyone's been unhappy for that matter, I don't know how to deal with it. She's happy enough during the day, they all are, but even I have to admit she's been withdrawn. None of them have been exactly the same since they had to leave, I suppose it's just harder for her. She can't really express how she feels, you know." He chuckled at that, "your other sisters though, have been very vocal." A shadow of a smile haunted his face then. "She was right though. We need you."

His earlier discomfort crept back up through his spine and he physically felt his face harden once more,

 _"_ What would you have me do then, father? Did you think I would arrive and just accept whatever bride you've picked from the harvest? What would I do then? Leave her here? Take her with me to King's Landing? Or will we be made to stay here and prance around Ashemark until our bones creak as much as yours?"

"I am tired, Addam. And you are my eldest." cradling his head in his hand. He knew what he meant then.

It was funny to Addam, his father was always such a strong man, _I suppose him being my father made him seem invincible_ , he always knew what the implications of being his father's heir meant; he would have to marry and produce children, but moreover it means that he had to take over his father's role once he had gone to the gods, and that kept the thought of his father dying too fresh in his mind for his liking. So he buried himself in knighthood and gallantry and even battles if it meant forgetting all everyone was waiting for was for his father to die. He understood now, he had been hiding for far too long. His father had grown, his fire is fading and soon he will be ash.

"As you wish father."

He smiled then, not the same solemn one as before, it was only momentary but it was bright, _still bright_.

"Good. By the Gods, better you than Duncan."

Suddenly throwing Addam a flagon of wine, they both chuckled effortlessly, an air of jest placating their earlier tension.

"He's not half bad, that son of yours."

"Enjoy him while you can, it's about time he gained a knighthood."

"You're sending him away?"

"As per his own request, he'll be sharing the court at King's Landing, squiring for Randyll Tarly."

Addam nodded then, considering Radnyll Tarly an advantageous choice, he was a smart man and a lethal commander. Even though Tarly did not have the Regent's favour Dunca would surely learn a lot from him. _How funny, trading in one son for the other._

"Right, enough of this. Best not keep your sisters waiting."

"Yes, best not." He said as they both got up in sync and made their way down to the feasting hall in understanding silence.

* * *

 **Jaime**

He had not been West in such a long while, he had almost forgotten things are not exactly as they are in King's Landing. The feasting hall of Ashemark, otherwise known as the Hall of Amber, was...quaint in comparison to all the many halls in the Red Keep. Though not as deliberately grand as the Red Keep's dinner hall, it still had an air of beauty about it. The hall itself had walls of amber and the red and orange silks hanging from the walls made it look like fire consumed them as the breeze blew through them, and most unusually there stood in the midst of the hall the bark and branches of a grand old tree, charred black as if it has been set on fire, and candles carefully set on all the branches to give the illusion of a burning tree.

 _Impressive_. He thought, he had to admit he'd never seen anything like it, scanning the hall furthermore he found that one of the walls was not a wall at all, but a large open arch with orange silks hanging from it that led to a terrace that Jaime did not realise was also part of the hall used for entertainment and dancing that had a similar yet smaller black tree in its middle.

"Still as dreary as you thought it might be, Lannister?" commented Addam as he looked on at Jaime's seemingly helpless wandering with a look akin to pride. He had been lucky to run in to Addam and his father just outside the hall's entrance, it's been a while since he'd had to introduce himself and he had no idea what or who to expect at the feast.

"A breath of fresh air" he grinned, "if you see the same thing over and over for long enough i'm afraid even the Red Keep looks dull."

Addam chuckled audibly at that before motioning towards his elder sister,

"You see, sister? Lannister here finds our lodgings adequate." He jokes as he elbowed his sister gently to her side.

"One would hope so! It's not like we've been tripping over ourselves for weeks getting it all right again!" said Janyne, Addam's sister in a low voice, something overly maternal oozed out of it even in jest, Jaime noticed.

Jaime could not help but compare Janyne to Addam the same moment they were introduced, if he did not know any better he would have said that she looks more like his mother than his sister. She was plump and large from the middle up -unlike Addam who had slender limbs, she was comely enough though, her hair matched Addam's and her eyes were wide and animated, her face looked kind -even when what she was saying wasn't. A woman capable of jesting openly was always a welcome change to Jaime, Cersei does nothing but plan and yell, whilst Brienne probably has the sense of humour of that burnt tree.

Just as Jaime offered a polite smile to Janyne and her husband, Ronald Serrett, bland in comparison to the fiery Marbrand, what he assumed to be the remainder of Addam's sisters entered the hall, the first two with arms linked with one another and the last holding Duncan's left arm with the both of hers.

Just then they spotted Addam and in a matter of short seconds they had all run to embrace him, the dark haired one gladly swapping Duncan's arms for Addam's as she leapt into him and he spun her around like a child. After settling her on the ground Addam swung his hands around the other two sisters and held them closely, kissing their foreheads gently as he rested his chin on their heads. Jaime noticed then that he had involuntarily backed away from the ensuing scene in front of him, but he was close enough to hear relieved sighs of "I missed you" and "Welcome home".

As the bunch of them dispersed from the skirmish of affection he regarded them closely as he had better range to do so now. _It seems Addam is not the most handsome of his house after_ _all._

They were all pretty, in a simple sort of way. Not like Cersei, but most assuredly sure to be the object of attention. The one wearing an ornate gown of deep green with black branches encircling the bodice had her chestnut hair held up simply to the back of her head, eyes wide and pale like Janyne, lips perfectly plump, she had a simple gap between her teeth and a lovely tinge to her cheeks. The other, who wore, in comparison, a simple gown of red that flowed lightly at her feet had the face of a girl that giggled often and loudly, her cheeks were always strained upwards in a grin, she almost looked strange when her mouth was not tilted upwards -nevertheless, she was handsome but shared the same unfortunate body type as Addam.  
The last one, he remembered thinking was pretty when he had initially seen her, but now he could not tell anymore. She wore a cream gown with orange embroidery around her corset, her hair -far darker than the chestnut of her sisters', was partially pulled back whilst the remainder of her hair flowed freely down her shoulders. Her eyes darker -but just as animated as her sister's and engaging. Even with eyes as lovely as those, he found he could not look away from the curve of her lips, thinner than her sister's but perfectly pink and _sincere_ , he could not yet understand why he couldn't form an opinion. It was as if there was something stopping him from taking in her face in its entirety, like there was so much he wanted to examine he could not look at it as one whole being.

This brought to his attention another thing he noticed that offered quite a difference from King's Landing, the way in which women dressed. He had forgotten how different women dressed in the West. It wasn't as cold as it was up North but it definitely was not as warm as it is in the Crownlands, so there were no more flowing silks, open backs, plunging necklines and hanging sleeves, the wardrobe of a Western noble woman was a little more solid and refined. Their bodices clung tightly to their middles in a fabric that was usually a blend of silk and cotton and the skirt puffed just slightly more than other dresses, their sleeves usually reached the middle of their arms but surprisingly even he had forgotten at how the neckline could display a woman's curves in such dresses. He could not help but stare then, the necklines strapped across their chests and pressed tightly just at the start of their breasts -lifting them up and pressing them together. It was not the way he wished to look at Addam's sisters.

"Ser! Come, allow me to introduce the rest of my sisters!"

With a wolfish grin Jaime stepped forward, eyeing the first one in front of him in the green gown,

"Ser Jaime, this is my younger sister, Reina"

He looked her in the eye and kissed her hand as a clear blush crept up her neck.

"It is a pleasure, Ser Jaime, to finally make your acquaintance."

"The pleasure is mine, my Lady."

Looking to the next sister, the one in red, Addam introduced her as Elaine, and she grinned widely as he took her hand and placed another gentle kiss on it.

"Why Ser Jaime, it's good to know you are not just a myth!" She said,

He smiled, thinking to himself how similar she was to Addam.

"And I you, my Lady"

He finally stood in front of the last sister, stood in her cream gown, looking him directly in his eyes with nothing he thought he would have expected to see; patience.

"Ser Jaime, my youngest sister, Lorraine."

He took her hand then, and placed the gentlest kiss of all on her dainty fingers, the same one he had seen caressing the maze wall earlier on today. He waited then, for a comment, a pleasantry, _something_. But nothing came, he lifted his head to look at her, confusion clearly etched in his brow, and she only looked on, again in to his eyes with such clear purpose, and bowed her head slightly, bringing back her hand to her side and taking Addam's arm to motion him to walk with her.

"So, Ser Jaime, is Ashemark to your liking? It is my understanding this is your first visit." He heard the elder one say, _Rhea, was it?_ , he could barely hear her.


	4. Riddled

**Oh wow, so happy this update didn't take a whole week! This was surprisingly hard to start, I already knew exactly what I wanted to cover in this chapter, I just didn't know who to start with! A little longer than the last chapter, but I hope you enjoy it. Feedback would be appreciated x.**

* * *

 **Jaime**

Jaime stood there almost dumbfounded in the midst of conversation, seemingly he had become the object of his hosts' attentions and right now even he had to admit he was being a bore, restricting his answers to an array of:

"Yes, very much."

"It's lovely."

"You are too kind, my Lady."

In his defence, there were only so many ways in which he could answer how he was finding Ashemark so far. That Reina is an aspiring hostess. _As boring as she is pretty._

He took the opportunity to casually stroll about the hall under the guise of examining it when Reina had momentarily engaged in conversation with Elaine about something to do with paints, and regardless of how fleeting that moment was he grasped it and silently took his leave from their presence. Leaving himself to his own company as he walked around in observation, his gaze eventually wandered to Addam and his sister Lorraine with their arms linked together, walking the perimeter of the hall. He was too far away to hear what they were saying, but positioned well enough to view their interactions, Addam had rest his free hand atop both of hers that had been clasped around his arm as he spoke to here with a soft smile, bending his head down in order to look at her while she looked straight ahead, seemingly at nothing, reacting with her face to his retelling of his adventures and mishaps, surely. But still, as Jaime observed her, he did not see her mouth move beyond the pretty smile or delicate giggle that may have escaped her.  
In his brief moment of strange solitude, he had been left to ponder what exactly it was that had besieged him in such confusion about the girl. He hadn't been flustered by her, he was not prone to getting flustered by women admittedly far more beautiful than she. Still, she was fair, though he could not say he took delight in admitting it. He remembered the sound of her laugh and how it shook through him when he had heard it, how it haunted him when he was alone. He realised that maybe he had craved to hear more from her, maybe her voice was not as boisterously young as her laugh was.

In his deep thought he hadn't noticed Janyne approaching him and sliding her arm through his, breaking him away from his train of thought to once again remember how to be a charming old knight.

"Why the solitude, Lannister? Walk with me, unless you would not prefer it!"

He laughed then, in surprise somehow of her demeanour even though he knew he should have expected it, he was used to it coming from Addam.

"Of course my Lady, though if I were to refuse you I don't doubt the remainder of your pack of sisters would offer their company."

"It's been a while since we've been graced by such a gallant knight, your arrival has corresponded well with the timing of the feast, you're a pretty little thing for decor aren't you?"

He scoffed lightly as they stepped around the hall, her surprisingly strong form guiding him as he forged a response,

"Have I been remiss this evening? I must apologise, it's been a long journey."

"Oh hush, no talk of journeys please -I beg of you. Come this way, I don't think you've seen the outer hall yet."

She led him through the hanging silks into the crisp night air that awaited them, the slight breeze not strong enough to blow out the set candles that offered light to the outdoor hall. Scanning the open hall at his leisure he now found that upon closer inspection, the smaller burnt tree looked more solemn than he had initially perceived it to be, standing there so small and burnt, _alone_ in the relative dark, it looked like a starved figure on a field awaiting salvation.

Caught out of his reverie, he heard Janyne sigh as she looked on, opening her mouth to speak again, which he surprisingly did not mind from her,

"I _have_ missed this place. It's been a while." she said with a smile, her pale eyes slightly glazed as she kept her gaze steady at the same tree Jaime had been considering.

"Is Silverhill not to your liking, my Lady?"

She returned Jaime's earlier scoff, "It's fine if you can handle the sight of those bloody peacock banners everywhere your eyes can see. But it's not _here_ , it's not home -is it?"

 _What would I know of home?_ He almost answered. He creased his brow in thought but stayed silent as he thought, _where is my home? What is home?_

"Do you miss Casterly rock?" she asked suddenly, finally shifting her gaze to him as she extended one of her kind maternal smiles to him.

"Like you said, my Lady,...it's been a while." And he hoped she would leave it at that.

And she did.

"The hall isn't as charming as it is when there aren't people dancing in it-"

"Are you asking me to dance, my Lady?" he raised a brow, glad that the slight sadness in the air had been lifted and had now been replaced with growing merriment.

"Shall I hush you once again Lannister? Come inside, I do believe there is still a dinner to be had."

Walking back inside alongside Janyne, Jaime quickly found himself at ease with being greeted by the same sights as before and felt more encouraged to engage with those that conversed with him, which was strange of him -certainly, but he found that a part of him wanted to face the dark haired girl again, _Lorraine_ , he remembered, and undo the enigma he had allowed to surround her.

* * *

 **Janyne**

After engaging in their own private moment of what Janyne believed to be mutual understanding, she saw a visible change in Jaime's demeanour as he seemed more willing and open to engage in conversation.

 _Not that it was too riveting,_ she supposed. She took a moment to regard Jaime again, now that he was talking to Reina - _about bloody paints no less,_ and she came to find Ser Jaime Lannister was alarmingly handsome. She had seen many handsome men in her time, some in the traditional sense, and some a kind of handsome you had to look a little closely for -like her husband, Ronald Serrett. But she knows that in her nine and thirty years alive, after marriage, birthing five children and living through a _war_ , she had never seen a man as handsome as Jaime Lannister. Though she knew and assumed he was close to her in age, only a few years younger, the years had been good to him. Even with his hair cropped short he was handsome in some godly way, she doubted whether he was even aware of the extent his comeliness. Yes, Jaime Lannister was handsome, but he was not exactly _beautiful_. His face was hard when examined, and his features very precise, Janyne always thought some sort of softness should be present to be able to say someone is beautiful. She also noticed his hesitation with his stump, _poor man overcompensated far too much with his left_ , but she appreciated that he seemed far less clumsy with his left hand than she had imagined -he did everything with his left hand, carry his goblet, shake hands, pour wine, _everything but hold a sword._ She pitied him then for only a moment, she knew Lannisters didn't want her pity, but nevertheless she gave it. Jaime Lannister, who had come to know nothing but war, politics and the Kingsguard all his life -had lost everything he had known within the span of a few short months; his King and nephew, his brother who she had heard had escaped the dungeons the night of his execution, his father -who his brother just so happens to have killed, and now his sister was imprisoned awaiting a trial by combat that he was obviously not there for. The matter held a thin presence in the room, but not enough to soil Jaime's temperament enough-and she was not about to make it a larger issue to the man who so obviously has come to forget.

She had done what she could to lighten his mood -though she supposed she could not entirely blame him for his initial reluctance, she did not expect a certain level of trust to fall freely from the lion. She had found it a little funny seeing him get flustered by her youngest sister so unceremoniously. She had Addam to thank for that, the poor man walked through our gates without knowing a single shred of information about them, so it was a given that Jaime would be confused -most people would be. The problem with that is if you don't explain things beforehand, it makes it harder to explain things afterwards.

She looked to Lorraine then, staying by Addam's side as she had always preferred, and she could not help but allow her heart to clench at the sight. They had come to Silverhill when Robb Stark's army had been fast approaching to keep them safe -surely the Starks would have had no use of them regardless, but one never knows during times of war. She remember how solemn faces greeted her at the gates when she approached, not even her little children could bring a lasting smile to any of their faces during those first few days. Reina went about not changing much -except for the fact that she fell to tears at every mention of Ashemark and the occasional burst of sobs at random intervals, Elaine had consumed herself with her painting and drawing -which she was exceptional at, but at times she would stay in her room for hours upon hours, not even coming out to eat. Lorraine went to the river nearby often, even when told not to, even when told that it could be dangerous -she still went. She had never stayed by the river before, and sometimes Janyne would catch her staring at it without movement for hours, and she could not help but worry. Lorraine had always been... _expressive_ , but after leaving Ashemark something inside her seemed so solemn -it pained Janyne to have to look at it, and she thanked the Gods when they were allowed to go back to Ashemark, hoping it would help heal her heart.

She hadn't realised then that she had been staring at Lorraine, and that Jaime Lannister had followed her gaze in question, conveniently finding the object of his frustration.

"Excuse me, my Lady" he said to her as he gently removed their interlinked arms from their embrace and without a note of hesitation made his way over to Addam and Lorraine.

 _Gods help him_.

* * *

 **Addam**

"Thankfully, in the end, Riverrun was not too much of a bother. You'll be happy to know that much." he said as he concluded his explanation of their campaign thus far, and Lorraine smiled in understanding, looking at him briefly before resting her head on his arm.

 _I missed you too._ He thought. But his moment of peace did not last for long as Jaime Lannister appeared in front of him, a wide grin on his face -his eyes pleading.

"Ah! Ser Jaime, have my sisters worn you out? So soon? It seems you are indeed getting old." he jested as he motioned his goblet of wine in his direction. Jaime's grin widened then, but not without a hint of hesitation as Addam noticed he carefully eyed his sister.

"I would like to think I have more life in me than that, these bones do not creak just yet, Ser." he shot back, and Addam let out a loud laugh at the recollection of their last spar -he had beaten him badly, but he heard no bones creaking _yet_.

"I have endured so much so that i've even come here to learn more, about your other sister. Mainly to prove a point to you." he quipped then, trying his best to keep the air light and not give off his sense of enigma as he turned to face Lorraine so that he was directly parallel to her and eyeing her meaningfully in anticipation, and it was only then that it had dawned on Addam how remiss he had been in offering information about his family and sisters that it was now going to come back and bite him in the arse, or at least make for what he thinks will be a painfully awkward interaction. Steeling his gaze at Jaime, who was trying to be courteous, _he was trying for them_ , he looked to the sister he held close to him expecting to see her half cowering in fear of a stranger -but instead found her standing with a flustered smile to her face. _Is my sister being...giddy?_

Not exactly, he noticed, she was flustered but nevertheless her chin rose up in some kind of defiance, and instead of looking to Addam for help or an explanation she simply nodded to Jaime, bowed her head quickly and left Addam's side swiftly to take her place by her sisters who were now seating themselves at the dinner table.

Jaime's eyes held in them a sort of non-threatening confusion he still did not have the heart to crumble, as Jaime looked back to Addam in bewilderment he wondered what he would say to him then, deciding to leave a serious talk for another day, he interrupted Jaime just as he had opened his mouth to speak,

"Shall we be seated, Ser?"

* * *

 **Jaime**

The remainder of the evening passed without much event save for the moving speech Lord Marbrand gave about restoring Ashemark to its former self and Elaine snorting her wine at something Duncan had said. _You're really getting good with these names_ , he commended himself. He steered clear of Lorraine for the remainder of the evening, though in brutal honesty it was mostly due to her avoiding his presence in general. Even with such obvious merriment, laughter and joy that this family reunion had exulted unto the evening Jaime could not bring himself to feel at ease after his rather embarrassing encounter with Lorraine. After doing what he felt was the equivalent of paying his dues for the night, he retired to his chambers immediately after dinner.

Once there, he relieved himself of all his clothes, leaving him bare and almost crawling back to the comfort of a real bed. Before he could sleep he could not help but think of _her_ once more, for although Jaime himself was used to men's spiteful attitudes and poison-laced words towards him he had seldom had anyone seemingly treat him so _coldly, except for Eddard Stark perhaps,_ he remembered.  
 _But she wasn't exactly cold, was she? Her eyes were different, they were warm and patient, could she not bring herself to offer anything in the means of a polite greeting?_ Why _does she not speak to me? Is it because I am the Kingslayer? Is she ashamed to speak to a man with no honour, such as I? Of course, for I am an awful beast with one hand! Without me, there would be no you or Addam or your beloved Ashemark and paints and lovely dresses that make your breasts look like apples. No, without me the Mad King would have had his way and probably rape any maid in the Kingdom right before her wedding. If not for me, your beloved tree on fire would be nothing but ash.  
_ He fumed silently, shutting his eyes tighter as he decided that he had had enough of cowering to a lesser lady. He would no longer let Lorraine Marbrand plague his thoughts and will pay her no mind, just as she had done him.

And finally, he felt himself fall in to a _thankfully_ dreamless sleep.

When he went down to breakfast the next morning he had renewed his determination to ignore the dark haired maiden. Sitting by Addam though and giving a brief smile to his comrades he realised, with little relief, that she was oddly not present in the hall.

"I was hoping you would not be too weary for a tour, Lannister", boomed Addam's voice as he picked a grape.

"I'm inclined to ask if I look too weary for a tour now." he smirked as Addam laughed on, slapping his palm on Jaime's back in the process.

"I thought i'd offer at least a day of respite for you, I thought we could help train some of the household knights in the coming days" he gave a knowing smile then and Jaime immediately recognised what he meant; while Jaime was far from where he was he could most certainly beat a household knight, and that would serve as good practice for both parties.

"Well then, lead the way Ser Addam."

He was surprised to learn of Ashemark's structure. It seemed boring enough, just as any castle was, from afar, but upon closer inspection he found that it was riddled with obscure halls, intertwining bridges and double doorways. They walked onto an open bridge wherein on one end you could see the gardens below and on the other end the water pools were visible from atop, Jaime regarded the view with respite as he felt a sudden calmness wash over him. He almost forgot he was in Addam's presence until he heard him speak,

"I've learned why my father had requested my presence. It seems he believes it is time I marry before I become Lord of Ashemark."

"Marry? I wouldn't have thought you were the marrying kind, certainly not charming enough for that." he jested.

"You don't need charm to have a wife." Addam gave him a pointed stare then, it seems he was not taking the news as lightly as Jaime was.

In all honesty, Jaime hadn't ever thought of Addam and his prospects for marriage, if he did not know any better he would have thought Addam had taken some sort of vow of celibacy, particularly in recent months. Addam liked a pretty girl well enough, but to Jaime's knowledge he never was prone to touch them, _or at least did not brag about touching them_. Nevertheless, even when he did like a girl, he never liked her _that_ much. He wondered then what kind of a wife Addam would likely have as apposed to the kind of wife that would suit him well. _Surely she would be from the West, she'd have to be tall and slim, not many women would take kindly to a man slimmer than them. She'd have to have dark hair, something that won't cause their children to have that awful red hair. She would be quite willowy, with a slim neck and shy voice. Yes, that would look well by Addam's side._ He thought.

"I give my congratulations in advance, i'm sure whomever you choose will be a fine match." he said as Addam scoffed and heard him mutter,

"That is _if_ my father has not chosen _for_ me already."

Sensing a blanket of displeasure and bitterness hover about their silence Addam quickly perked up enough to change the subject of discussion.

"You know, my sisters are quite fascinated by you." He was sat on one end of the bridge now, smiling slightly at Jaime with a quirked eyebrow, waiting to scan his response.

"Not all of them, it seems." he could not help but answer. He saw Addam visibly stiffen for a moment but immediately relax back in to the easy air he had forged. He smiled again at Jaime then, with some evidence of sadness in his eyes, and he got up and motioned for them to resume walking albeit at a much slower stride.

"It is not as it seems, I am afraid."

"Would it be ardent of me to ask you to explain?

"Lorraine is very...different. I understand she must come off as a little...intimidating." And again, before Jaime could stop himself he blurted out,

"Quite the contrary" and Addam swiftly turned then to eye him curiously with much shock to his features,

"Oh?"

"I just meant that I have trouble believing her to be as malicious as you make her out to be!" they both laughed into the breezy air and settled back into an immediate and uncomfortable silence, awaiting elaboration. Sensing that Addam was still a little reluctant and so obviously in some sort of reverie of thought, Jaime started again,

"Is it something I had done?" He asked in reluctance, and awaited his answer as he watched Addam's face contort into further confusion before he realised they were talking about Lorraine again.

"Oh no, certainly not. It was never her intention to offend. It never is. I realise now how awfully wrong it was of me not mention anything of my family before bringing you here. You see, there is something you should know about Lorraine. One, mainly she, would argue it is not a _defining_ quality, but it certainly serves no one to omit it." He sighed in heavily, and Jaime awaited in anticipation.

"You see, Jaime, Lorraine is a mute."

Jaime was stunned in to silence, _a mute? That wold explain so much._ He had a hard time believing it for some reason. He remembered her laugh, it was so alive and so _real,_ it did nothing but make him wonder about the circumstances in which she found herself to be mute. His thoughts wandered to Ilyn Payne and how he had had his tongue torn out with hot pincers as punishment for commenting that the Hand of The King did more ruling of the Seven Kingdoms than the Mad King, he was the only mute person that Jaime knew and although he would venture to guess that Lorraine did not have her tongue ripped out of her mouth he could not help but compare how different she was to Ser Ilyn.

He didn't feel awful for assigning blame or taking offence at her actions, _or inaction_ , he believes it was still his right to think so. But his curiosity about her did not cease, merely grew.

"Was she...born that way?" he asked, watching as Addam visibly winced slightly at the question.

"No...she wasn't"

"What happened?"

"You see, we're not quite sure. She was four years old when it happened, it was right after King Robert Rebellion, precisely four moons after our mother had been taken from us by sickness. We heard her scream one day in the gardens. She screamed and screamed until her face was pale and her voice was grating, but she wouldn't stop. We found her and I remember my father held her in his arms and carried her, but she still would not stop screaming. The Maester gave her Milk of The Poppy, and right before she closed her eyes she said something that no one could hear. They examined her while she was asleep, to see if anyone had...hurt her..or done anything..." his voice was pained by the memory of what had occurred and Jaime almost felt obliged to stop him if it were not for his curiosity on the matter,

"She was fine. Not a scratch. But when she finally woke, she did not speak. We even waited a few days thinking that maybe she was too tired from all the screaming and medicine, but she was fine. We heard sounds come out of her when she was in pain so we knew that her voice had not died. She just...stopped speaking. To any of us. We wondered why for a very long time, but she was happy the way that she was. It didn't bother her, and after a while it didn't bother us either."  
After processing the information Jaime asked again,

"Then how do you communicate, if I may ask? You seem to understand each other well... how is that achieved?"

Addam chuckled then, the lightness returning to the conversation even though the subject was still quite dim.

"I never thought i'd have to explain that to anyone! It sounds strange now that I think of it. We've developed a bit of a system, just to make things easier." He extended his index finger then and moved it at where his first knuckle based at his hand was,

"this means yes", and then he bent that same finger at where his second knuckle was so only half the finger was bent,

"and this means thank you. And we have a lot more little tricks like that. Also, the equivalent of those two can be translated to touch, one finger tap for yes, two for thank you. We can usually understand what she means by motioning and hand gestures, and other times when she wants to get detailed she just writes to us."

Jaime nodded then, trying to absorb the information given, even though it was obviously not expected of him to use it at any time in the upcoming future.

"That's very clever." he commented before adding,

"But she _does_ understand you well enough, does she not?"

"I'd say more than enough. She told me once that she was happier without words, that when you took away the words you would see that things clearer, truer, I think she meant. You can say whatever you need to without speaking a word. She can usually tell what we want to say before we even say it."

Jaime could not stop himself as he thought of her eyes once more, and how they had treated him with patience that he did not expect. _Was she speaking to me then?_ Jaime could only nod to that, not knowing what to return with.

They were still walking, he noticed, albeit without proper direction, but he found that they had neared a door, the first ornate door they had come across for a while on their tour after they had passed through the main wing.

"It seems we've been lead to the library then," said Addam dryly,

"Didn't we pass the library when we were touring the main wing? By the Gods Marbrand, have you been away for that long?" he quipped in hopes that he would restore some comedy to the situation.

"Oh no Lannister, I said we passed the _local_ library, this is _the_ library." he said as he gave a cunning grin and latched his hands on to the door handle.

As he opened it a sudden cluttering noise could be heard, like the fall of a few books, and as they both looked around the grand room of dark orange and deep browns with double-story shelves of books decorating the walls his eyes once again wandered to the familiar view of dark hair whirling around, alas this time it was in surprise. There, in the middle of the library with a look akin to a deer in shock of its predator's sudden pounce, stood the subject of much recent conversation and constant enigma to Jaime Lannister, Lorraine Marbrand.


	5. A Game Of Silence

**Greetings! Once again, i'm quite happy I got a surge of energy to finish this before the deadline I had set for myself, so...yay me. This chapter starts with a first person account of Lorraine's, I figured since she is mute I would like to include her inner thoughts as a sort of commentary as well as to lighten things up a little, I feel like it'll make understanding her easier. But all the other POV's will remain in third person, I just wanted to make it seem like Lorraine has the in on things. Like she constantly knows things that others don't.  
Just a few clarifications, in terms of fashion, every time I pictured the west I imagined it as a little Tudor-ish, you know? Tight corsets yadayadayada. Anyways yeah that was just my inspiration and imagery behind it. I'm taking a weekend trip so i'm pretty glad I didn't have to postpone this till after my return, so hopefully that means that the next chapter won't have to be delayed either. Any and all questions welcome, any feedback is appreciate! Enjoy.**

* * *

 **Lorraine**

 _I was only doing some reading, all I wanted was time alone. But I suppose some might argue I have a surplus of that. I did_ _not know why I felt frozen to place as my eyes skipped back and forth from my brother to Ser Jaime Lannister, as if somehow they would pretend to not have seen me and steadily tip-toe away from me and my sanctuary. Addam was looking at me in a funny way as well, has he been talking about me?_

 _Jaime Lannister avoided my gaze completely after his initial shock at my very existence in this room subsided, I was glad for it. You see, I'm not ashamed of our earlier encounters -quite the contrary, it's been a while since i've been able to let someone else look the fool. I never particularly enjoyed being infuriating, but I don't know what came over me when I met him. He looked directly at me when he kissed my hand, and I immediately realised that he expected me to speak. I have yet to fully understand why that left me quite calm, but I can't say i'm shocked that it excited me. For once someone didn't know me and wasn't fully briefed on my history of speech; or lack thereof. He even tried to talk to me once more, my earlier lack of pleasantry had surely grated on his pride by then I assume, but even then I knew I was not about to break the spell. For one night, i'll have someone think of me as some sort of dream._

 _It made me feel guilty, I won't lie. To play at someone's insecurities has never been something I have endorsed, and thus I avoided Ser Jaime Lannister all throughout dinner so I would not have to be responsible for any more false impressions, but moreover I knew how much that sort of thing must fluster someone. Gods, he must think I have some sort of grudge against him or wish to cause him offence. It was all good and well while that lasted, but standing here in the middle of the library looking at Addam and Ser Jaime -who could still not venture to look at me once more, I knew immediately that Addam must have told him._

 _It was there, plainly obvious for me to see, he pities me. He must. Everyone else seems to._

 _"_ Sister," _finally, someone is speaking. Addam made his way over to me in what seemed to be two steps, why do men take such long strides? He held the back of my head to kiss the side of my brow and continued,_

"How are you here alone?" _I glanced at Jaime Lannister once more, as if this was the moment of truth and whatever Addam had told him about me would be as clear as can be. He has a wonderful box seat to the show._

 _I looked back at Addam then, pointing to myself then crossing my arms around my middle,_

 _" **I wanted to be alone."** It does not take any time at all for Addam to understand what I had meant, and I am immensely glad for it. Relieved to no end that he had not forgotten me. He looked down at me with a raised eyebrow, and I could see that this was not going to be a serious conversation._

"Would you like some company, then?"

 _I did not even have to move for him to know what the answer to that was. He chuckled loudly, and though I can never say I don't love the silence that the library usually affords me with I can not recall smiling this widely at it being filled with his laughter._

"I should not like to leave you alone here. But I fear I can not stay as I have things to attend to." _And before I could even respond he twirled to face the other knight in the room who stood standing once again on the outskirts of Addam's familial interactions._

"I'm afraid I must cut our tour short, you can walk back with me if you wi-"

"I think i'll stay, actually. I'll find my way back -hopefully." _replied Jaime swiftly, though he sounded a little unsure himself. I could hear Addam's surprise in his voice when he had the good sense to respond,_

"A-are...you sure?" _and as if to mask the growing insecurity I kept reading off of him, he plastered an attractive grin on his face in an attempt to create an air of ease to cover the stifling awkwardness of the situation._

"Quite. It's been a long while since i've knocked at a few volumes, should do me some good, if it's at all as sufficient as you've implied." _Both men chuckled at that and I could not help but find their easy companionship interesting. I have had very little friends outside of the family over the years, and it is strange to see Addam at such ease with another. Although i've always thought Addam to be quite charming and entertaining, I also know him to be very private and careful with what real affection he gives out. Men hate calling it affection don't they? Their damn pride is all it is. But I can see great understanding between these two friends, and that made me see Jaime Lannister differently. I had not yet decided in what way I regarded him different to any of our other guests, but different all the same._

 _Addam made his way out then, giving me a reassuring nod as he moved to close the doors, and I could just catch a glimpse of the suspicious look he gave to his good friend, or to be precise, the back of his good friend's golden head._

 _I found myself for the second time in only a few moments to be again standing in the middle of the library, staring at Jaime Lannister. Noticeably with less shock, but still obviously staring. He gave a shy smile as he took some steps closer, not directly towards me but around me with a furrowed look on his face, as if he was starting to circle me._

"I...I hope I am not causing my Lady any disturbance." _I shook my head quickly at his comment and only stopped shaking so furiously when his lips curled upward once he had understood me. Now that he stood closer and we were openly engaged in some sort of interaction with one another I could freely regard his features to my analytic eye. Reina and Elaine said they found him very handsome, and I could not say otherwise. His features were sharp and glorious, and even if one chose not to dismiss what may be viewed as flaws like his darkened hair and golden hand -he was still a sight I know I have not seen._

 _I moved silently across to grab hold of one of the chairs, giving my back to him as I considered the books I had left on the table as I tried to go about my usual business with the knowledge that the golden knight was probably watching me like a hawk. Why else would he offer to stay?_

 _I sat down as soon as I absently chose what to pretend to read and I could not miss the silence that followed after his footsteps ceased. Was he still watching me? Am I some sort of creature to observe? At that thought I straightened my back; I will not be daunted by anyone._

 _But Jaime Lannister did not daunt me, strangely so, and still while pretending to read words that at this moment do not mean anything to me, I could not understand why. Perhaps it was the sort of pleading anticipation he met me with, like he was searching for approval. His strength, technique and ruthlessness has been legendary especially in the West, so why do I see nothing but vulnerability?_

 _Should I do something? Should I perhaps suggest a volume? Should I end the needless tension and offer him another friendship with another Marbrand? Or should I just let him continue staring at the back of my head until he realises how silly everything is?_

* * *

 **Jaime**

 _What am I doing here?_ He thought to himself furiously as he continued staring at the back of Lorraine's head, _I don't even like books._ He was at an impasse. It was silly of him to ask to stay, as he himself had now forgotten his reason behind doing so, but he couldn't just _leave_ now. He didn't even know whether he wants to make any contact with her or not, but he could not just stand there staring at her like that. His eyes wandered the room in an attempt to relieve her head of his heated stare and as he traced the room with his eyes he felt her presence in every corner. He could see her dainty fingers picking out volumes from the shelves or slouched in a corner reading something, in silence. Unlike the silence he was faced with now, he knew that this silence was slow and calm, as apposed to one awaiting for the other to breathe. It was not a particularly fun game they were playing, seeing who would break.

Jaime found it comical for a moment as he considered being in this very room with Lorraine Marbrand, the little mute. He had always been one for few words, or more accurately, prone to say the wrong things. Everyone thought so. He knew he spoke the truth, it may have been too crude for people to accept, but he rarely lied. It never pleased anyone, it didn't please Eddard Stark, King Robert always hated it, his father always looked down on him for it, even _Cersei_ abhorred it, she called it insensitive. It was almost funny for Jaime to think of that, now that he was standing here walking on eggshells around someone he barely knew.

He saw her shift suddenly, and before he had known it she was standing up and facing him again, holding the book she was previously scanning close to her chest. He took her in once again, her dress was looser than the one she had worn for dinner the previous night -it was a deep red, the sleeves went all the way down to her wrist and were slightly puffed, the waist line still pinched her figure but there was no overlying bodice or ample cleavage, her dress was plain and pretty, like he had initially assumed her to be. He could not help but also notice that the smile she wore on her face now was shier than he had seen it before, and it was good to know then that she may have been as flustered as him.

"Do you come here often, my Lady?" he heard himself say, being polite sounded strained coming from him, but still sincere. Once again Lorraine nodded enthusiastically as her smile relaxed. Left in silence again he decided to start once more and gestured to the book she was cradling,

"Bored already?" _I can only ask so many questions._

What caught him off guard was how her nose suddenly scrunched up and she quickly covered her mouth with her free hand as something akin to a snort and giggle escaped her. And though he was completely taken off guard by it, he felt his own mouth widen in response as he enjoyed the remnants of that brief sound of happiness. Once she had regained her composure she looked at him with a wide smile, unassuming and pleased, and Jaime could do nothing but look back at her.

He found her mesmerising at that moment, what beauty he had called simple but a night ago he now found radiated from her with such strength. _She's different when she's like this._ _Or perhaps she's just different._ He could still not understand it, but he wanted more out of whatever this interaction was, he wanted to learn what she was and how she did things, he wanted to make her laugh again. And before he could think of anything witty to say to extract another reaction out of her, he found himself to be the one frozen into place as she approached him on the other side of the library where he was standing and extended her arm towards him. His eyes were wide with surprise, as she continued to extend it further towards him with slight hesitation in the direction of his shoulder, his mind raced to what she was trying to reach and what her motivations were -and for a foolish moment he thought she might be making some sort of _advance_ towards him.

All his thoughts of that sort were expelled as her hand went past his shoulder and landed on the wall behind him, and he looked back to find her index finger, _her dainty little finger,_ resting on a map of Westeros, on a place he had almost forgotten had ever existed to him, Casterly Rock.

He gulped silently and turned back, meeting her curious gaze and swiftly removing himself from standing in between her and the immovable map. She pressed her gentle finger onto the same spot again as she narrowed her gaze at Jaime, and then spread both her arms to sort of motion at the whole library, and looked back at Jaime once more, his mind coming to some sort of a conclusion to her question,

"Does my Lady wish to inquire about the library at Casterly Rock?" he said with a tinge of hope in his voice that he may be correct, and once again the smile that graced her features was a sight that warmed him. He grinned in response, swimming in the depth of relief in her eyes.

"Well...i'm sorry to say it's bigger than this one. But i'm sure it's far dustier as well." and all she did was smile at him, her gaze not wavering. And for the first time Jaime found himself incapable of staring back, flustered by her outrightness and surprisingly close proximity. She stood facing him slightly to the side, and as he was far taller than her he towered over her, coincidentally perfectly positioned to be awarded with the sight of her ample bosom, her eyes were wide as they looked up at him, lacking something he could not immediately think of.

Maliciousness, scheming, dishonesty. That's what they lacked. Because to Jaime that was something he had grown accustomed to seeing whenever he ventured to gaze into the ones he cared for. _For once what I gaze at does not hold such hatred, for the kingdom, the gods, the people, or me. She stands before me and she is beautiful and alive and lovely. She is open and she laughs. So different, so unlike..._ He had to stop himself from thinking, _so unlike Cersei in every way._

Immediately his chest constricted and he could feel a sweat breaking at his brow as he struggled to push out the bubbling images of beautiful golden hair turned to ash. Lorraine's face directly correlated to his as confusion etched in her brow,

"My Lady will forgive me, I must be going. It was a pleasure to share your company." He said hurriedly as he struggled to form enough steps to escape her presence.

He did not even spare a glance as he pushed open the doors and paced out with no direction in his claustrophobic haze. He had to get far away from Lorraine, he needed to think. _I can not think with her eyes staring at me that way, why am I being so foolish? Gods be damned, I am a man grown, a knight of the highest order, a bloody Lannister. I will not be shaken. Not by a fair maiden or my treacherous sister._

He approached a set of downward stairs soon and trusted them to take him farther away to a place that can provide little more in the way of solitude, and he found it had let him to the gardens beneath the castle grounds. He walks, partially resting his shoulder on the bushes, his mind numb and clear as he walked deeper and deeper through the gardens heading to mind to how he'd even begin to find his way out. He thought of Brienne then, for some strange reason, she would tell him he was being a little girl right about now. Suddenly paranoid that the old wench would appear out of thin air he could not rule it as part of his imagination that he heard a sudden noise come from the other side of the bush, and moving forward to see what it was he was met face to face with the eldest Marbrand yet again.

* * *

 **Janyne**

She needed some respite from her children, they had been grating at her nerves all morning and Reina and Elaine had been all too happy to watch the litter as she took a well deserve stroll. Coincidentally, she found herself face to face with a very bewildered looking Jaime Lannister.

"Lost, Lannister?" And though he seemed slightly troubled he took no time to reply to her quip as he carried the weight of his facade to cover his surprise,

"Merely taking a stroll, Lady Serrett." She winced at the formal name, _Lady Serrett._

"You needn't be so formal, Janyne is fine."

"How kind of you, Janyne" his grin weakened at she did not even know why he was even trying to act jovial. Taking initiative with the lion she linked her arm in his and placed her hand over his in a maternal fashion,

"Addam told me he would be taking you on a tour this morning, has he left you to fend for yourself?"

"On the contrary, he offered to walk me back." there was a pause as if he was going to continue but decided not to. Again, Janyne poked further,

"Back from where, might I ask? You certainly are a far way away from the guest wing."

"I ..was in the library. With your sister." She immediately recognised that he must have been talking about Lorraine. After he had left dinner the previous night she had scolded Addam privately for being remiss in terms of offering information to the Lannister knight, and he had assured her he would fix the situation the following morning. So Janyne knew that the Jaime Lannister she was walking with knew of her sister and her slight _"limitation",_ what was so troubling?

Janyne ventured to feel partially offended for a moment. She had always been as fiercely protective of Lorraine as Addam had been since their youth and she could not say she has not overheard malicious things said of her lovely little sister. Some people said she was trying to get attention, some said she was _strange_ , some even said she must be avoiding marriage with that stunt, and others -worst of all, _pitied her_. _"Poor thing, that Lorraine."  
_ Lorraine Marbrand, her Lorraine, was the strongest person she knew. Janyne not only loved but admired her greatly, her heart was her own. She has seen all kinds of reactions towards her sister but Jaime Lannister's reaction she did not know what to make of. It's as if he's seen some kind of a ghost. Her sister was nothing frightening, not was she cruel or bad or evil. Her sister was a nice, plain, simple and happy girl. Sensing that Jaime would not answer any direct questions regarding the matter, she took matters into her own hands -the way she had had to learn at Silverhill.

"Did you know she was named after Ser Lorent Marbrand?"

"Who?"

"Lorraine. When our mother was with child everyone thought it'd be a boy. Even I did, we just all had a _feeling_. We decided on Lorent, it's beautiful name. And to our surprise it was a little girl, and Addam insister we call her Lorraine. He had always loved stories of Ser Lorent, a stamp in Marbrand history, fought gracefully and rightfully, they said."

"Yes, he served the Kingsguard well."

"And the Queensguard."

He smiled at that,

"Yes, that's true. It's a good namesake."

"Yes, yes. Tell me, Ser, does my sister strike you as formidable? You would be the expert."

"Formidable? My Lady, I would not venture to think so."

"Then what would you say she was?"

"She's ...nice, my lady."

She sighed heavily at that. _Yes, Lorraine is very nice._

"I only ask this, Ser, because I have noted that her previous actions may have been something you had taken offence to. I do not know how much you know of my sist-"

"Addam told me everything." He did not venture to look at Janyne, just continued looking straight ahead as she slowly lead them back towards a familiar court of the castle.

"Does that, trouble you in some way, Ser?"

"Do I seem awfully troubled, to you?" She took a moment to look down and consider how she would answer. She did not want to offend her house guest. Regardless of how outright he already thought she was.

"It just appears to me, Ser, that perhaps you find something about _the way Lorraine is_ abnormal." She almost laughed then.

And apparently she did. Her laughter bubbled through and died down immediately as she composed herself as Jaime looked half shocked and half smirking.

"My lady?"

"I'll never get used to saying that. Meeting new people always has me walking on eggshells when it comes to her. I love her dearly, and there is nothing about her that is monstrous or freakish or _abnormal_. She just ...doesn't speak."

"I know that, my Lady."

"Do you, Ser? You look a little shaken."

"And you do me the displeasure of assuming it must have had something to do with your sister. I would ask you to refrain from telling Addam, I don't assume it would do my reputation much good." The air was easier now, their steps lighter, and Janyne had almost forgotten what had made her question Jaime Lannister so.

"I apologise, Ser. You must understand, I am very fond of my sister."

"I understand very well." And suddenly, once again, the air was heavy as she watched Jaime's mind wander to something that was obviously not there. And she let him be, she would wait until he spoke.

That proved to take a while, as they had almost reached the upward stairs leading to the main grounds, when he said,

"I don't know how to speak to her." She was almost bewildered at his sudden statement, widening her eyes in pleading question until she had finally settled on what he had meant. _He wants to speak to her_.

"You'll find, Ser Jaime, with Lorraine you do not always have to speak. Words are not always such a necessity with her. I hope that helps."

"It does my Lady, forgive me for asking."

"Janyne." He smiled sweetly at that.

"Janyne."

"I must be going now, the children grow restless at this time of day. I expect to see you prim and proper at dinner tonight?"

"As you wish, Janyne." He said pointedly and she chuckled as she unlinked their arms and walked away, turning back swiftly to add one more thing,

"Oh and Ser Jaime?"

"Yes?"

"I do hope you stay longer after dinner this time." And with a simultaneous smirk from both parties, she exited the courtyard and left Jaime to his own devices.

 _I hope he does well._


	6. Bowed And Bent

**Slightly behind schedule, but once I got going on this chapter there wasn't much in the way of stopping me, so i'm glad. I'm trying to speed things up just a little bit as I feel like i'm still introducing all the aspects surrounding this story, next chapter a definitive decision will be made regarding where things are headed for Jaime. Feel free to comment and review, _I beg you._**

* * *

 **Reina**

She wore her finest earrings for dinner that night, she couldn't stop touching them and looking over her shoulder, afraid Duncan might yank them out like he did the last time she wore them. They were her mother's, and at that time Duncan still hated seeing anything that reminded him of her then recent passing, Reina could still wince at the phantom pain she felt at the memory. _Always had an awful temper, that one,_ she thought to herself, _just like little Lorraine.  
_ She regarded Duncan hazily once he had found his way to them and had begun whispering something into Elaine's ear as she giggled mischievously, she could almost roll her eyes at them, Reina wondered at how easily different her siblings were. Though Reina was more than well aware that they all loved each other immensely, there was a certain dynamic law to how her family operated, she wasn't as thick as people assumed she was. Looking around the hall, she observed the same dynamics in play, subtle, but still clear to whoever knew what to look for. They had always been so close, Janyne being the assumed mother and caretaker -even when she had left there was always a sense that she was still watching, Addam was always _the knight,_ he was what people spoke of when the Marbrand name was mentioned, whenever she was scared she always found herself running to him -however silly that may have sounded, she always knew he would give her some semblance of protection, but then _he_ had left as well and she could only think everything that followed was a consequence. Elaine and Duncan were always the life of any gathering, similar but still very different. Many would not call Reina very perceptive, but she knew her siblings, she _loved_ them.  
She looked at Elaine and Duncan laugh and to everyone else it would sound the same but she could pick up on the nuances of every sound that escaped them, Elaine laughed even when she was angry or sad, Duncan laughed just to be loud. They could all get angry, none of them was particularly _reasonable_ when it came to that, not even Addam. All of them wreaked some sort of havoc, be it external or internal, and even though Duncan was loud, and Elaine would close in on herself, Addam would break something, Janyne would probably break something _on_ Addam's head and Reina herself would only find relief in tearing and stomping at a few bushes in the garden, she knew Lorraine was the worst. She hadn't seen it many times, perhaps that's what made it so bad, it wasn't easy to anger her, but it was impossible to miss once it happened. She'll never forget seeing the rage bubbling in her sweet sister's eyes on those few occasions, she would never break anything or hurt anyone after, but when she was angry, somehow she got ... _silent._ It may sound silly, given she's a mute, but Reina liked to think she could _hear_ Lorraine through her actions, her hands, her face, but when Lorraine was angry something inside her _hardened,_ something closed up and there was suddenly wall no one could breach.

She thanked the gods, no one was angry tonight. She thanked the gods every time she looked upon her family, standing there together in one room, sharing space like they used to. It had been too long since they had all been together, and it won't be long till they would no longer be that way -Janyne will go back to Silverhill eventually, Duncan's off to King's Landing and Reina will be off to Gallowsgrey, all the way down in the Stormlands, Elaine is bound to marry not long after and leave as well. In that moment she almost envied Lorraine, in some strange way Lorraine had the freedom to choose what her fate would be, unlike Reina, who was to be shipped off to the Stormlands within the next moon with someone she'll be meeting for the first time in less than a fortnight. She shuddered suddenly as she remember when she had first been told of her betrothal to Steffon Trant, even with Janyne's insistence that she herself had met him once before and he seemed a nice, comely nobleman, Reina could not shake the thought of the hanging man on his banners, they would soon be _hers_. Something did not sit well with that.

Dragging her thoughts back to current company to rid herself of the somber attitude that would surely befall her if she kept thinking of Gallowsgrey and Steffon Trant, she grinned to herself as she viewed her family once more, her father talking briskly with Addam, Janyne pulling at Duncan's ear in the midst of some kind of scolding while Elaine giggled furiously in the midst of it, when she caught sight of something that did not usually fit in her perfect family portrait, Lorraine was standing farther away than most of them -with a _stranger_.

It was strange to think of Ser Jaime Lannister as a stranger, she had heard so much about him from everyone around her, but he was still foreign to her, to _them_. Their love for Lorraine and their want to protect her, which Lorraine herself resented at times, often hindered any of them to trust outsiders around her easily, someone always had some kind of question they wanted answered or a motive they had tried to hide. She had even overheard a few men talk of how they could "have her way with her" and she likely wouldn't tell, she _couldn't_. _People are stupid_ , the thought to herself, _they'll never know a thing about her._

But looking at Jaime Lannister move around her sister gently, like he was afraid to move too much and break contact, and her sister meeting his gaze steadily, she wondered how much Ser Jaime _did_ know about her. He was a handsome man, Lorraine was not blind, none of them were. Reina even briefly imagined what it would be like to be married to Ser Jaime, or someone like him, someone Western and beautiful and _close_. But she had always been a silly, silly girl with silly, silly thoughts -or so everyone said.

Lorraine was smiling widely now, Reina noticed, and Ser Jaime looked like he wore a small smile of pride himself as he continued saying something to Lorraine that Reina could not hear. She was not the only one watching, she realised, as she saw Janyne sneak a glance from the corner of her eye, _she could never help it_ , _could she?_

 _What was he saying to her?_ As soon as the instinctive suspicion she carried subsided Reina found herself happy at what she was looking at. Lorraine had made some sort of a friend, and what a friend that was. This new attempt at companionship was not without some difficulty though, Reina quickly noticed Jaime's eyebrows contracting together a few times during their interaction in confusion and Lorraine's favourite mode of defence in response: withdrawal. She hoped with all her heart that this sudden spark would not die out as soon as it had begun, she wondered for a moment how it _had_ begun. Soon she would be gone, Duncan and Janyne right after and Elaine should not take long to find herself at the door either. Addam would stay, she did not know how long Jaime Lannister would stay with him, from what she had heard he was in no hurry to return to the Capital, so some part of her hoped with all her heart there would be someone to be a friend, or even a distraction, for her little sister.

Noticing Lorraine and Ser Jaime's interaction grow a little stiff she decided to interfere, she was good at that, and stepped forward standing across the both of them leaning in to drape an arm around Lorraine's shoulders,

"Ser Jaime, I heard you had a tour of Ashemark today, was it to your liking?" _Do I ask that a lot?_ To her surprise she noticed that Ser Jaime had seemed slightly taken aback by her addition to the conversation, as if it were some kind of interruption, and she could not help but feel slightly indignant at the insinuation. _Am I not worthy of your presence, ser?_

"Yes, my lady, I had the pleasure of sharing the library with your sister this morning."

 _Is that why she seemed so strange earlier?_

Before she could respond with another rehearsed pleasantry he quickly shifted his gaze to Lorraine once more,

"In fact, my lady, I believe I would like to share tomorrow morning with you once again, if it is not too much trouble. Perhaps you can teach me that game you had... _mentioned_."

Lorraine nodded enthusiastically at his suggestion, while Reina's mind furiously swirled at what they may have been talking about. It was right then that she noticed Lorraine holding a notepad and pencil in her hand. That's how they must have understood the specifics. With a confused look gracing her features she opened her mouth to speak to Lorraine, eyes still on the notepad,

"That's strange Lorraine, I didn't see you carrying that in when we walked here together" Hesitantly Lorraine looked at Jaime with a shy smile, sharing a knowing look as Reina faced him in further confusion.

"I brought it with me, my lady. To bridge the gap better."

She didn't know why, but she didn't like that. She felt like tearing it from Lorraine's little hands and burning it in front of his arrogant, handsome face. Before her anger could visibly show Addam suddenly stepped in. _Oh, thank the gods._

"Lannister! Sisters, is he boring you?" They all laughed, Jaime with his head down, and Reina with a fake smile.

"On the contrary, Marbrand, it was pleasant enough before you showed up." She expected him to look at her then but he didn't. _Thank the gods._

Lorraine's eyes danced back and forth from Addam to Jaime, meeting Jaime's with a sort of understanding Reina had not seen Lorraine ever have with someone that was not ... _them._

Addam started once more,

"Regardless, I must pull you away, I believe we must be seated for dinner now, and i'd like to discuss some things with you before you run back to your room."

"I had already assured the Lady Serrett I would not be retiring so soon!" he said with a smile, Reina could not help but stare.

Addam feigned offence that Ser Jaime had promised Janyne and not him, and they jested as they walked to the tables, Lorraine and Reina linking arms and walking behind them, away from them, _thank the gods,_ as Lorraine drew unending circles on Reina's sleeve. It always had a way of calming her down, as if somehow Lorraine _knew_ she needed it.

* * *

 **Lorraine**

 _It was a lovely morning, not that it is ever not lovely. I was surprised when Ser Jaime had suggested we take our game of chess to the fountain gardens when we had met at the breakfast hall this morning, I didn't expect Addam's tour to have been that thorough._

 _He struck me as quiet, when I first met him, how tight his posture was when others were trying hard to accommodate his arrogant iciness, how hidden his eyes were from the rest of them. But I did not expect anything he had given me.  
_ _After that rather strange encounter in the library where I had seen him at least try with me, he had all but run out after I had given him a bone. Automatically, I had assumed, as was the case with many, that he was put off by my presence, chilled by my closeness. I hadn't meant to be so familiar -I didn't even realise I was, but a part of me fluttered and soared at the tiniest hope that I had found a companion that did not share my blood. Almost sulking into the hall for dinner that night, Ser Jaime's sudden attentiveness towards me began as soon as I had stepped in. He approached me with a notepad and pencil, and I strangely took no offence to that. He had barely left my presence before dinner and spoke to me of the sieges (even though I had heard everything from Addam already), of horses and all he had seen in the Riverlands, and even stranger than that was that he_ asked _me things: What I thought of Addam's courser, What my favourite volume was, Whether I like cats or not. It caught me off guard, and even now, sitting across from Jaime Lannister by the fountain in my own home, I felt shy at the recollection of my enthusiasm._

 _I was happy, "speaking" with him, the smile had rarely left my face in his presence the previous night. And I believe I am quite happy now as well, playing chess with my new "friend" while the water pours, the birds chirp and his lovely, godly golden hair glimmers beneath the same Western sun he had been born into._

"Do you find something amusing, my Lady?" _He said with a sly grin, I scribbled into the notepad in my hand wishing he'd ignore my painfully rushed penmanship._

"It seems you've been bested, Ser" _I met his confused expression with a smile as I motioned with my eyes for him to look down at the game board. Was he not paying attention? He was as good as beaten two moves ago. I wonder for a moment whether there is something heavily preoccupying his mind before I am pulled back to attention by the sound of a hearty laugh as I am met by the sight of his head pulled back in exuberance.  
F_ _or a moment Ser Jaime Lannister looked even more different to me. He didn't_ look _younger, the way he was laughing wrinkled his face and gave him crow's feet by his beautiful green eyes, but something about him and his laughter relieved a certain kind of heaviness around him and he suddenly_ seemed _younger, younger and lighter._

 _"_ Chess has never been all that engaging to me, if I must admit, my lady. _" he carried on smiling towards me, I didn't even know if I was smiling back at this point. I raise my arms and shrug my shoulders to motion something to him,_

 ** _"Why play, then?"_**

 _He stared at me pointedly as his mind formulated an answer, shifting his gaze from me to the fountain as I looked on to him, mindlessly resetting the game board once more._

 _He was trying to formulate an answer he had yet to work out. Is he trying to work me out? Does he even enjoy my company?_

 _"_ I enjoy your company. _" he said with a small smile, answering my silent question. I don't know why I did what I did next, logically it must have not made any sense to him, but a part of me thought he would know. I reached my hand over to his and tapped my index finger on one of his knuckles twice._

 _" **Thank you.** " I willed him to understand, pleading with my eyes, oozing gratitude. I thought for a moment how foolish I might look until he smiled at me._

 _"_ No need, my lady. _" Just then it was I who had to look away, formulating some sort of an answer. Instead I chose to motion a new start to the game, hoping perhaps I could teach the gelded knight how to win at chess, you would think for a seasoned warrior he would know a thing or two about strategy. I tried hard to let him win, I missed a few golden opportunities to crush him and subtly hinted for him to take action, but alas it would not do -I still beat Ser Jaime Lannister, badly. As we played I thought to myself how wrong he was about chess, he seemed engaged enough to me, he was just bad at it. And as he sighed in frustration at the ending of our game I took it upon myself to tell -or write, him as much. He laughed loudly once more with his head pulled back, and the sight warmed me. Perhaps it was selfish of me to enjoy it, but it has been a long while since anyone has laughed with me, i've had to endure people laughing at me when they thought I was not looking, but never with me._

 _For some reason people always assumed I was deaf as well as dumb. Idiots, the lot of them._

 _I looked upon the Amber roses surrounding the fountains and interwoven through the surrounding bushes while Ser Jaime reset the board as I had taught him, and I thought of how beautiful they would look in his hair. A deep orange against his darkening golden hair, I tried to imagine him in his youth with the long golden mane everyone spoke of, with my little flowers dancing in his hair. I think I prefer him like this, my flowers can be seen, he can be seen. In that moment, all that consumed my thoughts were those little Amber Roses and Jaime Lannister's golden, golden hair._

* * *

 **Jaime**

She had taken him off guard. Everything about her. He knew she was not stupid, and her witty retorts during the prelude to their dinner the previous night had shown him she was quick on her feet, but he did not anticipate how intelligent she was. _Seasoned in the practice of the mind_ , he thought. It was correct that Jaime was not very good, or interested, in chess, but still he could not help but be stunned at her immediate brilliance. It was obvious, it showed in her eyes as she calculated the next four moves in her mind, he could see the wheels moving. That also meant that he did not miss the obvious attempt by her to lose, which he avoided at _all_ costs. He watched her hands move on the game board, and felt his blood burn where she had touched him on his knuckle, remembering the gentle press of her nail and how soft her finger was against his skin. _It must have been a while since i've had a woman,_ he thought to himself to explain the near flush he had gained from her touch, _ignore it._ He warned himself every time she looked at him and smiled, he ordered himself to ignore the pull in his chest, this was Addam's sister. But nothing could stop him from wanting and getting more of her company, her smile, the gentle whisper of her voice when she giggled.

As he reset the board once more he noticed her lean away towards something from the corner of his eyes and caught sight of a flash of bright orange, looking up in confusion to find an Amber rose resting gently between her dainty fingers. She smiled shyly as she extended her arm towards him, nodding to his confused expression as a motion for him to accept the gift, her gift.

Taking it in his hand carefully, he did not miss how his heart skipped at the slight brush between their fingers. He had to speak to get his mind off it.

"Does my lady give consolation gifts to everyone she beats?" He jested in an attempt to lighten the mood, to get her to laugh, to get her to do anything other than stare at him the way she currently was, her eyes bewitching. All she gave was a sly smile and that gave him room to notice the slight beauty mark above the left side of her lip. She looked down to scribble something quickly, ripped the paper out and handed it to Jaime to read.

" ** _I crown you King of Love and Beauty."_** He looked up to find a proud smile upon her, like it had been years since she had come up with anything as smart or funny.

 _She isn't something to pity._ He thought as he looked on at her, returning her smile, all the while distracted by his own thoughts, _She is smart, and she can be coy, but more than anything she is good. And lovely at being so._

He didn't know why, but he wanted to kiss her then. Just a peck on her little mouth. A chaste indicator of his admiration. _That's all it is,_ he kept telling himself, _admiration._

He got up suddenly, hoping she would not take offence at his constant abrupt exits. She stood up as well, looking at him questioningly, standing close as if to challenge his motion to leave. She was not very tall, but he could tell in that moment some part of her _wanted_ to be intimidating. Something about her _wanted_ to stand in his way, but he did not have the courage to let it.

"I fear I must take my lady's leave once again. I have some things I must attend to." Her eyes were suspicious but nevertheless forgiving, she tried to smile sweetly as she nodded to him, her dark curls swimming about her shoulders. He imagined crowning her dark head of hair with a wreath of white roses.

Smiling one last time, he turned around and walked away, meddling through the gardens trying to find his way back to the main hall thinking he could try to find Addam to see about training the new house guards. All the while, he thought of Lorraine's smile, burnt in his mind, and for some strange reason it made him think of Elia Martell.

He remembered her as gentle, she was always gracious, always _nice_ -even when Prince Rhaegar had so obviously humiliated her in front of everyone at Harrenhal. He remember thinking she was pretty, nothing in comparison to Cersei, but pretty in a simple way. How he had initially thought of Lorraine. But, for some reason, he could not imagine Lorraine as Elia Martell. Lorraine was gracious and _nice,_ but he could not imagine her holding her head up high even if her Prince, her husband had dishonoured her in front of everyone, he could not imagine Lorraine being _silent_ about it. Instead he saw anger, he saw condemnation, he imagined Rhaegar cowering in fear of her wrath. He saw passion. Behind everything she did, he saw that Lorraine only did what she loved and wanted. _She_ wants _to spend her mornings beating me at chess._

 _Why am I even thinking of her?_

 _Why am I thinking of her in Elia Martell's place? She is a sweet Western lady, who doesn't belong in King's Landing._

He suddenly shuddered at the thought of Lorraine meeting the same fate as the Martell Queen, tightening his grip on the flower she had given him. Walking deeper in to the castle trying to find his way he fought within himself to find peace, and find it away from Lorraine Marbrand.

 _If for nothing else, she is Addam's sister._ He scolded himself. _She is his sister. His sister. His sister. His sister._ He kept repeating until it was etched into his mind.

Still holding the little flower, small and dainty just as she was, he struggled to find it in him to crush the petals in his fist and discard them, instead choosing to keep them in the pocket of his breeches. He walked on to find Addam, to find anything to take his mind off of the little thing he had let rest in his pocket, repeating, always repeating, _Addam's sister._

 _I am Jaime Lannister, and I wish to kiss you, Lorraine Marbrand._

* * *

 **Addam**

Margot Manning. That was her name. The woman he would be marrying soon. Right after Reina leaves and a little before Duncan and Elaine are shipped off as well. His father had informed him last night before dinner, and he did not give himself the opportunity to think about it as he downed goblet after goblet of wine. Now, in the fresh morning sun with a fresh morning headache, he wondered what she was like. Naturally he would wonder what she looked like, but he couldn't help but use each of his sister's as some sort of point of reference. Lorraine would surely argue with him that no one could be defined by a single feature, but Lorraine did not have to know did she?

Would Margot Manning be dominant, straightforward and warm like Janyne? Would she be a ready made mother?  
Would she be pretty and shy like Reina is? Bubbly and excitable like Elaine? Lovely and engaging like Lorraine? He did not know. And he did not know what he preferred.

Staring down at Lorraine and Jaime Lannister playing chess -playing was too generous of a word, from his favourite balcony from which he was not visible, it suddenly occurred to him that he would be left alone with just Lorraine, his father and his new wife. He was a hard man, to love and be loved, he knew that. He had liked girls before, danced with them, kissed them, he had even bedded a few, there was definitely no shortage of beautiful women in King's Landing. But to love a woman, to share everything you had with her, your home, your family, your life, it daunted him. She would be someone that he had to please all the time, he knew that. Thinking of that, he wanted to hide himself. Perhaps that is the only way he can be loved by someone that was not his own family, if he hid the ugly parts of him far enough away. He almost laughed at the alarming amount of things he'd need to break in some far off abandoned part of the castle to contain his anger, _perhaps I should dedicate a room to my rage._ He supposed it was better than dedicating a room for his whores.

The only thing he knew about Margot Manning was that her father had perished during the Battle of Blackwater Bay and that she lived by the sea. Would she be disappointed, living on hard land? Would she be disappointed, living on hard land with _him_?

Happily distracting himself from thoughts of his new wife and their upcoming nuptials, he resumed his attention back to Ser Jaime and his sister.

He had found it strange, Ser Jaime's eagerness to share his younger sister's company. He could not say he was not somewhat pleased that she was getting along with his friend relatively well, and he knew there was no great suspicion in regards to what Ser Jaime would want with his sister. In different circumstances, if it was someone else requesting time alone with her, he would be standing by her side, chaperoning until the very last word was uttered, sending violent threats with his eyes. But Jaime was a man that knew better than to cause trouble with petty things, he was a man that was disgusted by taking something without permission, and moreover he was of the Kingsguard. _That hasn't stopped anyone before,_ he thought.

He tried not to grow protective as he saw Lorraine reach over to touch Jaime, knowing nothing would happen. But still, something in the way Jaime looked at her made Addam feel like he was missing something. Like there was something between them he did not know about. Then Lorraine handed him a flower, and Addam was sure Jaime would laugh and take it, looking upon her like she was just another innocent child. But he didn't do that, and Addam's mind twisted in confusion as he watched Jaime carefully hold the rose and stare at it like it was something precious. Watching him stand up, he looked on as Lorraine stood to meet him, standing closer to him than she does with most, Addam felt a pang of _something, somewhere_ as he found himself breathing out in relief when Jaime finally left Lorraine's company. She slouched back by the fountain, a sad expression gracing her gentle face, he could only wonder why.

 _She's my sister,_ Addam knew it, Jaime knew it, everyone did.

 _Ser Jaime is my close friend._ He knew it, they knew it.

 _He would never._ Addam was not so sure about that right now.

* * *

 **Thanks for reading! The next chapter will be solely a Jaime POV chapter, hope you enjoy!**


	7. The Golden Knight's Holdfast

**Wow I didn't expect (or necessarily _want_ ) to have this chapter out so soon cause I didn't want to give off the idea that updates would be coming this frequently. But i'm more than halfway through the next chapter and it's pretty close to my bedtime so I thought, meh, why not? Thanks for everyone that's following me! I'll have to admit seeing a little spark of interest from others has been the main reason i'm able to get this out so soon -that and the fact that writing this chapter has been really easy for me, usually switching back and forth from POV characters affords me with a bit of a break but with this I just kept going and going and going... Hope it's good! Let me know.**

* * *

 **Jaime**

He couldn't find Addam. And he wasn't going to spend anymore time wandering around the castle, bound to run in to Lorraine at some point. He made his way to his room and ordered Lewys to let the Lord Marbrand know he'd be be taking his dinner in his room later on as he wasn't feeling very well. Which was not entirely untrue. He felt a sickening pit in his stomach as he lay in bed, fighting off things he did not want to think about.

He felt like a child. He didn't know how to act. Even in the worst of times, in the most impossible situations, there was always something he could _try_ to do, he had always trusted his instincts even when they flared red.

Why was he so... _enthralled_ by someone like Lorraine Marbrand? Why was _she_ exciting to him? Now that he was alone he could finally bring himself to ponder what kind of reason he would have to not only find her pleasant company, but to be even remotely _attracted_ to her.

 _Attracted is a strong word,_ he thought. Attraction to Jaime meant touching, it meant sex. It meant rushed encounters and rough pumps. It had always meant green eyes on green eyes, golden hair with golden hair. He shut his eyes tight as he lay on the bed, willing thoughts of her away. _Cersei is nothing like Lorraine._

Perhaps that was the point. Once upon a time, every woman he looked at only paled in comparison to even the memory of his sister. Anything he liked about anyone else he found better in Cersei. Every wisp of hair that had passed him and voice that crept in his ear he could only compare to his sister's. Even The Wench -who was so obviously _not_ Cersei, almost every time he lay his eyes on her he could only think: " _Your hair is not as golden as hers. Your eyes are a disgusting shade of blue, not the deep green that are also mine. You are ugly and tall and stupid, my sister is beautiful, is perfect."_ It made him bitter.

Looking at Lorraine, he felt none of that resentment. He felt warmth, and he tried to trick himself into thinking that it was merely because of how little of it he had felt during the past year, or his entire life, but he couldn't.

It was strange, and a little ironic. Lorraine was the strangest little thing and yet to him she was...everything he could not explain. It was almost like being with Cersei, no one else existed to him when they were "speaking", the difference being that with Lorraine he had no urge to kill anyone, to start a war and tear apart Kingdoms.

 _Is it because Lorraine Marbrand is safe?_ Venturing to think of his father, he realised that Lorraine Marbrand was probably one of the safest things he had ever known.

Tywing Lannister, the Great Tywin Lannister would be rolling over in his crypt right this moment at the realisation that his son, his favoured heir, was thinking of a lovely, warm, Western woman. That was not to say that Tywin Lannister would _approve_ of Lorraine, Tywin Lannister did not really approve of anyone.

As he thought of Tywin, his father, he remembered the dream he had had where his own father had charged at him, turning in to a beast, _why?_ He thought.

 _Did I kill my father? Is that why he hates me? Is he with whatever Gods are left now, planning his revenge? Has he cursed me into this impossible predicament with one of my closest companions' sister?_

Even thinking it, Jaime knew that that was not a big enough reason for him to suffer such conflict. Addam was one thing, he was a friend, and Jaime was not planning on dishonouring his friend's sister. _Then what am I planning?_ He asked himself, and still he could not answer that question.

He thought of all the things he had done. Whether they were right, whether they were wrong just because people deemed them dishonourable. _Am I really as bad as everyone thinks me to be?_

He thought of killing his King, the Mad King, the gurgle of blood from his mouth that had sounded like music to Jaime's ears, meaning that now -finally, the suffering and death would be over. He would never admit, except perhaps to the Wench, but some small part of him wanted people to cheer. A small part of him expected some sort of honourable mention, some sort of prize, _Lorraine's flower crown would have been enough_. But he convinced himself a long time ago that that was not what he wanted, he would rather think of himself as dishonourable and ruthless than to think himself so weak as to want gratitude and appreciation.

Remembering Lorraine's flower that still lay in his pocket, he pulled it out not knowing what he was to do with it besides stare -which was what he felt towards Lorraine at times. It was still bright orange, _Burning Bright,_ he thought, _just like her house words._ Yes, still bright, but already starting to wilt. It made him think of Cersei again. He hadn't let himself think of her very often over the past few moons, he hadn't given himself much chance to consider her. She was treacherous, and he did not want to care for her as he should either as a lover or as a brother. But it still hurt him, it still had some sort of an impact, which meant he still cared, he still loved her -at least some part of him. Perhaps that part could only ever die away with her, or the both of them.

For some reason he almost laughed then, he was feeling sorry for himself laying in bed thinking of what he should do in regards to the little mute that had suddenly bewitched him whilst his twin sister, Queen Regent, was rotting away, he did not even know if she was still in a cell. It didn't make him happy, he knew that. It did not bring him joy to think of her wasting away, but he knew she deserved it.

 _I probably deserve it too. But where am I? Where am I while you are there?_

He went back to his dream, the weeping willowy figure sitting in an abandoned room, _was that my twin?_ For a moment he thought, perhaps it may have been his mother. Why else would she lament over failing to save him? _Who else would want to save me?_

It chilled him, that beautiful golden blonde hair shredding away in his own hands, even the smell of burning flesh resonated through him now, and he could not help but wince at the memory. _Who do I have left to weep for me, mother? No one ever has._ And he convinced himself he did not want anyone to weep for him. Even if he did he was sure he did not deserve it.

 _Cersei does not deserve my tears, nor I hers. Who else do I have? Your precious Tywin died the day you did. Your Tyrion despises me now about as much as he despised our father, wherever he may be. What kind of father or uncle had I been to Tommen or Myrcella? Sweet little children born into the ugliest and most malicious of circumstances. What good am I to...my children? Who surely, surely must know what I am...what they are? What good am I, protecting one who is dear whom I also do not know, with one lame hand? I am nothing but a constant reminder of your beautiful hair._

He had insisted on staying in the Kingsguard out of pride. Out of spite. He would not allow anyone to call him broken, even though Brienne had seen him so. He trusted she would not tell a soul of that, somehow.

Considering his history with women, and his subsequent relationships with them, he realised he had not had any female friends with the exception of Brienne. The only women he got a long with were Brienne, his aunt Genna and once upon a time, his mother. Could he count Lorraine yet?  
He recalled how his aunt had likened him to all his uncles except for his own father, which had angered him, at least initially, until he had given it the proper thought it deserved. She was right, wholly right, about him. Nothing he had ever done was what Tywin had wanted or what Tywin would have done himself. Would his mother be proud? Surely she would not, his mother loved his father, but would she have loved what he had become without her? Would she love any of them the same way seeing what they had become? Yes, he is a knight and his sister is still a Queen, but he's the _Kingslayer,_ and Cersei would be called the Whore Queen if people had their way.

He let himself ponder what his life would have been like if he had done as his father had always wished, if he had married unstable Lysa Tully before he had been raised to the Kingsguard. He did not know why, but he laughed out loud thinking that Lysa Tully would probably end up throwing herself from the cliffs at Casterly Rock being married to him. But what if he had left the Kingsguard once he had returned to the Capital the way his father had initially ordered him to? Or what if Tyrion had pleaded guilty, and he left his sworn brothers to take his place at Casterly Rock and marry a woman of the West? Would Lorraine Marbrand have crossed his path? Would he want to make her Lady of the Rock?

 _You do not want to marry, or do anything, with Lorraine Marbrand._ He scolded himself. He was afraid to think what would have to happen if there were any truth to that statement.

What kind of life would he, they, have together? He wondered.  
 _She had told me she had never seen the sea before, would she like to?_ He saw the wind blowing in her hair, a wide smile on her face as her feet splashed through the water. He liked thinking of that, of her smiling, or her being _happy_.  
 _Could I make her happy? Could I keep her happy? What could I possibly give to Lorraine Marbrand that she does not already have?_  
But after he had begun to think of her at Casterly Rock he found he could not stop himself. He thought of her ghostly laugh carried through the stone hallways, how she would thank him with her eyes for showing her the caves, how she would sit in the large observatory all afternoon sowing surrounded by the litter of cats he would get for her, how she would wake up next to him in the morning, and he closed his eyes briefly once more as he imagined her lips lightly trace over his. He could have a life with her, children that had her dark hair and his green eyes, he could perhaps grow to love her, and it would be a love he did not have to hide.

He stopped to consider whether that was something she would even want, ignoring for a moment the fact he had almost admitted to himself that he may want that as well. _Would she want to be at my castle, away from her family? Would she want to be with me?_ He let doubt roam his being, willing himself to forget the defying look she gave him not to leave her presence, beseeching him to stay. She had wanted to spend the rest of her morning playing chess with him, but would she want to spend the rest of her life being some sort of experiment to see whether he was truly capable of loving someone?

Shaking it off, he tried to see things objectively. From Tywin Lannister's point of view, Lorraine Marbrand was a near perfect choice for the new Lord of Casterly Rock. As he had remembered before, Jaime's grandmother was Lorraine's great aunt, which made them familiar. Lorraine was still young, perfectly so as well; not young enough to rouse Jaime's guilt and disgust at taking a child as a wife, but not old enough to be of suspicious "child bearing" years. Her mother had given birth to six children, meaning she was probably fertile as well. Children were of no consequence to Jaime, not at the moment at least, but he knew that would be a question everyone would ask, why else would he leave the Kingsguard?

He couldn't believe he was thinking of it. That that was a question in his mind. That it was snowballing into an actual possibility.

 _Could I? Could I leave the Kingsguard?_

And as he asked himself that question over and over again, he saw Lorraine's face and felt once more what she had roused in him. It was not exactly physical. He was not even sure if he was capable of going that far with her, but she had made him want to be _better._ He wanted to do _good_ things for her. He wanted to be _nice_ and it may have sounded crazy but he felt like all he needed was to _deserve_ someone like her. If he could only _try,_ that would be enough for him. _But would it be enough for her?_

He could not answer that question, the only answer that consumed him was the little beauty mark by Lorraine's lips, and he wanted to kiss it over and over until it was his own.

He suddenly shot out of bed, a surge of energy overcoming him,

"Lewys!" He waited a few moments until he heard a stumbling sound against his door and a breathless Lewys appeared at his threshold.

"Ser? You called?" He asked, panting.

"Fetch me some scrolls and a quill, I have a letter to write."

"Yes, Ser"

"Actually, fetch a few more scrolls, it'll actually be two letters I need to write."

* * *

 _King Tommen Baratheon, Ruler of The Seven Kingdoms and King of The Andals, my nephew,_

 _I write to you today, my King, knowing you face hard circumstances, and I would firstly like to apologise to my King that I could not be there to support and protect you. My work in the Riverlands could not be left or abandoned, for the peace of the Kingdom.  
You are a good, sweet King, Tommen, but I also know that you are strong, so be strong for the ones you love. _

_I write to you to formally withdraw myself from the service and as Lord Commander of your Kingsguard, seeing as I truly do not feel like I can be of any use to you my King, what good am I with one hand? It is with this that I beseech my King to dismiss me of my role, a role that I have had the honour of having for more than half of my life, so that I can take my rightful place as Lord of Casterly Rock, where I can be of use as it is my birthright. Once I receive word of your approval I shall send my white cloak to you personally. With this, I leave my King with the knowledge that even as your former Lord Commander, I am also and always will be your uncle. I promise to protect you how I can, with all I have, you are my blood.  
I pray for the protection of your mother and your wife, both your Queens, day and night and I hope that justice will be served to all that deserve it. _

_Your Uncle, Ser Jaime Lannister._

* * *

 _Dear Uncle Kevan,_

 _I have already written to Tommen, our King, about what I wish to speak with you about, but I send this to you with the hopes of better understanding and better management of the situation, since you are my King's Regent. Perhaps if Tommen is not so receptive of my appeal, I am confident you will convince him.  
I have written to Tommen that I wish to be released from the Kingsguard, just as my father had wished. You can understand me, i'm sure, as a knight that I do not feel like I have much use to my King when I am finally realising I can not be very adequate in protecting him. I pushed this away after my return, refusing to acknowledge that I could not do my duty, but I have come to accept it now, and my duty now lies towards Casterly Rock and the Lannister name, the name you and I share. I know you loved my father, and I know you can never respect me the same way you did him, but I ask you give me the chance to try. I wish to become a better man than everyone thinks me to be, I need this. I must reclaim Casterly Rock for myself, for my father, for everything you and him worked for. I understand it is a lot to ask of you to oversee this, what with everything else that is happening around you, but it is of the utmost importance that you do. I will restore the Lannister name just as my father had, I solemnly swear it to you.  
I do urge that you reply swiftly, with a royal decree, so that I may make arrangements for my men, and possibly for a marriage. I am afraid I can not write of this, as nothing is barely anything...I hope you understand. Please consider this, uncle. _

_Your nephew, Ser Jaime Lannister._

* * *

Jaime signed both letters, sealed with his vermillion Lannister seal, and ordered Lewys to send them out on the quickest ravens to King's Landing.

He still did not know how he felt about what he had just done, but he felt easiness rest inside him as he could finally admit that a part of him was brave enough to want someone like Lorraine Marbrand. And it did not matter, he knew it was the right things, perhaps not the most honourable, but the right thing to do -even if Lorraine did not accept, Casterly Rock was his. He smiled to wonder, whether any part of Lorraine Marbrand could want whichever part of Jaime he had to offer?

Looking out from his window overlooking the vast castle grounds, he caught sight of Janyne walking with her arms linked in her husbands', her head resting on his shoulders as the sun set, they were not even speaking but they seemed...content. Would content be enough?  
Yards away, he spied the very object of his reverie sat on one of the bridges overlooking the gardens, apparently sowing something into a piece of linen. She was far away, but to Jaime she seemed to look a little sad. Immediately, all Jaime could think of doing was let himself be beaten at chess a thousand times over just to see her smile once more, and for some reason that made him feel better about the letters he had just sent.

 _Gods help me if I should survive this._


	8. Storm Of Summons

**Another swift update! I finished this update the same day I had finished the previous one and I had already decided to sit on it until next week while I got some more chapters done but I thought...why the hell not? I'm already half way through the next chapter and I pretty much have all coming chapters' content planned. Please feel free to review with any suggestions or just general thoughts and opinions, in regard to how any of it sounds to you or anything to do with AU and little details. Please let me know if there are any inaccuracies I can try and fix. Thanks a bunch for reading!**

* * *

 **Addam**

The week seemed to pass by effortlessly, as if no time had passed at all. Addam took up much of his time managing the surrounding lands with his father and training with the household knights with Ser Jaime -as well as Duncan for that matter. And though Addam tried to distract himself as hard as he could by hiding it in the back of his mind, he grew more restless as his betrothed's arrival loomed ever closer.  
His father had chosen for him a young bride from the Crownlands, Addam was partly relieved that he had not had to choose for himself, for he was sure he would not be able to come to any sort of a conclusion. He never imagined getting married, or having a wedding, but here he was, waiting for his bride-to-be to arrive so that he could marry her right after his younger sister said her vows. He thought of Steffon Trant then, a fine young lad, but still, despite his and Janyne's insistence and assurances to Reina that he was a good choice -they would not be sending her away with him were he not, he still saw the heavy reluctance in Reina's eyes, and the slight slither of fear.  
He had tried to talk to her privately about it as well,

 _"You should not worry so much, sister."_ He had said,  
 _"What else is there to do?"_ She had shrugged to him then.  
She was right about that at least, giving himself the time to think of his own circumstances, he could do nothing but worry once more about what was to become of him, of all of them. Would Margot Manning even like him enough to try? Would Steffon Trant be good to his sister as he had promised?

He tried to think of trivial things, logistics. Like how long he would exactly have to get to know Margot for before he was to be married to her. It would have to be soon after Reina's marriage, as she would leave to the Stormlands and she would want to be there to bear witness as well as the fact that Margot's brother, Lord of Gallowsgrey will be accompanying her to give her away but can not stay long. There was Duncan to think of as well, and his impending leave to King's Landing. He found himself worrying about all of them all at once, and found that for the first time in years Lorraine was the only one he was not worried about.

 _Perhaps it is best for her not to be a popular choice for marriage._ Though it pained him to think that way of his own sister, he was also a realistic man and could not ignore that from an outsider's point of view, Lorraine's "limitation" made her a queer choice for a match, especially when there was no shortage of beautiful women of the same noble birth.

Whilst everyone was rushing around making preparations for all that was to come over the course of the next fortnight, Addam found Lorraine serene, spending more and more time with his friend Ser Jaime. It was still pleasant for him knowing she was getting along very well with Jaime, though he did keep a somewhat distant eye at times -force of habit, he also found that they preferred one another's company alone, acting as if someone had shattered a surrounding glass pane around them whenever anyone dared to impose on their interactions. It was strange, not only had Addam never known his sister to so willingly give her company to someone she did not know, but in all his years of knowing Jaime Lannister he never thought he would see him so engrossed with things that were ordinarily to him so... _trivial_. Addam never thought Jaime Lannister would want to spend the earlier part of his mornings playing chess, afternoons reading volumes or helping Lorraine chase cats, evenings in the outer hall letting her show him all the constellations she had memorised.

 _Perhaps he sees what all of us see in her._ And he almost felt bitter that it was not just _them_ anymore.

He knew it had only been a week, but thus far Jaime Lannister had given no indication that he wished to leave or return to the capital soon, and Addam was glad for it -he could use the company. He could really use Jaime to keep his mind off things, off his responsibilities, duties, his soon to be _wife_.

Again he thought of her. _Margot._ It was a lovely name, he liked her name. But then again he had known many women with lovely names, and they had not always been so pretty -or nice. Did he even want her to be nice? He did not know. All that mattered to his father it seemed was that she was a highborn lady, with her maidenhead in tact, capable of bearing children.

 _How can they even tell if a woman is capable of bearing children?_ He wondered almost childishly, picturing in his mind a maester probing around some woman's private parts looking for some secret button to indicate she was fertile. _It doesn't matter anyway, father will have no shortage of grandchildren to take my place if I do not produce an heir. Janyne has her pups, Reina will have hers, Elaine, Duncan._ Nevertheless, he knew it was his duty to _try. I must try._

Would he try with _her?_ Or would he not need to? For some reason he could not picture her as some hopelessly romantic maiden who dreams of marrying a knight and sings songs of love and beauty. He was a knight, but he surely was not _that_ knight. He could not strum to her songs or provide her with any words she would deem romantic. He was glad he could not imagine her as a lovestruck maiden waiting for him to be her knight in shining armour, he would not be able to live with that kind of disappointment.

He was sat in the solar a floor above all their rooms, the small windows providing a view of another stone wall of the castle, which Addam was glad for. It provided him with some kind of solitude, no obligations to look around the grounds. There were so many of them, every time he looked out onto the grounds he could always see at least one of his siblings wandering around.

But as his thoughts raced through everything that was coming and settled to furthermore consider the strange relationship between Ser Jaime and his sister, he wished for someone or something to interrupt him. For he knew there was no point in thinking about it, he would not dare say a word to Jaime about it in fear of offending him, and feared offending and upsetting Lorraine even more. It was just that it had been so long since he had witnessed Ser Jaime _smile_ like that. He knew whatever was going on was innocent, Ser Jaime was too smart to get involved that way, and even if that was his wish why would he spend so much time doing trivial things with her -unless he truly enjoyed it? But still, Lorraine was a woman grown, she had been for a while, her youthful demeanour had always caused Addam to look upon her as a child, just like he had done with Duncan, but she was older than most highborn ladies at the time of their marriage -being three and twenty herself, and even Addam could not will himself to ignore that her body was not that of a child's. He saw all of his sister's as beautiful, but the notion of someone else finding them so always roused some sort of anger in him. He was a reasonable man, or at least tried to be as best he could. He reminded himself all the time that they would not always be _just_ his sisters, one day they would become someone's wife, and that didn't give him the right to dismiss their comeliness in anyone else's eyes, especially since he himself had bedded women who surely were someone else's sister.

He trusted Jaime. That was something he knew. He would like to believe that amidst all the chaos and rumours and deceit that he k _new_ his friend well enough to trust him. Even when those heinous rumours of unspeakable acts such as incest were roused he did not believe a single word of it. They had no basis besides the fact that the Queen and Ser Jaime were close. _Of course they would be_ , Addam thought, _they're twins!_ He did not have a twin but he loved all his sisters deeply, and would be just as outraged as Jaime had been if anyone had insinuated that something illicit was in play. Perhaps that is why he so ardently fought by Jaime's side, because he knew what it was like to have sisters, and sisters that he would do anything for. For a moment he even imagined sweet Elaine or Reina married to the late King Robert, how he would feel being in Jaime's position if he had been made to guard the very King that was dishonouring his sister so publicly, how Addam would feel watching any one of his sister's be constantly humiliated by the actions of her husband, how he would feel at seeing her love torn to shreds and her hope stomped on day after day.

He clenched his fists in a moment of pure rage, _there is no King I would not kill for them._

* * *

 **Jaime**

It had arrived. Word had arrived from King's Landing.

Standing in his chambers, staring at the unopened Baratheon seal and the unopened Lannister seal, he could only stare at the letters. Whatever was in them would change everything after this point.

He had tried not to think of it over the past week, instead focusing his attention on Lorraine and their daily endevaours. In truth, he had learned not to keep his expectations too high, and so he prepared himself for rejection, choosing to spend as much time with Lorraine as he possibly could -all the while also secretly hoping that he would find something disgusting within her that would repulse him away from his crazy thoughts.

He did not.

The more time he spent with her, the more he saw her by his side. Which was insane, crazy, he had never wanted anyone by his side. And he could not yet admit that he _wanted_ Lorraine by his side, but she appeared everywhere he imagined himself. And moreover, he felt perfectly at ease by _her_ side, adhering to _her_ whims. Never in his life did Jaime Lannister think he would find any joy watching -and eventually helping, a lady, or anyone, chase cats. As he spent more and more time with Lorraine that is how he continued to see her, a _Lady,_ for there were parts of her he could not dismiss or ignore regardless of her youthful vigour. Beneath the innocent smiles and childlike pursuits, she had the body of a woman, not without its imperfections he was sure, but every time her soft skin touched his in any way he could not help the want to see if she was soft everywhere else.

Shaking his head at the thought he decided to open his uncle Kevan's letter first, carelessly tearing open the seal in haste and unfolding the encased letter.

* * *

 _Ser Jaime,_

 _My nephew, I know we have not always seen eye to eye, but I can not say I did not feel a slight tinge of pride when I received your letter. This is what my brother, your father, would have wanted for you. And I uncharacteristically am only too glad to give it to you._

 _As I had expected, I had met some resistance from our King, but I knew he could be convinced. Our sweet King only wants what you think is best, I fear at times that that will be his greatest downfall. After he had agreed to release you from the Kingsguard I had instructed him not to tell your sister, who has been released from her confinement in the Sept and has been sent back to the Red Keep awaiting her trial. It would do no one any good for her to find out and make a fuss about it, which she surely will. It would be useless seeing as she has no real power anymore.  
I shall end this letter with the hopes that you make the Lannister name proud, and...happiness, in your endeavours to marry, be it soon or in the future. I know your mother would have wanted that for you, and she would be proud.  
_ _Your aunt Genna wishes you well as well, and has ordered me to instruct you to write to her as soon as you can._

 _Your Uncle, Ser Kevan Lannister._

* * *

He let out a breath he did not know he was containing. Partially also at the knowledge that Cersei wasn't locked up in a cell anymore, but he rid himself from those thoughts as quickly as they had come. He held the other letter, knowing that it was a Royal Decree and that there was no real need for him to read it over since he had already been told of what was to become of him, but for some reason he wanted to see it. He wanted to know it was real.

Carefully breaking the seal that lay in the way of him and the letter, a smaller letter dropped form the folds of the larger on. He examined the larger one first,

 _I, Tommen Baratheon, King of the Seven Kingdoms of Westeros, hereby release from the duties of my Kingsguard Ser Jaime Lannister after his years of Honourable service._

The rest of it went on to explain the grounds and the precedent, _technicalities_ , but it was done. His white cloak was no longer his. He felt a tightening in his chest at the realisation that, now, he was no longer part of whatever was trying to be a part of for so long. He did not share anymore what he shared with the finest knights he had ever known. But he knew it was better this way. He could not protect Tommen if he had continued to be ruled by his pride. And although he knew Loras Tyrell was probably only there to protect his sister, Ser Jaime somehow knew he would prove a loyal and faithful knight for their sweet King.

Almost forgetting the smaller letter that lay on the table, he picked it up, immediately recognising Tommen's handwriting through the thin sheet of scroll.

* * *

 _Dear Uncle Jaime,_

 _With this letter you have a royal decree releasing you of your duties. You have served long, and you have served well, and I thank you for protecting me and my father and brother before me. I can not say I am not sorry to dismiss you from court, as I miss your presence, it has gotten quite lonely around here. But I know where you belong, and I would never stand in your way. I only want you to be happy, Uncle, that is all I have ever wanted for you and for mother._

 _I'm sure you've heard of what has happened and what has been happening. We have all been through so much, my love and Queen is still imprisoned and I do not know what to do. But Uncle Kevan has been helping me, the same way Grandfather did, but in some ways nicer. I will not ask why you have not come during my mother's time of need, I know you are not on good terms. And I would not ask you to return unless you were on your way._

 _I wish you the best of luck, my dearest uncle. You shall be the finest Lord of the Rock, perhaps mother can come visit when all of this madness is over. Would you not agree she would be happy at Casterly Rock?_

 _With all my love, your nephew, Tommen Baratheon._

* * *

He couldn't help but feel guilty as his first thoughts finishing the letter were, _no, Cersei shan't come to Casterly Rock._

And even more guilty at the fact that he had not been there with them. If not for his men, then for his Tommen.

But he knew he meant it, he knew Tommen meant it. Tommen wanted Jaime to be happy. And Jaime would not dishonour that by sitting on this letter and letting it waste away, when he could _do_ something.  
For once, he could do the brave thing and come right out with it. It had to be done sooner or later, and he did not want to give Addam or Lord Marbrand reason to believe he had any calculating intentions. He must tell Addam and his father of this, today.

Suddenly it all became far too real, and he almost faltered as he made his way to Lord Marbrand's study. _Am I really about to do this? Am I really going to tell them? Am I even sure?  
_ And it had finally dawned on him that he wasn't sure at all, but he knew he wanted to try.

Still, the nerves did not leave him. He did not even know whether he was relieved or not to find Addam already in Lord Marbrand's study. _Great, make this easier for me, will you?_

"Ah, Ser Jaime! We were wondering where you had scurried off to" Bellowed Lord Marbrand and Jaime could only quietly smile in response. Addam turned his head to him and cocked his head to the side in curiosity,

"News from the Capital? The servant said it was from King's Landing." _This was it_ , he thought, _no going back._

"Yes, actually," he awkwardly began, not ready to look at Lord Damon or his friend yet as they stared on in suspense, choosing instead to look at his boots as he shuffled them about.

"There is actually something I wish to discuss with you. The both of you."

"Would you like to sit down, son?" _Oh no, don't call me son just yet._

"No no, i'm fine standing."

"Is something the matter, Jaime?" Asked Addam,

"Not quite." _Oh just come right out with it!_

"I wrote to my nephew, the King, little over a week ago. And he has responded to my request, releasing me from the Kingsguard to take my place at Casterly Rock."

He looked back up at them to find them stunned into silence, eyes wide and bewildered at his statement.

"Leave the Kingsguard?" He heard Addam ask, though it sounded more of a statement.

"Yes, I'm of no use to my King with one lame hand."

"But what of all your work in the Riverlands? I daresay you handled that wonderfully."

"Because it did not require combat. What if my King's life was in immediate danger? I can not protect him. And should the King wish for me to ride with an envoy to solve any more political issues I will gladly oblige. But the Kingsguard, I lost the right to that the same moment I lost my hand." They stood in silence for a while, and Jaime knew that they were wondering why he was telling them all this. Why he was _announcing_ it to them. It was now that he decided to take the final plunge.

"But it is with this news, this confirmation, now that I have a signed royal decree, that I now come to you in regard to another matter." He looked straight at Lord Marbrand, not daring to break contact, _it would not do very well for him to think me a coward in regard to this_ , also simultaneously avoiding Addam's heated stare entirely.

"What is it I can do for you, Ser Jaime? Or should I now say Lord Lannister?" He said with a wide grin, and Jaime could not let himself feel guilt about wiping that grin off with what he was to say next. Holding his head high in a way akin to how he imagined his father might to do, he stated,

"I have come to ask for your permission, my Lord, and your blessing, to ask for your daughter's hand in marriage." Silence once again.

"Who?" He heard Addam ask quietly, and he almost winced as he replied.

"Lorraine, if it would please her to have me." He could see Lord Marbrand's features turn solemn slightly but that did not stop his words of kindness spilling out,

"My Lord, we would be honoured. But, are you...sure? About...Lorraine?"

"Yes" he answered frighteningly fast.

"Does she, does Lorraine know of this?"

"No...not at all. And I assure you I have no intention of taking her off guard in that way. If I were to be given your permission, my Lord, I wish to wait a while before formally asking her for her hand."

"What does that mean? Do you mean that you are asking for her hand while you are not entirely sure you want to marry her?" He heard Addam ask once again with just a tint of viciousness in his trembling voice, _why was he the one asking all the questions?_

"Not at all. I'm very sure of my intentions." He lied.

"It is just that I wish for Lorraine to get to know me better, for her to feel more comfortable in my presence. I do not wish to spring up a question that she could not possibly answer. I wish to give her time."

Jaime could not help but feel like they were looking at him as if he was taking something away from them.

* * *

 **Damon**

He could only stare at Ser Jaime, dumbfounded by this sudden revelation. And it was exactly that, _sudden_ , and extremely so.

He can not say that he had not noticed the growing relationship and understanding between Ser Jaime and his youngest daughter, but he would have never imagined to see it blossom into something that Ser Jaime was suggesting.

If he was being fair about it, half of his shock came from the very idea that he had accepted around the time that Lorraine was five years old: That she would probably not marry. Although it was an initial disappointment to him, he grew to not only accept but cherish the fact that his little girl would never leave him. That her and Addam would be the ones to stay by his side when he died, until he died.

The other half of his shock was at the fact that it was no ordinary nobleman that wanted his sweet daughter's hand, it was the new Lord Lannister. And although he did feel pride that this presented a well-off opportunity for his daughter, the thought of his daughter being torn from him into the arms of another gnawed at him.

Suddenly, it all made perfect sense to him. It hit him like a wave, how obvious it was that Jaime Lannister was interested in his daughter. In truth, if he had seen Jaime that attentive to Elaine he would have guessed it immediately, but thinking it was just sweet little Lorraine, it completely passed him by. And now here he was, dumbstruck at the realisation that Jaime Lannister, his new Liege Lord, wanted to grace him with the honour of making his own daughter Lady of the Rock.

"I was not expecting this, my Lord." he fiddled with this quill before returning his gaze back at Ser Jaime. He was a composed lad, Jaime Lannister, but at this moment all Damon could see were pleading green eyes, a near sheen of sweat on his brow, waiting for Damon to expand on his point.

 _Is Jaime Lannister worthy?_ And perhaps it is in the way he was looking at him, or the way that Damon had finally noticed him look at his Lorraine, that he decided that yes, Jaime Lannister was worthy.

"You have my complete permission. But I feel like I must remind you that my permission only extends as far as Lorraine's. In the end, it is her you will have to convince."

He smiled gratefully, _who knew Jaime Lannister would ever be grateful to me?_

He looked at Addam then, as if he had suddenly remembered he was in the room. In light of his blessing to Lorraine's potential engagement he feared that Addam may throw some sort of a fit, he knew him and Jaime were good friends but one could never know with Addam, and hearing his voice tremble earlier at the very mention of Lorraine's marriage Damon did not see it as out of the question for Addam to grow angry towards his friend. And Damon prayed his son would not forget himself.  
But surprisingly, Addam stood up, shaking Jaime's hand and wrapping one arm around him, taking both he and Jaime in surprise.

"I feel I need not send you any thinly veiled threats Lannister." They all laughed boisterously at that.

"No," continued Jaime, recovering from his laugh, "you truly need not. But if it is not too much to ask, I do ask that we keep this a private matter. I do not wish for anyone else to know until I have Lorraine's permission."

They all nodded in agreement,

"You have my word, my lord Lannister."


	9. Dance With The Damned

**I know I must seem a little too enthusiastic, but what else can I do when inspiration creeps up on me like this?  
I'd like to thank my first and thus far only reviewer, your kind words are the reason this is out so soon. It makes me feel better knowing someone else is reading this, and i'm open to any criticism/suggestions any one may have in order for me to better improve this. Any questions I can explain for you, i'm only happy to answer.**

* * *

 **Jaime**

He had Damon and Addam's approval now, what more could he want? _More, there is definitely more that I want._

He walked into the feast hall that night feeling changed, but also more or less the same. The only change came with the way Lord Marbrand and Addam looked at him, like they were waiting for something to happen. Like he was about to jump on the tables and claim Lorraine as his own for anyone that would look.

He felt some sort of success at how smoothly it had all went, and he thought perhaps it was because he had yet to approach the scariest part of it all, asking Lorraine if she would have him. He could not fathom what she would do, how she would react. He could not possibly imagine her nodding in agreement. But he still wanted it, he could admit that now, he _wanted_ her to say yes to him. _Is this what hope feels like?_ Jaime was not sure if he liked it. Somehow it was more daunting trying to come up with a way to propose to Lorraine. She _could_ say no, for she was not bound by any sort of duty to marry. He understood from the look on both Damon and Addam's faces when he had asked for their permission that the idea of her getting married was one not thought to bear any weight.

Nevertheless, he thought it was good that at least he had some more time to get acquainted with her as well as decide how he was to go about it. And it was only then that he found irony in the fact that he had sworn her father and brother to silence in order to give her time when he had written to his King and his Regent with the nagging intention -and hope- to marry her after less than a week of meeting her.

The week he spent with her after making his decision and writing of it was, to Jaime's ire, one of the best weeks of his life. He saw more and more of her everyday, both meaning that his little mornings with her eventually followed on into the afternoon and soon they would scarcely leave one another's presence during the evening dinners, and also that she was revealing more and more of her true self to him day by day. To Jaime's reluctance, he found he was doing the same. Exposing parts of himself he would not dare have exposed in to anyone in King's Landing. He realised one afternoon with her that since meeting her he had rarely laughed in years for a reason that was not in spite.

He did, however, avoid her once the sun had set out of the confines of the dinner hall. _How ironic,_ he had thought to himself one night as he lay in bed, _the great Jaime Lannister, son of Tywin, fears being alone with Lorraine Marbrand in the darkness._ He did not know how he would feel -or what he would do, if he was to be alone with her in a hallway with the night casting shadows on her face, the candlelight kissing her eyes as they looked up at him. _I may be great but I have certainly never been very gallant._ She would surely notice his eyes' pull to her lips. _It was still too soon_. And he did not want to scare her. He did not want to risk shocking her out of his company and leaving him alone once again with only a glimpse or taste of her.

He did not know when the _right_ time would be. But he wanted to have more confidence than he currently had at the moment. He silently gulped down a sudden lump in his throat at the thought of her pushing him away. Of him being awarded with a look of disgust and some sort of betrayal. He had had enough of that look all throughout his life. He was not weak enough to let it deter him in any way, but he was sick of it. He did not care, a lion does not concern himself with sheep, but how long before the people you love start looking at you that way as well?

Lorraine walked in to the hall then, holding on to Duncan's arm as they both giggled. She never entered alone, always on someone else's arm and laughing at someone else's joke. He wondered how long it would be before she allowed him to be the one escorting her.

Noticing that all Lord Damon's children were in the hall, the Lord of Ashemark made his way to the centre of the well lit room by the stark tree with his arms spread, hoping to make some sort of an announcement,

"My humble guests! We are honoured to have you here, on such a night," Lord Damon's eyes wandered around the hall as he smiled with sincerity at those gathered around him.

"I've received word from the Golden Road, the Trant party is due to arrive tomorrow, and with it my darling Reina's betrothed Ser Steffon." He extended his hand out to Reina's, and she took it with as much grace as Jaime imagined, a slight blush flared in her cheeks and she returned her father's smile with warmth, _but not much truth_ , Jaime noticed. He could tell she was nervous, _worried_. He had seen that look on so many faces during his time in King's Landing. Women being afraid of what their husband's would be like. King's Landing was a snake pit, nothing was as it seemed. And even then most innocent of Ladies were not naïve enough to believe in fairytales and happy endings for too long.

"My darling, we all wish you the best of luck, though I am certain you will not be needing it. Ser Steffon is a fine young man, and I assure you my darling only the finest can be good enough to marry any daughter of mine!" The whole hall laughed at that sentiment, Reina covering her mouth in the process. But Jaime did not miss the secret look Lord Damon had given him while his eyes were scanning the room for a reaction.

He set down his goblet of wine as his face turned serious and took both Reina's hands in his own, looking at her intently.

"We all know it will be difficult to leave home, you will be missed. I know that you will be loved at Gallowsgrey as much as you are loved here." He sighed and continued,

"Your mother...would be proud of the women you are." And suddenly it was as if all the Marbrands held their breath, waiting for him to continue, to not leave the image of their mother hanging in the air. A stray tear left Reina's eye, and Jaime found himself swiftly looking for Lorraine's, instead finding them wide but dazed. As if she was somewhere else.

Stroking one of his hands in her soft chestnut hair, Lord Damon held the back of Reina's head and leant down to plant a soft kiss on her brow.

"You are most beloved. No matter where you are, know that all our hearts are with yours -wherever any of us may be." Reina's sudden soft whimper could be heard as her eyes glistened, forcibly trying to hold back the threatening tears.

A sudden motion diverted Jaime's attention to the crowd as he found Addam with his glass lifted above his head,

"To Reina! And a prosperous union!" His voice bellowed, shattering the heaviness that had come earlier. Lord Damon and Reina quickly smiled, a light laugh of relief escaped Reina in the process and they al proceeded to lift their glasses to a toast.

"Might I add, good sister, should you encounter any hardships you have no shortage of brothers willing to duel in your name!" Jaime heard Duncan say, he also heard the hard slapping sound that followed immediately. _Janyne, no doubt._ Nevertheless, both Addam and Duncan's comments lightened the room up once more and everyone toasted and carried on in merriment as Lord Damon remained by the imposing tree with Reina holding her close and relaying what Jaime no doubt thought were reassuring words.

Suddenly reminded that he had not moved from where he was standing and that he probably looked strange, Jaime involuntarily looked back to where he remembered Lorraine had been standing and curiously worried over why she was not there any longer until he felt a sharp elbow bump his left side. Turning around he found Lorraine looking up at him, her lips in a proud smirk and her hands already clutching a notepad and pencil closely. He returned her smile, as if he could help it.

"Good evening, my Lady."

She nodded to him then, bowing slightly, and Jaime did not hesitate in looking away from her as she bent down. He had gotten himself in the habit of avoiding being put in a position were it was advantageous for him to look upon her lovely form, he had decided early on that that kind of pursuit was not what would guide him. For the most part during the day she would wear something more loose fitting than her luxurious evening gowns, but he knew temptation was everywhere. Once the thought had planted a seed in one's mind, even if the object of one's thoughts was dressed as a Septa it would not deter any upcoming lascivious thoughts. He, especially now that both Lord Damon and Addam were aware of Jaime's intention and want to marry her, was hyperaware of being watched and inwardly cringed at the thought of her father or brother catching him staring at her imposing breasts and thinking him unchivalrous.

Which, by all means, he was. Jaime was not and would never be the perfect gentlemen, and that was not what he was trying to be for Lorraine. He was trying to be a better _man_. And that is what she inspired him, she did not require him to change any part of himself that he did not already want to change. She made him _want_ to be everything she deserved, and he knew he had never felt that way towards anyone or anything before. Even Cersei. He felt he deserved Cersei by default, he thought they belonged to one another. Looking at the beautiful maiden standing before him, scribbling something before him, he knew things were different. He knew he wished she belonged _with_ him instead of to him.

" _ **I did not see you this afternoon."**_ She wrote to him, eyes expectant of an answer.

 _Yes, I was in your father's study letting him know that I plan on making you my wife, but only if you will have me._ He thought. He chuckled audibly at his inner voice and he could tell Lorraine was doing her best not look offended.

"I had some things I needed to attend to, my lady." He offered. She looked at him with her eye brows raised with something akin to suspicion and slight frustration and moved her arm in a circular motion, like a loop. He knew what she meant.

" _ **You always have something you need to attend to."**_ He how familiar and informal she had already become with him.

"I'm sorry, I missed you too." He jested and she waved him off as he grinned widely. This is how he wanted things to be.

Music started playing and they both looked on as Lord Marbrand was the first to offer his hand to Reina for a dance and she readily accepted. As he took her small frame in his arms with affection, Jaime spied Duncan drag Janyne forcibly out to the dance space as she groaned out in annoyance and her husband and children laughed in amusement. Soon other guests followed and joined, even Elaine had convinced Addam to step out, both of them ungracious and uncaring. He looked to his side at Lorraine, who was looking on with content, smiling faintly as she took in the surrounding merriment like it would vanish at any moment. Her eyes seemed to dance along with every pair and Jaime wondered if she had ever danced with a man before that wasn't her brother.

"Would my lady care to honour me with a dance?" He asked, with a hopeful glint of flirtation he hoped would translate well to her, or be accepted by her.

He didn't know why he was surprised that she smiled widely at him in response. He had seen that smile many times before by now. He had _given_ her that smile many times by now. But this meant something different, she would have him hold her now, for a dance. It was not forever, from this day till the end of his days, but it was still something.

Forgetting to extend his hand to ask for hers in time, she stepped out backwards in to the dance space, reaching out for him with both hands.

" _ **Join me."**_ Her eyes said to him. And he took her hand gently, like his hands would pierce hers, and she immediately shifted her other hand to his shoulder as he began to lead. It had been a while since he had danced with anyone, but somehow his feet knew where to take him, and as they started to move he felt Lorraine's little index finger tap his shoulder twice, thanking him. _The pleasure is surely all mine, my lady._

* * *

 **Lorraine**

 _I was afraid of embarrassing myself. I don't think i've ever danced with anyone that was not Addam or father, I could never call whatever it is I do with Duncan "dancing". But somehow it worked, I don't even think it was supposed to, but it did! I can probably attribute that to the Golden Knight I was dancing with, sword fighting is a_ kind _of dance...isn't it? I'll refrain from mentioning that out loud. Oh wait...I can't._

 _I was proud of how we were dancing, I realised it as my confidence grew with movement. And even though Ser Jaime's hands rested suspiciously high up on my back like there was some kind of bar restricting him from bringing his hand any lower, being held by him felt comfortable. It felt nice._

 _We didn't "speak", we did not need to. Over the past week I had taught him a few more of the signals I often use and I was surprised at how quickly he had absorbed them, even using them on me when he obviously did not need to. But right at that moment all I saw were his eyes of a sharp deep green, and I could not help but want to swim in them._

 _It's been strange, I enjoy him as a friend. I have enjoyed his company and looked forward to it immensely day after day, but there was something else that nagged on my being whenever I was around him. My cheeks flushed more often, my temperature rose slightly and my gut suddenly felt foreign to me. I did not know what this was, what this_ feeling _was, but instinctually I felt like the only way to remedy it was to get closer to him. I found myself unwittingly touching him sometimes, looping my arm through his, sitting closer to him when we searched through a certain volume, and I did not know why I did so. And that feeling never went away, that craving for closeness. Am I...attracted to Jaime Lannister? Was that even possible?_

 _Dancing with him now, being light and bubbly I feel like that must be the answer. I can all but beg for him to hold me closer, to hold me longer. What kind of a fool must he think me? Another silly maiden gazing upon his handsome face? I will not be changed by a simple...feeling. And so I didn't let it change me. I did not let it rest my head on Ser Jaime's chest and stand still in the middle of the dance space, when that was what I fear I wanted right then. Perhaps i'm only tired._

 _We kept spinning around, and I let myself be engaged by Ser Jaime's obvious enjoyment, I had been too preoccupied with worrying that he was merely doing me a favour asking me to dance rather than enjoy it with me. The smile could not be deterred from my face, even when we bumped into Janyne and Duncan a few times I only giggled mischievously as Ser Jaime held a look of embarrassment, like there was something the Great Knight could not do absolutely perfectly. Not even the strange looks I got from Addam and Father could stop my state of bliss as they wore an amplified expression of the ones I had been used to getting from them every time Ser Jaime and I shared one another's presence alone: Suspicious confusion._

 _As if they were confused why anyone as beautiful and legendary as Ser Jaime Lannister would want to be in my company. I could not blame them, even I asked myself that sometimes. I wondered why he would let me converse with him, or why he wanted to know anything about me. But his interest seemed genuine, and I found the pursuit of constantly questioning why someone wanted to know you or about you was exhausting._

 _Forgetting the pace of things I could not help but let a yelp escape me as I felt Ser Jaime's large hands grip my waist and began to lift me in a sudden thrust. My hands immediately scrambled to grab at his shoulders in order to not fall head first into his own head and I braced myself tightly above him as he spun me around. Somehow, I managed to laugh, and he looked up at me, seemingly enjoying this as much as I was. I felt like I was flying. It went away as soon as it came, and Jaime gently slowed as he released my waist in small pluses so as not to give me a shocking landing. The result was that as I eventually had my feet on solid ground again the ecstasy of the moment almost obliterated the fact that I was now standing as close as I had originally wanted to Ser Jaime._

 _It seemed like something out of those silly tales Reina's always going on about, a sudden moment of closeness that leads to something. I pity those who think that one moment of closeness can lead to things such as love. This moment did not bring love, or any sudden realisation, that is not what I believe in. It brought me the smell of Ser Jaime's hair, his hot breath tickling my nose, I almost closed my eyes to relish in it. But I knew that would be silly. And I had already told myself I would not be a silly girl. Jaime Lannister surely does not want me to be a silly girl. We are friends._

 _We continued the dance just slightly closer than we had originally began, and for some reason Ser Jaime had stopped looking at me directly. Did my closeness both him as much as it comforted me? Perhaps he thinks me inappropriate and too familiar. He is still a Lannister._

 _Very well, I shall stop._

 _As soon as the music ended I smiled simply at Ser Jaime and gave him a nod to pardon my excusal, I un-looped my hand from his neck and motioned to turn to find Reina but was stopped suddenly by his firm grip on my upper arm. I looked back up at him to find his eyes once again pleading me. And so I indulged him._

 _He carried my hand through the loop of the bent arm at his side and I could feel him physically stiffen when he felt my hand knock against his golden one. Like he was afraid i'd suddenly realise it was there._

 _I knew of his golden hand very well by now, regardless of how hard he continuously tries to hide it. I fear sometimes he may catch me staring at it when he's doing something else, but I could not ever help myself. I wonder at the ways he could use it to his advantage in combat, I somehow expected Jaime Lannister to wear his holden hand like armour,_ _but I was discovering more and more everyday that Jaime Lannister had vulnerabilities. And it was not as if he was purposely showing any of this to me, or confiding in me with his secrets. I can just ...tell. He wears the mask well though, I must admit._

 _We walked out to the open dance hall where there was still an abundance of couples dancing, and it brought my heart so much joy to see it, as if my home was once again whole. Everyone was here, and every part of our home was being used. Once again, things were beautiful and light and we could all pretend that things will be fine. Just the way the Gods have planned it for us. Standing out here in the breezy Western air listening to music and laughter, I can believe that the Gods may be good to us yet._

 _"_ Does something trouble you, my Lady?" _I shake my head, still staring at the sight before me. I look up at him quickly and look back at the hall and motion with my hands at the area and then bring my hand on my chest, right over where my heart is._

" _ **All this. I love it."** He nods back to me, signifying he had understood me._

 _"_ It _is_ a lovely night, my Lady. _" I'm not even listening to him anymore, I think. Suddenly, I am overcome with emotion, their origins being unclear to me. I sit down on one of the benches facing the hall and I look down, seeing and feeling Ser Jaime join me immediately from the corner of my eye. I look up at him, and he looks stunned at the tears that have left my eyes, like it was something I was incapable of doing._

 _I did not know why I was crying. But I was happy, I was happy I was exactly where I was with my family. Throughout the war all I could think of was Addam being taken away from us, a bitter part of me even thought that was what he wanted, like he wanted to die in glory. Then the Stark threat came, and the days were more dreary than they were frightening. Still, thoughts of father and Addam and even Duncan ran through my mind day and night, and I found that after the ordeal was over there was a terrible weight at my chest that I could no longer remove. And now, suddenly, it had been lifted. And I could breathe again._

 _I saw Ser Jaime's hand move hesitantly to my face, as if he wanted to wipe the tears from my cheeks, but instead he chose not to, instead sinking his hand down to his lap. I was grateful he did not touch my face, I did not feel like being particularly close to him now that I had embarrassed myself once more and he was surely pitying me now. Shockingly, I felt his rough finger stroke the skin on my forearm in slow circles, and I looked up at him in question to find him giving me a knowing smile, like he knew this was what I did to sooth people. Like he had been watching. I slowly wiped the drying tears off of my face and lifted my little finger to eye level and bent it towards him._

 _" **I'm sorry."**_

"A little dust in your eye, that's all." _I laughed louder than I had ever laughed in his presence at that, and had to use the hand that was not being soothed by his caress to cover my mouth._

 _He looked up at the sky above us then, and I hoped he was remembering the constellations I had drawn up for him. I looked up as well, Ser Jaime's fingers still circling my curling skin at a steady rhythm, and found the sky cloudy and the stars barely visible. But they were still there, even if I could not see them, I knew that. They were still there, steadfast and proud, burning bright._

* * *

 **Janyne**

Janyne walked out into the outer hall, trying to find little Symond, it was about time she put him to bed. Whirling past the dancing pairs at the height of the song she scanned the room furiously for her youngest son, trying to find his little red head scattered somewhere under the benches.

Instead she was met with the sight of Ser Jaime Lannister, close to her sister with his fingers dwindling softly on her arm as they both looked at something Janyne could not see.

They looked peaceful, not speaking, unmoving, content. Like the music was not playing loudly and there was no wine spilling around them, Janyne felt like some sort of an intruder watching them, waiting for one of them to move beyond the gentle sway of their bodies in unison with the breeze.

She could only stare until she saw Jaime's head move to look at Lorraine, who was still engrossed with the night sky above, even though it was cloudy. She had never understood the fascination that girl had with astronomy.

But what she did understand was the way Jaime was looking at her. She'd seen that many times. Like he was afraid this moment would slip away. Like for now she was his to hold. Smiling to herself, she retreated slowly, knowing probably they hadn't paid her any mind regardless.

As she walked away she thought to herself, _The strangest little things, those two. Suddenly Lorraine seems a woman and Ser Jaime looks like a boy._

 _Where is that damned boy anyway?_

* * *

 **Next chapter will see some new arrivals! Hope you enjoyed!**


	10. Shadows Of Doubt

**Just checked my calendar and it tells me that today was the day I had planned to publish Chapter 7! Wow...talk about getting ahead of myself. Just a little later than usual since I have been SWAMPED with Uni work. Anyways, new arrivals, new emotions, new opinions, more Jaime and Lorraine action. Got a bit sidetracked while writing this, ended up writing it non-stop for a whole day instead of taking my time since I binge watched the new season of Orange Is The New Black and I didn't wanna be too late in getting this chapter out. Idk if any of you would find this chapter boring since it's mostly OC's but I needed this chapter to finally emphasise and conclude the dynamic between sisters.**

* * *

 **Reina**

She watched as the gates opened with a slight creak to them and the horses rode in swiftly, creating a miniature storm with the dust in the entry yard.  
She had almost opted out of meeting the arriving party upon their due to her nerves and unwillingness to accept just yet that it was time, but her father had insisted.  
 _"It would be rude._ " He had said. But for once Reina found she cared very little what someone might think.

It was cloudy, she noticed. _How fitting._ She did not know why she was condemning this arrival so assuredly, it's not as if she hasn't been dreaming of this very day for a long while. She always wanted to get married and start a family, just like Janyne did. And she thought, just like Janyne, she would marry a decent Western-man in a place close to her own home but far enough away to call her own. She had had many suitors, many betrothals that fell through due to circumstance and Reina was tired of holding out hopes and simultaneously constantly lowering her expectations. She was older now than most noblewomen at the age of marriage, and she could not afford to turn her back on this betrothal as she likely would end up alone.

But she did not have any expectations, good or bad, of Steffon Trant. Perhaps it was his eerie banners that cast all thoughts of him far away from her mind, but she spent very little time thinking about _him_. She did not want to entertain the idea that perhaps he would be cruel and use her as she had heard so many men do to women before. Or the idea that he would be ugly. For some reason she could only envision him with an ugly scar down the left side of his disgruntled face past his mean lurky eyes. Something about his name and where he was from suggested a certain...hardness, to Reina. And she was not prepared to leave all the gentle love she had in the safety of her own home amidst her family to stay with a man made of stone and rain and cold.

As the first rider rode closer in to view Reina clasped Addam's hand tightly as she resisted the screeching urge to fold herself into Addam's shoulder and further avoid this doomed meeting. Holding her head up high she reminded herself what everyone had kept telling her over the past fortnight, that he was a fine Lord and that they would not be sending her away were he not. _But how could they know? How could they know what he is behind closed doors? I am one thing to the people but another to myself!_

She suddenly found herself stood feet away from the first rider. Even though her eyes were down to the ground she could feel his presence cowering above them.

"Welcome to Ashemark, Ser Steffon." She heard her father say followed by the sound of feet landing on the dusted ground and footsteps approaching.

"You do me the great honour of having me, My Lord."

She raised her head then, slowly, so as not to show that something had roused her curiosity, daring to look at the man who's voice the last statement had come from.

He did not have an ugly scar down his face, as Reina had originally imagined. In fact, his face, in Reina's opinion, was quite...nice. But he gave nothing away, his mannerisms were exactly as pleasantry entailed and did not give anything more than he should. He shook her father's hand firmly and she looked, curiously entranced by his hands and how he had taken his time removing his gloves from them. Before she knew it he had already met and shaken Addam's hand and was standing in front of her with a strange look on his face.

He was examining her, she could tell, just as she was doing with him. For some reason it seemed like the moment that had passed in silence felt like an hour. His eyes were a darker shade of blue than hers, but there was something about the contrast between his mussed dark hair and his eyes that made them shine. He was not exactly smiling, but there was no trace of a frown upon him and something about him suddenly seemed unsure... _could he be shy?_

As the moment lapsed in silence Reina suddenly realised that she was receiving him as a guest and should welcome him accordingly, she could feel everyone's heated glare on her awaiting any kind words of welcome.

"Welcome to Ashemark, my Lord." He smiled _then._ She didn't think he could. She extended her hand out to him.

"It is a pleasure to finally meet you, my Lady." He held her hand in his and lifted it up to place a kiss and Reina almost gasped at how soft his hands were.

"I am very pleased to have finally met my betrothed, a beauty i'm sure many would envy me of." He added as his dark blue eyes bore into hers. She could not help the sudden blush that crept up her neck and to her cheeks. She wanted to look away, like she would usually do. But Reina knew she did not want to cower from him or any man who's wife she would be.

"My Lord is too kind."

"Steffon, please."

He had stunned her with this immediate insistence on familiarity. But then again, he _was_ going to be her husband. Nevertheless Reina felt like speaking would only make her sound like a giddy little girl and the sudden jump between her "fantasy" of Steffon Trant and the now glaringly real -and somewhat handsome, reality was all too much. So Reina could only nod, and offer a shy smile. He grinned in return and offered a hand to the rest of her sisters and Duncan before her father had taken him by the shoulders and offered to escort him himself to his chambers in the guest wing.

She thought for a moment why Jaime Lannister was the only one of their guests who stayed in the same wing as them. She supposed their finest rooms were on that wing and Jaime Lannister is...well a Lannister.

Still standing in the courtyard in somewhat of a daze she suddenly felt the excited pull of Lorraine's hands on her arm and turned to find her sister giddy with excitement and a wide grin to accompany it.

"Find anything interesting, sister?" Asked Reina, knowing full well she would receive nothing but one of Lorraine's knowing smirks. Lorraine placed the back of her hands upon her cheeks and sent a feigned dazed look Reina's way.

" ** _He's handsome."_**

"He's...not awfully disfigured or ugly." Lorraine's scrunched up her nose as a reply. Holding up her left index finger and crossing her right index finger in the middle of it. _We have far too many signs for you._

" ** _Liar."_**

"I won't make any assumptions Lorraine! By the Gods, i've only just met him." Lorraine nodded in agreement in return and held Reina close as she motioned for them to walk towards the steps leading to the under-garden.

"Lorraine I really don't feel like taking a walk right now, would you find Elaine? Walk with her."

She did not know why but Reina suddenly felt a weight on her, like she had pushed everything at bay for so long and now everything was crashing down on her. She barely spent much time considering what she would do if Steffon Trant was awful, so naturally she didn't spend any time at all considering what would happen if he was actually as decent as everyone had promised he would be. Suddenly the options were all too many and all too real. She needed to be alone.

Lorraine looked at Reina in a mixture of shock and annoyance, as if it was so unlike Reina to say no to anything. She motioned with her hands,

" _ **What's wrong? Why has this upset you?"**_

"I'm not upset! I just...I need a moment. I can't breathe." They stopped suddenly and Lorraine turned to face Reina, placing her hands on her upper arms by her shoulders. Lorraine then moved to place one of her hands above Reina's eyes, causing them to flutter shut and leant in to kiss Reina's forehead and replaced her lips with her own forehead.

For the first time during that day Reina felt at peace, like her mind was empty. She was just standing there in the middle of the hallway with her forehead pressed to her sister's and the nervous pit in her stomach slowly dissipated. Sometimes Reina forgot she was older than Lorraine.

Lorraine slowly moved away causing Reina to open her eyes once more, finding an understanding look in Lorraine's eyes. She motioned to her once more, stroking the crease of her apposed thumb with her other index finger and then pointing at her.

" ** _Everything will be fine. You will be fine."_** Reina reached for her hand then, looking at her little fingers and wondering how long it would be before she would have to get used to not having them around.

Lorraine, as if sensing this, pulled her hands away gently from Reina's grasp and motioned her hands away.

" _ **I'll go find Elaine."**_

She smiled at the statement.

"Yes, you go do that. I'll see you at dinner."

* * *

 **Elaine**

She was pleasantly surprised that Lorraine had sought her out for a walk. She had seen her approach Reina after Ser Steffon Trant's arrival and thought they may have wanted their privacy. Now here her little sister stood in the observatory, eyes pleading her to abandon her work for a meagre walk. _All we ever do is walk._

"For the last time Lorraine, i'm otherwise occupied." And with a huff, Lorraine plumped down onto one of the plush cream seats against the wall on Elaine's right.

Lorraine usually did not bother her sister during her "alone" time, no one did really. Elaine did not understand why that was, it was not as if she did minded terribly at the presence of another, it did nothing to deter her from her efforts, even sometimes putting her at ease. They had always joked that she was the enthused conversationalist and Lorraine was her opposite. And today especially, Elaine felt like she could use a good chat, even if present company could not reply. On the contrary, Elaine often believed that Lorraine was very accomplished at coaxing out conversation from others despite her not speaking, _she'd make a great torture assistant._ She thought, snickering to herself in the process.

"What did you think of Ser Steffon?" She paused after she finished her brush stroke and looked sideways at her sister for a response. Lorraine caressed her thumb with her index finger and then motioned her left hand carefully to and fro as if she was unsure.

" ** _He's not bad."_**

"What does Reina think of him? Did she tell you?" Lorraine visibly slumped into her seat, looking up at the ceiling trying to formulate an answer. Elaine expected some sort of an elaborate interpretive dance on Reina's opinion of every hair and crease on Steffon Trant but was instead met with a shrug of the shoulders.

" ** _I don't know."_**

Elaine sighed and turned back to the painting, she was painting the view out of the Observatory this time. When they had returned to Ashemark after their time at Silverhill she had looked through the archives for drawings or paintings of her home and was abhorred by the diminutive number of works available. So it was there and then that she had formulated a project to paint Ashemark from all angles on the outside, and all inner views to the outside, so the collection would never be lacking again. She still had quite a way to go until her collection was complete, Father had scarcely let her out of the grounds long enough for her to get a decent sketch so as of yet most of her work had consisted of views from the inside looking out.

"I suppose she'll know soon enough." She picked up a wider brush and continued broadly stroking at the sky on her canvas, not looking back at Lorraine.

"You know how Reina is. You know how she's been. She's only scared is all, wouldn't you agree?" She did not have to wait for a reply to continue.

"It's just that...we don't _know_ him. And he's so far away, they'll both be soon. It must be daunting." She dipped her brush in the light shade of blue once more, scraping the corner with a tinge of green.

"But from what I can tell he's nice enough. He's a little handsome as well, isn't he? Those banners though! How depressing. I wonder how they came up with that. Though i'll admit if they were my liege lord I would not hasten to argue with them." She smiled to Lorraine then, noticing how her brow was creased and she looked deep in thought as Elaine herself yapped away.

"Is something the matter?" Lorraine shook her head, smiling reassuringly and leaning back into her seat simultaneously signalling with her arms for Elaine to continue what she was saying. She stayed quiet for a moment, formulating her next sentiment.

"Isn't it probable that one of us is bound to marry someone awful?" She said suddenly, looking to Lorraine for an answer. All she did was look at her questioningly. She breathed in deeply before she continued.

"I mean, we can't all be so lucky in fortune when it comes to spouses...i'm not blind to that." She turned sharply back to the canvas to avoid Lorraine's pointed stare.

"I'm happy for Reina, and I hope Steffon is as good to her as he is handsome...or perhaps even better than that. But I can't help but feel that one of us is bound to get the short end of the stick. Addam's betrothed is due to arrive soon, what if she's miserably dreary? I'm bound to marry soon, what if he's an oaf? What of Duncan?" She shook slightly as she steadied herself to breathe in deep, suddenly feeling a hand on both her shoulders and a head resting by her neck. She dropped her brushes in the box then and grabbed at Lorraine's hand in an effort to comfort herself as she felt Lorraine's nose poke at her neck gently.

They tightened their grasp on one another, and Elaine found that she was too afraid to let go. But Lorraine was brave enough for the both of them. And she stood up slowly, keeping her hands on Elaine's shoulders as she sat to brace her up and gave them a final gentle squeeze as she returned to her chair. She opted this time to lounge carelessly on the seat, providing the sudden heavy atmosphere with the lightness that Elaine usually provided. It made her laugh.

"What are you doing here anyway, silly girl? Don't you have anyone else you can bother?" Suddenly she remembered,

"Wait, do you not usually spend this time of day with Ser Jaime?" Lorraine looked as if she was considering the validity of the question, as if she had not yet realised that it was a sort of routine she had now.

"Well why don't you go look for him? I'm sure he'll be happy to entertain you. If not you could always watch Duncan in the training pen." They both giggled scandalously at the last statement and Lorraine huffed as she clumsily tried to gather the flowing material of her robes lying about the couch. She passed behind Elaine and planted a swift kiss on the middle of her head.

"I'll see you at dinner sister!" She said in a raised voice as she continued on with her work and her mind distantly accounted the sound of her steps leading out of the Observatory.

* * *

 **Jaime**

He had steered clear of the Marbrands' way for as long as he could that day. He could imagine they may have been busy coordinating the guests' rooms and the dinner feast later on as well as the nerves that were rushing through them at finally meeting Reina's betrothed. He could not help but remember the clear look of suspicion and worry on her face the night before. He did not particularly enjoy Reina's company, but he knew she was a sweet girl. And while he was not unrealistic enough to wish for her betrothed to be a handsome gallant knight that will promise to love her and give her a happy marriage, he did hope Steffon Trant would be good to her. _How sad is it,_ Jaime thought, _that women must now hope and pray day and night that their husbands will not abuse them?_

He sat on one of the bridges on the farther ends of the castle, still sweating after a recent spar with Ser Ilyne Payne in an attempt to retrain his left hand. He was getting better, he knew that much. But it still took a lot out of him and required more work on his part to wield his sword the way he used to. He glanced then at his golden hand resting on his lap glistening underneath the sun, taunting him with all its glory.

Spotting a dot of mahogany wandering the grounds he was half looking at he focused his gaze to narrow in on what he thought -or hoped, might be Lorraine. He was right. He watched her from afar as she clutched what seemed to be a notepad tightly in her hands and looked about like she was searching for something or someone. _Could it be me you're looking for?_ He waved himself off at that thought.

Jaime had not been blind to Lorraine's growing attachment, and a part of him wanted to believe it was not purely because he offered her companionship and entertainment outside her family. He noticed over the past week, especially after the previous night, that she flushed beautifully at times when they were in close proximity. And she would touch him, even if it was not necessary. Chalking it all up to her being used to familial warmth and intimacy he tried to fight off thoughts of her feeling what he was struggling with every time he looked at her. But then last night, out in the open air with the music booming and wisps of silk floating, she opened herself to Jaime in a way that he had never seen her do before. And he felt honoured that she would let him be there to witness it. In that moment, wiping the stray tear that had escaped her felt like the most natural thing he could do, but he stopped, reminding himself once again that it was too soon.

Now that he thought of it, it was not completely out of the question that Lorraine was indeed seeking him out. They usually spent this time of the day together with some sort of pursuit and she could not very well knock on his chamber doors. It would be improper. But, Jaime was learning, Lorraine was not meant to be the proper lady one would expect to find in such a castle.

Deciding that he _would_ in fact risk looking like a fool at assuming Lorraine was desperate for his company he stood up and made his way to where Lorraine was likely heading on the other side of the castle in a half-run. He stopped right in front of the outer bushes to wipe some sweat off his brow, suddenly feeling all too self aware at his scuffed up state. Straightening himself, he walked in to the little court by the fountain and found Lorraine exactly where he had expected her to be. Her face swung up at the sudden intrusion and her eyes widened in surprise.

"Have you been waiting for me, My Lady." She smiled in return and leant over above the water and swung her hand across the surface, splashing Jaime in the process with a hefty amount of water. He shook the water dry off of him and Lorraine giggled with her back hunched and her mouth covered.

"I see my current state does not please you much." She craned her neck and began writing in her notepad.

" _ **Good spar?**_ "

"You should see Ser Ilyne's state, My Lady." She rolled her eyes at him and drove her hands in to one of her pockets searching furiously for something. Eventually after a long moment of twisted facial expressions -that Jaime was very much enjoying, Lorraine's pulled out a linen handkerchief and hesitantly offered it to Jaime.

He took it, admittedly partly because he wanted to feel her skin once more. Soft as ever, he pulled the handkerchief away and smiled in thanks as he dabbed the soft cloth about his brow.

"Did everything go smoothly with Ser Steffon Trant's arrival? I did not expect you to be finished this soon." He attempted at filling the void left by their silence as he dried himself up. Lorraine nodded slowly, as if she was not sure if it did go as smoothly as she thought. She pointed her thumb behind over he shoulder and motioned to her face like she was carrying it with the backs of her hands and then shrugging after.

" _ **He's handsome, I suppose."**_

"That's not always enough." He heard slip out of him. Both their heads whipped around to meet each other's gaze at the sudden statement but for some reason Lorraine could not hold Jaime's stare for long, looking away like she had much more to think about.

Jaime leaned over slightly, extending the now wet and dirtied handkerchief with his hand and an apologetic expression rest on his face. She shrugged him off with her hands and only a thin remnant of a smile gracing her face.

" ** _Keep it._** "

He knew it was silly, he knew it was nothing, it was but a piece of linen. But it was hers, and now he held it in his hands.

Noticing a slight shift in the air now that Lorraine seemed... _preoccupied_ in thought, he decided to just sit down and enjoy what he could with the moment he had with her. The water rippled through the fountain and Jaime could hear the insects crawling about them, _tick tick tick._ As if finally remembering where she was Lorraine turned to face Jaime once more, asking him with her hands,

" ** _When will you be leaving Ashemark?"_** He considered his answer carefully, now was an opportune moment to bring everything up with her. It was quiet, they were alone, it was a lovely day, he could ask her right the moment. But it just did not feel right yet. All thoughts would be with her sister, and she seemed already lost in thought over a different matter, he did not want to add to that. He kept chalking it up to nerves rather than thinking he was actually being as considerate as he was, he did not know which one was worst yet. Nevertheless, he had to give Lorraine an answer.

"I don't know. I'll be staying longer than I had initially anticipated." She smiled in something Jaime could only describe as _happiness_ but quickly faded back into a curiosity as she wrote,

" ** _You don't need to return to King's Landing?"_** Again, Jaime thought this would be a perfect time to tell her. She would be sparing him the trouble and nervousness of formulating a way of broaching the subject by himself. But he could not, neither one of them was ready for it, he knew. But that did not mean that he could not impart anything onto her. He could tell her _something_ so when he did go about proposing it would not stun her as much as he imagined it would. Bracing himself for her reaction, straightened his back and placed his hands at his sides gripping the fountain ledge,

"I do not, my Lady. As a matter of fact, earlier this week I was released from the Kingsguard by way of royal decree from my nephew, the King. So...that leaves me as the Lord of Casterly Rock...you see." He almost winced before he could look at her expecting her already large eyes widened beyond repair and aggressive hand movements of " _Why?" "How?" "How could you?"._ Her eyes were in fact wider than he had seen them before, and her expression was unreadable. But that was not the case for long as a new look of understanding washed over her features, but Jaime found he could not yet let out the breath he had unknowingly held in.

She did not ask him anything, or stood accusing him of anything. She merely nodded in her way of saying, " _ **I understand."**_

Breathing out somewhat in relief, Jaime gulped down before he could ask,

"Do you not think me dishonourable then?" His eyes flutter up to hers while he waited for some sort of condemnation now that he had suggested it. Instead she only frowned slight and shook her hand, leaning over even closer to Jaime as she placed her delicate hands on both of his -including his golden one. Her hand seemed surprised at the coolness of the metal and she leaned in even further to examine the fake hand. She squeezed both of them comfortingly, as if he would be able to feel it, and looked up at him with a soothing expression surprisingly far closer to his face than she had expected. Without rousing any impression Jaime may have had of her discomfort at their unprecedentedly close proximity she turned away once more, grabbing her notepad to write something down to him.

 _ **"You seemed unhappy when I first saw you."**_ He was afraid to ask,

"And now?" He searched for something malicious in her eyes, something taunting. But he could not find it, instead he swam in her eyes of rich chocolate looking for the answer to whatever it is he was asking. She returned to her notepad, scribbling furiously before she ripped the paper out and held it up to Jaime's eye level as she continued to unknowingly sooth him with the safety of her eyes.

" ** _Now, the Golden Knight smiles."_**

For someone who had never known self-control, Jaime found his knuckles white and his heart squeezed to the point of explosion as the overwhelming urge to kiss Lorraine Marbrand's little nose, rosy cheeks and perfect lips shook through him.

* * *

 **The train is moving people! Lots of feels. Addam's betrothed will be introduced next chapter as i'm really hoping to speed things along in terms of timeline. Thank you for reading! I'm afraid the next chapter might take a little longer as it's been pretty hard to start and I have finals this week. According to my adjusted calendar i'm supposed to publish chapter 10 on the 4th of July, ideally I would be able to get it all done in one go but I feel like I have to be realistic and anticipate that I may be publishing later than usual.**


	11. Winds Of Change

**Slightly behind schedule, but only a day difference so...yay. This chapter introduces Addam's betrothed and just gives a brief background to explain her behaviours and how she may be viewed. This is also a bit of a time jump from last chapter, about a week has passed since this chapter will also be seeing an outside view of Steffon and Reina's new relationship, as well as some more Jaime Lannister and Lorraine action! Enjoy!**

 **P.s: Would just like to thank all the followers of this story, thank you so much for deeming this worthy of your time!**

* * *

 **Margot**

The carriage came to a sudden halt without any warning and shook Margot awake from her thankfully dreamless sleep. Her dreams as of late had not been of her usual nature.

Reaching out delicately to nudge the window drape aside to get an idea of where they had stopped, the door suddenly flung open and Margot was suddenly blinded and frazzled by the glaring noon sun. After slowly moving to lower her raised hands that had shot up to protect her eyes she was met with the sight of her brother, Lord Jon Manning, standing afoot her carriage door with an impatient look on his face.

"Fix yourself, girl." He said dryly. She half expected him to violently shut the carriage door at her once more but he only stood there, fingers tapping against the doorframe and his heated glare growing more and more impertinent.

"I don't have all day for this!" He half yelled at Margot, startling her enough to illicit a small jump from her frame.

She quickly moved to smooth her hair, removing pins from where they had seeped in her hair and re-pinning them to hold her hair in place in a parted pleat wrapped around her head with the remainder of her hair held up lowly. She quickly tugged at her gowns, hoping they had not been creased too much during the journey lest she would suffer more snide remarks from Jon.

For some reason, she never bothered asking why he was the way we was with her. She had never known a moment during their childhood where Jon had been kind to her. And so, Morgot Manning un-assumedly believed that this is the way siblings were supposed to treat you. _Or is that how all men were supposed to treat me?_ She was a woman now, a lady, he had told her. And being a lady came with duties. Even if that meant being sold off like livestock to whomever he pleased or displeased her. She had always known a sort of regretful affection from her father that accompanied his sternness, but it died along with him and she found she was left with a brother who had no patience or willingness to know her and an uncle that was indifferently distracted at best.

She had never been to King's Landing before, her father forbid it. And somehow a part of her, for once, did not yearn for what she was denied. It was just a shore away, but there was still something that looked wrong and black and foul about the looming Red Keep. Kept to the humble castle of Stillwater Keep, Margot Manning knew very little of what to expect from near anyone that was not her kin.

Nodding to her brother that she was all set and ready she barely had time to lift her hand to place it in his so he would escort her out of the carriage before he swiftly turned his back to her and proceeded out of the slight shade the carriage house had provided him with. Sighing internally and willing herself to stay composed, Margot stepped out of the carriage thoughtfully and, catching a glimpse of the awaiting party from the corner of her eye, followed her brother with her eyes to the ground to where the welcome party was standing.

 _Would he like me?_ She kept thinking. She did not see the point in lying to herself about whether or not she cared. She did. And she wished he would do. She did not know what to expect, but she was being torn away from her home. And seeing as the only person that had ever been mildly good to her had been torn from this world as well, a part of her wanted to believe that this was for the best. And somehow, she would be glad to be rid of Stillwater Keep and those who dwell there would be happy to be rid of her.

Margot could never tell if the was pretty or not, she scarcely had any time to compare herself to others. She had long simple locks of dark blonde hair, _the colour of a well cooked pie_ , her father had once said of her hair. She did not know whether she liked the colour of her eyes, for they were a pale blue with upon closer examination were splattered with chunks of brown, _dog's breakfast,_ Jon said once.

She hadn't dared asked Jon whether or not Addam Marbrand was handsome. She had asked him once what he was like and he had gone on to lecture her that it really did not matter, she would marry him and accept her duty as his wife. She of course, did not forget his yells at the end that she should be grateful that he could even find anybody for her, and that she should accept her bid in life whilst falling on her knees in gratitude to him. Of all the things she was, Margot knew she would never be _that._ Yes, she had lived in fear and seclusion from her brother, she had not the strength to stand against him, nor the will of character to discipline him to afford her with better treatment. She had lived in Stillwater Keep accepting her brother's insults to her person, even believing them. Even now, standing here, moments away from meeting her betrothed, who was supposed to afford her with every happiness a man could give a woman, Margot did not believe that she in any way deserved it. But even with that, she was not so weak to the point of thanking her abuser.

Hearing a shuffle in front of her, she stole a quick glance up at the party lined up before her, _in my honour_ , she taunted. Looking up subtly, she saw three tall men standing by each other's side, each one younger and slightly shorter than the one before. To their lefts stood four girls, _ladies_ , each one different looking but with the same proud glint in their eyes and flick to their chins.

"We are honoured to welcome you to Ashemark, lord Manning. We hope the journey hasn't been too trying." She heard the booming voice of who she assumed to be the eldest man fill the air.

She heard a clasp of hands as they shook and her brother's nonchalant reply of,

"We are honoured that you would have us, my Lord."

She then heard the elder man introducing the man standing next to him to her brother. _Addam_ , her betrothed. She remembered the quick look she had stolen of him and his copper hair. _He is comely_ , she thought to herself, and for a moment selfishly hoped she was not less handsome than he. The rest were introduced, Duncan, Janyne, Reina, Elaine and Lorraine and Margot was not sure whether she could live with so many people, or have so many people be her family.

Just as she was considering this she felt a hand on her wrist dragging her forward and she could not help the hesitation and shivers overcoming her as the elder man's figure loomed over her, standing just inches away from her betrothed. She lifted her head slightly, focusing her eyes on the man's doublet as her brother introduced her with a tone so lacking in affection one would think she was his enemy's ward.

"Lord Marbrand, this is Margot. The bride I had promised." _Yes, just like livestock._ Nevertheless Margot bent into a shallow curtsy in silence.

Her head was swimming and racing with so many thoughts that she did not yet register the hand that was nearing her face and shuddered when it had reached her chin, forcing it gently to rise and meet its holder's gaze. With eyes wide, Margot looked back at the eyes that were ordering her to meet them, and she saw a kindness of sorts that was almost sympathetic towards her. She registered the Lord Marbrand, he was very tall and although his hair was growing white she could still see the remnants of the same copper hair she had seen on her own betrothed.

"Welcome to Ashemark, my child." He welcomed her with a smile, his voice quieter and less commanding than it had been when she had first heard it. She found herself smiling with reluctant relief at the unexpected affection she had received from her future goodfather. And it made her believe that perhaps this would not be such a bad arrangement after all.

"Thank you, my Lord." She mustered up as finely as she could. He took her hand then, which she had realised she had forgotten to extend to him, and clasped it in both of his hands with fatherly affection.

"May I introduce to you my son, Ser Addam." Her eyes ventured to wander to the tall man standing next his father, and Margot was fully aware her blush was consuming her face in a fiery race of sorts.

His eyes were a dark brown, she noticed. Dark and pointed, and very different from hers. _Is he judging my eyes in return? S_ he thought he must have been because both were silent for a moment, her hand still attached to his father's as she had not yet found the strength to move towards him.

She did not know why, but the first impression she had of him was that he was reasonable. He looked like a calm man. Someone other men would willingly follow. And she felt ashamed that he was being forced to take such a weak willed girl as his bride. But for some reason she did not cower her head back to meet the ground again, and continued holding her head high in some semblance of grace.

"Lady Margot" She heard his deep, dark voice address her and she did not realise that her breath had hitched in her throat.

"Ser Addam" she replied with surprising clarity in her voice. He knelt his head to kiss her hand gently.

"I am happy to see you well and finally in Ashemark. I hope it will be to your liking." He said with his breath still tickling her hand and Margot was sure by then she must have been the most extraordinary shade of red. She stood in silence for a moment considering what to say to the fair man standing in front of her. _This man would be my husband, this man would protect me._

"I-I...I am happy to be here. I am sure your gracious home shall surpass any expectations I had placed." He smiled at her then for the first time and for once a clumsy smile slipped out of her in return without permission.

"We shall see, my lady. May I introduce my brother Duncan?" He motioned to the shorter dark haired man standing next to him who shared very little with his older brother. He shook her hand, kissing it swiftly and gifting her a genuine smile in the process.

She then moved to his eldest sister, a robust woman with her betrothed's hair. And she surprised Margot by hugging her and whispering the word sister to her. It was not long before the rest of his sister's gathered around Margot, hugging her and kissing her cheeks in a warm welcome.

"Welcome, sister."

"I can't wait until you become our sister."

"What beautiful hair you have, sister!"

Margot did not know how to react to such familial love especially from people she had never met before. It seemed that the way she had been treated by her brother was not the way Addam treated his. Would that mean that for the first time in her life she could be close to someone?

Addam's sisters linked their arms in her own and made to show her to her new chambers all the while asking her of her journey and lamenting how they wish they had eyes like hers. Suddenly everything someone had once abhorred about Margot was being celebrated in vigour.

In her frazzled state Margot looked back searching for her brother and the disapproving look he would surely be directing at her. Instead, she found Addam standing facing them, his hands locked in front of him and a thin smile with something akin to pride in it.

* * *

 **Jaime**

Lorraine had spent almost her entire afternoon excitedly relaying to Jaime news of Margot Manning's arrival. How pretty she thought Margot was, how mean her brother looked, how much she smiled when they had taken her to her room, how Addam was bound to like her. Unfortunately for Jaime, his interest in Lorraine did not extend to trivial matter as such and he found himself pinched in the shoulder every time he rolled his eyes at her in nonchalance.

During their walk and chat he had not realised that the sun had set so soon until he noticed the dying spark of the sun glowing on Lorraine's skin gloriously. For the first time, he had asked and was granted the courtesy of escorting her to her chamber door so she may prepare for the welcome feast that evening. It was unceremonious, as Lorraine had seemed far too excited to prepare far an evening in Margot's company to notice Jaime lingering by her door after she had shut it. It was only a short moment, the scent of her room had escaped when she had opened her door and he could not help but take it in.

Now, walking to the hall of Amber he wondered whether he could fetch her from her room himself, but thought against it as she had probably already arrange to walk in with someone else.

Finding his way to Addam standing by one of his comrades he grabbed a goblet of wine from one of the trays and stood next to him with a raised brow. He had not seen him after his meeting with Margot but before then had noticed his nervous shuffling and over exertion on the dumby in the training yard.

"How goes it Ser?" He grinned at his friend, noticing him to be more relaxed. Surely Lorraine could not be imagining Margot's prettiness, so Jaime assumed Addam was not too disappointed by his bride to be.

"I saught you out earlier on. It seems my sister has kept you occupied." He said with a smirk but Jaime did not miss the hint of a subtle question. _Any day now, Lannister?_

 _"_ Only to fill me in on the great beauty that is your betrothed dear friend. Congratulations." Addam looked away then, as if considering what to say about the matter.

"Is she not to your liking?" He pressed on. He did not know why. Perhaps he wanted to see how differently Lorraine saw things from others.

"She is pretty. She seems quite nice as well. But there's something...strange."

"What do you mean?"

"Her brother."

"What of him?"

"He's a tough man."

"And what does that have to do with the lady?"

"I think he scares her. I think she's afraid of him, Jaime." He considered this, thinking that maybe Addam had misread the situation. He just could not think of anthing to say to put his friend at ease.

"If that is true, she shall not fear him for much longer." He conceded and Addam nodded, his eyes following Reina blushing in a corner with her own betrothed. Jaime's eyes followed and he registered that he had rarely seen them apart during the evenings since Ser Steffon's arrival.

"They seem to be getting on well." He heard Addam muse aloud.

"Ser Steffon's a fine lad." He responded, trying keep the air neutral. Instead he kept his gazed fixed on Reina and how far her blush extended down her neck in response to Steffon's obvious flirtations.

They had grown closer, as was expected. He had never regarded Reina as anyone with real substance but he supposed she must be since she was quite obviously taking her time with Steffon. Despite her earlier hesitations, seeing how taken she had been with Steffon made Jaime assume that she would allow herself to be swept away by him and follow him around like a lost dog. Instead she had held her ground firmly, giving him only small pieces of herself in the process before being able to submit fully to him. Steffon himself had become quite entranced by her and had saught out her company regularly.

He viewed them now walking into the quiet privacy of the outer hall as it had yet to be filled with dancing, and saw that Steffon had placed Reina's hand delicately within his. He thanked the gods then that Addam was looking elsewhere, for he himself could not tell exactly what intentions Steffon Trant held for the fine lady. _Perhaps he wishes to steal a kiss tonight._

After meeting Steffon for the first time a week ago, he could not help but draw comparison between him and his uncle Meryn who had served with Jaime in the Kingsguard and as Cersei's personal little slave. He was thankful to find that Steffon did not resemble his uncle in many ways, save for his wavering arrogance. He did not know why he cared at all, but Reina meant something to Lorraine and a large part of him was relieved that Lorraine would not have to worry about her sister, for surely she would if Steffon was not as fine as he was.

Turning his attention to the doorway awaiting Lorraine's arrival in the hall, he noticed that Addam had advanced toward the direction he was looking and had bowed siwftly in front of a shy young lady who had attached herself strangely to who he assumed was her brother. Looking at her brother, Jaime immediately recognized Addam's concern regarding whatever their relationship was.

Jon Manning looked cold. His gaze icier than it should ever be in the company of his sister. He had this annoyed look about him, like everything and everyone was grating on his nerves and he would always preferred being anywhere else but here. His brow was furrowed, and Jaime could not imagine what he would look like with it relaxed. The stony man moved his idle hand and forcibly detached Margot's hand from his in a way that not befitting for any lord to treat a lady, even if she was sister. Shyly and with her head sunk in defeat, she took Addam's arm and proceeded into the hall with him.

The Manning girl could not even look Addam in the eye, but something about the way Addam carried her around the hall suggested he would be gentle in his endevours to know her. Like she would break. Frankly, Jaime had not anticipated that Addam would even try at all. But he surrounded her with a sort of attentiveness he had never seen him give before. Lorraine was right, Addam _would_ like her. She was willowy, the way Jaime could imagine a woman standing next to Addam. But she was not at all dark and mysterious. Sure, her shy nature allowed for some mystery but she looked like a flower that had yet to be teased out of blossoming. Perhaps, with time, she would grow strong enough to even put Addam in his place when he needed it.

Why was he the one bound to wait for someone by the door when everyone else had unashamedly taken their betrothed in their arms and made to break through one another's walls? Why was he still waiting, when all he wanted was to be able to walk Lorraine wherever she wished to go?

* * *

 **Lorraine**

 _I could not explain exactly why I was so happy to see Margot by Addam's side. I knew from the moment I saw her that she was good, and that she would be good to Addam. But that brother of hers, he looked so...hateful. Like there was nothing good about anything. I personally can not wait until Addam's wedding, if only to be rid of that dreadful Jon Manning._

 _It had been a long while since we had hosted a wedding, and now we would be hosting two in quick succession. I was still quite young when Janyne had married and I could not then yet call Ronald a brother. He was a stranger, still. And some part of him still remained so._ _But I noticed my apprehension had lessened considerably when Ser Steffon had arrived and I had eventually seen his goodness in his treatment to my dear sister._

 _But thus far, I had never known the new sensation of welcoming another sister. Especially one that I would be living with soon. I had raced to welcome Margot into what would be her new home and in the process forgotten that she was still a relative stranger to us all. She was confused at my quiet but lively state and Janyne had immediately explained things to her about "the way Lorraine is". She had taken it surprisingly well, especially since she had only been briefed generally regarding the matter, and soon resumed her shy smiles to us and reluctant short answers to our storm of questions._

 _Jaime did not find my musings regarding Margot insteresting at all. That makes me laugh. That Ser Jaime Lannister has become such a fixed part of my day that it is mentioned in such passing. Nevertheless, even with his disinterest in my ramblings on Margot, he seemed to be somewhat partially invested as we both viewed them interacting in the hall with one another during the feast this previous night._

 _As for now, Ser Jaime and I have ventured in to the mazes under the castle grounds and I was trying my best not to steer the direction of our footing. Every visitor must find the end of the labyrinth for himself._

 _He was annoyed. I could tell. But I paid no mind to his frustrations and clasped my hands behind my back, taking lazy steps in pursuit of his erratic ones. There was something terribly funny about such a legendary knight suddenly feeling exasperated and trapped by a maze that I had already known by heart._

 _Ser Jaime stopped suddenly, turning around to afford me with a wicked grin._

 _"_ This is not what I imagined when I had asked you to accompany me for a _pleasant_ walk, my lady." _He never calls me by name, I noticed. Like he was waiting for something to change or for us to somehow be even more familiar than we are now. What could possibly change between us now?_

 _I extended my arms out and twirled about in the middle of the walkway with my head to the sun, bathing in its gloring and whatever beautiful days were left for us all. Shirking myself of the responsibility of answering Ser Jaime. Once I had stopped I turned my head to see Ser Jaime smiling at me the way he sometimes did, a smile that sometimes makes me feel like i'm not there and he's just watching._

 _He extendedd his bent arm out for me to hold, the one that carried the hand forged of gold, and I took it silently promising myself not to lead him to safety._

 _"_ Do you...enjoy our time together, my lady?" _He asked with the question etched deep in his eyes of emerald. I nodded in truth._

 _"_ Am I not some thorn in your side?" _He hid his sincerity with mirth. I could only play along and reassure him with a shake of my head._

 _We approached what I always thought of as some kind of oasis, a place of safety from the maze. It was a small interlude from the bushed pathways, a fountain in the midst of it and surrounding benches. I decided that perhaps the Lannister Lion could use some reprieve from the relentless labyrinth and sat down thinking he would welcome the thought of joining me._

 _He did not. I looked up to find Ser Jaime still standing and regarding me strangely, as if he was trying to piece something together._

 _"_ Do you think i'm a good man, my lady?" _Is it a coincidence that he seems to only be asking me yes or no questions? Is he tired already of having to decipher my hand gestures? Nevertheless I answered him with a nod of my head. All this noddingg and I will eventually get dizzy._

 _"_ Why?" _Ah, a chance to showcase my talents at last. I started my hand gesture,_

 ** _"Because you are brave. And kind."_** _He looked down, thinking hard and shaking his head. He lifted his head and I found a faint smile, this time full of bitterness._

 _"_ Not many would agree with you." _Again, I replied with my hands,_

 ** _"Not many have spent time with you as you are now."_** _He finally moved from where he was stood then and made his way forward to face me. I looked up at him in confusion, wondering why he simply would not join me. Or what he wished to achieve with all these questions. I could hear his audible intake of breath, like he was bracing himself for something._

 _"_ My lady, there is something I wish to ask of you." _Before I could extend my arm out to him to motion for him to continue he suddenly blurted out something I had never in my life thought I would hear from anyone, no less Jaime Lannister._

"I wish for you to do me the great honour of becoming my wife."

 _The incredilous look that must have adorned my face then must have shaken some of his resolve to confront me with this sudden...request. But nevertheless he awaited my answer, my anything, in silence. I found myself faced with the same pleading eyes I had seen the first time I had met Ser Jaime, but this time I was not too sure I would give in to them the way they wanted me to._

 _I opened my mouth slightly, forgetting that I could not speak, and moved my arms around me,_

 ** _"Why?"_** _I saw him breathe out at my response, like somehow this was the easy part. As if somehow explaining to a little mute girl why you, one of the greatest and most powerful lords and most infamous knight of the Seven Kingdoms, wished to take her as a wife was what you had little trouble explaining._

"I find myself...drawn to you. You have captured me." _He paused, and it was I that held in my breath awaiting him to continue._

"I am not one for pretty words. But I believe I know you well enough to know that that isn't what you wish to hear anyway. I see you by my side, my lady. I do not exactly know what beauty of character in you I find I have been missing thus far, but during these afternoons I feel like I could not want for more in life." He kneeled then so his piercing eyes were directed solely on my murky brown ones.

"I have spoken to your father and Addam, and they said their approval only extends to your consent. And I would not have it any other way. I can not offer you romantic gestures and the promise of ballads being written about us," _I almost snorted at that. Could you imagine? The Knight and the mute. Or I suppose maybe even the Cripple and the mute. What a lovely pair we would make._

 _"_ But I can promise that I will try my very best to make you happy. I know that. And of the many things I may be, Kingslayer being one of them, I can not bear to kneel in front of someone as precious as you and lie. You remind me of the good I once saw in the world. And perhaps it is selfish of me to ask that you let me keep that by me, but I assure you would want for nothing if you were to accept." _I considered this for a moment. He thinks me precious? I can not deny that I had been too embarassed to admit to myself that Ser Jaime has grown dear to me over the time I had known him, and was in no hurry to see him go. I recall how I longed for his closeness. And having him knealt in front of me, still so close, I could not help but admit that I still wanted to feel close to him._

 _Even though I know I am loved and I know I am cherished, I also know that most of the time I am seen as some sort of ...box. An asexual being that does not, or could not, feel anything resembling attraction. But I do. I do feel it. But is that enough to warrant me to accept Ser Jaime's offer?_

 ** _"Do you love me?"_**

 ** _"_** No." _He answered frankly. At least he was honest. And he had not promised me anything pertaining to such love. I would not have accepted anything of the sort anyway. But a part of me wanted to persist, wanted to push, to find something deeper than his given reasons_.

" ** _Then why?"_** _I asked once more._

"When I am with you, I wish to do things I had never thought of with anyone else. I wish to hold your hand simply for the joy of feeling your skin for more than a few moments. I wish to spend hours letting you beat me at chess just to see you smile. And I wish to spend days upon days with you without shame. You are good, and you make me want to be good. I will be good for you, and to you Lorraine. That I promise." _And just by him saying my name the way he had it was like warmth had suddenly enveloped my person and I was unable to move. His eyes continued to look on and my mind raced even faster._

 _I grasped at what I held in my little skirt pocket, pulling out the notebook and quickly scribbling,_

 ** _"Ask me again."_** _He adjusted himself on his knee and I registered then how uncomfortable he must have been waiting for my answer._

 _"_ Lorraine Marbrand, would you take me as your husband?" _He asked with the glimmer of hope in his eyes and a tone I would on other days try to disappoint for mere entertainment._

 _And with a simple nod, my answer was clear. Yes, Jaime Lannister, I accept._

 _He sagged in his place in relief, taking my hand to kiss it fiercely. The contact of his lips on my forehand stunned me and I waited for his excitement to die down before I did what I had been wanting to do for weeks now, especially since his position allowed for it perfectly._

 _Ridding myself of all hesitance, I placed my hands on his broad shoulders. Shoulders that would soon belong to me. And leaned in close to his face. I wondered then whether he thought I meant to steal a kiss from him. How scandalous!_

 _Instead, I turned my head slightly and placed a light feathery kiss on his lower cheek, close to his jaw. I had never kissed a man like this or in any way before. But feeling the way Jaime's skin felt on my lips, there is nothing that felt righter than this._

* * *

 **I tried not to make it cheesy. Was there any remote success to this? Tune in for what is to come! Next chapter will be very eventful so I hope I can get started on it soon. Thanks again for reading.**


	12. A Union Ablaze

**I would like to start by thanking all the readers for the support, follows, favourites, and lovely reviews. I'm so happy the previous chapter excited you! Now that Jaime's relationship has been fully established I think things will be more free flowing. Enjoy!**

* * *

 **Damon**

It had been years since he had had to walk one of his daughters down the aisle, but he knew it would have to come some time. Janyne was always easy. She had no nerves, she was full of acceptance when the time had come. And even though he had noticed how fond Reina had become of Steffon he still felt her fingers clutching tightly into the material covering his arm in fear.

Damon was always a man that preferred seeing th better end of agreements. Unlike his late wife, he did not like to dwell and lament over what may be lost. Which in this case was his darling daughter. She truly was, to him, the light of his home. She feminine touch they had needed after Janyne had left, the perfect lady. But he had always known that at some point she would leave. He had tried his best to arrange for her to be married to someone of good standing but also close to home, and a result of that many of her betrothals fell through. Ultimately, it was best to have her married to someone good rather than someone close, which was already rare to find.

While he tried to rest knowing she would be in good hands and she would probably find her own happiness, Damon could not help himself from feeling a pang of hurt at seeing his daughter go. She would officially under the care and protection of another man, and his only solace to that was that he was worthy.

Of course it did not help that his youngest daughter, the one he had always imagined never leaving Ashemark, had recently accepted Lord Lannister's proposal. Suddenly, all his daughters would be gone. He had spent so many years surrounded by his children, save for Addam who was always being the gallant knight, and now the same children that had surrounded him would all be leaving. Reina today, Elaine soon, Lorraine after that and Duncan will be off to King's Landing. The home he had forged out of laughter would now be empty save for the one child who was no longer a child at all.

But nevertheless as Damon walked Reina down the aisle, struggling to slow his pace to accommodate hers, he looked to the good of every situation. _Reina will be happy with Steffon_. He thought to himself. And for now, that was enough. He had done his duty. And they would all follow suit.

Reaching the altar of the sept and now facing Ser Steffon's awaiting figure Lord Marbrand heard the Septon say,

"Who gives this girl away?" He gulped down before grasping Reina lightly by the shoulders and kissing her forehead gently,

"I, Lord Damon Marbrand, give my daughter, Lady Reina." He stepped away, not helping the slight drop of his heart as Reina did not hesitate in letting his hand go.

"And who accepts this girl?" He heard the Septon once more. And with that Steffon stepped closer to Reina, his head bowed to meet her eyes with reassuring smile resting on his face.

"I, Ser Steffon Trant, do accept." He said calmly.

"You may now cloak the bride and bring her under your protection." He tried not to let it disturb him, seeing their ancestral burning tree removed from Reina's being and replaced by a stoic hanging man.

"Join hands." Commended the Septon once more. And Damon held his breath in anticipation.

"In the sight of the Seven, I hereby seal these two souls, binding them as one, for eternity. Look upon one another now, and say the words."

In unision, a harmony of Reina's voice of honey and Steffon's deep octave vowed together,

"Father, Smith, Warrior, Mother, Maiden, Crone, Stranger, I am his and he is mine from this day until the end of my days."

"Father, Smith, Warrior, Mother, Maiden, Crone, Stranger, I am hers and she is mine from this day until the end of my days." And just like that, Reina was not longer his daughter, but someone else's wife.

Sealed with a kiss, the entire Sept swept up in boisterous cheer and applause as the now happy couple made their way to leave and go to the hall of Amber for the wedding celebrations to finally commence.

Damon looked on as Addam held Margot closely as they followed the newlyweds out of the hall, followed by Janyne and Ronald and Duncan grasping Elaine closely after. Finally, Jaime and Lorraine made their way out with Lorraine's arm wrapped around Jaime's and his good hand resting upon her dainty little fingers.

There were still a number of people left in the hall, but for some reason Damon was awash with a feeling of suddenly being alone. All his children had left or would be leaving. Even Addam, who would still be _with_ him would eventually find his own family, just as Damon had before him.

* * *

 **Lorraine**

 _What happy, happy days we are living. Though these recent nuptuals signify Reina's imminent departure, her smile on this day overshadowed any feelings of sadness I may have had in regard to her. She looks happy, happier than I have seen her since the war, and happier than I have seen her fake time and time again._

 _The new couple sat in the centre of the dais, both proud to bask in one another's beauty. Reina has always been beautiful but even I must admit I have never seen her so radiant before. Her gown of a deep earthy gold did nothing but accentuate her hair and pale blue eyes and though I myself could rarely look away from her splendour I did catch a few entranced glimpses of Steffon regarding my fair sister._

 _Sat to Steffon's right was Addam and his own betrothed, who over the past few days since their meeting Addam has reported to be very sweet. Addam had mentioned, and I on my own had noticed, that in his company Margot seemed to slowly get teased out of her overbearing shell and find it in her to smile and express herself the way she deserved to do. But every single time anyone had managed to coax out any confidence from her it had always, without fail, been shattered by the stiff arrival of her brother._

 _She was petrified of him, I could see that. And it was obvious that he had mistreated her and ignored her enough to shape her character. Still, one could be thankful that Margot Manning was not bitter because of it. Although i'm not really sure if that's worse or not. Nevertheless, I and my sisters have tried our very best to accommodate her allthewhile subtly pulling her farther away from her brother's grasp and influence. She will not live in fear in our home. Or I suppose it will be her home, and shall cease being mine for too long._

 _We had not discussed it, Jaime and I. Oh how new that still sounds to me. I have tried to accept how Lorraine Lannister would look and it alarmed me how perfectly it seemed to fit the mould._

 _Over the course of the past number of days Jaime and I had done everything from announce our engagement -albeit queity, and continue preparations for Reina's wedding. Not much had changed, truly. Perhaps it was because both of us are too hesitatant to really discuss the matter and its details. But Jaime and I continued our strolls and our little games, the easy air about us had not vanished yet. I did notice, however, that Ser Jaime ventured to hold me tighter to him than he used to, but in a comfortable way. As if he was holding back before._

 _His surprising proposal turned me to think of how sure he seemed to be. It made me wonder that all this time, could he have been thinking of me as his little wife? I did not want to ask him, because I did not want to know the answer._

 _I did not know which answer I preferred to play out in my mind that would be the most ideal. Surely not that it was love at first sight. And of course, Ser Jaime had said nothing about love._

 _Looking over at the hall in which I had witnessed many celebrations occur in over the course of my life, I knew that what I was feeling was something close to love. For I loved to see the faces in the hall merry and laughing -even if drunk. I loved to see Janyne dancing Duncan and Elaine with Ronald interchangeably. I loved to see my father looking out at the hall the same way I was with pride. I loved seeing Reina with her new husband in a state of bliss I truly believed she deserved and spying Addam moving to rest his hand gently unto Margot's. All of this love I felt could not be hindered by the comfort I felt at having a certain golden lord at my side._

 _Pushing my heavy oak chair back, I excused myself from my_ intended _and strode over to Reina and Steffon. I grabbed both their hands and joined them together, trying then to pull them out of the confinement of their seats and onto the dance floor. Ever blushing, Reina looked upon Steffon hesitantly, only barely masking her own wish to share their first dance together. And as if reading her, her new husband obliged and even lifted her up by her feet and carried her onto the main floor after they had descended the dais._

 _Her gown looked like golden waves sweeping the floor, and her smile shone brighter than our mother's jewels that she wore around her neck. It was a smile I had never seen on her person, a smile that lacked the usual self concern and humility. It was free and full of warmth._

 _My finger prodded Addam's shoulder as I was in the close vicinity and eventually managed to pull his tall frame from his own seat to join me for a dance. This song was graceful and smooth and we all glided in turn to the music. I took the opportunity of a moment alone with Addam to direct my eyes at Margot, who was sitting alone now, and made sure Addam followed my gaze. Her shoulders were slightly hunched, eternally submitting themselves to outside domination, but her face was not so solemn. In fact, it was quite wondrous as she looked upon the festivities. I motioned to Addam exactly what I wanted to impart on him, the real reason I had dragged him out for this dance,_

 _" **You should ask her to dance."**_ _His light chuckle was followed by a resigned sigh, for he knew I was right. Addam was not overly fond of dancing, if one could not already tell. His tall frame and lanky limbs often made it too awkward looking for him to gracefully guide someone around. He could never really decline us a dance if our hearts so wished it, but other than that he saw dancing as pretentious and unnecessary. But he and I both knew he needed to do it for Margot, if not to bring them closer then for the sake of making her feel truly included._

 _"_ Fine. I shall be done with you now." _He said as he pushed me away with full force while still holding on to one of my hands, consequently clumsily flinging me in a different direction. A gulping shriek left me and Addam's laugh was almost as loud as the music playing. For my eldest brother, he could really be a child at times._

 _Still held by Addam by the hand, I scanned the room quickly to make sure his little stunt had not disturbed anyone. It had seemingly gone unnoticed except from Janyne who had made her way over in her husband's arms to yank a strand of Addam's hair out in retaliation. And of course, Jaime Lannister, my betrothed. He was half-standing from his seat, as if my shriek had caused some sort of alarm and he was getting ready to defend me. He had been watching me, then. Which makes sense, I feel like he is always watching me._

 _I soothed his confused gaze with a smile. And perhaps it was because of his awkward half seated half standing position, Jaime raised himself fully and made his way off the dais and towards me, crossing paths and exchanging quick words with Addam who was on his way up to proposition Margot._

 _When he finally met me where I stood it was only then that I had realised that I was still standing in the midst of the dance area, like a lost piglet with not enough nerve to look for its mother. He approached me with the arrogant smirk he often wore and his eyes dripped with mirth and looked down at me slightly before starting, barely audible over the music,_

 _"_ Couldn't keep yourself out of trouble for long, could you?" _His smirk only grew and I lightly tapped his arm in response, rolling my eyes in the process._

 _In fact, I quite liked him when he was like this. He was comfortable playing the arrogant knight and it seemed like we had developed a kind of repertoire for that route of conversation. He would make pointed remarks and I would slap his arm. I wondered then what kind of bawdy remark he would have to make to me to warrant a real slap across the face. Would he ever be that improper with me? Or would he think I could not handle it? What if I just...slapped him? What would Jaime Lannister do then?_

 _I did not miss his hand as he extended it out to me in a silent question with slight hesitation. Why would he be hesitant? It's not as if I don't want to dance, as he had just seen me dancing. Perhaps he thought I would not like to dance with him. You would think that my acceptance to be his wife in the near future would mean that i'd be at least willing to share a few dances with the man.  
Regardless of what hesitation he may have had I readily awarded him with my hand and allowed him to spin me once into position before he had come up closer to hold me so we may commence._

 _We had not danced since that first night when Steffon had been announced to arrive the day after. He was still careful not to touch me too low down my back, I noticed. And I usually would not mind, but it was beginning to hinder how easily we could have been dancing. As a consequence to his high handedness, I in turn had to keep my arm held high and it was beginning to hurt my shoulders. So instead of moving his hand down myself, I moved closer to him to release some of the exertion on my shoulder nad his hand. And it worked, for the most part. His hand relaxed, but now his whole form stood stiffly against mine. It was a good thing he was far taller than me, for we would have been nose-to-nose, and I did not yet crave that kind of intimacy._

 _We continued dancing that way throughout the entire song, and I found my breath hitching every so often when the hand I had placed mine in would afford me with a light squeeze. When the song ended I made to remove my hand from his and move away as I did not think Jaime would humour me enough for a second dance. But I was stunned by the sudden force against my back, holding me in place. I looked up to find that same coy smirk, but gentleness lingered in his eyes._

 _"_ Oh I do think I am due for another dance yet, my lady." _And unable to look away from those shining orbs of green that seemed to know no age, I could but give a feeble nod in acceptance._

 _We moved smoother than we had previously. It was as if the music begged us to move closer and closer. His hand had still not wavered too much from where he had placed it initially, but I found my head resting on his chest the faster the music played. I took in his scent, one of cleanness and the outside, and I thought that perhaps this was what the rest of my life would smell like. I had yet to know what it was that necessarily made me accept such a thing, that Jaime Lannister, this man I had met not a moon ago, would be mine and I would be his for as long as time will allow. It had been a big leap on my part to go from a mute on the road to blissful spinsterhood to a mute marrying one of the most powerful lords in Westeros. Many had suggested to both me and the back of my head that I should join the Silent Sisters, how fitting that would be. How would those same people feel knowing I had not wished to invite them to bear witness on my marrying the infamous Jaime Lannister._

 _My musing about this might suggest to some that Jaime's name matters to me at all. It does not. Even when Elaine had explained to me how both our families had been connected in the past and how our father was in fact a cousin to the late lord Tywin, it still did not matter much to me. For all Jaime was or was said to be, he was just a man who needed something he could no longer find on his own. He wants to share his life with someone, and for some reason he wanted me. And what made me accept him was that he had not wanted me despite of my "shortcomings", but regardless of them. He had understood me, we had understood each other. And right here, right now, dancing under a chandelier of Amber Roses giving an orange tint to the hall, I felt we both needed one another. I did not care how we looked to others. I needed someone to hold me, and he wants someone to hold, for now that was enough._

 _After the song ended I felt as if I had drifted out of a dream and was finally awake. Gently tearing myself away from my betrothed, I nodded to him swiftly to express my gratitude for the dance, not meeting his gaze in order to avoid him noticing my very noticeable blushing. He held on to my hand, and it seemed he had no intention of letting go of it. Surprisingly, despite how my palms may have been sweating, I had no qualms with his want to keep my hand in his. If it brought him what comfort ot brought me, then I would understand his need completely._

 _Moving away from the dance space that had itself died down considerably in response to my father's sudden approach to the midst of the hall by the burnt tree, Jaime stood by my side regarding the strange sight that had now come before him._

 _There, my father stood with Reina to his left and Steffon to his right, and his ancestral sword, Ash, in his hand, glistening with something I am sure all newcomers could not venture to guess. My father's voice boomed through the hall, expressing words of delight, pride and honour._

 _"_ This is truly an occasion to celebrate, I suppose we have the young couple to thank for that!" _Laughter followed, Father always knew how to charm a crowd._

"Ashemark had not seen too much happiness over the past couple of years, but I think it's time it found the joy it deserved. And what better way to plant the seeds to a new, and improved, Ashemark, than at the wedding of the dearest of all that is dear? The burning of the tree will commence, and I pray to the Seven that it does not see its end!" _Applause followed suit, as did a confused look on my betrothed's face. I knew it was not something I could have, or should, explain to him. He would have to see it himself to understand, and so he would._

 _My father lifted Ash then, holding it up to his middle as Addam approached with a torch, and lit the sword aflame. He lifted it over his head, with both Reina and Steffon nudging away from his side to avoid the sudden glare of the flames. With all the might he could muster, he brought the end of the word down onto the solemn tree, shaking it for a moment before the flames consumed it whole. Still, the tree stood, unshaken and unbothered by the flames. Instead, the flames danced off the branches, adding warmth to the hall and widening eyes in the process._

 _I looked up at Jaime to take in his expression, expecting him to find him far more impressed than he actually looked. Instead he only looked back at me, taking in my own expression of pride and joy and he looked back at the tree solemnly. He asked me then,_

 _"_ Will you miss this?" _And it was my turn to look away. For what else have I ever known but this home of mine that I so love? I could only nod back to him, knowing that even I could not express the full extent of my answer._

 _But yes, Jaime, I will miss Ashemark when I made to leave it. More than you could ever imagine._

* * *

 **Janyne**

She could not help the tear that had escaped her at the lighting of the tree. The last time the tree had been set alight was during her own wedding. So much has happened since then, so much sorrow and pain, not nearly enough happiness that any of them deserved.

Janyne liked Silverhill, but it was still _away_ from Ashemark. And though she had her own children and her own life, she often did think about the siblings she had left behind and what they were doing. She was the only mother they had known, and as all mothers did, she worried for them. For Addam and his penchant for glory in gore. For Reina who's many betrothals kept falling through time and time again, leaving her delicate heart in a state barely well enough for repair. For Elaine and her silent sadness she would keep to herself. For Lorraine, who no one ever understood but them. And for Duncan, who was always causing trouble.

But now, the worry had been lifted. They were all well. Or all on their way to it.

She detached herself silently from her husband, retreating to the outer hall as so many did to compose themselves. Stepping out in to the light breezy air of the West, her sigh of relief only turned to one of twisted confusion as she found Ser Jaime Lannister by the stone railings, looking up at the night sky alone.

Janyne was likely the only one of her siblings, save for Addam, who was not entirely surprised at the news of Jaime's proposal to Lorraine. She had spied him looking at her in a way that was not merely friendly over the past few weeks, it seems that the golden lion did not know yet how easily those looks could give him away especially to someone as seasoned as Janyne. That being said, she did feel a little surprise at hearing that Lorraine had accepted. Immediately she had taken her alone and asked her if she had felt pressured in any way to accept or afraid of declining, but Lorraine seemed completely at peace. More so, it seemed like after thought it was something that she wanted. Now that Jaime and Lorraine's relationship was more open, it also meant that it would also be scutinised. And no one could miss the easy companionship they shared followed by moments of tension they occasionally fell victims to. And watching them tonight especially, each one's hesitations rewarded with the other's willingness to move forward, Janyne could almost kick herself in the head for not thinking how perfect of a fit they would be for one another.

 _So why is Lannister out here alone?_ She intended to find out.

"It seems we keep running into each other this way Lannister." He whipped his head around, _perhaps I was not the Marbrand you expected._ But he returned her smile, and seemed insistent on quipping back,

"Merely got too hot for me in there, Janyne." He emphasised her name then. Somehow it reminded her that some time soon, she would be his good sister. He was not the worst of men to share family with, surely.

They stood in silence then, as they usually did. Somehow they always found one another in times when both of them wished to be alone. Their breaths could be heard, the steady ins and outs as Janyne thought of something to add. She was sure she had a million things to say to him, but presently could not think of one. Thankfully, before too long Ser Jaime, or Lord Lannister, turned his head, smiling weakly and said,

"Do you think she'll hate me? For taking her away from here?" Janyne stood stunned at the question.

"My Lord, I assumed you've barely had time to entertain the idea of loving one another. Surely the idea of such hate so early is not in its place?" She was never very good in giving diplomatic answers. He asked her something once more before she could continue,

"How did you feel, leaving here?" She smiled at that, perhaps answering would not be too difficult for her this time. If it was talk of Janyne he wanted, it was talk of Janyne he would get.

"The moment I set foot in Silverhill I immediately thought of running back to Ashemark myself." She let him look at her with unease before she continued.

"Everything was different. The castle, the banners, the smell of the river, everything. But you see my Lord, it had become mine. I become part of two things, and once you know that, you can not help but take pride in it. Does any bride generally take much pleasure in being torn away from her home, especially if it is such a happy one as this is? Certainly not. But if the urge to scream is not silenced by mere duty, it is silenced by the part of us that _wants_ to leave. That _needs_ to leave. And if can say anything, my Lord, it is that Lorraine does not do anything she does not want to do."

"Perhaps." She could see that her words could only soothe him to some extent, but unease was not quick to be put to rest.

"She likes you. Very much. I think you can make her happy." She had not intended to let that slip, as that counted as meddling. But she had never been too good at holding her own tongue.

A smile bore into the Lannister's features then, surprised and true to form.

"I like her too." He said simply. A forced tone of boredom overriding his voice.

"Don't hurt her." She joked but a part of her plead him at that moment from deepest chasm of her heart.

He did not spare another look at her, instead choosing to redirect his gaze back to the hall behind the separating silks, following someone's shadow.

"I would not dream of it."


	13. Alone

**Oh wow, i'm really happy to see at least some feedback! Honestly so great, thank you for reading. As for the review about the consistency of updates I would just like to say I am honoured to spoil you, if that's what it is. I don't really have a set plan for when I get updates out since I just write what comes to me but I do have deadlines or no-later-than dates to keep my ass focused. But realistically speaking, I can't promise I can always get updates out so fast. I started publishing this when I started my first summer block which meant a load of two classes, and now i'm on my break for a few more days before starting again, so up until the end of August I would think that the updates will come no more than a week apart but during the fall i'll be taking on SIX classes so updates may be more far apart. **  
**Besides that, I shall repeat once more that i'm happy where this seems to be headed. There were some things I had planned to fit into the last chapter but with the wedding taking place I decided it would be too much and am instead bunching them up in this chapter. The feedback and views are what inspired me to start, but everything just took on a life of its own once I had begun, enjoy!**

* * *

 **Addam**

He did not want to pity her, though upon meeting her at first and the few days directly after that was the first thing he could feel. Margot was quiet and reserved, but it was in no way her own doing. For all accounts, she was pretty. Moreso than he could have expected. But he could not help but imagine how much prettier she would be if she could truly be happy.

Somehow, he felt offended at how fearful she had initially been around him. His rage bubbled through and he had to stop himself from yelling _how can you fear me? What could I have possibly done to warrant such fear out of you?_ For he could never hurt a woman in that way.

His sisters and their happiness was all he had known of how to live with women. That you should treat them with the affection you may not usually let the rest of the world see in you. You should keep them happy merely because their very presence makes you happy. But Addam could not imagine what lengths Jon Manning must have gone through to leave his younger sister in such a state. How he loathed the man. Always wearing a look of haughty annoyance like he could somehow do better. Always impatient. And Addam did not know if it was just his paranoia but it seemed the better Margot was getting and the closer she was to Addam the farther her brother went out of his way to bring on little acts of humiliation. Even if it was not in retaliation to Margot's path to happiness, it made him sick. And it made him want to banish him from his home, from what would be Margot's home.

He had still not reached that point with her, if they had reached anywhere at all. She was willing, and that was a start. He had done things he would usually never do just to make her feel included. For that was the most important. Unlike ladies he had charmed with the intention of bedding or otherwise, he knew his approach would have to be different. Not only would she not respond and would think him unchilvalrous or probably would just burn red, he had to build the stepping stones correctly.

Janyne, Elaine and Lorraine had been especially invested in his efforts to get to know Margot. Like good court spies they had reported back on her every word or move in their presence. And despite the unnecessary espionage he had felt grateful at their efforts, for now he knew more about Margot than he could find out for himself. It was not merely a matter of how willing Margot may be in speaking to him, but also the fact that Addam had never been good at asking the right questions.

Now, he knew Margot played the harp. Which is something he should have guessed, she had the sad look of a harpist. She enjoyed golden berries that she sometimes received from King's Landing. Her favourite shade of purple is indigo. Also, she had told Elaine that she wished she could learn how to paint, for she had never been afforded with any paints back at Stillwater Keep. And this is what led Addam to where he was now, guiding Margot into the solar with a hand over her eye lids and the other gently pressing against her back. Elaine's generosity had not stopped at providing information about Margot's wishes but continued on with her offering to give her spare easel with a new canvas and the many paints she's not using for her paint series to Margot.

She had shuddered at his touch, and Addam did his best to ignore his frustration that she would still fear him. But he knew it was unbased, for he was still new ot her. And for all she knew, all men could end up being her brother. Nevertheless he persisted and lead her to the room himself all the while soothing her concerns with his assurance. He moved the hand behind her back to hold her own hand and help her steady herself as she stepped over the threshhold. _Her palms are sweaty,_ he noticed, _I wonder why. Does she fear me, or could she like me?_

"Are we there?" She asked as if it was improper of her. He answered her question by removing his hand from her eyes.

He had to look down slightly to catch a glimpse of her face, which only looked on in admiration at the upright easel, followed by confusion as to why she was the one presented with it.

"I thought perhaps you would like to paint." She looked at him then, hope filling her eyes,

"This is for me?" Incredelous at her question he could not help but laugh,

"Why of course, why else would I have led you here? Elaine told me you had wished to start painting, so I thought this might please you."

"Oh it does! My Lord." He had never heard her voice raised as such. He smiled, it made him happy. He had done something right. And more importantly, he had chipped off another chunk of the wall surrounding her.

Motioning for her to take a seat by the easel she nodded her head repeatedly in subordination to his request. She sat down with her back awkwardly straight, as she had nothing to rest it against and Addam could see her fingers tingling with anticipation to touch one of the many brushes presented before her. She would still wait for his permission even when he had told her it was hers. He had had almost enough of this.

He bent down slightly so he met her sitting form and took her hand in his -without asking, and was surprised to find her looking back at him steadily, they way he wished she would.

"My Lady, this is yours. Ashemark will be yours. I wish for you to know that...you don't have to be afraid. You don't have to ask or await permission." He almost wished he hadn't said anything, for she looked away in embarassment.

"I'm sorry if this displeases you, my Lord-"

"Addam."

"Addam. It's just I was always taught to wait for instruction. This is all still very new to me. You and your sisters, your whole family, have been so good to me. I'm sorry if I have not been as welcoming as you have been with me."

"You need not apologise, Margot. You will be one of us now, you're safe here." And in a slightly hushed tone he added, "I won't let him hurt you any more." Margot's head whizzed around parallel to his with her face shocked at his last statement. She tried to open her mouth to say something but the words died in her mouth, and her eyes were filling up not with wetness but with a kind of desperate gratitude Addam had never before witnessed. Looking down once more at their interlocked hands sitting in her lap, a bridge of cream in a pool of deep scarlet, she said in barely more than a whisper,

"Do you promise?" And Addam reached over, daring to cup her cheek, hoping she would let him,

"I swear it, Margot."

* * *

 **Jaime**

Here they were once more, in the same library they had both tried to figure one another out before. This time he was not so stiff, and not so afraid. He had taken certain liberties since his new engagement to Lorraine. Now that his intentions were clear he did not feel like he was hiding anything, and his usual raunchy remarks and jests deemed improper were more acceptable in his eyes now that there was nothing to fear. Lorraine seemed to enjoy it as well, for she liked that he thought she could take it in good form. She always laughed, and Jaime was tired of denying that he liked to hear her laugh.

It was one of the only times he would get to hear her voice. He wondered, how often would he get to hear her voice once they had married? Elaine had volunteered to speak for Lorraine during the wedding vows, so that was out of the question. Would he gain more laughs and stolen giggles from her? Would he hear her screams standing outside the birthing chamber? He had not yet given himself much time to think of how she would sound in the throes of passion. How his name would sound coming from her as she moaned out in ecstasy and how she would pierce him with her dark eyes looking through her hooded lids. No, he did not want to think of that whilst he was still stood with his shoulder resting against a bookshelf as his intended furiously searched for the volume she " _could have sworn was just here"._

She reminded him of Tyrion when she was like that, though it pained him to think it. So he took solace in the fact that she stood to remind him of a number of people. She made him think of the Dornish Princess he had not saved as well, which was no better than thinking of his lost brother.

"Is it possible, my lady, that you could find another volume that might interest you?" She did not bother to look at him or acknowledge his question as she continued to sift through the heavy books. _Oh that will be grand, the silent treatment._ She reached up higher to the highest shelf then. Her fingertips barely grazed the books and she finally shuffled through them like a mad blind woman trying to feel her way to the right volume.

Having had enough of seeing her unnecessarily strain herself for a _book_ Jaime moved so he was standing behind her and reached his hands up to grab a large number of the volumes Lorraine had been struggling to reach and brought them down on the floor. He came back up to face her with a proud smirk, ready to gloat until he registered just how close they were standing now. He had her back up against the shelves, and after looking down at the books she looked back up at Jaime with a blank look on her face.

They had stood close together before, but they had been dancing then. And even then, the thoughts that had whirled through as she so innocently lay her head on his chest were thoughts so unchivalrous he could scarcely bring himself to look at her father after. He would of course, never apologise for having them, for he enjoyed them immensely. They served to remind him he was still Jaime.

 _Again, with those dresses._ Her chest heaved up and down, and he could tell her breath had surely hastened at their proximity. _Is she afraid, or does she like this?_ He had to decide soon what he'd choose to believe, for he could not just stand there.

He had almost resigned himself to believing Lorraine would be happy with a marriage of friendship after she had accepted his proposal. And in truth, Jaime would not have minded that all that much. She was in general good to have around. But parts of him he was not too fond of facing craved the touch of a woman. And Lorraine, regardless of her wit and the warmth she brought to him, was by all means a woman. A beautiful one at that. He hated having to think of her as _just_ a woman, for she would never mean only that to him. But he feared that if he could not separate those two things for now, he would only grow far more infatuated with her in a way that his pride would usually not allow. Interesting to note, though, is that over the course of their so far very short engagement Jaime had found that Lorraine was not exactly receptive to his advances but had showed some sort of a desire of her own for their closeness. The kiss she had planted on his cheek after his proposal still burned when he lay awake at night, and her skin would linger against his for far longer than he had thought she would allow. Something about Lorraine did not follow propriety to the letter, something about Lorraine gave her the freedom to do things on her own terms.

And it was this _thing_ that pushed Jaime to move his hand up to meet her jaw. In the heat of the moment, he had forgotten that it was his right hand he had raised, and he made to replace it with his left before he felt Lorraine grasp on his golden hand and kept the cool metal in place against her face. His eyes widened in surprise, but her gaze did not waver from his until his own had softened. They stood wordlessly pressed against one another and she closed her eyes for a moment to take in their closeness. With her hand still on his golden one and eyes still closed, she moved her face to the side and placed a soft kiss on it, the moisture from her lips leaving a mark on his hand. It was as if she was saying, " _You should not hide from me, this is a part of you now. And I accept it just as I accept you"._ Even though it was the one part of him he could not feel, he felt her lips all over him then, and his gaze burned through her as he tried to silence the passion that was building inside of him with each passing moment stood against her like this. For being here in the dimly lit room against her ample breast, heaving, _alive,_ Jaime felt the vigour of youth nearly overtake him. _It's too soon,_ he kept reminding himself.

Still looking at her with a hint of surprise at her willingness to be close to him, he removed his hand from her cheek and moved it down to her shoulder, stepping back in the process and relieving some of the tension that had stood between them. He looked back down at the forgotten books and suddenly thanked the Gods for the volumes to work as a distraction. He forced an easy smile without looking at Lorraine and said,

"I do hope you find what you're looking for my lady." She did not do anything to return his remark. Instead, she pushed herself back so she was now leaning fully against the bookshelf. Nevertheless, Jaime could see that she held a question in her eyes.

"Is something the matter?" She stood straight again, and Jaime in turn stiffened his posture and looked on intently as she wrote something down with the notepad the had left on one of the shelves near her,

 _ **"Will we marry here or at Casterly Rock?"**_

Jaime, in truth, had not thought about that. He had been too wrapped up in wondering whether or not she would accept him in the first place and too consumed in the process of getting closer to think of their actual nuptials. This, in fact, would be the first time they had ever even discussed their actual marriage between themselves.

"I have no preference. But I imagine you would want it to be here. Would it not be more convenient?" She nodded, and started again,

 ** _"When will we leave to go to Casterly Rock?"_** Her eyes remained on him with a sense of alarm washing over them. He leaned in closer, he did not know why, and kissed her forehead as he had seen many do to keep her at ease. She looked up at him still awaiting an answer,

"We shall leave whenever you deem fit, my lady." He was standing close to her once more, even after promising himself he would not. Her dark eyes an abyss, her lips a pleading call. His good hand played with the hair at the back of her head, and he gave himself room to consider what he would gain from this.

A halt to his thoughts came as the door to the library burst open suddenly and Jaime had torn himself apart from Lorraine before he could even look to see who had entered. Straightening out his doublet as if it would somehow melt away the sexual tension left hanging in the air he looked at who had caused such a rude introduction to find Lewys, his squire, panting with a scroll in his hand.

Lewys's hair had never looked so ugly to Jaime before that moment.

"My Lord, I beg your pardon."

"And just _what_ is it Lewys that is so important?" He all but roared at him.

"News from King's Landing, my Lord."

"What of it?" He did not want to think of King's Landing and all that lived in it.

"It's important, my Lord." He handed him the scroll with his hands still shaking.

* * *

 **Duncan**

He still had yet to believe the sudden news, or what it would mean for him. The King's Regent, Jaime Lannister's uncle, had died. Circumstances regarding his death were still unclear, but with his death Duncan was not sure who would be able to regain control of the Kingdom once more. _The boy King certainly can't_.

He supposed he would still be a squire to Lord Tarly, even if Ser Kevan was the one to arrange it his death does not mean it should fall through. He would leave for King's Landing the day after Addam's wedding. _Who knows when i'll be back._

He had been close to the library where he had seen Lord Jaime's squire run in frantically, and had waited outside to find the Lord walking out of the library with a disturbed look on his face. His sister followed far behind him, stopping at the door of the library to wordlessly watch him go. His squire had relayed the news to them and they subsequently left the Lord alone for the afternoon before thinking to approach him to offer condolences.

He had heard that his father had crossed paths with Lord Jaime though and had offered to delay Addam's wedding celebrations in respect but apparently Jaime had declined and said there was no need. Which Duncan was glad for, if not to hasten his leaving then to at least be rid of Margot's brother. They had never all discussed it but he sensed that all his siblings felt the same way about Jon Manning.

He was still a long way from knowing who he would be. Addam was their heir to Ashemark, so what would that make Duncan? Perhaps he would chase knighthood and its glory the way Addam had, but thinking of it Duncan did not find too deep of a satisfaction in that. It would be glorious, of course. But forever?

He could only think of himself now, even with Lorraine sat next to him, her foot jutting up and down in nervousness and worry etched in her brow. _Strange,_ for he did not think the new Lord meant just that much to her yet. He had seen the way they were together, and the way they danced, just as everyone had. But seeing his sister's worry over the man that would be her husband finally brought Duncan to the realisation that perhaps Lorraine cared far more than she let on. For Lorraine felt everything far more than she let on. _Except maybe her anger._

He spied Jaime Lannister's golden head bob far away through the under ground maze, they had been steadily keeping track of him for the better part of an hour. He did not know what Lorraine was waiting for exactly, if anything. Suddenly the head stopped, and disappeared from view, which could only mean that Jaime Lannister had finally tired of his pacing and decided to take a seat. He turned his head to his sister, knowing what she was thinking,

"Now's as good a time as any." Giving him a faint smile, she kissed his cheek before removing herself from the bench they had been sitting on.

Duncan watched her head, as dark as his, disappear as well down the staircase, hoping selfishly once again that this bad news would not dampen the remainder of his time here.

* * *

 **Lorraine**

 _Something did not feel right. Granted, the news we had received was horrific, but something still seemed off about it. There was a stench of foul play around it, which did not seem very just. I had met Ser Kevan once, albeit shortly. It should be noted that I have not met a great deal many people, but I can say that Ser Kevan may have truly been one of the finest men I had come across. He knew duty, and he seemed smart, and_ _reasonable_. _I could not imagine anyone wishing him great harm._

 _Still, this was not a matter for me. This was a matter of Jaime's uncle, and it would be about him. Should I expect to find him in tears? Should I expect ti find him wanting his space to grieve? He did not really strike me as the grieving sort._

 _I found Jaime in the same oasis he had proposed to me in. He was sat on the bench with his elbows resting on his knees and his face had remained rather blank, the same way it had been when he left the library. I made my way to him, not bearing to look in his eyes just yet, and sat next to him awkwardly extending my arm around his shoulder for comfort._

 _I was surprised to find him shirking away from me slightly, and even more surprised that I had felt offended by that. He moved to face me however, and made up for his rejecting gesture by placing his hand over mine._

 _Smiling thinly back to me, I wondered why he thought he had to be so strong. Why did he think I was undeserving of seeing him vulnerable when he had all but asked that of me over his time here? Why had he repeatedly wished for me to become closer to him when he would only push me away when the time had come for him to trust me?_

 _I felt the sting of anger wash over me quickly before I could replace it with sympathy for the man before me. For he kept losing the people that were his own. His nephew and the King, his brother, his father, his sister surely and now his uncle. What right did I have to sit here and judge his treatment of me when he surely could not know how to act in a time such as this._

 _Before I could give in to myself and somehow show him another gesture of my being there for him he suddenly stood, once again pacing back and forth whilst moving his hand to scratch at the back of his head._

 _"_ I have to go back." _Back? Go?_

 _" **Where?"**_

"King's Landing. I must return." _Anger began to bubble in me once again, what did he mean? What did this mean? He had only just proposed to me. We had only just been in the library only a hair width apart from one another. And now he wished to simply go? Does that mean he is forsaking me? I shook my head at him furiously._

 _" **You can't"** His eyes widened at my response, as if he was expecting me to sit passively and allow him to just leave without another word. And it seems that Jaime Lannister did not like being questioned or told what to do._

 _"_ I can and I will. I shall leave with Duncan after Addam's wedding." _He growled the words at me like he would regret raising his voice. I wish he had, for his hiss made me angry. I shot up out of the bench, scribbled into my notepad and handed him the paper before walking out into the maze._

 ** _"If you wish to leave me then go."_**

 _Suddenly a hand grabbed my arm and I tried to ignore its pull and carry on walking but it was too strong. He pulled me back to him and he stood in front of me. Angry, hurt and incredulous at what I had just said._

 _"_ I do not wish to leave you, Lorraine. But I must investigate my uncle's death." _I felt a tear threatening to spill itself down my cheek. I could not stop thinking, you can't leave. You simply can't._

 _As if reading my thoughts he added,_

 _"_ I will return to you, I promise." _I finally let myself go and fell to his chest, only a single tear staining his doublet. I held him close to my person, the way I wished he would stay._

 _What scared me is how aptly I had expected him to put his trust in me when I had little trust in him yet. It had not immediately occurred to me that he was leaving with the intent of returning. Long ago I had associated "leaving to King's Landing" with a journey that had no imminent return. I had immediately assumed that the little joy I found in another man was leaving me because I was not worth staying for. How stupid had I been? His uncle had died, and I was worried that he did not think me precious enough to stay for?_

 _"_ I promise." _He repeated over and over again, stroking my hair until my shivers had stilled and I was in some sort of peace. How foolish must I have looked, so shaken by the threat of his abandonment?_

 _Go, my Jaime, and I will await your return. I swear it._


	14. Promised

**This little fishy's gonna keep swimming while she still can! Giving myself the extra push to write so I could have this out before my holiday's over, enjoy!**

* * *

 **Margot**

She did not cling to her brother the way she had always done as he walked her to the altar. Finally, she had now accepted that their shared blood meant little to him, and Margot Manning would no longer mean anything to Jon Manning. Not that she had meant much more than a distant nuisance to him in the first place. "Far too much trouble than you're worth" he had said.

Whereas Addam Marbrand and his family had accepted her in whatever form she had come in. They had looked past all the sheltered walls she had put up around herself and she had seen them _try._ She had not been afforded with much time to know Addam before their wedding, for her brother wanted to be on his way as soon as possible. But in the time she had spent with him, which was surprisingly far more than she had expected to get, their relationship thus far had promise. She had wanted him to be handsome, of course. She had wanted him to be nice and gentle, which she supposed he was. But she had not thought to find someone as strong as him. Strength of character was an expectation Margot could not afford to have for her future prospects. They still had a long way to go, but if she was asked whether she was fond of Addam Marbrand an affirmative nod would not serve as a complete lie, for she did like him. At first, the more she liked him the more she disliked herself and found herself unworthy. For she saw him carry her through time and time again when she was too weak to give anything in return. She had even thought that he may have pittied her and was thus only humouring her and her little mind. But that afternoon in the solar in front of the lazy sun and her new easel, she had bared herself to him and he had let her know that it was alright to do so.

Addam was different. She saw it in the way he held himself and how people responded to him. She saw it time and time again in the way his sisters adored him and how he treated them like they were the apples of his eyes. And she saw it that afternoon when he had held her and promised her in his deep voice that he would protect her, and she had believed him. She still did. She believed now, with all her heart, that if anyone was to keep her safe and help her build herself it would be the man she now stood facing with their hands joined, and their vows spoken.

Her hands had not stopped shaking since the morning, and only steadied themselves when Addam had taken them in his own. And now it was done. Somehow, she had recited her vows in some hazed state and with those words she was Margot Marbrand. Thankfully, he had not kissed Margot on the lips as she had witnessed at his sister's wedding. She was fond of her now husband but knew she would get too flustered and muddled before he had even reached her lips, Margot settled for a chaste kiss on her cheek instead. It was still enough to turn her a brilliant shade of pink, but she did not mind so much. That was all good and well, but she knew it would not do her much good pretending like she would not be bedded by the end of tonight. She had somehow fooled herself that it would not happen to her, that Addam would not touch her that way yet. When the time came she knew she would drift off into that place she did sometimes when times were dark and she could not escape her reality physically. She would pretend she was not her, that she was not inside herself.

She shook those thoughts away and forced herself into denial, nothing could hurt her tonight. She sat next to Addam on the dais whilst her brother begrudgingly sat on her right. She had barely been spoken to anyone since sitting down, and her nerves kept her from being able to speak without being addressed. But a part of her eagerly awaited for the opportunity for her to do so. Somehow their union had liberated her from her old self. And though she had not braced herself enough just yet to become someone she knew Addam would be proud to have, she took pride in the little steps she had taken for _herself_.

Addam excused himself then, telling her he would share a quick celebratory drink with his men. She nodded and regarded his tall frame leaving her with a genuine, albeit weak, smile. His presence near her had soothed her, and she had almost even forgotten that she was sat next to her vengeful and petty brother the entire time. She felt a strong grasp of sharp prickly fingers on the wrist of her hand that had been idly resting on the table and look to her right in alarm. Her eyes were wide again, they way they usually were in Stillwater Keep, and he in return wore a disgusted frown on his face -as if something had left a foul taste in his mouth. Ever since arriving in Ashemark, this is the first time Margot Manning had felt fear.

 _But I am not Margot Manning anymore,_ she told herself, _I am Margot Marbrand._ She lifted her chin in defiance and tried to calm her shaky breath as she steadily returned Jon's hateful stare.

"Is something the matter, brother?" She started, and his eyes in turn widened in horror and _anger_ most of all. _This is the part where you would slap me, isn't it? But you can't hurt me anymore. Addam won't let you. I won't let you._

 _"_ Do not embarass me, girl." He looked away then, but still had not let go of her wrist. Instead, he dug one of his long fingernails into her skin in retaliation to her and instead of feeling hurt and harassed for the first time Margot could only pity his pettiness.

It was a few seconds before she noticed just how painful the pinch of his nail could be and she tried to pull away without causing a scene but he kept her firmly in place. That was until she heard a firm clap of a hand on a shoulder and a looseing grip on her hand. She looked back at her brother to find Addam towering above him, still in his seat, with his hand clasped tightly on one of his shoulders and a forced smile filled with obvious contemt on her husband's face.

"May I ask you leave _my wife_ , so that I may have the pleasure of dancing with her, Lord Manning?" Her brother looked back at her, still disgusted and spat out.

"You can have her all you like, _Ser._ " Addam extended his hand to accept hers and she had never been so ready to dance in front of so many people before in her life. At this moment all she had wanted was to be away from the man that had caused her so much pain. Addam wrapped his other hand around her waist protectively, and just before they had fully made their way down the dais he stopped and turned to say,

"I do wish you a pleasant journey back to Stillwater Keep, my Lord. You will forgive us if we can not personally be there to see you off."

She did not even wait to hear her brother's response, she knew what Addam had meant. From this night on, she would never have to set eyes on her brother ever again. And for the first time that day, Margot Marbrand felt happiness. Small, but true.

* * *

 **Addam**

He could not do everything. He had taken it upon himself that on his wedding day he would make Margot a priority. Help her feel comfortable, make her smile, soothe her, _protect_ her. But there were still the guests he had to take care of, Elaine and Duncan he had to keep a constant eye on, and distantly survey Lord Jaime and Lorraine.

Though he did not truly have to feel alarmed at any mischief those last two could be up to, for there had been some distance between them since news of Jaime's uncle had arrived and Jaime's subsequent departure. Jaime had assured everyone he meant to return, and they had all nodded in understanding. For he was one of the last lions standing, and it was his duty to ensure Ser Kevan had a respected funeral. But Lorraine was Lorraine, and the last time someone had left her to go to King's Landing they had not returned for several years.

And even though he had managed to keep everything at peace he still felt disappointed in himself that he could not fully protect Margot from her brother. A part of him hoped that some sane part of Jon Manning would allow his sister one day of happiness, but his heart was malicious and Addam should have known that. He was surprised to not find her cowering to him, she had found the strength to defy his abuse. That in itself had been a change since her arrival and Addam assured himself that with time she would forget all that she had suffered at her brother's hands and grow in Ashemark to the better.

They were dancing now, again. He hoped he would get away with not having to dance at all. But it was his wedding, _their_ wedding. She looked up at him and smiled shyly as she usually did, and he could not even look her in the eye as he returned her smile. He was nervous, for he knew what was to come.

He could not lie to himself; he was attracted to Margot. As in, he could see himself taking pleasure in doing his _duty_ with her. But he would have to be gentle, and considerate for she was the shiest of all maidens, surely. Regardless of how gentle he could ever be, he knew it was bound to hurt for her, and he did not want her to associate laying with him with the pain that would follow the first time. How in the world could he get Margot to relax around him, with no clothes on? In foreplanning to this Addam had requested there be no bedding ceremony, for he knew it would keep her on edge and they could both use less embarassment when it came down to it. But the downside to that meant that Addam would have to say it. Addam would have to tell her at some point that it was time for bed, and she would understand what he meant. For he knew she would not instigate, and if she had it her way would probably sit in ignorance till the dawn came.

Nevertheless, he waited. He waited until her brother had excused himself to his rooms for the night. He waited until the guests were too drunk to notice their movements. He waited until Margot had had just enough wine to loosen up. He waited until most of his siblings had retired save for Lorraine who was still dancing closely with her betrothed.

He moved out of his embrace with Margot and held her gently by the shoulders, regarding the vision in red that she was. Her wedding dress still had the same high neck that her other dresses usually did, but it clung to her differently. And Addam could daresay that she _wore_ it differently.

"Don't you think it's time for bed, my lady?" He ventured. And just as he expected the haze that the wine may have had on her disappeared and she looked back at him in shock before shying her head away,

"If it pleases you, my lord." She took her arm in his and lead her out of the hall, rousing as little attention as he could.

The walk to his chambers was as dreadfully silent as he could think, and he tried to stop himself from stopping and reassuring her that she would be fine, and that things will be alright. But he knew reassurances were bound to push her deeper into her shell when it came to matters such as these. Addam was no woman, and therefore could never truly understand what that intimacy would mean to her.

He opened the doors to his chambers, and motioned for her to supercede him at the entrance. When he entered after her he took great caution not to lock the door so audibly, afraid to frighten her further. Somehow that made him angry once more, for he knew he would remain patient but did not wish to have a wife he would always have to be careful not to frighten for the rest of his life. The sudden passion found in his anger roused him to speak suddenly,

"I know that you probably don't want to do this, Margot. And I trust you know I do not wish to push you, but we must." He chided himself for the way it sounded, commanding.

"Do I..displease you...Addam?" She asked suddenly, eyes wide and looking for an answer. He twisted his face to match his incredulous expression and began to answer her,

"Of course not," He moved closer then to cup her cheek, "you please me very much."

She turned her cheek into the mould of his hand,

"Tell me how." She plead with her eyes closed. He nodded as they stood so close he could feel her breath dance on his skin. He moved his hand down to her cloak and unclasped it, removing the first layer surrounding her. He moved to kiss her neck then, the same delicate neck he had been around for the past week he now wanted to smother with his lips. She jerked at the contact slightly, but stood still nevertheless and let him kiss her. But he did not want to kiss her in _places,_ he wanted to kiss her fully on the lips and make her truly his. He moved back up to face her and found a dazed look in her eyes, somehow she did not look really _there._ Addam placed his hands on her cheeks once more and held her head to face him, shaking her slightly in the process.

"Look at me, Margot." She did, and he felt it.

"Stay with me. Promise you will stay with me." He plead.

"I promise" She said in a breathless whisper. And with that, Addam bent down to seal his lips on hers. She had returned the kiss, clumsily at first, but had the good sense to let him lead.

They were both undressed within moments and stumbled to the bed as awkwardly as their differing heights would allow. She gripped his sharp shoulders as he felt her confidence grow and her body relax. She lay bare underneath him and he gently rubbed her smal breasts in his large hands in an attempt to explore her. As expected, she stiffened at first, but he would not quit. His lips had not left hers, and he could tell she was beginning to enjoy it. His hardness grew at the knowledge of that, and he tried to keep it from touching or alarming her in anyway as he was still trying to get her to unwind. Nevertheless, his own passion and haziness grew and he could not stop himself from _wanting_ her. For he had never seen her this way, finally _free,_ a slave only to her desires. He moved his hand farther down, cupping her intimately in a place he was sure she had never been touched before. Even he was surprised at the moisture his fingers found, and it only served to excite him even further and ignite his passion. He pinned her down by the waist then, tearing himself away from her lips that had only grown intoxicating to him in the time he had spent delved in them. His eyes bore into hers, hoping to ask for permission without having to utter the words. Her hands remained on his shoulders and attempted to return his body to hers once more before he could stop her. He reached his other hands up her neck to caress her cheek and looked at her,

"Are you ready?" He asked, gulping down hard. For he knew what her answer would be and that she would not deny him. He waited for the crushing turn of her head and for her to look away from him in shame, but it did not come. She looked back up at him, tenderness in her eyes and she lifted her hand to his own cheek and whispered,

"Make me yours, Addam."

* * *

 **Jaime**

Finally, he was afforded with the privilege of walking Lorraine back to her chambers that night. Mostly it was because everyone else was too drunk to move and Duncan had retired with Elaine earlier. She had spent much of their time during the wedding dancing with him in silent closeness, and he had been so entranced by the mere smell of her hair that he had not noticed the hall empty out. Tomorrow he would be leaving Lorraine and all she smelled of for the filth that awaited him in King's Landing. Nevertheless, it was his duty to return and investigate. If not to honour his uncle, then to assume his rightful place as the Lannister heir.

As he walked Lorraine to her chambers in silence he thought of his upcoming journey. He and Duncan would initially be traveling with Jon Manning and Reina and her husband. Jaime and Duncan would stop at King's Landing whereas then the new Trants would also separate from Jon Manning and head to Gallowsgrey in the Stormlands whilst he headed to Stillwater Keep by the Blackwater. He already pitied himself, and imagined Lorraine did as well, for the fact that he would have to suffer Jon Manning's company even longer. But seeing as he was not bound to be hospitable to him in the slightest, he was under no obligation to treat him with anything more than indifference.

It was a fitting night to have as his last with Lorraine before leaving. It had been a long night, but a cheerful one. Addam had been content and had danced -much to Jaime's surprise, all night with his new wife. Duncan had barely left his sister's sides, even Jaime felt at some point in the evening he wished to shoo him away to have a moment alone with Lorraine. Elaine's betrothal had been announced, to some Farman, and Jaime had heard the inaudible sigh of relief that though she would be off to Fair Isle, she would at least be close. "I've never lived by the sea before!" She had said in excitement to mask whatever she had felt at that moment, and consolated herself by repeating that at least she would be incredibly close to Lorraine at Casterly Rock. "I'll visit you all the time!" She had said.

Lorraine tried to be cheerful, as cheerful as she could be considering everyone was leaving her. It made him a little happy knowing she would be affected by his departure, but angered him far more that it gave her room to doubt him. He had promised himself to her, and she had immediately assumed that he had rescinded his word. It stung him at the time, but he had been doing his best to understand her since. And she had fallen so broken in his arms, he had felt so _needed._ He was surprised how even today at her brother's wedding she could piece herself together and enjoy it. _How can one go from being so sad to so happy?_ She was so alive, with her family and in his arms, life had radiated around her and she thrived in it.

As much as Jaime may have liked being there for her, he enjoyed her happiness more -even if she did not need him during. Watching her twirl in Duncan's arms he could finally pinpoint who she had reminded him of the most. The way her dark hair spun around her, the way her delicate laugh seeped into everyone surrounding her, it reminded him an awful lot of Ashara Dayne, a lady in waiting and close friend to Princess Elia Martell and sister to his Kingsguard brother, Ser Arthur Dayne -the deadliest knight in the Seven Kingdoms.

He couldn't believe he did not call it sooner, for the more he looked at her now after making the connection the more sense it made. The same dark hair, the shining fair skin, the same lips, the same energy. Save for the Ashara's violet eyes, Lorraine stood as a sort of ghost of the woman hailed the most beautiful in all of the King's court. He was glad for a moment that Ser Barristan, his previous lord commander, was not there to witness the sight his betrothed was in front of him. For he was deeply infatuated -even in love, with Lady Ashara, and it was obvious for anyone to see. She had taken her own life out of grief after Ned Stark had informed her of her brother's death, and jumped off the cliffs by Starfall. _Hopefully being married to me won't drive Lorraine to the same end. Or at least I hope._

Now that they were alone she had grown ironically quiet, and so had he. He was thinking too much, and he knew she was probably thinking too little, _she had had quite a lot of wine._ Even her steps seemed to sway to an inaudible song and Jaime had to stop himself from taking her over his shoulder and carrying her to her room. For her pace only slowed their journey, and he felt like this would be there good bye.

Finally they had reached her door and a part of Jaime wanted to bow and exit the scene before anything could be said, he had always preferred ripping the dead skin off the wound. It was faster, less messy. But Lorraine leaned back on her door, signifying that she did not yet wish to enter, and he stood straight trying to think of something appropriate to say.

"Will you be seeing us off, my lady?" She nodded slowly, her eyes not leaving his. Suddenly he did not feel at all comfortable standing there with her staring at him like that. It was dark, they were alone again, and they had both had quiet a bit of wine. He could no longer trust himself to not give in to the very blood that pulsed through him and the constant thought that wrung in his mind; he wished to kiss her. At least once, would she have let him? It had been so long since he had been that desperate for a gesture as small as that from anyone.

But it was not a risk he could take right now. Especially when he could not be sure she would even remember it in the morning. _Maidens and their kisses,_ he thought, _I will wait to give you yours, my Lady._

In a motion to wrap up the heated contest the two of them seemed to be having, he took her hand and kissed it.

"Sleep well, my lady." He announced, hoping she would accept it and turn in. He reached to open the door then to send her on her way.

She leaned back into him just as he had reached the latch and set her lips once again in the slight dent in his jaw. His knuckles grew white on the handle and it took strength he knew he did not yet have to remove himself from their close proximity to face her.

She smiled, more wicked and enticing than he had ever seen her. _Remind me to supply you with as much wine as your heart could desire when you are my wife._

Planting a very small kiss on her straight nose her wicked smile was replaced with one of warmth as her nose scrunched up and her eyes glimmered up at him.

"I'll see you tomorrow, my lady." She finally nodded in response and entered her room. He heard a yawn escape her as she closed the door, her lids already drooping.

Once again since staying in Ashemark, Jaime Lannister did not find sleep easily that night. Instead his jaw burned, and his heart had burst.

* * *

 **Duncan**

The sun seemed to be scorching as he stood in the yard ready to depart, which seemed strange since Winter was surely coming.

His father had spoken to him earlier on that morning for a more private farewell. As expected, he had given him the same lecture on duty and honour and court manners he had expected to hear. Though he had rolled his eyes, as he always did, he knew he would miss it beyond words. The previous night he had retired and done something he had not done since he was a little boy, he had asked to spend the night with Elaine. Well, it was Elaine at first. They eventually found their way into Lorraine's room and each slept by her side, he did not know when he would be able to be near them again.

He loved his sisters, and he didn't feel embarrassed about loving them the way other boys had tried to make him feel. He had heard his fair share of ridicule, both directed at him and his sisters. Some said he was a pansy, they whispered about Lorraine and called Reina and Elaine ugly and monstrous because they had not been married yet. But Duncan knew they were all wrong, he wouldn't be the man he was without them. The strength he'd seen in the safety they created for one another was something he was sure nothing in King's Landing could shatter. So saying goodbye to them, was especially awful.

He still had time with Reina on the journey, of course. But there was still Janyne, who had been their mother when she herself needed one. She held him close for a moment and slapped him away before he could see the tears threatening to spill. There was Elaine who was very much his partner in crime, who laughed with him when no one else could. She told him to come back big and strong. To come back at all. His neck almost hurt at the pressure she had inflicted on it while she hugged him and for once she cried in front of strangers, and told him she would miss him. There was Lorraine, who he told all of his secrets to. Lorraine, who combed his hair from time to time and knew exactly what his nightmares were about. Lorraine only looked at him before kissing his cheek, and her expression told him exactly what she meant to say,

" ** _Return to us, brother."_** He held her close and whispered back how he will not be long. How his heart will be with them. It almost sounded the way Addam had before he had left the last time, but he did not care. It was all he could give.

He turned and mounted his horse, waiting for Jaime Lannister to say his farewells. They were all fairly quick, everyone had wished him a safe and happy journey. Except for Lorraine.

Lorraine looked at her Lord Lannister in a way Duncan noticed was a little shaky, troubled. She tried to look commanding, like she was in control. But she wasn't, and when her betrothed took her hand to kiss it she stopped him.

Everyone was quiet as they looked on at the both of them. Duncan could only the see back of the Lord's head but could imagine he himself was confused at Lorraine's actions. She instead stepped over and closed the space between them, bringing her arms up from underneath his and wrapped them around his shoulders. He could no longer see her as she buried her face in the nook where his neck met his shoulder. When she finally looked up, her face was blank and unreadable, and Duncan wondered not for the first time in his life just what exactly was going on in her head.

The couple looked at each other once more, still lost in an embrace until they realised that it was finally time to go.

Once they were all mounted and ready to leave, Duncan took one last glance at Ashemark, the only home he had ever known. The only home he had been raised to fight for. No matter what was coming or where he would be going, he was sure of one thing.

 _King's Landing could not hold a candle to you._ He thought. It was not just a statement, but a promise.

* * *

 **Hope this was good enough! After the coming chapters you will find that the chapters will be more Jaime/OC-centric. Please, please review!**


	15. The King's Court

**Hey all. Forgive me if this chapter has come out a little later than my previous ones, i've been busy with school. I don't want to be a downer but i'm getting the sense that maybe after the next few chapters I won't be updating very often. I really don't know if anyone is enjoying this story or if it's any good, so any reviews would be helpful. I tend to have a lot of self doubt so if there is anyone that has any feedback on what your thoughts are it would be appreciated. Let me know what you think.**

* * *

 **Duncan**

The stench was the first thing he noticed. It took him by storm, to say the least.

He had an entrance only young boys dreaming of becoming legendary knights could wish for. There he rode into the Red Keep, lead by Jaime Lannister, one of the most feared men in the Seven Kingdoms.

Suddenly everything Addam had warned him about King's Landing rang true in his head. But for some reason, despite the awful smell and the beggars littering the city from the gates to the yard of the castle, its greatness still shook through Duncan.

He had been led to his chambers -far smaller than those he had in Ashemark, and he found that he had to share with other squires. He wondered why, then, had he ever been excited to come here? Nothing would await him besides gruelling and humiliating work as a glorified servant to a man he neither knew or respected. All he had to remember was that there was something to work _for_. This was just a traditional means to an end, and Duncan would do his name proud.

The first week passed by without much happening. He began his duties to squire under Lord Tarly and rarely had much else beyond that. Lord Tarly was a hard man, and initially reminded Duncan a little but of Jon Manning. But sitting in on his council meetings, hearing him make plans and put together efforts Duncan quickly realised that the man he was serving was an incredibly intelligent one. He was still cold, Duncan thought, but he knew he would be able to respect a man such as him. And that gave him some ease knowing that he would have something steadfast to hold on to in this pit of snakes.

He had only crossed paths with Lord Jaime, his future good brother, a sparse amount of times during his first week. It seemed that his lordship truly did have a lot on his hands and whenever Duncan did see him he always looked like he was rushing to get somewhere. _Perhaps he is rushing to get back to somewhere too._

It was on his ninth day in King's landing squiring for Randyl Tarly that he was taken by surprise. He was just in the midst of polishing Lord Tarly's sword in his study -his lordship always insisted his sword be in the same room with him at all times where he could see it, when Jaime Lannister walked in unannounced. Lord Tarly looked up then, masking his surprise at Jaime's visit with curiosity.

"Lannister. What brings you here, looking to badger me before dinner?" He asked while casually returning to his scrolls.

Duncan tried not to be obvious as he stared between the both of them. Jaime now wore a look Duncan was accustomed to seeing him adorn;one like he knew something others did not. And he always held it with a small smirk. Lord Tarly, however, appeared to be impatient. Duncan, over the past week had heard Lord Tarly's opinions on many things -and people. Randly Tarly was not shy of saying what he thought. Yes, he was a relatively diplomatic man but he never held back his opinion -no matter what it was, and certianly did not bother to exercise restraint in front of a lowly squire whose invisibility is a prerequisite. And one of the subjects his new master was never too shy to speak about was the curious case of Jaime Lannister. Duncan had obviously heard what he had expected already from the court itself, the rumors and reasons. " _Why did he leave?"  
_ _"Good riddance."  
"Was it a woman?"  
"Was it that the Kingsguard did not want him?"  
"Whose orders were it to release him? Did the King order it?"  
"Who has bewitched him?"_

But though Lord Tarly showed no interest in gossip, he never hid his disdain. Strangely, it was not the matter of honour -or the lack of it, that bothered him. But the curious timing and the fact that everyone else was left to clean up the mess that had been made whilst he was off "picking flowers for some child-bride". He had tried not to get offended at that, he knew they did not know Lorraine. No one did. But it was hard not to think of Addam and how he would have said something in that moment. He did not yet know Randyl Tarly as well as he soon would, but his impatience and impertinence seemed unfounded and Duncan could not help but feel it was some sort of act at times.

"I actually came to have a word with your squire." Both pairs of eyes were suddenly on Duncan and his own only widened in perplexing confusion. _What would you want with me?_

"My Lord?" He asked. He did not know who he was asking. But Lord Lannister took it upon himself to answer.

"No need to worry I shan't keep you from your..." he looked around and narrowed his gaze at the sword Duncan was polishing before he continued "...duties. I thought it was about time you dined with me. Join for supper this evening in my rooms, there is much we must discuss."

Duncan nodded before he could find the words,

"Of course, my Lord." He could not yet call him brother. He probably could not ever call him brother. He heard a bored sigh come from behind the desk and knew him and Jaime would not be making small talk about how the weather faired today.

"If that's all, _Ser_ Jaime." Lord Tarly challenged Lord Lannister. And the latter lord gave him nothing but a slight chuckle, grinning back widely.

"Yes. I'll leave you to your important work lord Randyl. Good day." Duncan could still see the smile on his face as he left the study and thought it strange but also admirable that he could be so unaffected by people's judgements.

 _And now, if only I could know what you wish to know, my Lord._ He thought to himself. For it was strange of a man of Lord Lannister's standing to personally invite a lowly squire to a private dinner -even if he was to be his good-brother. Perhaps it was his way of being close to Lorraine, though he could not imagine Lord Jaime being that kind of man -he did not look like much of a romantic.

Thoughts of Lorraine quickly led to thoughts of all that he had left behind, and he tried his best not to falter in his steps as he fought off the haunting memories with the swords of logic. _You will return, Duncan._ He scolded himself the way he knew his father would, _and until then, make them proud._

* * *

 **Lorraine**

 _It annoyed me to know end, truly, to know that I liked someone. I had never considered what my openness might lead to or where it may take me, but I must say this is in fact not where I wished to be. Jaime Lannister had left Ashemark, and all that meant was that he had left me. That is how it felt. It felt like my days have become hollow, my life a little grayer, and all this because I let him become important to me._

 _How is it even possible? I had thought myself steadfast in regard to him. And with the exceptions of the physical comforts I allowed myself to have in his company I was almost proud to say that I was not yet falling in love with Jaime Lannister. And I still wasn't, i'm sure of it. The pain I felt at him leaving was not one of love or yearning, I felt loss -I felt empty._

 _And it was not only him that had left. For over a moon I have had the immense pleasure of having my entire family under one roof and Jaime was a nice addition to it. But over the course of a few days Reina, Duncan and Jaime all left followed by Janyne and her own family. There was a void I knew I would never learn to fill. I tried to comfort myself with the knowledge that at least I still had Elaine, as well as Addam and Margot -who was now family to me. I still had Father. But it was still different, it was still quiet. Everyone had their role and everyone had their place, and I would miss the sound of Janyne's children's laughter in the morning and how they would sneak into my chambers to wake me. I loved the people I had left, but Addam will never be what Duncan is and vice versa. I can not take solace in replacing one sibling with another. I had felt the loss of Addam's presence in the household when he had been gone, and Duncan himself knows that no one could change that for me. So I knew from the day they had all been gone that I would only miss them, and everything else would be a distraction._

 _I would probably not see Reina for a very long time for she was now married to a future Stormlord and that is the salty earth she will come to know. Her children will be born of the Stormlands and will have rain in their eyes and thunder in their voices, and I know Reina will grow to love all those parts of them. But I also know that perhaps she will forget the sting of the sun, or the stillness of the mountains around us, and maybe then she will forget how she longed for it, for us. Gallowsgrey is a long way away, and my heart aches every time my eyes settle on a map of our Seven Kingdoms, for my dearest sister was now away from me and I almost hated myself for the happiness I felt for her. Yes, she was away from me and I should always want her close, but Steffon will make her happy -if he hasn't already._

 _Nevertheless, I surrounded myself with the people I had with me now in a transparent attempt to not feel as lonely. For the most part, it worked. I tried to attach myself to Margot a few times but I knew I would be limited in my attempts; Margot was Addam's wife now. And although I do enjoy her growing company and growing confidence I also know that Addam has grown fond of her and this time spent together was imperative for their relationship to blossom. My father also found me sat on his study floor a few times, and he said nothing as I silently sifted through his papers and organised his things. He would never tell me he appreciates my company, or that he would miss it, but he would pat me on the head sometimes and I knew what he meant to say. He would miss me, and I would miss him. But my visits to his study would not be too often. As I knew I was not of any real use to Father; he could not really discuss any important matters with me and I did not like the stuffy room too much. I had far more success with Elaine, who must have felt whatever it was I was feeling, so she in turn sought me out for company. She liked talking, I always knew that about her, and it did not matter if I ever responded for she only ever needed me to listen. And these days I was all too happy to do just that, I wanted to remember her voice. It helped steady me, and when I was with Elaine lying on the bare grass with her head against mine it was like only we existed. It made me forget that soon I would be someone's wife -and that meant a lot of different things._

 _Oh how I hate walking on my own these days. I once enjoyed and even wished for a moment of solitude but now all it did was allow me the space to revel in thoughts I would much prefer to keep away. I took a sharp left in the maze and passed by my "oasis" but did not falter and carried on. I needed to keep walking, I did not want to sit down -especially there. I lazily swung my hands farther outwards and the tips touched the veins of the surrounding bushes, I wanted to feel each and every one. Gods only know how much longer I will have to experience it all. Soon I will have a new home to revel in._

 _I wonder, is Jaime thinking of me now? Better yet, is he thinking of me the same way I think of him? In my mind's eyes his hair is even more golden than I remember it, his laugh a lot louder. I even miss his golden hand and the way the sun hit it when we would sit outside for hours upon hours. Why has he not written to me yet? Yes, it had only been little more than a week since he had gone but even Duncan had written us. Though I suppose Jaime would have much more pressing matters to attend to, and he said he would not be long. Why was I being so nagging about this? Why was I so insistent? I must have looked like a lost cat begging for reassurances. I am not lost without Jaime, only bored. And a little sad._

 _He had taken up so much space in my life in so little time. It made me angry that he had pursued our friendship so with such determination only to leave me to wither without it. Regardless of the complaints I had I knew they would never amount to anything. I may have let my emotions get the better of me at the time, but I understood what Jaime needed to do and why he needed to do it. He was Lord of the Rock now, and he had to find closure for his uncle._

 _And I am to be Lady of the Rock. How strange is that? I never thought I would go anywhere that was not home. I would start and end in Ashemark, and had resigned myself to being happy with that. Enthusiastically so. But being Lady Lannister did not just mean an awkward wedding where the bride's sister would be reciting her vows, it meant doing one's duty. Even if I did not already know what went on between husband and wife we have just hosted two weddings in quick succession, talk of wifely duties has hardly been scarce. I feel like I must constantly reiterate to myself that whatever attraction I must feel towards Jaime may be strong enough to illicit lasting touches and a few kisses on his cheek, but I hardly think it is enough to induce such passion just yet. I have never been touched by a man, so logically it was natural that I should want some semblance of intimacy with the only man that had ever showed interest. But when that was paired with the fact that I felt that a core had been built between Jaime and I, that we had trusted one another and bathed in each other's company so often that he had now become some sort of extension of me, I strangely am not worried at all about any "duties" I may have to perform. And am also strangely calm in my knowledge that Jaime Lannister will be good to me._

 _As I laid on the grass somewhere, I can't even remember where I had gotten to, I closed my eyes and turned my head to face the sun, ignoring the sensations of grass prickling my skin. Bathing in the new sunlight, I found my mind blank -which is always a bad thing. I wanted to think of dragons, how would their flames compare to this sun shining bright on my face? But I did not think of dragons. Instead, to my fractional dismay, I thought of Jaime Lannister once more. And I promised myself it would be the last time I will let him cross my mind until tomorrow. I thought of him lying on the grass next to me telling me about King's Landing and how he wished I had seen it and how well Duncan is fitting in there. I looked to my right then and found him there looking back at me grinning widely as he raises himself up off his shoulder so he is hovering over me, I could almost feel the shade his imagined shadow afforded me with. His fingers proceeded to remove stray hairs off my face and he continued to look at me like I would disappear at any moment. My lids drooped lazily, and before I closed my eyes I reached out and placed my hand on where his heart should be but was instead met with a lump of grass,_

 _"_ Come back to me" _I whispered, and before long I fell deep into slumber, dreaming of a green eyed man losing very badly at chess._

* * *

 **Jaime**

She sat solemnly on her balcony, she did not even bother turning to him when she finally spoke.

"You're a little too late, brother. I don't suppose you've come to be my champion." Her voice sounded broken, resigned. Jaime had never thought he would hear her like that, but he forced himself to not care what he heard from her. He straightened his back and simply said,

"No." A breathy laughed escaped her at that. _She's definitely not got her wits about her._

"Then I suppose you're too late for our dear uncle as well." She finally turned around to face him in a swift motion. Her bony fingers gripped the top of her chair and her matching eyes burnt through his own. Her face had lost every glow it ever had, and Jaime was left with only a shadow of the woman he remembered. The golden tresses that he used to have as well were torn and shaved off and her head protruded strangely, somehow it did not fit her body.

"I am here to pay my respects to him. And to return my cloak to my king."

"And when you are done, will you be on your way? Off to marry whichever child you have chosen? Call her Lady of the Rock? Give her our mother's jewels?" Anger was the only thing he could see as he stormed over to the table and slammed his palm to it, shaking the lunch dishes in the process. He fumed and silently took a moment to breathe down at her as he fought the urge to shake her down. She ignored him, not even flinching at his close proximity and obvious rage.

"Do not ever presume you may speak to me that way again." He whispered violently.

"Casterly Rock should have been mi-"

"But it's not." He removed his hand then, cursing himself for letting her get the better of him as she always could. He turned away from her, refusing to show her the effect she still had on him, and spoke once more,

"And you will never speak of Lorraine that way, or at all, ever again." He could feel her eyes on him now, and he indulged her enough to look back. The sun was slowly setting and her eyes only darkened in obvious anger.

"I am the Queen! You can not tell me what to do or how to speak!" Her teeth, now yellow, gritted and her mouth turned into an ugly frown as she looked up at him in an almost feral way.

He had the sudden urge to laugh at her now. Not long ago he would compare every beautiful woman he came across to Cersei. Long ago her beauty was renowned throughout the Kingdoms and the smallfolk would talk in wonder about the Queen with sunlight in her hair. _Little did they know of the blackness in her heart._ Instead, he found it in him to face her fully and leant down so both his hands rest on the arms of her chair. His face was level to hers and he could tell she was fighting not to look away from him.

"No, sister. You are not. You have been your own undoing. You are, and have always been, far less intelligent than you believed yourself to be. Margeary is the Queen now, and you will live out the rest of your miserable life watching her be everything you could not be. For that, sister, I hope you live long."

"You're so weak, Jaime." Her eyes were glassy now and he tried not to care. But any sympathy he may have had for her shattered once laughter started bubbling through her, malicious and ugly and so...repugnant. He looked on in confusion until she had calmed, and once she was silent once more she pulled herself closer to him so their noses were almost touching, her breath damp on his face.

"How _weak_ you are. That you would turn your back on me, all because I opened my legs to those I needed things from. I used the weapons the Gods gave me. No one would ever point their fingers at you for wielding your sword."

"I loved you."

"And I _love_ you. You are a _part_ of me, Jaime. You could not possibly think for a moment that any little cunt could change that you belong to me!" He shook the chair violently then, lifting it for a second and bringing her face even closer to where it was before. Suddenly her shoulders caved in and she lifted her hands in surrender, craning her head down in fear.

"I told you not to speak of Lorraine! Don't you understand, Cersei? You betrayed me, the only thing I ever worshipped was _you_. I gave up my _life,_ my rights and my right hand all for _you_! You only serve yourself." He roared at her.

"Do you love her?" She asked him in defiance.

"Not yet." She laughed.

"Adorable, you think you stand a chance."

"I assure you it is far better than wasting away in a city where everyone from the small council to the beggars shitting on the streets despises me."

Looking away from him Cersei gulped down whatever remained of her voice and strength and calmly spoke, ignoring Jaime's burst at her,

"Why are you here, Jaime?" He got up and straightened his doublet, taking a step back from her. _Away_ from her.

"For Tommen. He wanted me to see you. And now I have."

"I suppose you've done your duty then. You may leave." She said quickly, returning her gaze back towards the bay. Without offering a response, he turned on his heel and made his way to the door.

"Lord Lannister?" He heard her call, and he allowed himself to turn to find her meek form once again twisted to his direction.

"My Lady?" He asked, willing himself to keep his blank expression firmly on his face.

"You will tire of her eventually. She's not me." And even with her stoic figure Jaime could still see the glimmer of malignancy shimmer through her eyes. _It seems that is all that can sustain her._ He gripped the handle firmly, and before unlatching the door and leaving Cersei for the last time he turned to her with a soft smile and responded to her prediction,

"Thank the Gods, sister. My wife will be _nothing_ like you." And without sparing her another glance, he exited the room and closed the door behind him.

He made the long walk back to his chambers twitching in anger. _How dare she?_ But he did not know what else to expect from Cersei, she was unchangeable. He knew he was bound to see her since being here, but he still avoided it like the plague. When the time came though, he knew he could not refuse Tommen.

 _"I beg of you Uncle, just go see her."_

 _"I do not think she would want to see me, Your Grace." The look in the young King's eyes spoke leagues for him._

 _"Please." He whispered. And Jaime could no longer refuse him._

He had given Jaime everything he had asked for, it was the least he could do to brave being in Cersei's company for a short visit. And now that he had seen her he would not have to see her again, she was bound to her room in shame and soon he would be gone. Though his unfortunate encounter with Cersei made him think why he would have ever decided to return to this cauldron of filth, he was still glad he did.

He was right in assuming the less than savoury circumstances regarding his Uncle's death. His uncle Kevan had been murdered, along with Grand Maester Pycelle in the same night and same room, and the killer remains unidentified. And now Tommen lacked a Regent as well as a Grand Maester. It was the first thing he had asked of him, but Jaime knew he could not possibly accept. He couldn't do it, which superseded the fact that he certainly did not want to. So he had to prolong his stay to help his King where he had failed him, finding a suitable Regent.

He wished Tyrion were here. He wished any capable Lannisters were here. Instead he had to pick and choose someone responsible enough to look out for the King's best interests while he could not. _Perhaps Mace Tyrell, he would surely want his daughter's best interest -which meant Tommen's by extension. But he would probably name Randyl Tarly hand as well as interim regent and that only gives too much power to the Tyrells and the Reach. Gods, I despise politics. So exhausting._ He had never had the mind for it, and so he scoured for an answer until he found his rooms.

Once he got there he sat by his table and stared down at the scroll he had begun writing on.

 _Dear Lorraine,_

 _I_

Was all it yet said. Jaime had never been one for words and could still not find it in him to write to his intended. What would he say? That he missed her? That with every gallop the horse took away from her he considered turning back? That he would trade all the exotic foods and grand halls to lie on the grass with her? No, he could not say that, nor could he yet fully admit it to himself. _Perhaps I am weak, just like Cersei says I am._

He pushed the empty letter away, saving it for another time when his mind was not close to exploding. He needed to find some sort of a solution for the King's council, he could not trust anyone else to do so. He began his begrudging thought process with Harys Swyft.

 _A toad, a bannerman but a useless one. He will never do for a Regent. My aunt will not be taken seriously as a Regent, and I would not even know if she would be a wise choice. Though, beggars can't be choosers. Baelish can not be trusted, he serves himself, but perhaps instating him as the hand would give Tyrell less power. Mace Tyrell, though he is an oaf, is the best option for a Regent. The Hand of The King must be steadfast, Randyl Tarly would be a good option if he were not so loyal to the the Tyrells. The Martells absolutely can not be trusted with any power. No, it seems the council is overtaken by the Reach. I could have sworn there were Seven Kingdoms, where are they? The North is still unstable, and can not be trusted with any respresentatives. Perhaps...no. I do not even know if it is possible. The Tully's have it out for the Lannisters, Edmure Tully remains my prisoner. But what if Riverrun could be returned to him? If I could convince him to take his place as the hand -or any place on the council for that matter, he would have to reside in King's Landing until released from his duties or a replacement could be found, then perhaps Riverrun can be his again. In King's Landing he would still be paroled and watched, a semi-hostage. But it would also appease relations between the south and the Riverlands, I suppose._

He was surprised that his thoughts had taken such a turn, and wondered who would be proud of him for being so diplomatic. Thinking he had had enough of that for one day, he threw his idea on the back-burner and decided to return to it tomorrow and bring it to the council to discuss the technicalities of it, and see if it was even valid. The sun had fully set now, and he could have sworn there was something else he needed to do before he heard a knock on the door. He made his way to open it and realisation dawned on him as he opened the door, he had almost forgotten about Duncan.

"My Lord?" He greeted him, still unsure he was even invited.

"Yes, Duncan. Have a seat. Lewys should be here with supper shortly -I hope." He motioned for the chairs by the fire and took a seat across from him. Looking at Duncan now, he realised how similar he looked to Lorraine, they shared the same physical traits. Apparently the fiery Marbrand hair slipped through the cracks and Duncan and his sister inherited their mother's hair, keeping their father's eyes. It was a little funny, he thought, how he shared the same eyes and hair with both his siblings but with the Marbrands it was a little pick-and-choose situation. Addam was fully his father. Janyne, Reina and Elaine fully their mother. And Duncan and Lorraine -the last of the litter, were a mixture of both.

"How are you finding King's Landing?" He ventured to ask. _By the Gods, I must resort to small talk._

"It's umm..grand, my Lord."

"And Lord Tarly? How do you find him?"

"He's as fine a lord as one could hope for, my Lord."

"You needn't be so formal with me." Duncan shied away slightly, which was the first Jaime had ever witnessed that. All throughout the time he had known him Duncan had shown nothing but brazen adolescent confidence that Jaime could only laugh at and slightly pity. For the world will harden him, surely.

"I suppose it's a little strange to think of you as my future good-brother." He confessed. He tried not to sigh out in response, _there is no part of this that is not strange to me._ Instead, he poured a chalice of wine and lifted his goblet expectantly.

"I'm sure you'll find stranger things here, Duncan."

* * *

 **A/N: This took me way longer to write, I honestly didn't know how to start it off -maybe I just wasn't that inspired to write this week. The dynamics have changed since i've moved it down to King's Landing so it took a bit of planning to know what I was gonna cover. But it will not be this way for long, I hope.**


	16. Letters

**I've grown incredibly discouraged whilst writing this. I feel like this story is not getting any interest and no one is telling me if it's no good. So if you think I shouldn't continue and this is not interesting anyone please let me know because though this is something that's dear to my heart and I would like to see it through, I also don't want to put too much energy into it when it's not really much good to anyone else. Thanks.**

* * *

 _Dear Lorraine,_

 _I am glad I have finally found the time to write to you. I hope you are well and I am pleased to let you know that Duncan is fitting in accordingly here from what I can see -I have even overheard a few ladies show interest on some occasions._

 _Now that I have returned to the place I have lived in almost half my life I am struggling to find any appeal to it. Perhaps it is just that the work I must get done is tedious, but nothing looks particularly legendary -so don't believe everything you read in your books, my lady. Now that I am no longer a Knight by profession I have been delegated to work out issues with the council now that the King's Regent has died and there really is no one that can take his place. I have a few options in mind, all of them have faults but I fear the options do not get better than that. That means that I will be extending my stay a little longer, just until everything is in order. I owe my nephew this._

 _In other news, the King sends his regards to you. He even says he wishes to meet you some time -perhaps when this ordeal is over. I should think Tommen would like to see Casterly Rock sometime, I don't think you would like to go to King's Landing -but that is mostly because I have no wish to return there. Where I do wish to return to, is where you currently are, my lady. My knees have a slight ache to them now that I do not indulge myself with our usual morning walks. Also, there is no one here that is any good at chess -or anyone I would tolerate enough to endure for an entire game. Except perhaps for my nephew and your brother. We have supped together a number of times now and fear not -I have not picked his brain about you or your childhood endeavors...yet. So be weary, I am well on my way to testing his tolerance for wine._

 _I hope your siblings are well. And I hope you do not feel so lonely without my good company. Please stay out of trouble, if that is not too much to ask. If so, I will make sure you receive a special gift._

 _Yours,_

 _Lord Jaime Lannister._

* * *

 _Dearest Jaime,_

 _I was happy to finally get word of you -though I assure you Duncan had kept me informed well enough about you. Espionage may just be my forte. Perhaps it is good that you are busy, I find that being busy makes the time fly and I am still under the assumption that you are in a hurry to return to my company._

 _I rest easier knowing Duncan is safe and getting on well -us Mabrands save for Addam have never adapted swiftly to new places. I hope he will find happiness and learn to enjoy himself there, but not too much. He promised to return, and I hold people to their words._

 _I have faith you will find a solution to the matters you face. I know I may seem naïve but I am not blind to the obvious issues we face as a Kingdom, and any shift in leadership is a matter not taken lightly. I do not know if you would take any advice from someone as inexperienced as me but you can think of it like chess: Consider not just the immediate future but the steps that follow and all the variables and obstacles that will come your way. Size up your opponents, and use their patterns against them. Thus far, it has worked for me. But then again all I have had to do was beat a Lannister at chess, not bring stability to an entire Realm._

 _I am honoured the King sends his regards and would be greatly pleased to meet him one day. It is strange to think that some day soon he will be a part of my family. For he is to you what Janyne's children are to me -so I would expect you to do more than roll your eyes at them in the future. It pains me to admit that the lack of your presence has had an effect on me. I have been trying to busy myself with others but I fear no one is as hopeless as you are. Addam has Margot and though I wish I could spend more time with the both of them I also know better. They are newly wed and the most important time for a relationship to form and prosper is now. Also, Elaine has kept me company well enough but has thrown herself to her paint series obsessively -she fears she may not get it done before having to leave. I once took pleasure in solitude, but now it makes me think of the time I spent with you._

 _Moving on, if you get my brother drunk with the intention of exploiting him for information I will go out of my way to uncover your deepest, darkest secret my Lord._

 _Furthermore, I am offended that you think me up to no good. And what is this gift you speak of? I hate surprises. But I also love them. Return soon._

 _Yours,_

 _Lorraine Marbrand._

* * *

 _Dearest Lorraine,_

 _I responded to your letter the moment it had arrived. Remind me to never make the mistake of delaying my reply to you. Others can rot._

 _Though I have been keeping busy I am afraid the time can not fly fast enough for my liking. I have still not come up with a suitable, or even reasonable, arrangement for the council and though I have a few ideas floating around I have a feeling they may not be easily received by the rest of the council. Strangely, the advice you have given me makes a lot of sense and has led me to think differently about my choices. It is also why I am taking longer and inciting more care to the process, as I must consider all possible outcomes to ensure our King is best serviced and cared for._

 _Tell me, my lady, who is it you think I can trust enough to do this? I think it probable to place Mace Tyrell as Regent for the time being as he is obliged to care for Tommen as he is his daughter's husband. But the council is swarming with lord of the reach, and their loyalty is to themselves. Lord Tarly, the man Duncan is a squire to, is an excellent mastr of laws but I wish to keep it that way -handing him the position of the Hand would give too much power to the Reach. There is little to no Western influence on the board, and I think it may be imperative that I place one of my bannerman somewhere on the council -which i'm sure you will agree with. However, on the matter of the Hand I still face much confusion as there is an idea I have but am not too sure about...too many variables. I hope I can solve it to the best of my abilities so I may be well on my way and assured that the Realm will find peace soon._

 _In other news I am happy to tell you that I did not need to get your brother drunk -he was only too happy to tell me of your younger self and how you would sometimes stuff Addam's pillows with bush vines when he made you angry. I hope I do not suffer the same fate, though I suppose it will have to be up to me not to infuriate you so._

 _I am glad to know you are thinking of me, it makes me feel less lonely somehow. Furthermore, forget about your gift until I return, for there is no chance of you knowing what it is. Not from me. And do not bother Duncan about it, he knows nothing and I will keep it that way._

 _I miss the smell of your hair._

 _Yours,_

 _Lord Jaime Lannister._

* * *

 _My Dearest Jaime,_

 _It is good to know you have learned your lesson. And even better to know that you are still capable of learning, who knew?_

 _I told you my advice would have its advantageous, even if it meant being away for longer. But it alright, I will pretend not to mind at all._

 _It seems to me, my Lord, that your options are extremely limited. Mace Tyrell seems like a good enough choice -albeit a temporary one, for the time being as Regent. A Western representative is imperative, for you can not afford for the Reach to to monopolize the council. Moreover, have you considered the Stormlords? It would do you well to appease them, they have their navies and you could place a loyalist as the Master of Ships. It is important for the Seven Kingdoms to have representatives of almost every Kingdom to ensure that it is not only the interests of the majority of council members that are being served. The North is still too unstable to award with a representative, and Addam has told me that Edmure Tully is still technically your prisoner at Casterly Rock. I do not wish to question your judgement, my Lord, but if the Tully's were to have a seat at the council would it not help relieve tensions between the Riverlands and the south? Would it not also help earn the River Lords trust?If Edmure Tully serves some kind of role in King's Landing he can be put under surveillance and obviously could not return to Riverrun as his duties would not allow it. Maybe his duties can be a kind of penance for his support of the rebellion, and he can be returned his family seat after he had been released. Though I think it is only my sympathy for one who has lost his home -even if they were in support of a traitor, if I am honest I find it a shame that all those years of family legacy have just been wiped out by the actions and decisions of one. Forgive me if I am assuming too much. Perhaps it would just be easier to name your Aunt's husband, Lord Emmon Frey of Riverrun?_

 _On a less damp note, I have no shame in admitting that I do punish those that cross me. So let that be a lesson. Also, do not feel so flattered at my missing you -I am sure you long for my company far more._

 _Instead of anticipating what your gift will be, I will imagine the most outrageous thing possible and hold you to the highest expectations. You can disappoint me now instead of later._

 _I pray for your swift return, my Lord. I find myself at times reaching for your arm only to find it is not there -please save me from looking a fool._

 _Yours,_

 _Lorraine Marbrand._

* * *

 _My Dearest Lorraine,_

 _I must admit, your thoughts regarding Edmure Tully were the exact same as mine. That was the hard issue I was considering and I was not sure others would be quite so receptive._

 _I had not even thought of the Storm Lords and bringing someone trusted on their end would do well to placate the growing Tyrell influence. After receiving your letter I broached the subject with Lord Tarly whom I know has no affection for me but he agrees that the Riverlords must be appeased and that they will never accept Emmon as their leige. To be truthful, Lord Emmon is not worthy of Riverrun nor is he worthy of anything he has been given. If he were my liege it would not take me a day to overthrow him, and with the coming winter it has been brought to my attention that the Realm will be in need of all the crops and sustenance it can get. But the title of the Hand is too large to risk giving to such a controversial choice. Instead, Lord Tarly and I have agreed that we will place Lord Edmure on the small council after I return to Casterly Rock. Lord Edmure will be joined by his wife in King's Landing and he will be kept under strict surveillance. He would be given a new title and the appearance of renewed trust and mercy and any attempt from him to disobey that will result in the decision to impart any punishment deemed fit with public's approval. Beyond that, once enough time has passed he will be released back to Riverrun -my Aunt has no fondness for it anyway and prefers Darry. His heir will be kept as a ward by the King to ensure no further attempts for rebellion and with patience that will appease the Riverlands. And in the mean time, we have agreed to place Ser Daven Lannister as the acting Hand of the King and have sent his summons as well as Lord Roland Crakehall as master of arms on the small council. My cousin Daven is an admirable knight who, if nothing else, lives to serve his family. Lord Roland is a smart and strong man and has always been a loyal bannerman to my father and I used to squire for him in my youth -so I have every confidence that his decisions will not go completely against my wishes._

 _I can only thank you Lorraine, for your letters have given me clarity. And I do not thank people so easily, my Lady._

 _I could not help but notice your tone seemed a little threatening in your previous letter, so I shall remind you that it would not do you much good to rouse the lion._

 _You are almost driving me to abandon the idea of a gift. But on the bright side, I am happy to report that I have now made arrangements for my return. I shall be leaving within the span of this coming week so by the time you will receive this I will only be a few days away from leaving and will unfortunately not get your reply should you send one._

 _This will be my last letter to you before I see you again. I told you I would not be long, my Lady. And now you can be one of the few people to say I have kept my word._

 _Yours faithfully,_

 _Lord Jaime Lannister._

* * *

 **Just a quick filler chapter! It turned out shorter than expected but oh well, I needed something to pass the time and also explain the political atmosphere. Please let me know if there are any thoughts or complaints about the events I have portrayed.**


	17. Return

**So I have about four chapters I want to get posted by next Sunday but I think it's a little too ambitious of me since I only have one free week to get it done. On the other hand, I have no life so what are the alternatives?**

 **I would like to thank my reviewer Richasa for the kind words: Rest assured that even when I said I was discouraged I did not mean that I would be abandoning the story, merely not putting the same amount of energy into it thus resulting in less frequent updates. I'm glad to know there's a reader out there that seems to like what I have so far, so I hope I do not disappoint you!**

 **I'm feeling much better about this story so hopefully this week should be full of updates.**

* * *

 **Jaime**

As the towers of Ashemark grew visible to Jaime he remembered the last time he had approached this very castle. Not three moons past he was riding towards Ashemark with knowledge of nothing besides the fact that he was there to accompany Addam Marbrand, his friend. Since then he had learned so much about the place he had visited, the people who dwelled in it and himself as well.

It had been a grueling journey, for time refused to pass and every day felt like another week to Jaime. His patience had been tested a number of times, and he could sense the growing reluctance in his men's willingness to approach him on any matter.

He had left King's Landing on surprising terms, it seemed though he offered much help the city and those in it would not be too sad to see him leave. Except perhaps for Tommen. He had wept lightly as he held onto Jaime when he had gone to say good bye privately, telling him of how he wished he could see him soon. Jaime himself hated making a big show of farewells and mostly preferred to leave without a word in order to avoid emotion -but he owed it still to Tommen. Tommen had let him go, and they both knew he wanted to have him there with him. It was not easy, for a sweet king or for any other king. Regardless of Cersei's actions and what she had brought on herself, Tommen did not deserve to know his wife was still a hostage in the Keep and his mother is openly referred to by the Capital as a conspiring adulterer.  
He unexpectedly spent his last moments in King's Landing with Randyl Tarly -a man he was not particularly fond of, but someone with enough wits about him for Jaime to award with serious conversations. They did not like each other, but they were the only ones equipped to deal with the situation they were facing. And although Jaime had to tolerate a few disdainful comments from the Lord Tarly, though it was nothing Jaime could not respond to with equal harshness, Jaime did know he was a temporary ally for the dire circumstances. They had finally worked out the last details of the council arrangements and the Tully matter still remained a secret and since Mace Tyrell was not there himself there was no one he could blab to, somehow Jaime trusted Lord Tarly to keep the matter to himself. It was a delicate matter, ideal only if every single step was taken with caution and was executed to perfection. They had planned to silently release Edmure to King's Landing once after his wedding and return to the Rock, and once Lord Crakehall has settled into his position the proposition will be introduced -without much objection if Lord Tarly can keep his word to placate any arguments coming their way. And with those final fine details sorted, Jaime quickly called his men to sort their affairs and made the order to return to Ashemark. He would not even wait for his cousin, Daven Lannister's and Lord Crakehall's arrival, it did not outweigh his need to end the visit that had plagued him so.  
He did not see Cersei again, thankfully. A small part of him tormented himself over the fact that she was suffering so, they were in the same castle and yet they could have been leagues away and it couldn't matter. He wondered during his nights in the Red Keep how he could despise her so now when a year ago he would have done anything, killed everyone he could get his hands on, just to be with her. He wondered if he would ever miss her again, even if it only nagged on him slowly the way he was missing Lorraine.

As if sensing that the gates had finally come into view he heard a soft meow come from the box hanging off his saddle. It was a strange kitten he had found, it barely made a sound the entire journey - _I suppose that's fitting for Lorraine's pet._ She would not leave him alone in King's Landing and would even make her way to his door night after night. He would awake in the morning and leave his chambers almost stumbling on the small mass of ginger waiting for him. After taking it to Tommen the kitten found its way back to him and Tommen had reported that it seemed distressed at being left by Jaime. On regular circumstances a cat as annoying as this one would warrant Jaime to wrap it in a potato sack and throw it out into the bay for all he cared, but he thought Lorraine might appreciate some mercy, and so decided to make the kitten his gift to her. It wasn't much, he was not very good at those kinds of gestures. But he remembered Lorraine whenever he was faced with the kitten and thought that instead of him shooing it away with his foot Lorraine would probably stare him down until he pet it. He hoped she would like it. Moreover, he hoped he did not forget about the darned cat in the box when he finally did get to see his betrothed.

The gates screeched in a welcome, _someone really ought to grease those,_ he thought. As he entered the dry foreground of the entryway the dust created a sort of cloud around him and he could not yet see the figures standing to receive him. Once it had cleared he saw Addam standing there, _alone_ , with an expansive grin on his face and his eyebrows raised. As soon as he unmounted he was approached by Addam, receiving a firm slap on the shoulder in the process.

"My lord, it is good to see you. Not that you've given us much time to miss you."

"I'm flattered at your reception, Ser. You'll forgive me if I was expecting a far prettier Marbrand than you, though." Addam smiled ruefully in return to Jaime's obvious doubtfulness. He turned then and pointed to the large entrance arch to the castle where Jaime's eyes could just make out the outline of a small figure.

"I fear my sister's distaste for the inevitable dust cloud got the better of her. She impatiently awaits you." Understanding dawned on him and he could not help the knowing smirk that made its way to him, _so she's been waiting._ Before he could step away Addam reaffirmed his previously relaxed hold on Jaime's shoulder.

"Don't forget these. They came for you yesterday from Casterly Rock and I was told to give them to you immediately upon your arrival."

He nodded to Addam in understanding as he accepted the folded letter and made his way to her after reminding himself to quickly grab the "gift box" with him as well. _What word would Casterly Rock have to send to me?_ Deciding to leave that thought for another time, he refocused his attention to the curious reason for his speedy return to Ashemark.

She stood leaning against the entry way, a vision in a gown of bold green with rays of a deep sunken yellow emroidery on her sleeves. Her hair was partially pulled back the way she always wore it and her thick locks curled at the ends past her shoulders. He did not yet know how he felt at seeing her once more -awaiting him, but he commended himself for not running to her. Once he had reached her she straightened herself and extended her hand for him to receive, and Jaime finally registered the smirk she was forcing to keep on her face. He surprised her then by not taking her hand and instead reaching his false hand to her cheek. She stood still, taking in the sudden shift in control as his eyes bore into her and a blank expression replaced her mirthful gaze. It reminded him of that time in the library when they were standing dangerously close and she had taken him by surprise by not allowing him to shy away from her, and now their roles were quite reversed. She looked bashful, suddenly aware that he was standing close to her -this time they were not so alone. With his other hand he dropped the box and instead he reached for the hand that was extended but now was held in awkward disappointment. He brought her hand to his lips and gave her the kiss she knew she expected, his eyes not wavering from hers. With a smile, she finally looked away and brought to his attention a piece of paper prepared in her other hand.

" _It's about time._ " It said, and Jaime smiled knowing she was trying to cover her slight relief with humor.

"I apologise for keeping you waiting, my lady. There was in fact a Kingdom I had to help." She rolled her eyes and he knew he was forgiven. He was not sure if he even needed to be. Just then another complaining meow sounded from the box he had almost forgotten about the box on the floor next to them and Jaime could not help but feel amused at Lorraine's horrified expression. Still not sure whether he'd prefer her horrified expression to a pleasantly surprised one -or disappointed one for that matter, Jaime relented and knelt down to undo the clasp of the box.

The ginger head bobbed out of the leather box, unfamiliar to its surroundings, and Jaime took the kitten in his hands and it attached its claws to his doublet in fear. He resurfaced to face Lorraine who smiled the way she always did around kittens, scrunching up her nose in the process.

"I hope you like your gift, my lady." In sudden excitement Lorraine reached to take the kitten and held it in front of her face to further examine it. Strangely, the kitten had no complaints and seemed at ease in Lorraine's arms. She looked back at him and asked by motioning her hands,

" ** _How did you find it?"_**

"It was following me around in the Red Keep. I don't know where it came from. I thought you'd tire of chasing cats eventually." She laughed at that and once again held the kitten to her. His heart warmed slightly, regrettably, at the sight of her so enthralled by such a simple gift. Jaime, who had never thought himself someone at all adept -or interested, in silly pursuits and trivial gestures, found a small amount of pride in him for being able to please her so.

"Would you like to name it?" She nodded in response. Turning her attention away from the bundle of fuzzy orange in her arms she looked back at Jaime with a sudden urge to examine him. Firming her mouth to a simple line she reached her free hand to squeeze his upper arm with her head motioning to him to enter the castle. She then awkwardly motioned for him to head to his chambers and rest while she got the kitten settled.

"Getting rid of me already, my lady?" She smiled.

" ** _I'll see you soon."_**

"I'll come find you." He nodded and she left as Jaime watched her. Silently waiting for her to come back.

Returning his attention to the apparently urgent letter he still held he opened it still standing in the same spot Lorraine had left him, now with people rushing back and forth running errands.

 _My Lord Lannister,_

 _It was pleasant to hear of you retaking your intended position of Lord of the Rock, and we here at the Rock are only too happy to welcome a Lord as fine as you. And it is with this that I now write to you as you are our Lord and there are some matters that can not be left to anyone else. Casterly Rock has been left to its own devices for far too long now._

 _We have received word that Lady Roslin Frey, Edmure Tully's wife has given birth to a boy and have made arrangements for her to be returned to her husband here at the Rock. It is favourable for you to return here before her arrival to oversee the arrangements and how exactly we will carry out their comfortable imprisonment -neither I or anyone here at Casterly Rock is accustomed to holding hostages and have no prior experience or knowledge of what exactly it entails. Furthermore, many of surrounding towns and villages are growing restless with disagreements and recent pillagers have left them in an awful state, and you are away no one has the authority to help or do anything about it just yet._

 _Between you and I, the surrounding Western lords are growing shrewder in their attitudes towards their overlord -you'd think they would have learnt their lessons by now. I implore you, my Lord, to return to Casterly Rock soon so that these issues can be dealt with before it is too late._

 _Castellan of Casterly Rock,_

 _Ser Damion Lannister._

He sighed as he looked up from the letter. _Not a moment's rest, it seems._

* * *

 **Elaine**

Elaine looked on as Lorraine continued to coddle the kitten Lord Jaime had given her. She had given it the name "Amber", which was fitting due to its colour. Elaine had no fondness for cats in general but she had to admit that something about this one drew enough to pet it. Perhaps it was the way Lorraine cared for it so carefully, she could feel the affection oozing out of her. _Misplaced affection, sister._ She thought to herself, _maybe you should be that affectionate to your betrothed._ But she knew better than to question Lorraine's behaviours. She knew that though she had accepted Lord Jaime willingly this still must all be new to her.

For years, Elaine had worried about her imminent marriage. She had always secretly feared that Reina was sure to marry the best her father could find, and Elaine -being the middle child, would not be handled with too much care in that regard. She worried, as she noted how kind Steffon had been to her sister and how happy he made her, and then seeing how well Margot got on with Addam and even Lorraine had someone good for her. It was extremely improbable that she would be handed to someone as good to her as she wished. The odds were not in her favour. It hindered her happiness and she hated herself for it. But it would be her life, and it would be her life away from home. The only solace was that it was not too far away, and still very close to Lorraine. She had never been to an island before, it excited her a little.

Her attention returned to the kitten that was now exploring the pillow on the floor as Lorraine joined her on the window seats, basking in the breezy air. Elaine wrapped her shawl tighter around her as she studied Lorraine. She seemed at ease, calm. She had been at her wit's end -even if she would never admit it, whilst Lord Jaime was away and there was rarely a time when she was not fidgeting.

"Are you happy Lord Lannister has returned?" She asked knowing the answer. She just needed an excuse to talk. Lorraine nodded slowly, and Elaine continued.

"That's good. When do you think you'll get married?" She shrugged,

" ** _I don't know yet."_**

"Well, it best happen before i'm due to leave! I _have_ promised to say the vows in your place, it will not do for me to not be there." She said as she leaned over to lightly stroke her sister's cheek. _How old we have grown, sister._ She mimed back to her,

" _ **We have not really spoken about it."**_

"Are you afraid to?" Another shrug.

"Lorraine, you can't just agree to marry someone and then show no interest in actually marrying them at all." She rushed to scribble something in response,

" _He doesn't seem to be in such a hurry."_

"Perhaps he doesn't want to push you, you won't know unless you speak about it." Lorraine crossed her arms further into herself and huffed as she leaned back into her seat. They both looked out to the glorious day swarming the surrounding hills with its sunlight. She wondered if Lorraine's children will have hair drenched in sunlight. _Surely, it's too soon for that._ She could not really think of Lorraine as a mother just yet. Perhaps this kitten was some kind of test. She snickered out loud trying to imagine Lord Jaime and Lorraine swaddling the little kitten and bottle feeding it. Lorraine looked at her questioningly then,

"I was just thinking of you as a mother." To her surprise, Lorraine did not respond to that. She merely looked away once more and Elaine sensed that it was perhaps too sensitive of an issue to speak of with her, but when has that ever stopped her?

"You...do know...don't you? What is expected of you once you marry Lord Jaime?" Lorraine sighed out loud at that, locking eyes with Elaine -begging for her to speak.

"You'll be his wife, Lorraine. Just like I will be Jason Farman's. You will have...duties to fulfill. And he likes you, he really does Lorraine." She hesitated a moment before carrying on,

"You can't just keep him at arm's length and expect him to be your friend. He asked you to be his family, to make a family with you." Finally, Lorraine took it upon her to respond.

" _ **What if I don't like it? What if it hurts?"**_ She did not immediately respond, for she did not know how. How could she sit there and reassure Lorraine when she herself was worried about the same thing? Reina had little to say about but did not seem to have many complaints either. Janyne on the other hand had been very straightforward with this matter. She had told them how it hurts the first time, but how it is different for everyone. She told them that some women may like it, and some women won't. Some men will be rough and take their own pleasure, some men will be good to you and some men may be too weak or shy to allow pleasure for either parties.

"Do you trust Jaime?"

" ** _Yes._** "

"You'll be fine, Lorraine." Her sister handed her her notebook once she was finished writing her response.

" ** _I hope you're right._** "

This time, Elaine was the one affording Lorraine with comfort. She leant to her and kissed her head gently,

"When am I not?" They both laughed and Elaine proceeded to lay her head on Lorraine's lap, passively watching the small ginger fur ball attacking a stray strand of yarn left behind and forgotten.

 _Forget me not, sister._

* * *

 **Lorraine**

 _It was killing me. Waiting longer. I had waited for him to return, and he had returned. And now I was waiting for him to rest enough to be well enough to speak to me. After I had left Elaine to return Amber to my chambers I had done nothing but stared out at the slowly setting sun with my feet tapping nervously awaiting a knock on my door._

 _I felt like I was anticipating something with Jaime's return. Now that he was back, things would need to move. When he was still in Ashemark and his proposal was still quite fresh in memory we were operating under the laws of a kind of fantasy land, an in-between land. I did not feel any pressure or expectations looming over me, but I had a feeling that soon I would. I just hoped that Jaime would not hold me too closely to whatever expectations he may have, for some reason he does not strike me as someone with such persistently trivial wants. He had said to me once that I would make him happy, and that he would try and make me happy in return. And thus far, he has had much success._

 _Granted, he surprisingly makes me feel more emotions than just merely happy. He makes me angry sometimes, when I do not at all want to be. He had clearly gotten angry at me when he had told me about him leaving to King's Landing and he looked at me as if he expected me to accept it. Like I was supposed to admit that I had been out of my place somehow. He did not threaten me, perhaps that is what he continues to find interesting about our relationship._

 _I am not blind to what kind of a man Jaime Lannister is. I know that the way he is around me is not necessarily the same way he is around everyone else -and perhaps that is what drew me closer to him in return. I wished to explore why he was indulging me. But I got caught in all of it, and I stopped pursuing the question and just enjoyed his company. Far more than I thought I would._

 _Jaime Lannister, it seems, also had the power to make me feel nervous. For my stomach fluttered now and my eyes kept wandering to the door._

 _What was wrong with me? The man has just returned from a long journey, surely he would need far more than a few hours of rest._

 _Maybe when Jaime said I made him want to be good he had the opposite effect on me. But I refused to believe that, all of this is just new to me._

 _Talking with Elaine had not really helped all that much, it just reminded me of what was inevitable. Although at this point, i'm not really sure what would constitute as helping. Surely facing one's fears was favourable to of avoiding the issue until it claims you for itself. I had admitted to myself before that I did not fear the intimacy -not when I first thought of it. Surely, the pain must be exaggerated. But what if it is not? For some reason it was so easy to analyse myself and Jaime being intimate clinically, but I could not yet imagine it. I could not yet imagine his hands searching me -I have never even allowed my own hands to search my frame. I do not think I have ever even looked at my own naked form for too long. Copulating has been such an unlikely possibility in my life before meeting Jaime that I had not taken it upon myself to give myself a second thought. But I could not deny the growing physical feelings I was having, and they all centered towards my intended. I gave him my lips, that's what it felt like. Like I had handed them over to him, and he was still holding back. I could not yet decide how I felt, though it felt a little like rejection._

 _But how could it be rejection? He had asked me to marry him, to be his wife. He knew what it entailed. And he would spend all his time with me, he would stand close to me. I would watch his eyes flicker to my lips in moments I would not even expect. Why was he holding back? Why could his lips not yet touch any part of me that was not my hand -or nose? Why do I feel like there is nothing anyone can say to me to help me? Why do I feel so inconsolable? It's just a kiss. He's just a man._

 _I felt smothered, suddenly. The air grew thick and hot around me and I shot up out of my heavy chair. Amber rushed to my side and meowed at me._

 _You need not worry, kitten._

 _I placed it on my bed and made my way to the door, grabbing my notepad and its attached pencil in the process. I shut it tightly so as not to allow Amber to wander off and search its new home. I had to remind myself then that it wouldn't be its home for long, either._

 _My legs took me to the staircase leading me to the floor above where my chambers were. Absentmindedly, I kept my empty gaze on each grey step as I tried to steady myself. I almost lost my balance when I bumped into a hard frame once I had reached the final clearing. I looked up to find my golden knight -or lord, staring down at me in shock._

 _"_ Lorraine? What are you doing? _" I believed he was referring to my slightly dazed state, and I hoped he did not notice the thin sheen of sweat that had accumulated at the top of my chest. His shocked disposition soon grew back to his easy arrogance,_

 _"_ Have you come searching for me, my lady? _" He questioned me, the mischievous glint not leaving his eyes. I awarded him with a scoff and a slap to his bicep._

 _I turned from him then, not knowing where to go now. I had found him, now what? We were between his rooms and mine, it's not as if we could yet conduct a conversation in either of our chambers. I moved down a couple of steps and sat myself down, savouring the feeling of the cold stone on through my dress. As expected, Jaime joined shortly after. He looked a little strange now that we had settled, like he was waiting to say something; or that he did not yet know how to phrase it. Nudging my shoulder to his gently, I expressed what I had meant._

 _"_ _ **Out with it."**_

 _He breathed in, and that always worried me. What could he have in store for me now, I wonder? Was the kitten a consolation gift? Furthermore, you silly girl, why are you so worried? Calm yourself._

"I've received word from Casterly Rock." _Was all he said and my blood hammered through my veins at what that could possibly mean. Surely, he did not mean to leave me once more? He had only just returned. I prodded him._

 ** _"What news?"_** _He hesitated for far too long. And I found myself worrying more at whatever tragedy may have befallen the Rock, his home, than for what discomfort I may encounter towards him leaving. He opened his mouth to speak but nothing yet came out and he instead closed his mouth once more to reformulate his thoughts. When he finally spoke his voice sounded more hoarse than I expected it to,_

 _"_ Nothing bad, really. Just that they're making the proper arrangements for you, for us." _It did not sound very sincere, and I found myself fighting on whether right now would be the best time to question his sincerity. Before I could do anything he faced me and asked the very question I had been dreading to hear from anyone,_

 _"_ Have you given any more thought -or any thought at all, to our wedding? Perhaps a date?" _The care in his voice was almost insulting, like he thought I would break. He was right though, I almost didn't want to hear what he was asking. I hated having to admit that it was sensitive to me, that I was being a coward -a child, about it. I turned my head away from him in shame and shook it slowly. With a quick intake of breath he continued, still facing me,_

 _"_ I just," _slowly, he wrapped one arm comfortingly around and down my back and held my hand in his then as I slowly turned my eyes back to his,_ "I want you to know Lorraine, it is completely up to you. If you're not yet ready, I will wait. You are under no pressure, we can marry whenever you wish." _I looked fully at him then, surprised by the direction the conversation had taken. I motioned,_

" _ **Really?"** He chuckled lightly,_

 _"_ Of course. Just do not test my patience in the process, my lady!" _We both laughed at his comment but I could not shake the feeling of utter gratitude to the man I was now sitting very closely to. This man, I realised, I did not care what anyone else may have thought of him. He was good to me, and has demonstrated time and time again that he would understand me even when it was unreasonable of me to be so._

 _As we calmed down from our laughter I found myself stilling suddenly as now, our foreheads were touching. I did not move away. It seems that in Jaime's company, I rarely did. He closed his eyes then -which was a foreign sight for me, and he breathed in. He looked peaceful. Whereas my mind was frantically jumping from one action to another. I did not know whether to take action or risk moving and breaking this foreign yet comfortable position I had found myself in. I would gladly spend afternoons like this. But a part of me wanted, begged for more. My mind screamed, willing him to move. To for once take initiative._

 _When his eyes opened again something in me clicked. Suddenly his eyes were magnetic and those green orbs that are usually always filled with passive arrogance and mirth were darkened by something else entirely. His hand behind my back tightened slightly and so did the force around my heart. My blood pumped furiously at the sudden realisation; he was drawing me closer. It was agonising, moving at a slower pace than I could ever imagine. Suddenly, finally, the lips I had for so long questioned were but a breath away from my own. And in a moment, the moment when a wave finally crashes to shore, his lips claimed me._

 _He moved softly against me, and I could feel his heavy breath against my face. Why were his lips so soft? Why did they feel like lighting a tree on fire? Except I was the one on fire. His hand moved to my hair but I barely registered it as his lips trapped my own once again in a soft lock. So this is what kissing feels like?_

 _It did not last for long, and Jaime pulled away from me slightly so our noses were now touching. He smiled softly at me as he stroked the hairs off my face -just like he did in my dreams._

 _"_ Forgive me, that was not very proper of me, my lady." _I shook my head fervently at his statement, I would not let him taint this moment by assorting blame. Nothing felt wrong about this, nothing felt forbidden. I, Lorraine Marbrand, have just had my first kiss with Jaime Lannister on the cold stone steps of my own home. And it felt like sunlight would burst out of me at any moment._

 _Surprisingly, it was me then who was the one to break off the last of our contact as I made a sharp turn to my right pocket and reached for my notepad once more. I quickly wrote down my question to him and ripped the paper out. I took his hand in mine and placed the piece of paper in it and implored him to read it. His confused look only turned wry and proud at the content._

 _" **How does after a fortnight sound?** " I tried not be proud as well, for apparently I was still able to surprise him. I looked at him for a response and it seemed I would not be getting one until he once more caressed my cheek and finally opened his mouth to respond,_

 _"_ My lady, if I had known how easy it is to persuade you, I would have kissed you long before now. _"_


	18. Preparations

**Hey-o. First off, i'd like to start by saying that though I didn't have such a clear picture when I was writing the last chapter i'm actually really happy with how it came out -I never really planned on Jaime and Lorraine kissing before their wedding but I felt like that was the direction those two seemed to be headed.**

 **Also, thanks for the kind words and support, it's reassuring to know that this energy is going towards something others seem to enjoy.**

 **This chapter was damn near impossible to start because though I had a general plan of the themes I wanted to go over I had to sit my self down and think about what exactly i'd cover and how i'd go about covering it and ended up changing a few things.**

 **I hope it's up to par, enjoy!**

* * *

 **Jaime**

He felt eyes on him as his sword dealt the final clash to a knight who's name he could not even recall. The knight's weight buckled under his shield as Jaime pressed his sword down against it and the nameless knight fell fully back onto the ground. Jaime helped the young man up then and shook his hand firmly commenting that it was a good spar.

In fact, any spar was a good spar to Jaime now. After having to leave Ilyne Payne back at King's Landing Jaime has had very little chance to practice fighting with his left hand -and Ashemark's up and coming household knights were the perfect targets for that. Furthermore, it did not hurt to keep his mind off of the frenzied preparations the castle was in for the wedding. _His_ wedding. After his kiss with Lorraine he did not even know what to feel. He had promised himself not to touch her further before they were to be wed but a part of him could hardly contain his relief at the excitement she displayed after their kiss. He had come so far, gotten so close, and he wanted to do this right. He did not believe in the Gods -old or new, and he did not believe in sin -he was not sure what a man like him would do if he did. But Lorraine must have, and he wanted her to know normalcy for as long as she could for he did not know what would come later. _But still,_ he thought, _one kiss to a maiden is not the same as fucking._ He still worried over that. And if he were to be honest with himself, he was not yet sure he could do it.

Yes, he felt immensely attracted to her. Yes, he thought of her constantly. Yes, he sometimes imagined how her naked body would feel against his. But he could not yet bring himself to imagine being inside her. Cersei was all he had ever known intimately, and the nature in which he conducted his business with her then was not the way Lorraine was or he would expect her to be. And it was not like swordplay; it was not as if he could practice.

And there was also the matter of Casterly Rock. He was glad that his return would now be imminent as apposed to open-ended but it did not resolve the issues growing in the region. It had been clear in the letter, the Western Lord were losing respect for his house. And that was something else entirely for the fact that the surrounding villages, as much as it pained him to admit, needed his assistance. Moreover, there was the Tully situation that he could not ignore and it did not make him feel all that great either to know Roslin Frey and her child would be joining her husband as his hostages. He did not like Edmure Tully, and he probably never will, but he understood why Edmure despised him in return. He had taken his home, which was understandable. But that was something he could have expected for siding -and continuing to side, with the losing team. Still, he wondered how everyone would feel -the hostages, himself and his new wife, that him and Lorraine would experience the first few weeks of marriage knowing that on some far end of the castle a new family was being held hostage under their own roof. _How would Edmure Tully feel_ , he wondered, _knowing I was taking my new wife to bed while he was still a prisoner in my own home?_

He finally found the pair of eyes that had been tracing his every move and gave a curt smile to Addam. He wondered for a moment how Addam would feel if he knew Jaime's exact thoughts at that moment. Would he be offended or relieved that I was wondering if I could figure out how to make love to his youngest sister?

"Hoping to learn a thing or two, Ser?" He asked as he removed his gloved hand.

"I could ask the same of you, my lord." He stared him down before he returned his easy smile and gently pointed his sword at him.

"Proceed with caution, Ser." Addam gently moved the sword away as they both chuckled lightly and Jaime brought a rag to his sweaty face.

"You've been in the yard an awful lot as of recent."

"Do you feel neglected Ser? I would have thought your wife would keep you busy."

It was true, for after Jaime returned from King's Landing he found that Addam had become quite taken by Margot. Sure, she was his wife and it was to be expected. But Jaime knew Addam's affections could only extend so far to anyone that was not family. But it seems they have both grown immensely on one another. What was even more surprising was the change in Margot. She was still shy by all counts, and did not speak often unless spoken to in the company of strangers, but her answers and statements seemed a lot clearer and were delivered with far more confidence than he had noticed her have before. Margot and Addam seemed to be happy. Margot and Addam stood closer to one another than they used to. Margot and Addam danced together when no one else would. And sometimes, when they thought no one was watching, Addam would whisper something Jaime immediately assumed to be wicked in Margot's ear and she would offer him a kiss on her little lips. It excited Lorraine to no end.

"She's with the girls now." He answered in true form and motioned for them to walk back inside.

"I see."

"You've no interest what it is they're doing?"

"Should I? What do you need for a wedding? Flowers, a pair of cloaks, a dress if one cares, and a bride and groom and someone to give her away."

"And a burning tree." Addam reminded him.

"Yes but that's extremely specific to Ashemark isn't it? Tell me, dear friend, why is it you've sought me out at this moment?" Addam looked down at that, laughing off the embarrassment at being caught. For Jaime was right; he did not come to him just to make idle small talk.

"I have been charged with something." He eyed him carefully from through his peripheral vision.

"Should I be worried?"

Addam stopped then, bringing his hand up to stop Jaime in his track as well. Jaime had to admit now that his curiosity had been peaked.

"My father wants to see you later, in his study. He'll be waiting for you before dinner." He looked on, dumbfounded, surprised that Addam would ask such a thing. He sighed out, bringing his face to a winced expression.

"I'm not sure I want to know anymore." Addam barked out in laughter and smacked Jaime's back with his palm. _It seems all Marbrands are fond of hitting me places, has no one told them i'm the dreaded Kingslayer?_

 _"_ Fear not, my lord. Now, as you mentioned, it seems I have a wife I have to fetch." He made his exit to the stairwell on their right and Jaime found himself once again left to his own devices.

The household knights were too tired to spar with him further, and he was not sure he could exhaust himself more than he already had. Lorraine was obviously being seen to already. Addam was off with Margot. He had always preferred his own company with the exception of Cersei and Tyrion, but it seems now he was at a loss.

Instead he made his way to his rooms to waste his time by writing another letter to Casterly Rock. He needed to remind them of the sensitivity regarding the hostages, and how they needed to be -and _stay_ comfortable. It would not do for him to mistreat the Tully's and then send them on their merry way to King's Landing. No, he had to treat them with a level of dignity, even if he thought a weasel like Edmure Tully was undeserving of it.

Just as he began to write he felt the words escape him and his mind drifted back to Lorraine. He felt like a silly little girl, what business did he have gushing over a kiss? It was just that, a mere kiss. But it had taken him by surprise, which Lorraine seemed to do almost every time he spoke to her. He felt her warmth against him in that moment, and finally relished in the same lips his eyes had always wandered to. He was gentle, but the situation demanded it. And now, he found especially difficult to hold back his usual desires. She was tempting him and he could not tell if it was an accident or not. They had not kissed since that day and since then the tension in the air had only hovered over them. He thought of her more often at night now, and he imagined her sweet lips everywhere else on him.

Shaking the thought away at the sudden tightness in his breeches, Jaime tightened his grip on his quill and returned to the letter. Eventually his eyes strayed to the folded cloak sitting on the chair opposite him. Lorraine's Lannister cloak arrived from Casterly Rock as well as a pendant he had insisted on giving her as a wedding gift. They had both belonged to his mother and he had wondered what other use they may have had just lying there in Casterly Rock, it's not as if anyone would argue with him over what to do with them. He reached over to examine the chain, it had soft circles of rubies and emeralds hanging from smaller chains off of the main one and he returned it to the box as if his touch would ruin it. He tried returning to his letter, but instead thought of the cloak and how it would envelop Lorraine's frame when he put it on her. _I wonder how light it would feel when i've removed it from her at the end of the night_. His mind wandered to what Lorraine thought about when she lay in bed at night. Soon he would know.

* * *

 **Lorraine**

 _Only a week left. Could it be? In a mere week I would be Lorraine Lannister and I would have a husband._

 _Even now, standing in the very dress I would be getting married in I could hardly bring myself to believe any of it was real. Granted, the dress was still a little bare looking, it was merely the first layer they were fitting on me for size before they could get work on all the additions. To my surprise, Elaine had been an enthused participant in it all and spoke of lace and embroidery and embellishments -I had to stop her once she got to feathers. The only thing anyone asked for my opinion of was the colour, and I strangely picked white. It was an uncommon colour for one to wear to one's own wedding -or at all, and white was always a colour that kind of scared me. But when I placed it against my maiden's cloak I knew it would make it look the richest. I suppose it'll make my Lannister cloak look just as bold._

 _The wedding preparations did not scare me. They were a little tedious, but I did not at all mind them. Especially not with Elaine and Margot by my side, it was refreshing seeing Margot have a strong opinion about something even if it was that the flowers should be orange instead of white since they were white at the last wedding we hosted. It seems that Ashemark's sept has become quite a popular wedding destination as of late._

 _It was, in fact, the preparations for our departure that intimidated me the most. I had asked Jaime once of the arrangements he said were being made for us at Casterly Rock and he was strangely vague about it. Could I really blame him though? My question was not as direct as it should have been. I have thus far been very open with Jaime and admit to having no fears around him, but I could not yet bring myself to look him square in the eye and ask him if we would be sharing chambers at the Rock._

 _Instead, I took it upon myself to guess. Surely there would be plenty of room at Casterly Rock and I would not be lacking in space, but would separate chambers be a given or even expected? Would Jaime even want to share a room with me?_

 _Addam and Margot shared rooms. So did Father and Mother. And Janyne and Ronald. But I have no knowledge of how it is for Great Lords -regardless of how well they got on with their spouses. I did not yet know what I would want from Jaime in that respect. I silently hoped that even in case he in fact did not want to share our chambers that I would not feel dissapointed or offended by it, it would be all too telling to both me and Jaime._

 _I had rarely worn dresses with sleeves as long as this dress would reach, and so I hoped I did not overheat in it. I turned slightly in front of the mirror to examine the corset in the back when I spied Elaine eyeing me carefully,_

 _"You're going to look beautiful, sister." She breathed out clapping her hands together,_

 _"Truly, I can imagine it Lorraine." Chimed in Margot from the seat behind her._

 _I smiled back at them, there was no use in a disagreement -or a conversation about the matter anyway. They'd gush and tell me how pretty of a bride I will be and I'll shy away, and so on. They've both been fawning over me relentlessly, I think Elaine especially needs a distraction from her own nuptials -which I still strangely do not have any further news of._

 _Rolling my eyes and making one final check of how the dress fit I made my way to the changing screen and replaced the bare dress with my pale blue one. Once I reappeared from behind the screen I found that Margot had left and Elaine had stood up. I looked at Elaine questioningly and she responded without me having to do anything._

 _"_ Addam was looking for Margot so she joined him." _I nodded, then returned my curious gaze to her once more. She looked back shyly and opened her mouth to speak once more,_

 _"_ I fear I must be on my way as well. I still have a painting I wish to finish today." _And with a quick kiss to my cheek, Elaine was gone as well, and I was left alone. I huffed out in exasperation and decided to amuse myself with a walk. I had no wish to disturb Jaime right now as I knew this is when he would be training the house guards and my legs could use some movement after standing stiffly for so long in one place._

 _It was at the covered bridge, the one encircled in ferns and Amber roses, where I found my betrothed on his way somewhere. As I approached him he noted me with his eye brows raised,_

 _"_ I was just on my way to you. How was the...umm...the thing?" _I could not help but walk away from him giggling, did he not yet realise he could stop pretending to be interested in all the trivialities? I was surprised he hadn't rolled his eyes into an early grave the last time we sat with Elaine who was trying to help pick centerpieces._

 _I did not have my notepad with me, so I could not explain to him exactly what I had felt trying on my not-yet wedding dress, so I merely motioned my thumb up to signify it was good, fine, but I believe my facial expression spoke louder volumes as the only response I got was a resounding laugh that echoed through the enclosed space._

 _He extended his arm out towards me in order for me to hold on to it and I almost took it but hesitated at the last moment, instead choosing to return my arm to my side and lean my back on the wall behind me. I stared him down lazily, like his questioning look was unjustified. Soon the element of surprise wore off and Jaime returned as I knew him, proud and a little depraved -but that same darkness I saw in his eyes right before we kissed returned and I could not help but wonder in slight panic, were we about to kiss once more? Is Jaime Lannister going to kiss me?_

 _I worried after we had kissed whether I had done it correctly, I have no experience. Or I suppose I can now only correctly say I_ had _no experience. Had I gone about it all wrong? Is there a trick to this I should know about? It's not like I can practice._

 _He stepped toward me and reached his hand to rest against the wall near where my head was and brought his frame in closer to mine, still careful not to touch me._

 _"_ You'd stay careful not to defy me, my lady." _He said, his voice low and thick. Yes, we were definitely alone now. I looked away, pretending to not have heard his comment at all and raised my eyes to the ceiling, making sure not to return them to his until I was confident I would not laugh._

 _Somehow, I succeeded, and met his heated stare with my own. He leaned in further and I could feel his heavy breath caressing my cheek,_

"Does this perhaps, bother you at all? My lady?" _Still somehow holding a breath I had not known I had taken, I shook my head slowly, careful not to break eye contact. For I was swimming in green, I was bathing in green, and I did not wish to be anywhere other than here -pinned by emeralds._

 _To my surprise, he moved his other hand closer to my frame and it touched my middle. Faintly, very faintly it whisped against my side until it settled right by my ribs. I tried to let out my breath slowly, so as not to show that I had been keeping it in and did my best not to flinch at the contact._

"And this?" _He asked, and I did not miss the teasing tone in his now husky voice._

I _wondered then, c_ _ould this be misconstrued as seduction? Am I being tempting? Could my defying lean signal something far more wicked to someone like my betrothed? Perhaps he is not the only depraved one. I smiled slightly at that revelation; it turns out that perhaps I am not the passionless Septa every one thought I was._

 _My face was awash in red now and I am biting my lip -hard. Yet I stood my ground and did not move. I wanted to see play this out, and see how far Jaime would go on his own without me having to instigate anything further. He leaned in to me once more and now our noses were touching, I could almost feel the dampness of his lips on mine._

 _But to my astonishment, my awaiting lips were not awarded with my intended's once more. Instead, I felt that same dampness on the spot between my jaw and cheek; the same spot I had kissed him before._

 _I had no idea what my expression must have been when he finally braved to look at me, but i'm sure it was not as passive as I would have liked it to be as his grin grew from ear to ear._

 _And not a moment later, the sound of footsteps was heard and the heat between us vanished as he pushed himself away from me -almost regretfully. To both our chagrins, Addam stood in the direction where the foot steps had been coming from with an extremely uncomfortable expression on his face, I could barely even look at him._

 _Instead, I looked to Jaime, who looked bored and weary all of a sudden, returning to his lazy nonchalance. I tried to pinch myself for the thought I had next. But it would seem I would be trying to pinch myself for the remainder of the evening as well; all I could think of was how I wished to be alone with him again -with no interruptions. I could laugh at myself for the mere thought, but it was a recurring "what if" in my mind. What if, what if what if?_

 _By the Gods, what will become of me?_

* * *

 **Addam**

He never thought he would have to worry more than what was expected. So far, he imagined he had been worried far less for Lorraine than what was normal -he trusted Jaime. And he had to remind himself that even now after catching them in some sort of heated exchange, that he still did trust him.

 _I would have to keep a more watchful eye on them._ He reminded himself as he made the long walk back to his chambers. He did not know what use it would be to keep an eye on the pair of them -especially since their wedding was next week. It's not as if he did not have a thousand other things to do and worry about already. But there was something in the way they looked, the way they _were_ that felt strange to Addam. No one could expect him to _enjoy_ seeing his sister _that_ way with someone -regardless of who they were. He had mostly left them alone to their own devices and in each other's company since their engagement, he knew Jaime well enough to know he would not try such an obvious attempt at her honour in her own home like that. And Addam _still_ didn't think Jaime would do that, or that Jaime would hurt her in any way.

Maybe that was the issue. He of course wanted his sister to be beloved by whomever would have her, but some unsaid _thing_ made Addam seriously question any ill-will he may have thought Jaime may have ever had towards his sister. And it scared him, that someone could know so little of another person and yet still want to treat them that way.

When he returned to his room he found Margot sitting by her dresser in her robe, the room smelling freshly of honeysuckle. She was combing her hair and smiled sweetly in the mirror at him and he returned it with a curt nod. Immediately her eye brows furrowed and she turned to him,

"Is something the matter?" She asked, her voice in a slightly higher pitch that it usually was. It was her tell-tale sign that she was worried. He sat down on the bed then, removing his boots and sighing out at the relief he felt. He lay down, looking up at nothing, trying to think of how he could formulate an answer.

"I just...saw something strange. That's all." She moved to the bed then, sitting on it with one knee on the mattress and the other grazing the floor. He balanced himself on his elbows so he could look up at her.

She had grown, and only grown more beautiful to him. She was less fearful of asking him things, sometimes he even felt like she demanded it of him -but he would never say so to her in fear of embarrassing her enough to stop. After their wedding night things started looking up considerably -not that they were not already, but far more progress had been made. Not just with Margot herself, but between the pair of them. He was almost ashamed to admit that the physical part of it all helped the both of them immensely. It was a language that did not need speaking. It sorted things between them when they disagree, it comforted them when they were emotional, and surprisingly Margot has been quite _receptive_ to his more ... _aggressive_ advances.

"What is it?" He sighed out loud, almost groaning as he thought of the other thing that has been plaguing him. He decided this was the best time to get it off his chest. If he could not tell his wife who else could he tell?

He moved up further and reached for her hand, stroking his thumb across her fair skin gently. He licked his lips before speaking again,

"It's my father. He is not well." Her eyes widened. _Surely Margot, you are not so naïve as to believe that he is as well as he claims._

"He complains of his heart and he has chest pains. He's getting weaker." He explained further,

"Will he be alright?" _Oh sweet Margot, one does not get alright so easily at this age._

"I don't know." He almost whispered, "Whatever it is, we must be there for him. Do you understand me, Margot?" She nodded her head immediately,

"Of course. Of course I understand."

"May I ask you of something, my darling?" He had realised that "darling" was an affectionate term appreciated dearly by his new wife.

"Any thing." He did not know if she enunciated each syllable on purpose, but instead returned his attention to her fingers that he was now fiddling with. Returning his gaze to her he steadily said,

"Not a word of this can reach Lorraine. She can never know. Not now." Margot nodded slowly this time, as if processing each part of his statement. She pulled him closer by the hand and planted a soft kiss to his slightly opened mouth.

"I promise."

* * *

 **Hope you enjoyed this. I really powered through to get this out. I felt like if I stopped I would have forgotten what I wanted to get in and a lot of what i've written came to me in the moment. I, for one, am going to enjoy a nice long 12 hour sleep after posting this so I better wake up to a lot of gratitude. I'm only joking! ...kinda.**

 **I've fixed any spelling/grammar mistakes the best way I could. Please let me know if there are any issues.**

 **I'm gonna keep on writing cause I really want to get the next two chapters done before I start uni again but I may not publish them in quick succession and instead choose to make you guys sweat a little, yall have been spoiled rotten.**


	19. A Bride To Envy

**Ah, we're finally here! I'd just like to talk about my inspiration for this chapter and how I envisioned writing it far before I began writing the fan fiction. I have no idea why but every time I listened to Frank Ocean's "American Wedding" I thought of this so I kept it on repeat. Enjoy.**

* * *

 **Jaime**

 _How ludicrous,_ he thought as he heard the sudden pitter-patter of rain come down around the Sept. It had been dry for weeks, but as soon as he looked out of the window after waking that morning he knew the weather would not be kind to them today. _On my wedding day of all days, perhaps the Gods are laughing._

He had not seen Lorraine at all since last night, as she explained it was bad luck for him to see her the day of their wedding. He then asked her if it was bad luck for him to kiss her the night of their wedding. And judging by her slow and attentive return of his feverish kiss, he thought not. He wondered, then, would his bride think this coming storm was a good omen? He almost scoffed; he admired a great deal about Lorraine but her strange superstitions were not included on that list.

The thunder roared then and he quickly scanned those gathered for a reaction. Elaine stood adjacent to him with her arms folded and seemed to be the only one in the sept wearing her anticipation so obviously. Addam was standing by his side, impatient as always to the point where Jaime doubted he had even noticed the rain. There were a great deal many staff members gathered at the back of the sept as well, which Jaime found curious since he had not remembered seeing all that many during the two other weddings that had occurred in this same sept. The old septon looked bored, he could not blame him -weddings were hardly exciting nowadays.

As he glanced once more at Addam he finally registered his tired expression and thought it quite strange he would look that way during his own sister's wedding. But then he remembered what Lord Marbrand had told him a week ago and Jaime had to stop himself from falling prey to Addam's gloominess.

It turns out that the Lord Marbrand is not as well as he has lead on, and his health is failing him -albeit slowly. Initially, Jaime did not understand why he was being told this or why it was so important he knew, but then Lord Marbrand had gone on to explain that he needed Lorraine to be taken care of and that as his liege lord he entrusted Jaime with the smooth handing of Ashemark down to Addam when it was time and plead him to take care of Duncan as well as he could as well.

 _"I fear King's Landing may become too unstable for his safety. If it does, and I feel terribly indebted to you to ask, it is my wish for you to take care of him and find him somewhere else to squire or be stationed -even if he were to come to you. If not for this old man's sake then for Lorraine's."_

He remembered him saying as Jaime's legs stood glued to the floor of his study. He never knew or thought Lord Marbrand would be one to plead, he had always stood tall and proud; especially judging from the way Addam had turned out. But it stunned Jaime how far the man would go to ensure his piece of mind that his children would be taken care of. Jaime could not yet respect that, as he did not fully understand it -but he could understand doing monstrous things for the one you loved. And he supposed pleading your liege lord was not quite as monstrous as some of the things he himself had done.

He tried as best he could to find it him to remain respectful of the man and his choices, but could not help but feel resentment at the fact that he was being forced to keep something from Lorraine. Especially something that he knew would hurt her and cause her grief. _Would you have me start my marriage by keeping a secret, my Lord?_ But then he was quick to remind himself that there was no shortage of secrets he was still more than willingly keeping from Lorraine and had firmly planned on never telling her.

Finally, the staff parted at the doorway and Jaime gulped down at the sight that he had been patiently awaiting to see.

She was beautiful, and he was more sure of it than anything else. Her gown glowed against her skin and the bright orange cloak around her clung about her sides -making her look like she was somehow on fire. The lace on her gown rose up from her long sleeves to her corset, and Jaime registered the thin sheen of lace attached to the middle of her head and flowed over her hair like a thin mist. Her hair was set loose -he imagined Lorraine fighting her handmaidens on that particular point, and it seemed far darker than he could remember it being as it dangled over her white dress. She looked shy, painfully aware that she was being watched by everyone -people she had known her entire life were about to watch her give herself away to him.

The walk down the altar seemed to take far longer than Jaime had expected it to, and in the displaced time his thoughts whirled through everything from the loss of his hand to the words his brother had spat at him before leaving him forever. Somehow, strangely he thought of the Wench, he thought of Brienne. He wondered where in the Seven Kingdoms she must be at this point, and imagined she would have a silly smile on her face at the scene unfolding.

Lorraine had finally reached him and was but a foot away - and Jaime Lannister was nervous.

The septon asked who would give her away and her father answered him with no hesitation. Just the same as he had done with Reina, he kissed Lorraine's forehead gently but lingered a little longer and placed her hand in Jaime's.

At the septon's demand Jaime removed Lorraine's cloak and replaced it with the cloak he had in his own hands as the rain's steady rhythm sped up and a silent bolt of lightning flashed though the stained windows. The deep scarlet draped down her back heavily and stood out against her dress. Finally turning to him, he held her hand in his and waited for the septon to say whatever he needed to say before asking him to recite the words. His eyes flickered to Elaine, who looked positively terrified. _She only has a sentence to say,_ he complained to himself, _it's not like it's for life._

The septon turned to Lorraine then and asked,

"Do you accept this man before you, Lady Lorraine Marbrand?" And she nodded in response, smiling for what seemed to be the first time to Jaime.

"Very well. In the sight of the Seven, I hereby seal these two souls, binding them as one, for eternity. Look upon one another now, and say the words."

Now was the time, this is what it all came down to -a few choice words and that would be it. It was a new life, and he kept telling himself that it would be leagues better than anything he had left behind in King's Landing. He was the same man with a new title, and a new wife. And he was glad for it, and glad for the time that he had given Lorraine and himself in order for this to have a chance of working. He could almost taste how close he was, he could almost taste how willing he would be to do anything for her.

He looked deep into Lorraine's eyes, and hers bore into him in return as he heard his voice speak the same words he had heard a thousand times -but now they had new meaning. In unison he heard Elaine's voice come from behind Lorraine saying the exact same thing he was, but that somehow did not exist.

"Father, Smith, Warrior, Mother, Maiden, Crone, Stranger, I am hers and she is mine from this day until the end of my days." She pursed her lips slightly as he said it, did she believe him yet?

Pushing all those thoughts aside, he leaned in to kiss Lorraine once he had noticed her moving forward. It was to be a chaste kiss, she deserved to be kissed that way at least once -to see if she liked it or not. But once his lips met the electricity in hers he could not move away. He did not deepen it, but he merely held her there by her cheek and kept his lips firmly against hers -hoping she would not forcefully break away, for this was a sensation even he had never known. He had not realised how badly he really wanted to not hide his want for someone any longer -for he believed he had suffered enough of that. Once more, he thought back to the circumstances that had led him exactly to where he now was.

If he had not lost his hand -if his hand had not been taken away from him, would he still find his way here kissing the sweetest lips in front of anyone that cared to look? In that moment of pure liberty Jaime thought he would give away another limb just to turn back time and do this sooner.

It was done now, in the eyes of the Gods and anyone that cared to look, Lorraine Lannister was his and he was hers. If only he had the good sense to cease kissing her right now he could imagine living in some semblance of happiness with her.

* * *

 **Lorraine**

 _How fitting it is to have a storm befall us on my wedding day? We had planned to make great use of the outer dance hall -but I suppose we'll have to make do without it now. Elaine kept going on about how a storm or rain on one's wedding day was a good sign, but all it meant to me was that the Gods did not wish for me to revel in the Western breeze today. I do not believe that good fortune in one's marriage can be given by something as inconsequential as rain. Perhaps a good kiss is a better indicator of the way things will go._

 _I am not so naïve, I know things can change. But it seems like lately all I can think about is kissing, and kissing Jaime. I flourished whenever he held me close to him and I suppose out of all the things I could practice kissing is what I currently enjoyed practicing the most. Granted, I did not usually award him with too many over the last fortnight, it had only been a handful of times. But I made sure that both he and I found something new in each other every time our lips met. I enjoyed exploring where my hands would go, it was not even a fully concious feeling. Sometimes I would thread my fingers through his hair, and other times I would let my hands rest on his shoulders. He always bent down slightly to meet me, and I noticed that he executed much caution in not pressing himself too close to me -or for too long. I wonder why? It was not like we needed to be especially careful._

 _Even with my growing appreciation towards Jaime and I's slow physical pursuits I could still not fully tell how I felt walking down to meet my groom. My head was empty, and I simply could not think of anything past breathing. When I finally reached him and the ceremony proceeded I found myself forgetting my self; the only thing I could think of was how Jaime was feeling. He looked focused, like this was a task that needed to be fulfilled, and I suppose it was. But when he kissed me I felt like he was trying to tell me something, like he was trying to show me something. He held me to his face far longer than I had expected our wedding kiss to be, and in my head everything and everyone around us was muted. There was only him in that moment, I was not even sure if even I existed. No, there was only him and he looked to me so handsome that to me it was a wonder that no one had fought a war for him. Wasn't it a funny thing? How one's physical comeliness only grows further along with one's dearness to a person. I would have readily admitted to anyone that Jaime Lannister was a handsome man when I first met him; I'm a mute not a blind woman. But he looks to me now like some sort of God, like there is something that radiates within him -and I can not stop the pull that draws me to him._

 _We sat on the raised dais now, this time in the middle of it. We had already graced it twice before as guests and now lo and behold -we were the main event. I strangely noted that as of yet, excluding the vows at the Sept, Jaime had yet to speak to me. Look at me, a mute girl complaining about the silence -how grand._

 _As if reading my thoughts he turned his eyes away from the crowd and looked at me,_

 _"Would you like some wine, wife?" His grin was a wide and wolfish and I decided to let him have this moment by acting as the sheep. I nodded and he went ahead and poured the wine to the brim of my goblet, I have a feeling this will not be the last of the wine I have this evening._

 _As I sipped my wine carefully I eyed the remnants of the burning tree as the flames slowly burned on -albeit far more gently than they initially did. It was by now unremarkable, the lighting of the tree, it must have lost its appeal. Would that be me? Or would Jaime be that to me? Would this be the best we have, is this our peak? I refuse to believe so._

 _I could feel Jaime keeping his eye on me, though it was not done with much hazy affection but instead curiosity. It was then that I finally realised that my thus far consistently bank expression must have made me look detached. I looked back at him and gave him a quick smile and swiftly placed my hand in his in reassurance. My hand had found a comfortable home in his, and I hoped that would mean I would find a comfortable home in Casterly Rock._

 _His thumbs softly grazed over my fingers in a gesture to calm me, but the idea had found its way to mind and I indulged myself a moment away from the all the merriment to consider what had just happened. I had married, and only the Gods knew what would await me now. If it was a mistake, there was no one to blame but me. Yes, Jaime had asked, but I had accepted. I knew what this would be, what this would entail. I knew that at some point tonight I would lose my maidenhead and know a man in the most intimate way, and I still accepted. I could not ignore that I wanted this, and playing hard to get or playing at all would not serve me -even if Jaime did enjoy it from time to time._

 _And so I stood up suddenly, accidentally almost spilling Jaime's wine from his goblet as he had began sipping._

 ** _"Come dance with me."_** _I motioned to him, and taking a rather large gulp Jaime finally set his goblet down and got up._

 _"_ As you wish, Lady Lannister." _he whispered to me as I led him down._

 _I figured it would not bode well if the celebrating couple did not have at least one dance during their wedding celebrations, even if I did not particularly feel like it. If I was being honest my legs felt heavy and the long train of my dress did not help my movement. But still, I would have this dance with my golden husband, if not for anything else than for the sake of him knowing I was still there with him._

 _This song seemed quieter than all the rest, and I tightened my grip on Jaime's neck once we were in place. His hands, I noticed, did not hold me the same place I had now gotten used to them. Instead he grabbed my waist lazily, holding me to him closely and moved the hand he was holding to his other shoulder so now both his hands were on my back. We swayed closely to the music, and all thoughts on what was deemed proper left me. His hands moved around my back like they were searching for something that he knew he could never find, and his neck cradled my head almost like a mother did to her child. He did not say a word the entire time, and I could feel his heart, if he had one, and I could hear him breathe even with all the noise. For the first time since I had met him, Jaime Lannister seemed intoxicated._

 _Neither one of us seemed to care at all if we were being looked at. My face remained blank and my eyes were wide open, looking at nothing, but it felt like I was asleep. And when the song ended and Jaime placed his hands on my hips to move me away it jolted me back to reality, what a rude awakening indeed._

 _He took my hand once more and led me back to the dais, where we would sit for Gods know how long._ _I did not want to sit. Sitting was the last thing I wanted to do. But I did not yet want to go. Going upstairs would mean too much has changed. I was not scared, and I had to keep telling myself that. Then what was I feeling?_

 _I realised, that all this time I had been worried what Jaime,_ _my_ husband _, was thinking that i've probably forgotten that he was probably doing the exact same thing. No doubt he was sizing me up, analyzing me, wondering what I was feeling._

 _We were like strangers now, sitting next to one another with nothing to say. After he dared freeing his hands from whatever spell they were bound to before this day while we were dancing we now sat in silence pretending to be distracted by the evening. I took this time to think long and hard, for I had been keeping the idea of the level of intimacy I would find myself in later on tonight at bay._

 _"If he's good to you he'll finish it quickly." I once heard a Septa say to Janyne before she had wed long ago. Have things changed now? I have always been fond of the more exact sciences and I have a feeling consummating a marriage is not one of them. What if I do something wrong? What if I don't do anything at all? Is it like kissing? Where do I put my hands?_

 _I did not notice that I was breathing rapidly now and Jaime had in the mean time redirected his attention to me and looked at me in worry,_

 _"_ Are you alright? Lorraine?" _I forced a thin smile and pointed at the goblet in front of me._

 _" **Too much wine."** He nodded at that and I could tell he was not convinced. Have I become that transparent to him so soon?_

 _Once his gaze returned to stare out at no one in particular in the crowd I reached over without even a wisp of caution to the accusing goblet and lapped it all up. I contorted my face in response to the bitterness but nevertheless reached for the chalice for a refill. My lack of stealth roused my husband's attention it seems and his head whipped back to me quickly, was he not getting dizzy from all this back and forth? He cocked his head slightly and raised an accusing eye brow,_

 _"_ Have you not had enough wine, my lady?" _My head shook defiantly, I would not let him scare me tonight. He seemed unconvinced still and leaned in to whisper,_

 _"_ Lorraine, are you sure you're alright?" _I kissed his cheek confidently in reassurance. I will be soon Jaime, I will be soon._

* * *

 **To be continued...**


	20. Thorough

**I wasn't sure if I should leave you all on a cliffhanger of sorts and I had doubts about splitting the wedding in two parts while I was writing it but it was how I had originally planned it and I thought it was best to stick with it instead of risking a change and possibly delaying the update further whilst I tried to organise it.**

 **Anyways,** ** _much_** **more Jaime and Lorraine goodness -enjoy!**

* * *

 **Lorraine**

 _My first act as lady Lannister, apparently, was to get drunk at my own wedding. I had never had such a high tolerance for alcohol -us Marbrands are known for not being able to hold our ale, but this was new._

 _It seems I had over estimated the power of my nerves and am in fact, nervous of what is to come. Jaime did not touch his wine after he had seen me down my own goblet, which I was thankful for -one of us had to keep his wits about him. He chose to ignore me, and though I felt a myriad of things all at once in my hazy state I mostly felt gratitude towards him for that. It was a small kindness, I did not want to have to look at him and lie anymore._

 _He waited a long time, my husband, and the hall had mostly cleared out -my father being the first to go. Yes, I don't suppose my father would want to stick around long enough to see me escape the hall with my husband and think of us heading to our chambers. What a strange thing,_ our _chambers. I suppose there was no use in having separate chambers here, since we would be leaving the coming afternoon. But still it felt strange that I would not be spending my last night in Ashemark in my own room._

 _Lost in thought I was startled almost out of my seat by a foreign hands grasping at my shoulder. I looked up to find Addam, strangely silent tonight, looking down at me with a tired smile._

 _"_ Margot and I shall retire for the night. I'll see you in the morning, yes?" _He kissed my head as he made to leave, muttered out a congratulatory statement to Jaime as he struggled not to stumble down the stairs. Margot quickly clasped hands with me as she excused herself with Addam. And now it was just my husband and I on the dais._

 _He waited a few more minutes, and they seemed to drag on far longer than even I had hoped. Turning to me finally, I could almost hear Jaime audibly gulp down as he uttered out,_

 _"_ I think it's time to retire, my lady. We have a long day ahead of us tomorrow." _There it was. It was time. And I could not afford to be resentful about it, for he has waited as long as he could. Perhaps he thought that at some point in the evening we would leave at my suggestion and has during all this time been waiting for me. The time to redeem myself has gone now, and it was his call to make. We were so far into the night I suspect that he's fully sober now -even I was starting to feel my alcohol-induced haze wear off. I was not sure if that should worry me._

 _We shuffled out of our seats and made our way out of the hall with my hand loosely in his, but once we had made our exit he slowly let my hand slide out of the shell he had made for it and I walked slightly behind him in silence. I noted that it was strange that I was being lead to my new chambers in my own home by a guest, but I kept myself steady. All the way down the halls and up two flights of stairs Jaime only looked at me once when I accidentally missed my step. When we finally got the the door, one that I noted was directly above my father's, we both stood breathing for a moment -his back still to me. He unlatched the door and pushed it open, stepping inside to check on something -Gods know what, and he finally turned to face me then._

 _His expression was far softer than I thought it would be. I got the impression my behaviour during the festivities was not what he had expected and I am sure I was more than remiss to my husband. But he looked at me now like he understood. Like, despite everything I had done to try and mask what had been worrying me, he could sense I was nervous. He extended his hand over the threshold to me and I could not help but eye it suspiciously before taking it. Some kind of weight seemed to physically fall of his shoulders at my reciprocation and he motioned for me to step into the room as he stepped back even further. It was then and there that I finally decided that whatever happened tonight, I would be fine. This man cared me, and he did not deserve to be married to someone that would cower to such a trivial physical thing. This had to be done, it had to be done right, and it had to be done thoroughly -and I will not be the one hindering it._

 _My eyes scanned the room and I noted that it was larger than my old chambers, which was a given. I had never required much space so I preferred the smaller room and left the larger one for our guests. This room though, was done up quite nicely, I didn't know Ashemark went out of its way or to this extent to accommodate newly wed couples. Candles lined the room faintly and orange silks draped from the ceiling like clouds of amber. The room was colourful, but what stood out was the marriage bed which was -to my dread, made up in bright white. I blushed as I thought of the evidence of our upcoming act left there in the morning, for all the staff to see.  
At least they will know I was brave enough to do it._

 _I did not realise I was looking around so aimlessly until I felt a sudden heat behind me. It was Jaime, for who else could it be? We were alone. As we would be together for a long time. To my surprise, I felt his hot fingers scrape across my shoulders as he draped my hair aside to expose where my neck met my shoulder and place a hot damp kiss right in that very spot. Still unmoving, something inside me shook and melted at the contact and my eyes closed momentarily before I remembered myself. As his hands wandered freely around my back and I felt a gentle tug at the ribbons of my gown I felt his face brush up against my neck and he finally settled his lips by my ear,_

 _"_ Take of your clothes, wife."

 _And in one swift move I felt the ribbons at my back come undone and his heat had been removed from my body. I did not know what was in store for me, but I was slowly coming to realise that my husband was a wicked, wicked man._

* * *

 **Jaime**

He had not really wanted it to be anything other than sweet, their consummation. But she had angered him so during their wedding feast that he almost thanked the Gods she was a mute, for if she spoke to him he would have said something to hurt her. He was a little glad that he was still able to feel that way, that this _thing_ with Lorraine was not merely a dream or delusion. He had felt it before when she had argued with him about leaving King's Landing, and he felt it again on his wedding day of all days, but even with the slightly gratifying feeling that his feelings for her may be as long-term as he had promised it still did not do enough to erase that he was fuming at her behaviour.

That being said, one look at her was all it took for Jaime to understand why she was being so infuriatingly stubborn and _silent_. She was scared, nervous. She could not possible know that Jaime was worried for her too, that he wanted to not only not make it hurt but to somehow get her to enjoy it. He knew it was a long shot for the first time, so he had planned on being gentle. But now, finding himself alone with her and noting the way the candle light danced around her in that damned white dress, he did not know how he would contain himself.

She still had her back to him, he imagined she would be a little shell-shocked at hearing him say what he had just said in such a depraved way. He had undone her ribbons, which was half the job itself, but she had yet to do anything else to remove her gown. But still, Jaime decided to that he would patiently wait for the last time that night.

Sensing his burning stare on her back, she finally started moving -to Jaime's relief. She started with the flimsy lace in her hair, and she set it down carefully on a nearby chair. Then she moved one arm out of her long sleeve and then the other, then slowly pulled the gown down her body so she was left only in her shift. She still did not move to face him, but the candlelight glowed through her shift and he could clearly see the outline of her body. Her figure was tight and curved, only lightly touching the shift and he could make out where were thighs met. He breathed in deep to reign in his control once more, _you can't just attack her._ He knew he had to take his time. He had to take things slowly. He had to do this right, he had to do this thoroughly.

"Turn around" He whispered hoarsely. She obeyed with her arms crossed where her breasts would have been visible to him, her eyes staring aimlessly at something to Jaime's left.

"Look at me, Lorraine." He said softly, and she slowly lifted her eyes to meet his.

Her expression surprised him, for she was not scared. She looked back at him steadily, and it reminded him of the first night he had met her. She did not cower to him nor did she display any nerves, she looked unafraid and sure. _And beautiful,_ he reminded himself, _breathtaking._

"Let me look at you." He ordered. And without her earlier hesitation she dropped her hands to her side and now he faintly see her breasts through her shift, round and ample and alive with her breath. Even with the display she had on and how she was giving off the idea that it was not affecting her Jaime knew she felt exposed. And so he decided to level the field and proceeded to remove his boots, doublet and tunic until he was left in only his breaches -that were unashamedly tightly containing his arousal.

Her eyes explored him, and he suddenly felt smug with the knowledge that he was not entirely unpleasant to look at -especially in this state. His cockiness was the only thing to protect him from worrying that he would not be to her liking.

He took the first step towards her and to his surprise she did not flinch. She kept her eyes steadily on him and when he finally came to wrap his arms around her back he felt how stiff she was -how in control she was trying to be. And Jaime knew a thing or two by now about how to loosen her up. He kissed her. Not at all like he did in the Sept. No, he kissed her fervently, he kissed her wildly, and she took him off guard by wrapping her arms around his neck and accepting him readily. He licked her lips, hoping for her to accept his tongue but it seems she did not take the hint. He pressed his tongue more forcefully against her closed lips until she made way for him and he took his time exploring and tasting what her mouth would allow. All the while his hands roamed over her shift and he could feel the heat emit off her body and her temperature rise with his feverish kisses. In turn, her hands ventured down his smooth back and to the taut muscles of chest. When he bit her lip he elicited a breathy moan from her and Jaime stilled at the sound of her voice. He would have to get used to hearing that if he was to have any success in his dutiful endeavors.

He moved back slightly with his hands still on her back, looking at her. Her mouth was still slightly agape and her lips were now bruised with his passion. She was searching for something, something _more,_ than what he had given her. And he was all too ready to give her more, it was rare enough for someone else's wants to align perfectly with his.

He tightened his grip on her shift and swiftly pulled it up, leaving her as naked as her name day. Her skin glowed in the delicate light and Jaime ventured to graze his fingers against her neck. He moved his fingers then down to her collarbone, stroking the bone slightly and she shivered in response. He moved down even further to her breasts, not even knowing what to do with something as perfect as those. He thanked the corsets and Western dresses she wore silently as they seemed to have kept her breasts perfectly round and in shape and her nipples pebbled at his touch but still, she did not look away. Lorraine looked at him eagerly as he explored every inch of her he could get his hands on and when he was content with his final examination he leaned in to her, his chest giving heat to hers, and kissed her collar bone. When he grazed his teeth lightly upon it she hurriedly grabbed his shoulders to steady herself and he could not help the wolfish grin he kept to his face as he knew that now he surely had an effect on her.

He bent down slightly and rose back up to carry her naked form in his arms. As he made his way towards their shamefully white bed he kissed her over and over, never wishing for her lips to leave his. He knew she liked it, kissing. And he knew it would help her relax. _That's all she needs,_ he thought to himself, _she just needs to relax._

When he finally got to the bed he lay her down on the soft linen and stepped away to undress himself fully. Before he could do that he got caught in her lazy gaze as she eyed him from the bed, looking every bit of the minx men silently wished for. She wore a faint smile, and if Jaime did not know better he would think his smugness had rubbed off slightly on his little wife. He kept his eyes engaged with hers as he removed his breeches. And knowing Lorraine's stubbornness he knew she would not spare a glance to his impressive length -she knew it was there, so he dove back in to join her on their bed for the night.

He kissed her once more, slowly this time, and her tongue rose to meet his. Wrapping his hand around her back he pulled her father up the bed so that she now lay in the middle of the bed with him on top of her.

It was torture to Jaime, being fully naked and still not being inside her. She had opened up to him like a flower and had her legs instinctually open for him -but he knew he could not yet do it. He moved his lips down her neck and chest until his mouth met her breasts and he took her taut nipple in his mouth as he massaged the other with his good hand. She squirmed underneath him and despite her initial move to push him away by the shoulders he knew he was doing something right. Her hands failed her and moved back up to the pillows as her body opened up to him even further.

He was painfully erect at this point and longed for some kind of friction against her warm body. He freed her breast from his tantalising hand and moved it down slowly until it reached her hot centre and he slicked a finger between her folds. To his surprise she was wet, _for him_. He assumed she must be taken by surprise as well at the sudden moisture she felt as she stilled for a moment at the contact. Or perhaps it was because she had never been touched there before. Jaime felt something akin to pride at the knowledge that Lorraine was not something he had to share, she was his entirely. It was petty of him to think it, but it was a thought that crossed him many times when he was with Cersei. Would it really be fair of him to take joy in the fact that he was the only to have Lorraine when she wasn't the only one to have him?

Returning his head back to Lorraine's face he looked down upon her, her dark hair a pool of tar on the pillow and her eyes now hooded with lust. _She wants it_ , _she wants me_. And it felt good to be wanted. He pressed himself against her for another lasting kiss, the last distraction he would give for what he really craved to do to the woman lying so openly and ready for the taking underneath him, and his hardness rubbed against her thigh. He moaned into her mouth and she seemed to answer with a desperate whimper of her own. _Who'd have known, little wife?_ He took pleasure in her lips, in her readiness, in her being here with him in that moment and for as long as time will allow. As he darted his tongue into her mouth his hips followed his movement and in one quick plunge he broke through what he felt as a barrier and buried himself in the awaiting warmth that was Lorraine.

He had expected her to be tight, it was a given and she was virgin. But he had forgotten what it was like for him, what it would be like for him now that he was inside her. For the first time since he had taken her to bed Lorraine's eyes were shut tightly and he knew she had to be in pain. He dug is face in her hair and let out a muffled whisper as best as he could,

"Relax." Jaime knew it could not be that easy, but so far he had had quite a bit of luck by issuing orders and he hoped she trusted him enough to know that he knew what he was doing. He kept still as she let her shoulders fall back fully to the bed again and she hesitantly let her hands roam him, settling finally at his sides and slightly digging her fingernails into his skin. Taking that as a signal Jaime moved out of her slowly and tried his best not to hiss at the delectable tightness he felt around his cock.

When he moved back inside her again they both groaned out in unison, though he was not sure she was groaning out in the same pleasure he was. He kept his body close to hers, for comfort, and slowly feeling her grow accustomed to his length he started a torturous rhythm of moving in and out of her as he was met with myriad of breaths and muffled moans as she buried her face in the crook of his neck. He was not sure she was enjoying it until he felt her hands wander farther down and grip is buttock cheeks when he had awarded her with a particularly deep thrust. Her eyes were still shut and he reveled in her changing expressions knowing he was the one to cause them. She began to roll her hips to meet his and it drove him crazy knowing that he had succeeded, she was taking her pleasure. But it was her first time, and he knew she would not succeed in having it. No matter what he did, it was highly unlikely she would yet open herself up enough to accept the ecstasy an orgasm has to offer just yet.

Suddenly, he was tired of straining himself for Lorraine. She was here, and she wanted him. An animalistic desire settled upon him as she met his hips enthusiastically and responded to every touch and kiss with her body. He was done denying himself of what he has wanted since he had met her. Pinning her hips down with his good hand balancing his weight on his other elbow he pounded into her with the remaining strength he had at a faster pace than he had originally planned. He was relentless, and he knew it was probably far more than she was ready to take, but he _needed_ this. He _needed_ to have her, and she accepted everything he gave her. She moved her hands from him and gripped the sheets underneath her and at some point between his deep thrusts and guttural moans he registered a triumphant toothy smile grace her face as she reveled in the power his desire afforded her with.

Sensing his end near he kissed and bit every part of her that was available in front him, trying to prolong it in some way and extend her own pleasure for he would be spent when he was done. In a white hot flash he reached fulfillment but pulled out of her before spilling his seed all over her abdomen.

Breathing heavily as he hovered over her he kept his eyes closed as he tried to steady himself. Finally braving to look down at Lorraine he found her wearing a very confused expression, very different to the one revelling in the pleasure he had given her. Jaime kissed her forehead swiftly before he swung himself off the bed. He walked to the water basin still fully naked and wet a cloth. He made his way back to the bed where Lorraine was still lying down on and wiped down the remains of his ejaculation off of her without a word.

As he cleaned himself off he finally ventured to speak,

"Let's go to sleep." He looked at her as she stared at the faint red dots that marked the validity of their marriage in the sight of gods and men.

She nodded distractedly as she lay down on her side with her back to Jaime. He climbed into the bed, blowing out a candle on the nightstand on his side and without hesitation wrapped his hand around Lorraine body and moved her closer to him so she was flush against him. He trailed kissed from the end of her shoulder to her neck and kept her head under his, letting it rest by his neck as the faint smell of her hair wafter to his nostrils and he found peace. Eventually her body moulded into his and he felt the steady motion of he regulated breathing.

He did not know why he did it. Some biological force overtook him and it was just too much to bear. Something in him could not yet accept the idea of making a child, a trueborn child of his own that would carry his name. _What kind of child would want to have a father like me?_ He thought, _will they suffer the same fate as Joff?_ He worried about Lorraine for a moment, surely she had not expected that. He doubted any of her Septas had told her about what to do in case her husband feared reproduction. Hoping that it would not happen again and that Lorraine would not trouble herself too much about the matter -or question him about it, he let the night wash over him finally and he found himself on the merry way to sleep. In the darkness and welcome silence, he felt Lorraine's fingers move to his hands briefly and tap his knuckle twice.

" ** _Thank you."_**

* * *

 **It's finally happened. Well...tell me what you think!**

 **This is probably going to be the last of these swift updates for a while, i'm gonna give myself a bit of a break to focus on school and realx and do some of my own reading. So I hope you enjoy this until I can get the next update out -probably in a week maybe?**


	21. Farewell

**Hello hello. It's not been exactly a week, but I kinda missed writing and kicking back really gave me inspiration for what was to come. Every time I put my head down to sleep I would get so many ideas so it was pretty hard to run from. Et voila, the next chapter awaits you. Let me know what you think.**

* * *

 **Jaime**

He woke from a thankfully dreamless slumber with Lorraine still in his arms and waves of dark mahogany stuck to the underside of his arms. To say that he did not mind very much was an understatement. It still looked very early to him, he did not know how he could be up so soon, but his little wife still lay there peaceful in her sleep. Looking at her now, one would not think she held such a perplexed disposition right before they had gone to bed.

He almost regretted it. Almost. If he was not so invested he would have found her reaction to him spilling his seed outside her to be a little comical, but he knew it was not what she had expected. To be frank, it was not at all what Jaime had expected either. Not just the part including his ejaculation. Everything. He had planned on being gentle, and he believed he was -somewhat. He had expected to find a shy Lorraine clutching at her naked form and searching every inch of the room just so she would not have to look at him looking at her. But that wasn't what he found. She met his demands with a daring look in her eyes like she had something to prove. And he could not say he wished she were any different, she was perfect to him. He remembered her naked body from the night before and how he had sought to taste every inch of her, but he had to stick to what she would know and expect. As much as he was tempted to give her pleasure by kissing her where it would send waves of bliss all around her body, he did not want to do too much in one night. In truth, Jaime himself could barely handle the wait. He had exercised as much caution, patience and care he could just to afford Lorraine with the chance to relax and enjoy what he could do to her, but once he had felt how wet she had been for him already every thought he had in his head vanished and all he knew was touching, _feeling_ Lorraine.

Lorraine Lannister. She was his now. And by extension he was hers. And in a few short days they would be back at the Rock and everything would be more real than it already was. He felt like he kept waiting for another step to take in order for everything to stop feeling like such a dream. As if the woman he had buried himself in the previous night was not proof enough that he had not imagined things.

That same woman stirred in his arms and so did something in Jaime. Gods, he wanted her. The sound of her voice alone last night had sent him on a desperate hunt to consume her completely. He could not yet believe that not three moons ago him being alone in a library with Lorraine so close to him was too confusing for him to handle and last night he had taken his first rights as her husband. And now peeking at the outline of her side and her crossed eye brows his arousal only grew, _would it be like this all the time?_ Would he constantly want her? And would she always be so blissfully unaware? Moving his hand down wistfully to the curve of her hips he cupped her arse cheeks and squeezed at the soft skin. _I was right,_ he thought, _she is soft everywhere._

The unplanned gesture roused his wife suddenly and he regretted taking his liberties if it came at the cost of disturbing her. _Maybe I_ have _changed._ Shifting his body away from her so he was not touching her he looked down and noticed that he was already half-hard and only had half a mind to consider getting rid of it. The sudden disappearance of his warmth must have agitated her further as she turned around fully to him, eyes wide and the sheets clutched tightly to her chest.

She looked radiant in the sleepy glow of the morning. Her hair mussed up and her slow smile returning, she let her lids drop a little as the haze returned to her. Still seemingly under the spell of whatever dream she had had in her sleep she moved her hand to his bare chest and circled her fingers lightly on his taut skin and it played on Jaime's heartstrings. He brought his arm underneath her and gently pulled her to him as she continued whatever rhythm she needed to play out. Now with her breath on his skin as well, he reached over with his left hand to touch the center of her own chest and started making his own shapes on her glowing skin. Whatever he had imagined about waking up next to Lorraine, this was not it. And it was somehow better.

"Good morning." He finally uttered as he smiled down at her. Her response was to nuzzle herself further into his neck and he dug through the mass of long dark hair to finally uncover her face and bring her nose softly to his lips.

They faced one another once more. Looking at her features, still absent and far away, he remembered how they had contorted at his invasion -how she gasped when he had entered her. Jaime was now clouded with the memory of the previous night thoughtlessly brought her to his lips eagerly as he moved his hand down to her knee and brought it across to his thigh so she could lay on him, inciting a pained hiss to escape her.

Lorraine had pulled away slightly with her hand still on his chest and a perplexed expression on her face like she was trying to figure out exactly where the pain was coming from. He looked at her, waiting tentatively for her to move again but he noticed the redness on her cheeks growing more and more and realised she was probably a little embarrassed by the pain and its subsequent interruption. He stilled then and cast a worried look,

"Are you in pain?" He asked, not entirely sure if he cared enough to stop. But she pressed her lips into a thin smile and shook her head dismissively, giving him a quick false reassuring glance as she removed her leg from him and rolled on her back.

They both just lay there for a long moment looking up at the orange ceiling and Jaime stifled his groan of frustration. As much as he did want to make love to her once again and show her that the pain is not permanent he also knew pushing Lorraine had never worked in his favour. He knew he understood this better than her, but he also knew she would not listen or accept it if he tried to persuade her. Or if he tried to persuade her without kissing.

She turned sharply on her side then and Jaime tried to ignore the flash of pain in her eyes at the soreness of her body. Motioning to him she asked,

" _ **Where is the cat?"**_

He could not help but laugh. As boisterous and as youthful as he had ever heard himself laugh. He was in bed, naked, sporting an impossible erection brought on by the stirring of his new little wife and all she had to say was ask where the damn cat was. Placing his arm by her head and balancing on it so he was hovering over her slightly he caught her dry lips in a wet morning kiss.

"The cat is fine. She's with Elaine. We won't leave without her, I assure you Lady Lannister."

She giggled at his response and allowed him to place his wet kisses all around her face, neck and chest. He swirled his tongue on the very spots he knew would rouse her, knowing she was helpless to do anything about it. He would not make love to her now, but what he could do was drive her crazy enough to come running to him when she was ready. As she half-heartedly swatted his shoulders in an attempt to push him away from the torturous ministrations he was administering on her skin he let his hands dance with the curve of her waist and tickle the soft skin that awaited him there. Her skin was salty and tasted of the golden colour it was when it shined under the sun and Jaime felt the pulses of joy bleed through him as he eventually pressed his cheek against the skin of her chest and let himself rest there.

They stayed there like that for a while. He listened to her irregular heart beating and she played with his mane -that he had yet to grow out.

Jaime Lannister did not know if every morning would be like this one, but he knew from then on he would look forward to waking up knowing she was next to him.

* * *

 **Addam**

He stood in the yard. It seems he was always standing in the yard. Ashemark had always been relatively quite, but in the past three moons there had far too many comings and goings for Addam's liking. When Jaime Lannister and his sister finally made it down to the courtyard to depart Addam felt like there was an impossible lump wedged in his throat that he could not yet swallow.

Time had flown by, and he had not even had the chance to sit with her privately and try and express how he was feeling about her departure. It devastated him, though he doubted anyone could see it but her. Addam returned for her, for what she had said. Lorraine was his dearest and most beloved and his sisters have been the only women he had ever known for such a long time. It all still felt surreal, like it all never really happened. It did not yet seem like something Addam could grasp that Jaime Lannister had found a wife in his very own sister.

It made him happy on many counts of course. Jaime was a man of strength and power, Addam had been his close friend for years. If any one were to marry Lorraine Jaime Lannister was as good a choice as can be. Addam would be uncle to the next Lord of Casterly Rock. Lorraine would want for nothing, she will be taken care of. But the thing was, Lorraine had never wanted much, really. And she would have been taken care of here, in Ashemark, right where Addam was. But he had to do this, he had to be strong for his sister. She had, over the years, done far more for him.

Lorraine had helped him over the years in many ways than just one, and he continued to find astonishment in the fact that someone still so young and sheltered could know so much. She had given him her prayers, praying day and night to any Gods that would listen to keep him safe. She offered him the relief of not having to form words he could not yet say. She understood him, the way she took the time to understand everyone. She steered and advised him to everything that would serve his best interest, and that included his own relationship with his wife.

He stood last. His father stood at the very first, followed by Elaine and then Margot. Jaime Lannister thankfully stood a good distance away, having already said his polite farewells and looked like he was prepared to mount at any moment now.

His father held Lorraine closely as he said goodbye, cradling her head and softly stroking her hair the way he used to when she was a little girl. He had spoken for long, telling her how she would be missed and imploring her to take care of herself and write to him. He asked her not to worry about them all, and she nodded fervently even though they both knew it was a lie.

Strangely, when Lorraine moved to Elaine Addam observed in shock as Elaine stood speechless, with nothing to say -for once. In a sudden movement she grabbed Lorraine to her and he heard a choked sob escape her. She cried into her shoulder and Lorraine stood with her eyes closed, composing herself and trying her best not to lose control. She kissed her sister's cheeks and pulled her away from her, grabbing her chin delicately to meet her gaze. When Elaine had finally summoned the courage to look back up at Lorraine she was awarded with a sincere smile, and light kiss on her head. Lorraine stroked her cheek and gestured,

" ** _You will be fine."_**

Moving on to Margot after her messy encounter with Elaine Lorraine was relieved to be awarded with a quick hug and peck from Margot,

"I'll miss you, sister." And somehow Lorraine's smile found brightness at the words Margot had finally brought herself to utter.

She approached Addam with a sort of regretful stance, like it was not where she wanted to be, and she could not yet bring her eyes up to look at him. Un-balling his hands from the fists he had unknowingly created in nervousness he reached out and brought her gently to him and she hesitated before she reciprocated his embrace.

"Anything you need from me, you write and you will have whatever you ask. Do not forget that this is your home and you can visit any time you wish, my love. Ashemark is yours, and so am I" His breath shook slightly at what he had said and he was thankful that she was close enough for him to whisper to, he did not need anyone else hearing him. He was even more thankful that he did not need to look her in the eye as he said what he said next,

"I remember the day I first held you in my arms, and I swore I would never leave you. It remains true, my love. Know this, there is nothing I would not do for you. Make sure he treats you well." He finally peeled himself away and added with a flicker of a grin,

"Do try to breathe without me."

Her eyes were full of something, he could not tell. But her hands squeezed his tightly and he knew she was holding back, he knew she did not want to weep. He kissed her hands firmly and led her to her carriage, helping her in to the van. She looked at him wistfully before she could enter and gazed around at everyone else and her home.

"Be safe, sister." Smiling, she kissed his cheek quickly and he shut the door to the carriage before he could change his mind.

Nodding once to Jaime, the Lannister mounted and signaled for everyone in their party to make their way out of the already open gates.

His eyes followed them out past the nearing path until they disappeared behind the hills, off to Casterly Rock. His heart carried a weight and he could not tell how permanent it was. His sister, the one who was always there waiting for him, had now left.

Glancing back at Margot he noticed her eyes were wet now as she approached him, attaching her arm with his as she leaned her head on his tall shoulder she said,

"I wish I had a brother like you."

"How unfortunate you now have a husband like me."

She snorted at his ungracious comment and he let a small smile dance to his face. _At least I still have Margot._ She excused herself not long after saying she had to go fix herself and check on Elaine and left him there as his mind swarmed with thoughts and memories of the sisters he had and how they would all eventually leave him. _Now,_ he thought, _she is his wife more than she is my sister. She will be a mother to their children more than she is my sister. She will never again be, plainly my sister._ He almost felt bitter.

And once again, Addam stood in the yard. Alone.

* * *

 **Lorraine**

 _Ashemark left my sight as I looked back from the carriage a feeling of great loss settled upon me. After I could not see my home any longer I did not bother with looking upon the surrounding hills, I merely settled my gaze onto the ball of dusty orange sitting across from me._

 _For hours after that we rode on, making as much use of the daylight as possible. We did not stop, and Jaime did not come to ride near me whenever we slowed. Instead, I was left completely alone in the carriage with the exception of Amber. Even she was bored by now. I felt frozen and cold in the carriage, would it be like this all the time? My mind wandered to all that I had left behind but my face, even with no one else there to see it, remained motionless and blank._

 _Addam had been the hardest good bye of them all. Elaine's was not easy either. She never cried, and she was good at that. But I suppose the realisation that there was only Addam left and soon she would also be leaving became too much for her. I could see my white knuckles as I held and comforted her trying to hold myself back from succumbing to my emotions, I knew they would not do anyone much good._

 _I have always maintained that I have and always will do what best serves my father and siblings, even if it meant stepping on my own feelings or wants in the process, but at that instance it had never been that hard to accomplish. I felt like every brush against my skin and every word approaching my ears was just another thing poking me to weep. They all meant the same thing; they all were goodbye._

 _But it was not fair of me to wallow, it would not be fair to anyone. I could not live in in my new home wishing I was in my old one. I can not be any kind of wife to Jaime all the while wishing that I was not his wife at all. Shaking off the misery that had sat in the pit of my stomach since my departure my thoughts could only wander to all that had happened the previous night._

 _It was not exactly painful. Perhaps the only painful thing was how his stare burned through me when I stood bare before him. Oh and when he broke through my maidenhead, I suppose that hurt a little. It was more of a pinch, really. A deep push at some sort of elastic disc in my centre that snapped when he was deep enough._

 _Even I was surprised at how well I handled myself. I barely hesitated as I let him look at me, naked. And I did not stop his wandering hands at all even when they initially made me wonder why he would want to touch me there. Those thoughts were quickly expelled from my mind when I realised the sensation his touch gave me. Furthermore, I enjoyed it in a strange way. I felt full, like I had not realised that I was empty before. His closeness did something to me and I felt the strange pull grow to its peak when we joined. It was not perfect, though I am only assuming that I know what perfection is, but I was not prepared to enjoy it as much as I eventually did. Neither was I prepared for how it all...ended._

 _Janyne had told me, of course, that a man would finish himself inside you. That there was no point to any of it if he didn't, because that is how babies are made. So not only was Jaime's removal of himself from me at the last moment inconvenient to my growing pleasure but it also made our coupling, to the best of my knowledge, pointless._

 _I could net yet bring myself to understand it, why he would do it or if it was completely alright for him to do so. I am not especially eager to have children any time soon but I had assumed that that would be an integral part of my wifely duties -also as Lady Lannister. Wasn't the entire point of Jaime marrying me to continue the Lannister line? Whatever it was, though it frustrated me at not yet being able to understand it, it warmed just a little to think what Jaime's other reasons driving him to marry me had been. I fell asleep with no issue that night -though I suppose I could blame all the wine for that._

 _Yes, I think I can fairly say I enjoyed being had. And although it was quite the opposite of unpleasant to wake up in Jaime's arms and have him kiss me so freely, I knew I did not want him to be inside me again that morning. Perhaps it was because I was somehow sore or that the feeling of dread for the coming day unsettled me, but I felt different and undecided. I did not wish for my husband to take me if I could not yet be content -though what right do I have to refuse him? I had an inkling, one I hoped I could trust, that Jaime Lannister would not be the kind of man forcing his way into my cunt without my consent._

 _And yes, I can have profane thoughts. My silence does not mean I am particularly docile. Though looking at me now sitting in a carriage in silence, one could not be blamed terribly for thinking so._

 _Dusk was upon us, I noticed, and the carriage came to a slow halt. Suddenly pulled away from my train of thought my head poked out of the window curtains to see if he had stopped at an inn since there was very little surrounding sound. All I found was grass surrounded by a hilly terrain; we were in some kind of clearing in the middle of Gods know where._

 _My eyes continued to probe for something, anything, indicating what we were to do when the carriage door suddenly swung open and my leaning figure fell into my husband's broad chest as I yelped out in surprise. I looked at him, stunned for a moment that he even existed._

 _"_ You really ought to be more careful little wife" _His smirk would have no end, it seems._

 _"_ ** _Where are we?"_**

"Ah" _He simply said, as if he's only just remembered why he had come to me. He continued,_

 _"_ We're stopping here for the night. They're setting up the tents now, we'll have some dinner and sleep before we get moving again at first light."

 _Sleep? Here? Out in the open? My wide eyes must have betrayed my suspicion on the matter and Jaime scoffed a light laugh before caressing my cheek softly in what he must have assumed was a reassuring gesture._

 _"_ Is the new Lady Lannister being picky?" _He teased. But I did not yet know how to answer. Was I being picky? I had never slept in a tent before. Though I suppose it has to do with the fact that I had never been on a journey long enough to warrant stopping anywhere._

 _So I simply nodded to my husband, and wondered if we would need to make anymore stops after tonight. He had told me a few days ago that the trip would not take too long, only a few days worth of riding, would we stop at sleep in a tent each time?_

 _We had our dinner outside as they fully pitched our tent. I spent the first half of the time looking around us at the commotion and the various steps the party was taking to settle on to the campsite and the other half staring absently out at the clear horizon as Jaime spoke about his squire's new paramour._

 _I had only met Lewys a handful of times, but he seemed like someone I could grow fond of. Jaime surely was but I could not yet figure that out for myself._

 _I was drawn back to our "conversation" when Jaime let out a loud yawn as he stretched in his chair. He smiled lazily at me, not at all embarrassed by the display._

 _"_ The tent is up now. Let us retire, come." _He outstretched his hand to me and despite myself I felt my head shaking at his demand. Strange, I had no issues with his demands the previous night. Lit by the glow of light from the camp he questioned me with his eyes as a flash of worry crossed him and I hoped he did not think I feared him or was afraid. I gestured,_

 ** _"I would like to take a walk"_** _He did not respond but only furthered his questioning glare, and I continued,_

 ** _"My legs are stiff from sitting down all day."_** _I shot up then hoping to not give him more time to argue when he got up with me and extended his arm out. I had almost forgotten that he was my husband now and would insist on doing things with me. Again, I found myself shaking my head at his gesture._

 _"_ ** _You go sleep."_** _He raised his eye brow,_

 _"_ Surely you don't think i'd leave you to walk alone, _my lady_."

" ** _You're tired"_**

 _"_ That doesn't mean you can wander off alone." _My eyes begged him then, willing him to raelise that I wanted a moment alone. That was rubbish, I had had plenty of time alone in the carriage all day. I just did not want to retire the same time as him. I did not want to watch him undress, or have him watch me. I did not want to have to refuse him. Perhaps if I took a walk it would clear my head. I circled with my arms,_

 _"_ ** _Just around the campsite."_** _His face was unmoving and hard,_

"Lorraine, I-"

 ** _"I won't be long."_** _And silenced him with a quick kiss on his lips. I was not yet used to such casual shows of affection, but while I still had to admit I was not at all in the mood for any sexual endeavors it still warmed me in a different way to feel his face so close to mine._

 _Nodding, and without another word, Jaime turned on his heels and made his way to our tent -which I made sure to make a note of in my head so I would not forget its location. I took myself around the campsite, my gown growing wet at the ends from the wet grass as I took in my surroundings. No one would speak to me, no one would approach me, was this how I was to be treated as Lady of the Rock? I felt like I had regained part of the invisibility I had had before being engaged to Jaime, which felt a little nice and nostalgic since it was what I thrived in, but it made me wonder whether anything had really changed. Whether I had really changed. Would Jaime Lannister get to change me at all?_

 _It surprisingly did not take me long to walk the perimeter -the heavily guarded perimeter might I add, and I had found my way to our tent with ease. Once I had entered through the flap and tied the strings to close it tightly I looked around and realised it looked a lot larger from the inside than it did from the outside. It felt and looked warm, with a small caged fire lit in one corner, I barely registered Amber in a small cot next to it sound asleep. My eyes scoured the room further and found two small chests by a table and pair of chairs and finally settled my eyes on the bed to find a figure sleeping in it. I noted the boots discarded on the floor carelessly a foot away from the bed and the doublet and tunic thrown loosely on one of the chairs. It really had not been long since I left Jaime and he seemed to be in a deep sleep that even my entrance could not wake him, which told me that he must have been far more weary than he had originally let on._

 _I noted that there was no changing screen -not that I would need one with my husband deep in sleep, so I breathed in and moved to the side of the bed as I removed my own boots and unlaced my gown, leaving me in my shift._

 _This was the second night now that I had been left in my shift and my husband in his breeches, the difference being that he was not eyeing me like he would devour me at any second._

 _I lay myself on the bed, not touching him as he was facing the other end and I could not yet bring myself to touch him or cup him to my body so carelessly when I still did not yet know where I stood with him. I gave his back my own back and wondered whether he was angry with me, and if he would still be angry with me in the morning._

 _I listened to Jaime's steady breaths leave him and realised that I had never in my life felt so utterly alone. I missed my family, I missed Addam so deeply, and the only person I had with me I could not express my sadness to. He would get hurt, and think he displeased me, and I had already decided that now Jaime would be the one who's feelings I would consider. He was my husband. I am his and he is mine. I felt torn away from Addam's breast, torn away from his arms even though I knew my new husband would protect me. But he could never replace them, no one ever could. And a piece of me clenched and twisted at the memory of the six of us and father sitting by the fire in his study as Duncan tried to braid my hair._

 _The silence consumed me, and I blew out the last candle remaining on my nightstand. I lay there, stiff and unmoving next to the man I was supposed to love for the rest of my life, the man whose touch should ignite nothing but physical passion and tenderness all at once. I lay there, and for the first time in what seemed like years, I wept._

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 **Next Chapter: Casterly Rock!**

 **I urge you all to _please_ review, especially with any criticisms so I know what to work on. Thank you all for reading x**


	22. Lord and Lady of The Rock

**I didn't really know when to publish this chapter, I wanted to initially wait for this to get more attention before publishing...and i'm very happy with the responses i'm getting. It feels a little too good to be true.**

 **I've gone back and made slight changes to the chapters "Letters" and "Return" about the Hand of the King as I found a more plausible option and decided to go that route, it's not really such a big difference but after thinking about it I couldn't really sit with myself and leave things the way they were. Hope this doesn't disappoint x**

* * *

 **Jaime**

He had not touched her the entire journey until their last night. Even then, to Jaime it did not really constitute as touching, but a part of him missed having her in his arms. He was angry that she was sad, but he also had wanted to give her her space to grieve. He couldn't be so compassionate as to start hating himself for taking her away -he was not sorry. He was not sorry that she was his wife and that she, for some reason, made him happy and she was his for all to see. But he _did_ feel his heart clench when he had heard her choked sobs two nights in a row when she thought he was asleep. Hearing her weep in the dark when she thought she was alone was not what Jaime had envisioned his first nights as newlyweds would bring. _At least I am not the reason._ He said, remembering several ladies at court who had turned to desperate measures just from sheer misery and hopelessness within the first week of their marriage. Eventually she would accept her departure, and Jaime hoped it would come as soon as she saw Casterly Rock.

He tried entertaining her as best he can, tried not to make her feel so alone, but with the journey being so demanding he assumed even the damned kitten was better company to Lorraine than he was -and he silently commended himself for how handy that particular gift had been to her.

He would not make love to her, regardless of how much he wanted to, when he knew she did not want to be comforted in that way. Or at all, it initially seemed. He could not even feel her warmth on the bed those first two nights from the distance between them. It was bad of him, he knew, to pretend to be asleep while she wept but he felt as if somehow she truly bared herself and he wanted some sort of insight. He silenced his growing guilt by reassuring himself that listening to her cry was probably the only way he could hear her voice -besides making love to her. So instead, on their last night in the pitched tent, he held her before she could start crying. She kissed his hand and he tightened his hold on her and somehow they both fell asleep in mutual peace.

He had asked her if she wished to ride with him and to his surprise she had expressed to him that not only did she not enjoy riding but that she had very little experience in it. Something about Lorraine struck him as free, _what could be freer than riding a horse in the open air?_

He rode behind her carriage now, the sun quickly setting and dusk fast approaching. Something in him drove him to keep an eye on her, he did not want to be the one being watched now. They were very close now, and Casterly Rock had long been in sight, he wondered when Lorraine would figure that out and what exactly her reaction would be.

Just as that thought crossed his mind he spied a dark head pop out of the window of the carriage. His lips perked up slightly as he watched the back of Lorraine's head look up slowly at the greatness of the fortress across the way. His gaze stared down the back of her head, _the first time I spied the back of your dark head I was a stranger in Ashemark,_ he remembered, _and now I am your husband. I've kissed your dark head, thought of laurels of flowers upon your dark head, woken up next to your dark head... and now we are at the home I wish to make yours. Who knew?_

Casterly Rock seemed to hover over them, its large cliffs blocking their view of the surrounding Sunset Sea. The castle was forged from a great rock, three times the height of The Wall itself extending from the base of the sea. Its caves and caverns extended into the underground of the castle and the Rock even had its own docks and port. He almost smiled to himself thinking of the hidden alcoves by the sea and how him and Tyrion had explored them in their youth before he had left for King's Landing. _Before our youth had died along with everything._

Jaime sped his steed up carefully to approach the carriage before him,

"Is it to your liking, Lady Lannister?" He bore his wolfish grin to her as she looked on in amazement, barely giving his comment any acknowledgment. Even for a mute she seemed stunned and speechless. He watched as her eyes scoured the perimeter, trying to determine where Casterly began and where it ended. Unfortunately, there were far too close for her to be able to do that as Casterly Rock stretched about two leagues long.

He looked at her while she continued looking at Casterly Rock and a sudden idea happened upon him. His smirk grew, _the new Lady Lannister should have a fitting entrance._

 _"_ Stop the horses!" He yelled and all heads including Lorraine's whipped back to him. They were so close, why would they stop now?

He unlatched the door to Lorraine's carriage and she moved back avoiding a fall to the ground, and proceeded to eye him with caution as he extended his gloved hand towards her.

She cocked her head to the side as if saying, " ** _What is this?"_** her expression still utterly flabbergasted.

"The new Lady of Casterly Rock should ride in with her Lord husband." and he tried not to look as pleased as he actually was of her shock. She shook her head immediately at him and he narrowed his eyes at her, hoping to look slightly menacing.

"That was not a request, _wife_." Realisation dawned on her then and a small frown came across her across her face as she eyed him with short-lived disdain. True, he was using his position as her husband against her clear wishes not to ride -but Jaime could not have his little wife be so spoilt so soon, could he?

She turned around then, and Jaime was already half ready to jump into the carriage himself and throw her onto his horse himself but calmed his growing imagination when she returned to face him with Amber in the crook of her elbow nuzzling herself right below her chest. Lorraine looked at him defyingly and finally accepted his hand with her begrudging triumph, _I would let myself chuckle if I did not think it would cause you some kind of twisted satisfaction._

Taking her by surprise fully he leaned in closer and grabbed her firmly by the hips, giving her no room to argue, and swiftly plopped her onto the space behind him so she was riding in an awkward side-saddle. Rolling her eyes at him as if somehow he did not know what he was doing she leant back slightly and lifted her right leg so now she was astride the horse correctly and a small jolt from the horse caused her to grab the front of Jaime's doublet in fear. Hs insides burned with haughty righteousness and he realised he enjoyed the closeness. Turning his head slightly so she could gain a peak at his triumphant smirk,

"Hold on."

And with a burst of force he ordered his horse forward and the men followed immediately. They sped through the remaining ground keeping them from the grand fortress and Lorraine's grip on Jaime only tightened as she brought herself closer and dug her face into his shoulder. He had a feeling that her dislike for riding may have stemmed from a fear of horse riding, and if that was the case then he knew he would be very _very_ sorry for it, later.

Immediately recognising the banners and already in anticipation of his arrival the gates opened quickly before he had reached them so that he continued to ride in with some speed, only slowing as he reached steps to the Lion's Mouth.

He had seen his father return to this very home in the same fashion, riding tall and proud and the staff would all but bow to him. And now here he was returning the same way, taking the place his father had always wanted for him to have with a nice Western wife. And a kitten.

He did not care that his staff would see him riding in with his new wife and ball of fur, or perhaps he did. Perhaps he wanted Lorraine to make an impression, perhaps he wanted them to have an opinion of her.

Riding up the steps now Jaime thought Casterly Rock looked far larger than he remembered it. Untouched from the War, it still looked quite dead, that did not change in his memory. After his mother had died the castle itself seemed to dull down and most servants attributed it to the lack of a woman's touch. Jaime just thought it was his father's not-so-sunny disposition.

Finally stopping at the covered court Jaime wasted no time in dismounting as he was approached by a short, strangely haired blond man whom he recognised as Damion Lannister, the castle's castellan.

"My Lord, I humbly welcome you to-"

"That won't be necessary." Jaime interrupted as he reached to shake the short man's hand,

"Such formalities. This is my home."

"Of course, my Lord." Damion nodded to him thinly and resumed his view to the woman still sat upon the horse.

"This must be our new Lady of the Rock" He commented as Jaime moved to unmount Lorraine, looking slightly disheveled, from the horse.

"A pleasure to meet you, my Lady." Damion took her hand and bowed slightly with it, clearly taking Jaime's wife by surprise. Her eyes widened in curiosity and she looked to Jaime then in slight panic.

"This Damion Lannister, my Lady. He is a distant relation of mine and is the Castellan of Casterly Rock. Anything you need to know or need done, he will be at your service."

"Gladly, my lady."

Contrary to the confused expression Lorraine had just displayed, the same one Jaime thought she would keep on, Lorraine smiled warmly at Damion and nodded to him and, with his hand still clasping her, she moved her other hand over his and tapped her finger twice on his knuckle.

Now it was Damion who wore an expression of befuddlement and looked naturally to his new Lord for an explanation. Jaime smirked slightly at how Lorraine had managed to turn the tables on him so quickly. _It seems i've underestimated you._

"It's your Lady's way of saying thank you." Relief washed over Damion's face and he let out a clumsy laugh at that. Jaime could not help but think he wanted him to shut up.

"Well, do let me show you to your chambers!" He said in a joyful disposition before Jaime could grab the velvet of his sleeve and pull him back from his tracks.

"Like I said, that won't be necessary. I know my way around my own home." He wrapped his free arm around Lorraine protectively, he did not know exactly why.

"Of course, my Lord." Damion replied shakily, "Is there anything else I can do for you my Lord? My Lady?"

"Just let the servants know to bring dinner to our rooms this evening." He felt a gentle pull at his own sleeve then and looked down to find Lorraine holding Amber with some emphasis and her eyes enlarged in the way they usually were when she needed him to understand some sort of subliminal message.

"Ah, and a cot for the cat."

With one last impossibly arse-kissing nod Damion left their presence and Jaime, with his hand still wrapped around Lorraine, made his way into the castle.

Lorraine's head spun in every direction there was whilst Jaime led her through the the castle to their wing. He could not blame her, for compared to the quiet quaintness of Ashemark Casterly Rock did not leave anything out from its grandeur. The drapes were woven with silken gold, the armored statues in the hallways daunted whoever walked past them as their armor was welded a hundred years ago and their height matched the Mountain's and each door or stairway they passed by seemed more elaborate and ornate than the previous one.

Once he had finally opened the door to their rooms, which he hoped were the right ones, he had to hold back his chuckle as Lorraine stood dumbfounded at the threshold taking in the decor of the room.

It opened to a large lounging area, full with a fire place and a small dining table as well as love-seats in the middle of the space. Each end of the room held a door that would lead to two separate bedrooms and one door in the middle of them for the bath.

It just occurred to him that he had not yet thought about their living situation. He had gotten used to sleeping next to her and forgotten that their chambers came with separate rooms, _would she not want to share her bed with me every night?_ For a moment he thought that perhaps he shouldn't mention the other room and just let her think that by default they would share a room but it did not yet feel right; he wanted her to choose. But how could he ever broach the subject?

Deciding to let it come up organically he led her to one of the bedrooms and she looked around excitedly, racing to the windowsill to marvel at the view of the Sunset Sea glimmering under the slow setting sun. Turning sharply back at him, her arms wrapped around her loosely and her smile still alive and engaged, she gestured,

" ** _This is our room?"_** He was going to chuckle out a "yes" but hesitated at that moment.

"It could be." Her eye brows furrowed in confusion at him, she wanted to know what that vague comment had meant.

"There is another bedroom in our suites. If you prefer it, I can make that my room." He said hoping she would understand the implications of his statement. Still with a suspicious glint in her eyes and her head cocked to the side slightly she responded,

" ** _Why?"_**

"I don't know. Perhaps you would be more comfortable that way. I don't know."

" ** _What do you want?"_** She stepped closer to him,

"Don't think about what I want, Lorraine, I just want you to be co-"

" ** _What do you want?"_** She interrupted and she stood even closer to him, her hands now running up to his collar and her eyes busy piercing his. He was somehow glad she was unafraid to interrupt him. He could only smile in a small surrender, for being honest with his wants has not been a very approachable subject.

He snaked his arms around her hips and pulled her slowly closer to him and she took initiative by wrapping her own arms around his shoulders. Grinning lazily, he relented,

"I would like to sleep next to you. I would like to wake up next to you. I want my room to be your room, especially since my home is your home."

She kissed him then, a kiss full of gratitude and gentleness it almost made Jaime want to be honest with her more often. Amber purred curiously loudly from some corner of the room and Jaime swallowed Lorraine's giggle with his lips, using the opportunity to slip his tongue into her mouth -something he had surprisingly not done since their wedding night.

Standing there in his bedroom, _their_ bedroom, with the sound of soft waves crashing and her, _their_ kitten purring in complaint to her open kisses and attention, Jaime was under the impression that Lorraine was not incredibly averse to his suggestion of sharing a bedroom.

* * *

 **Lorraine**

"I'm sure you've heard of the caverns and tunnels, you'd like it very much. I'll have to show you around it all later, i'm sure you'd like to rest a moment."

" ** _Won't you be resting, as well?_** " _Didn't he just say we would be sharing chambers?_

"I have a small matter to attend to, I'm afraid there won't be much time to rest once i've dealt with it. I'll wake you for some dinner later." _He barely gave me any time to respond before he made his exit._

 _I had half a mind to follow him out, to tie a string around his left boot and tether him to this room. It was so large, everything was so large and it only made it seem more lonely. We hadn't even been here for an hour and he was leaving me alone._

 _But I was being unfair. He has been away from Casterly Rock for far too long, Gods know what mayhem must have gone on without a proper Lord to the castle._

 _I suddenly remembered then the curious case of the Tullys, the castle hostages. I suppose they are my hostages now too as well, how strange is that? It made me feel a little sick, knowing that somewhere there is a family with an invisible chain around its neck. Despite all this and how it made me feel, I knew it was necessary -at least until they can be moved to King's Landing. At least then I won't have to live with the knowledge that I could prance around in Jaime's home whilst someone sat in a far off end of the castle resenting my husband from taking him away from his. I did not really ask Jaime about the Tullys, and only even spoke about them when he brought them up in the political context. Is Edmure Tully a nice man? Is Roslin Tully nice? Surely their newborn child has no fault to him just yet. But I know all too well that even the innocent can be punished for someone else's misdeeds._

 _The sun seemed to be setting fast, but I could not yet find it in me to sleep. The new surroundings have jolted me with a waking force and the smell of the sea was far too unfamiliar. Stealing one last glance at Amber, who had found no issue in finding entertainment with a fringed pillow, I left the bedroom in order to further inspect the amenities of my,_ our _suites._

 _The lounging space was the size of the observatory where Elaine liked to pain, I wonder what Casterly Rock's observatory must look like. And the library! My mind spun at the endless possibilities and rooms I would like to see, but even I had to admit I was too tired to walk around the immeasurable space just yet. I would take it in in parts, and hopefully someday I would be able to be familiar with it all._

 _I opened the door that stood in between the two bedroom doors and found the bath that Jaime said I would find. When Jaime had mentioned a bath, I had assumed it was a tub of brass -perhaps bronze, maybe even gold! Surrounded by an assortment of oils and soaps. I was only right about the oils and soaps -even then it was still far more than I had imagined. But the bath was different than any I had ever seen, it was dug into the ground and ornate with deep blue and green mosaic. It seems the servants were anything but unprepared as I noted the steam dancing off the water, the closed door must have sealed in the heat -and I noted then that there were no windows._

 _Why let this warm water go to waste? A large factor in my decision-making at that moment was the case of my aching feet, my sore legs from the ride and my hips that creaked from all the sitting down. Besides, it would not be terribly harmful to greet my husband when he returned all clean and smelling of, I leaned down to look at one of the dark brown bottles, honeysuckle, would it?_

 _I checked that the door was firmly closed and brought the latch down to it -I did not want to risk one of the servants walking in and having their first impression of me be a naked one. As I undid my ribbons absently I stared into the water, and thought of how I had never in my wildest imagination thought I would find myself hear, casually disrobing in the Lord's chambers at Casterly Rock. Once I was fully bare, which was still a strange sensation to me since I had married, I leaned down to pour a good portion of the light brown liquid into the warm bath water._

 _The heat pooled around my skin as I set one foot in, and for a moment I felt content at just dipping my feet in the water while I sat there in the manufactured warmth of the room. Soon after, I was surrounded by warm wetness up until my neck and moved my sore muscles to remove the pins from my hair. I stood there, in the midst of the bath and without another thought bent my knees so that I could fully submerge myself in the water. Once I had resurfaced it felt like all the filth that accumulated over the journey had been washed away from me. All the dirt, the crying, the guilt and the fear, gone from me and I was a clean slate._

 _Do you know how hard it is to stay clean on a journey? To take care of your personal hygiene? I had insisted fervently to Jaime that I would not need a handmaiden at Casterly Rock, but the tribulations -as well as the sheer loneliness of the journey got me to have second thoughts, perhaps I would hire a handmaiden only to assist me on journeys, because frankly it was an ordeal I did not want to repeat. You can't stop when they're riding to relieve yourself -oh the impropriety! You barely have any privacy to use the chamber pot in your own tent, and even less privacy when you want to wash up by a surrounding body of water. Yes, this simple bath, was bliss to me. I could imagine this being my favourite place in this giant fortress. At least for now it was._

 _I don't know just how long I had spent in the bath, I had cleaned all I need to get cleaned within the first few minutes of dipping into it. But suddenly I felt hazy, like somehow the heat was getting to me now that I was trapped in this small room with it. Eventually, finally, I stepped out and wrapped a robe around me, taking another smaller cloth in hand to rub at my hair. Pleased that I was sufficiently dried I picked up my displaced gown and left the heat of the room and was grateful not to be greeted with a bite of cold air._

 _By the time I had changed into a new gown, a loose one of cream and red, my husband had finally returned, shortly followed by a shy maid to place our dinner on the table as Lewys lit the candles around the room and asked Jaime if he would like a fire. Taking some initiative I made to stand in front of the red haired squire and shook my head at him definitively, but still smiling. His cheeks reddened immediately and he smiled at me in the shyest possible way as it was probably the first time I had ever addressed him. Without looking, I knew somewhere in the room Jaime was smirking._

 _Wild boar. I could smell it. I had never been too fond of hard red meats, but I was unmistakably hungry, and so I could barely even wait for Lewys and the maid to finally leave me and Jaime alone so that I could advance on our dinner._

 _Even though my mouth was full half the time, I was glad that me and Jaime's dinner did not pass in quietness. I had a feeling Casterly Rock would be very quiet, and I did not want our chambers to be one of the places where it was so._

 _He spoke of the docks and how the ships were in a horrible state, how tomorrow he would show me the library and take me on a walk in the gardens if we were not too busy, how on his way to the port he had found a group of cats I was perhaps interested in capturing. I laughed, even snorted my wine once, and he gave in and laughed with me._

 _That night we slept closely together, much like on our wedding night. I could tell he was too tired to try and engage me in anything physical, I couldn't help but feel some sort of disappointment. It was true that I was in a new place and I was not exactly eager, but I was insecure enough to feel offended that he did not try. Would he wait for me? I think to myself, is he waiting for me to seduce him? If that was the case I hoped he was ready to be disappointed, I have yet to know anything that pertains to such a thing. And even if I did, I would not dare put on a show without being completely sure of my abilities -which I can assure anyone, I am not. He leaned in to me, his firm -might I add naked, body pressed against the back of me, and I wondered if he could smell the honeysuckle. And strangely, I seemed to care a great deal about whether he liked it._

 _I must have been far more weary than I had thought because when I finally woke my husband was no longer in bed with me and it seemed to be well into the afternoon. Embarrassingly, I thought of what the staff were thinking of me right this moment, lounging around, or even worse, limiting myself to my chambers -too afraid to go anywhere without my husband to take me there._

 _Deciding to take matters into my own hands, I stood up and dressed quickly, not even bothering with my hair and deciding to leave it loose. It seems that the surge of energy out of my self-directed outrage could only take me so far after I had left the rooms, and I found myself lost. Sticking to my stubborn nature, I just kept taking a left turn -refusing to look lost or ask for directions, until I finally came to an open arch on the ground floor and found myself out in the gardens._

 _I had to admit, it was far grander than it was back home. But upon closer inspection it became evident to me that no one had taken proper care of the plants and flowers and they had begun to shrivel under the unrelenting sun and carelessness. Then and there, I took it upon myself to make that my first duty as Lady of Casterly Rock: To restore the gardens. It was simple, but I need something to fill my time. I could not just sit around and read and do embroidery all day -I needed to move. I doubt I would want to ride or learn something like archery, but gardening was something I knew I could do. And perhaps the fearful part of me wanted the first thing I did to be something I knew I could accomplish with ease. I walked around the large grounds further, examining all the fauna and making mental notes of how to treat them. In the midst of my walk and muddled in my thoughts I stopped in my tracks at a far off noise I could not make out until I had given it my undivided attention._

 _A sound so...unfamiliar I can scarcely remember when was the last time I had even heard it. But now that I was standing, dead silent, unmoving in fear of losing the very wind that carried the sound to me, I knew unmistakably what it was: A babe's cry._

* * *

 **Next chapter will be quite...jam-packed. A lot of stuff is going to go down, and I hope it takes life. Won't be publishing for another week. Wait and see.**

 **In the mean time whilst I am working on the coming chapters i'm gonna be thoroughly planning how the story's gonna go and the content for every chapter since I only have a detailed description up to chapter 26. I know where I want to take it and what I want to happen, but I still have not figured out how exactly I want to end it or when i'll stop. Any suggestions? Please review.**


	23. Declarations of Independence

**Heya! Hope you all enjoyed the last chapter. Please let me know what you think of this.**

 **GUEST: Thank you so much, your words definitely drove me to get these things out in time.**

 **Just in case anyone is interested (i've gotten a few messages about this), some people have asked me if there are certain people I imagine when writing these characters, if you would like to know tell me in your review and i'll either message you or include it on my next update or on my profile :)**

* * *

 **Lorraine**

 _Have you ever thought yourself mad? Like you were imagining things? Like something was living inside your head? I felt that way for some time when I was a child, and currently thought so yesterday afternoon when I heard the sound of a crying babe. I zoned into the sound and chased it around on my tiptoes, praying that somehow it was real -the last time I had seen something strange in a garden I ended up not speaking._

 _It was like a game of hot and cold, and I had to carefully waddle around the garden -no doubt looking like a mad woman to anyone that may have been looking, in search of the source. As I finally neared the marble railings that led to a view of the sea, I felt stumped. And then I heard the sound again, and I looked in all directions, including down into the sea, and still found nothing. Was I going mad? Was I finally going mad? It only kept crying, the babe, like it was trying to lure me in. Was this some kind of sea demon trying to trap me to my death? But I ventured to my right and stood by the corner, noticing a small clearing far below me -like a hidden balcony of sorts. There, to my relief or shock -I had not yet decided, stood a dark haired woman holding a baby, trying to shush it to sleep._

 _My hair hovered around me as my gaze fixated on the sight before -or below, me. The woman looked more like a girl than anything else, she looked youthful and small...delicate. I could not really make out her features but could hear her tender voice trying to sooth the child, Brynden, she called him. I stayed there, watching in silence without even a hint of stealth, until the baby was calm and there was only the quiet of the ocean. The young woman looked out at the glistening shore and even from such differing heights I could see the sadness in her._

 _In all the commotion I had myself created I did not realise just what I was dealing with. There was no way this child belonged to anyone that was part of the Casterly Rock staff. I knew that I was not yet an expert at the architecture and layout of Casterly Rock but I knew that there was no way the servants quarters would be within the inlay of the castle. The staff that_ did _live within the main attachment to the castle, as I knew, did not have any newborns. And I was sure since I had taken it upon myself to ask Jaime all about it when we had dinner and he had told me that the only people that stayed remotely close to us were Damion and his wife -and both his children were older than Jaime himself. There was only one possible explanation for the identities of the woman and child standing somewhere beneath me; That woman is Roslin Frey._

 _Or Roslin Tully, whichever one she'd prefer, though I don't think i'll be getting the opportunity to ask now._

 _I returned to my rooms in a hurry that day, and waited patiently for Jaime there so that I could ask him about it. But the moment the door opened and he had greeted me my mind went blank, what could I possibly ask him? What could he possibly tell me that I did not already know? Something just did not sit well with me, and I could not yet bring it up when I did not exactly know what to say about it. So I indulged my husband in somewhat distracted company and tried to keep my straying thoughts to a minimum, instead choosing to detail to him my plans for the garden._

 _"_ Oh? And when do you plan to get started, my lady?" _He had asked, his finger tracing the material over my knee in circles._

 _"_ ** _Tomorrow"_** _He raised his eyebrows at me then in feign shock and mumbled something about how "impressive" that was. I had swatted his hand away and we resumed in our light conversation about the state of things and the staff._

 _That night I could not bring myself to retire with him, seeing the Tullys still had me somewhat disturbed. And so I urged Jaime to let himself go to sleep without me as he had said he needed to wake up at first light to meet a ship coming in at the docks and I had claimed that I had slept too much and was not tired. Jaime had made some sort of lewd remark about_ making _me tired, and as he bit my ear I briefly considered letting him. But not tonight, I eventually gestured as much to him and he retreated -defeated._

 _I eventually joined him far later into the night, passing the time with embroidery -I had started a small Lion crest to sew on to one of his shirts, and eventually my weariness caused me to poke a number of holes into my thumb and I finally relented. Not yet braving to sleep so naked next to my bare husband I settled myself in his arms and willed myself to sleep, thinking of Brynden...what an unusual name._

 _And now, here I stood, removing the weeds from the rose bush. I understood that we were not in the Reach and we were not the bloody Tyrells, but by the Gods could no one bring themselves to at least pull these weeds out before they annihilated the entire south garden? I had woken a little after Jaime as it was still early in the morning, and dressed myself quickly and made my way to the south garden (which was still the only place I could find with no issue). I had the opportunity to meet and acquaint myself with some servants who had been passing by and wondered if I needed any help with the garden and I had undeniably enlisted them and their efforts to my cause. It felt good, getting something done, but it was hard labor and not something I wished to do in a corset._

 _After I had done what I thought was enough I excused myself from the handy boy after giving him a list of what supplies I needed to regrow and repurpose the garden. Stopping another servant I happened upon on my way back I wrote to them that I would be needing water for a bath, as I was all but leaving a trail of filth behind me. In my state of sweat and dirt, I walked in to my lounging area to find my husband already there -waiting for me._

 _"_ Good day so far? _" He asked jovially. I nodded to him before registering the folded packet sitting next to him on the sofa -which I took no time to point to._

 _"_ Always so eager, little wife. I have something for you." _He stood up then, carelessly tearing the delicate film of paper wrapped around whatever was in it. He unfolded it and held it up so it tumbled down. It was a dress._

 _It was a plain, off-white dress. It had shorter sleeves that went up three quarters of the way, a ribbon tied at the front and a soft clench at the waist. The rest of it flowed freely down to the floor, no embellishments, no patterns, no design and most of all, no need for a corset. I had never in my life been so grateful for a dress._

 _I had to stop myself from hugging the fresh new linen as I recalled just how dirt-covered I was. Instead I moved my hand to the side of the dress and drew it back slightly to look upon the expectant face of my husband._

 _"_ ** _I love it"_** _I motioned, and his face lit up with pride._

 _"_ Thought you could use something more comfortable." _I could almost kiss him if I was not so filthy._

 _Just then, the maid that I had asked for water knocked and I remembered myself. Holding the door open to let her in, I found my husband taking his leave_ in exchange for her entrance _. My accusatory glance did nothing to dissuade him,_

 _"_ Enjoy your bath, you filthy kitten." _He said as he left -but not before he kissed my filthy cheek._

* * *

 **Jaime**

The smile of pride Jaime had on out of pride of giving Lorraine some semblance of happiness was swiftly wiped off as soon as he entered Edmure Tully's chambers. The gloominess of the receiving room made the rest of the Rock seem like an everlasting summer parade. It was darker than the rest, due to its lower levels and it smelled even more strongly of the sea than his own room.

It had to be done sometime, he was bound to come here. He had to face them, if not to explain what would come than to at least remind them just who's home they were being kept in.

"Lost your way, Lannister?" Jaime he heard the voice come from the unmoving figure by the window, darkened by the loom of the arches above him.

 _I could ask you the same thing,_ he had almost responded but held back. For once, he did not know how, he held back. He still needed something from Edmure, and that meant that he had to display some level of diplomacy in the situation. So, disregarding Edmure's earlier comment, Jaime took another step forward, trying to peer in and look at his hostage,

"Someone had to check if you were well." Edmure finally turned his face to Jaime's and it cleared up in front of the faint light from the window. Edmure Tully may have been well, as in _not dead_ , but he was by no means happy.

The last time Jaime had seen Edmure was at Riverrun, Edmure's family seat and birthright, and Jaime had forced him to surrender it and threatened that if he did not the only way he would see his child was by way of the catapult Jaime would launch it in. So no, Jaime had very little hope of this meeting going on smoothly.

Edmure's face seemed to contort in some kind of disgust before he could bring himself to speak again, instead turning his face into a bitter smile as he scoffed out,

"Yes, I did hear of your arrival. Servants seemed excited. They also told me that you were the new Lord of Casterly Rock, the rightful Lord Lannister. How convenient that all is for you, Kingslayer." He turned back to look out briefly before returning his gaze to Jaime with a look that would burn holes if it could, "You've even married. Allow me to offer you my congratulations. A Marbrand is it? Tell me, Kingslayer, does she suck your cock to the sound of you humming out the names of all the men you've wronged?"

It took every ounce of common sense he had, but somehow Jaime found the strength not to bash the foolish Trout's face into the window and throw him out into the Sunset Sea. Limb by limb. Taking in a discrete breath, he only grinned -surprising even himself. _I have to stay calm._

"You'll not forget, my _lord_ Edmure, who it is you're speaking to. You'll not forget by who's good grace you are allowed to live comfortably -or at all. Though I imagine that won't be very hard to forget." He spat through gritted teeth, trying to reign in his self control.

Still casually lounging back in his seat, Edmure retorted knowing full well he was beginning to get the best of the Lannister Lion. _You fool, the Lion has already eaten the fish._

 _"_ Oh and I am to just sit here and give you my respect? There is no respect to be given. Detain me as you wish, but I _will_ not cower down and suck off the man that stood in my own father's study, in _my_ home, and took it all away from me. Let alone that because of _your_ family my wedding will forever be known as a bloodbath. Because of _your_ family, someone put an arrow through my nephew's heart and slit my sister's throat."

The air was thick with accusations and with the blood of those that had died. Jaime could not feel guilty for it, but somehow wished it had never happened -somehow then he would not be put into this awfully impossible situation. He sighed.

"Regardless. You may spew your words at me all you like, i'm not new to profanities nor am I sensitive to any insults -I've been told far worse things than that. But I will _not_ have you disrespect my wife or speak ill of her. She has nothing to do with this, and so I would suggest you keep any talk of her out of your damned mouth."

Edmure's smile only widened to show his puzzled teeth and breathed in comically before speaking again,

"Oh I bet she's a looker, isn't she? Servants said that Lady Lorraine is _beautiful,_ must be why you like her so much. I must ask, where is the Lady Lannister? Am I not her hostage as well as yours? Do tell her to come visit, will you? I'm sure she would be _lovely_ company." He eyed Jaime squarely, emphasising his final words. And Jaime, once again, had to calm himself. But even with his calm demeanor, he could not stop the bitterness seeping into his words and his voice.

"You should thank me you know, better yet your wife should. I have given you no choice but to be loyal to only her. You, Edmure Tully, will likely never touch another woman again."

"Then I thank the Gods the woman I have with me is a darned beautiful one. One who is, by the way, laying our _son_ to sleep in the adjoining room. By the Gods, Jaime Lannister of all men has the gall to speak to me about loyalty."

"Then I suppose you'd better keep your outbursts to yourself." He retorted with a faux smile.

"What is it you want then Lannister? Of course, I would not expect you to know that it is dishonourable for a free man to gloat to an imprisoned one."

"I did not come here to gloat. It was my duty to check on you, and so I have done. I will not bother you again today. I will leave you to your sulking." He turned on his heels to leave, suddenly bored by company that could so readily speak to him -there was no challenge in decoding Edmure Tully's insults -everything that came out of that man's mouth directed at Jaime was an insult of sorts.

Before he could reach over to the door handle Edmure's voice interrupted his escape,

"One more thing Kingslayer, how _is_ your sister fairing? Terrible news."

He stopped dead in his tracks. Blanched by the sudden anger that was threatening to burst, he turned to face Edmure once more, _Gods I'm already sick of your face,_ and with a sinister voice he returned,

"Far better than any of yours, it seems."

"I wouldn't count her so lucky, just yet. Public executions are proving quite popular as of recent...my lord."

He almost shook with wrath and had his eyes pinned at Edmure with a monstrous glaze to them. But he would not, could not, show him that his words effected him -it was a political advantage he could not yet risk. All he wanted to was to thrash the side table down on the floor and use one of the wooden legs to stab Edmure's eyes, even the primal part of him knew it would not fair well.

So again, through gritted teeth, Jaime muttered,

"Good day to you, Lord Edmure." And with a smile, he slammed the door and closed the latch roughly behind him, bitterly hoping Edmure's babe would wake just to spite him.

Stalking in a heavy march with no particular direction Jaime fumed at the gall of his prisoner, and the immobility his position gave him. He could not do anything. If it were up to him Edmure Tully, who is most unworthy to even speak Lorraine's name, would not stay here another minute. If it were up to him he would have him gone -be it to King's Landing or on a rocky cliff somewhere, he did not care.

His head was about to explode, and it felt like all the frustration that had built up over the past moon had finally come to a head. He would never concern himself with what Edmure Tully thought of him. _It matters not. Edmure Tully knows nothing about me. And I am now a man worthy of Lorraine._

Was he really, though? What had Jaime done to deserve someone like Lorraine? Was it up to him to become worthy of her?

Angered by the sudden injustice of the thought, he directed his new rage at his new wife.

 _She is far from perfect. She will not even lie with me. She is a coward. I will not let Lorraine or Edmure Tully make a fool out of me._

It angered him to no end realising the lengths he had gone through to accommodate Lorraine when she had all but disregarded him. What did she give him, really? Quieting him only with a few kisses like he was some _boy,_ how was she so different to Cersei in that way? All Cersei did was manipulate him and exchange kisses amongst other things for control. And that's what it felt like, like Lorraine had some sort of _control_ over Jaime. _I will not be made a fool of in my home._ If he was paying attention to himself it would have alarmed him how similar he sounded to his father just then.

Finding himself at the door of his chambers he burst the door open to find Lorraine, now again the subject of his frustrations, sitting on a lounging chair, apparently waiting with what seemed to be a piece of embroidery in her hands. Before she could register his angry eyes she shot up out of her seat, prepared to greet him with a smile.

Jaime took her aback with the sheer force of the kiss he bestowed upon her -violent and fierce, wanting to take its rights.

For the first time, Lorraine did not reciprocate his kiss but instead forcibly pushed him away by the shoulders to examine him. Staring at him with a look of question he cast her questions aside and moved to kiss her once again. She struggled to move out but his grip was already tight on her and he forcibly lay claim to her lips once more.

She felt like lead in his arms, squirming not quite away from him but only enough to question him. Letting his primal wants take control of him he spun her around and pushed her against the table. His hands moved quickly to cup her breasts, the same ones he had so longed to taste since that night that seemed to have occurred moons ago, and roughly squeezed and pulled at whatever her dress would allow him to. She fought him more then, trying to move his grip away so she could escape but he had her pinned between his hard self and the table. Letting his stubble graze at her neck and sucking at her ear, the place he knew she liked, he moved his free hand down to his breeches -his other hand still firmly gripped around her waist.

Unexpectedly, she elbowed him then -or at least tried to, for her movement was too limited by their close proximity, and in retaliation Jaime pushed her firmly closer to the table,

"Enough of this. Enough waiting."

She whined out in response and so he licked what he could from her exposed skin and began bunching up her skirts, still struggling to free himself from his own breeches.

He was lost in her, and for a moment he enjoyed the side of him that he had lost, _taking_. He taking what he wanted, what was _his_ by all rights and it felt _good._ He was too far gone, too intoxicated by the mere smell of her to be afraid of what that meant.

Her skirts were almost bunched up to her sacred place and he could feel the soft cream of her thighs, her movements now more desperate and his frustration only growing. She was heaving out, like a frightened animal, trying to move his hands away or scratching at the back of his leather doublet. _You should learn not to fight me,_ he thought to himself and grazed his teeth upon her neck, closing his eyes to revel in what was to come. The pleasure, the pain, a complete disregard to any consequences, _just like old times_.

"Jaime, no."

His eyes opened wide, and he stilled. Shell-shocked for what he had just thought he heard, and the realisation of what he was about to do, Jaime loosened his grip on his wife's skirts and around her waist, moving away slightly to give them both room to breathe.

"Did you...what did you just _say_?"

* * *

 **Lorraine**

 _Everything went still. All the madness, all the craziness and lewdness that seemed to have consumed Jaime just moments ago had been drained, and there was nothing but silence._

 _"_ What did you just _say?" Did he expect me to explain? Did he expect me to speak again?_

 _He had driven me to it, for the first time during the entire time I had known Jaime Lannister I was truly afraid of him._

 _I turned to him sharply, unwilling to let myself be ashamed of what I had done when he had been all too willing to dishonour me so. I willed the tears that had been stinging my eyes not to leave, but one trickled down my cheek as I looked upon Jaime in the state we were both in._

 _His breeches were unbuckled and parts of my skirt were torn as was the top part of my corset due to his roughness. And even through his gloomy shame he still managed to look me in the eyes like somehow throughout all this I had been the one to wrong him._

 _"_ What did you say, Lorraine." _And I shook my head. He will never hear me speak again. I swear it._

 _"_ Speak!" _His voice shook me, and once again I was afraid._

 _"_ Why don't you speak? What are you so afraid of? Why Lorraine?" _Even I could mistake his voice for comfort at that moment._

 _"_ Speak Lorraine! Speak to me." _He moved his arms out towards me and from there on only my instincts could take over. And my first instinct was to run away from him, to run away from my husband._

 _With the tears still falling freely from my face I turned around swiftly and ran to the other bedroom, the element of surprise probably being the only reason Jaime did not immediately catch me. I slammed the door behind me as fast as I could, somehow managing to bring down the latch on the unfamiliar handle, effectively locking myself in._

 _Jaime, on the other side of the door, fiddled with the handle and I could hear him take a deep breath in and step back,_

 _"_ Lorraine, open the door." _I could not even touch the door. I could not move._

 _"_ Lorraine you're acting like a child. Open the door." _Still, my limbs froze and even the sound of his growls could not inspire movement in my muscles._

 _"_ You will open this door for me now!" _Another tear spilled down my cheek. Why was I crying? What had I done? I've made a horrible mistake._

 _BANG!_

 _My chest hurt now and my heart wheezed out in my moment of weakness._

 _BANG!_

 _I moved to the door and slid my back down, burying my head into my knees and letting myself cry in silence in response to the continued furious bangs on the door._

 _"_ Lorraine. Lorraine i'm sorry." _I could only cry now, why was I so weak?_

 _"_ I beg you, Lorraine open this door. I'm so sorry." _I will not let him get the better of me._

 _Wiping my tears from my face as my frame still shuddered from the trauma I somehow muted the rest of Jaime's ramblings -ranging from madness to apologies to resumed aggression until there was silence. And until then, I examined the room. The room that was so like mine, so like ours. But this one lacked the warmth ours would have had, it lacks Amber's cot and lacks Jaime holding me to his chest at night. I wondered, would I ever bear to let my husband touch me again? Suddenly my life was sad, and I marveled at all the decisions I had made and whether I could have ever seen this coming._

 _He had been so good to me just hours beforehand. He had been kind and thoughtful and I thought we were well on our way to something akin to understanding, finally. I had washed and cleaned and combed my hair and was ready for us to take the next step that was not merely "_ duty" _or_ "what had to be done" _but an act of mutual want and pleasure, but not like this. I had been waiting for him, to show him the crest I had made for him and ease in to the subject of the Tullys and their current situation in our household, but I had not even the chance to greet him before he had attacked me so._

 _I thought of the Lion crest as I lay still on the floor, now looking up at the ceiling unaware of any noise coming from the outside, and I thought about how it probably lay somewhere on the floor -disregarded and invisible just like I had been._

 _I had never seen Jaime so angry before. We had had our disagreements, of course, but this I had a feeling had nothing to do with me. Whatever it was it somehow made him think he had any right to treat me as such. Perhaps he thought that_ was _his right, as my husband. The thought angered me to no end, that Jaime felt he had some sort of right to play the victim or as the betrayed just because of my mere act of defense. And I in turn felt betrayed that he had made a victim out of me. Me, Lorraine Marbrand, have now become subjected to a sort of trauma and it's all thanks to my foolish husband. But I had thought that that was not what I had understood him wanting when he proposed. How foolish must that sound now? "But I thought" You thought nothing, Lorraine. Men lie. People lie._

 _And I lie. For I had spoken, and broken the rules of my comfortable existence._

 _I slept on the floor that night, I had not even known when but I simply drifted off. And though I wished I could remember the days where I would wake up in the mornings and run to Elaine's room where I would tell her all about my dreams and she would paint them, I had never felt so grateful for a dreamless night until now._

* * *

 **I'll be honest I was planning on keeping a lid on this for a little while.**

 **Please let me know what you think!**


	24. As High As Pride

**A/N: WASSUP. Thought everything was going well huh? Nah, it's still ASOIAF.**

 **Will they make-up? We shall see.**

 **Another POV is introduced in this chapter -I believed it would serve the story well to kind of show this other point of view of Jaime and Lorraine's marriage to an outsider.**

 **Also, i've made the decision that i'm gonna publish each chapter more or less once i'me done with it because I don't feel like I can really start working on the next one until i've had a proper response (here's hoping). So, I hope that decision works out for me.**

* * *

 **Jaime**

He could not sleep the night it happened.

Jaime Lannister was not grossly accustomed to feeling shame, but there was no doubt that that was what he had felt after the ordeal with Lorraine. It was not really an ordeal, but he could not think of any other way to put it, for he had put Lorraine through something he was usually proud of sparing other maidens from.

It was only at the sound of her voice, of her _speaking,_ saying his name, that sobriety had stung him and he resumed back into an appropriate level of consciousness. It had come over him in a wave, and no part of him fought back. He had been so infuriated at not only the gall of Edmure Tully but at the fact that he could not act on his rage. He had felt like everyone was laughing at him, like Edmure Tully saw fit to mock him and Lorraine was making a fool of him every night she did not let him have her. He had, in his moment of fury, acted foolishly and done something quite possible irreparable to his marriage and to the one person he had allowed to matter to him he blamed himself for it. _I could have done anything else. I could have yelled at a maid or exhausted my efforts on some castle guard in the tiltyard, not try to force myself on my own wife._

Somehow when it had all happened he managed to grow even more angry, suddenly betrayed by Lorraine's ability of speech. It had come out of her quite course, what she had said, and her tongue sounded a little heavy or stiff from it not being so often used, but it had still been _clear._ She had said no to him and to all that he was doing, and he was too ashamed of what he had done to allow her to see it, instead pointing his accusations at her and questioning her harshly. When she had run from him it had only been the cherry on top, and when he was done thrashing at her door, exhausting every form of an apology or scolding he could find, he sat by the door thinking about that strange dream he had had about his father and how he had all but become him.

The hardest part about the entire debacle he was now in was the fact that he had no idea how to get out of it or make things better. What could he possible do to erase such an act? How in the world was he going to get her to trust him again?

He had never given her any reason to doubt him before and she had all but given him her trust freely. But Jaime had never had to fight to regain anyone's trust. The only people he had ever cared for shared his blood and somehow time always healed any wounds coming from one another. He had never had to make up for anything he did with Cersei, though now he doubted it that she ever forgave him for anything.

The cat meowed, and Jaime balled his fists at the reminder that she was not in their room. He wondered if she will ever come out. Somehow he felt she would, but definitely not purely for his own sake. He stared down the door, in the harsh morning sunlight and now fully dressed in a linen tunic and brown breeches, silently willing for the door to fly open and for Lorraine to step out of the darkness. What would he do then if that happened? Would he get on his knees and furiously kiss her hands until the skin was coarse and wrinkled with his regret? Would he pretend like it did not happen?

After spending far too long a moment staring at the door that was no the bane of his existence, a door he now wished he had locked off the moment Lorraine had agreed to sharing her chambers with him forever, he finally sighed out and made his way out -shooing Amber away so he would not slam the door on her.

Somehow, some way, Jaime managed to spend his entire day without seeing Lorraine or the Tullys. Starting at the tiltyard to redirect his frustrations he then moved on to the study -a place he never wanted to enjoy being in. But, apparently, as Lord of Casterly Rock and the newly assigned Warden of The West, Jaime had a lot on his plate. The least of what he had to currently deal with was the matter of the bandits in the nearby villagers; in one village the bandits had even managed to overthrow the local authority and claimed it as their own. Allowing that to happen or to continue happening would give off the impression that he either did not care or was not feared. And Jaime had a serious problem with one of those assumptions.

He had planned on asking Lorraine about it once they had settled into their daily duties since she had proven to be great help in the last matter he had asked her advice for, but even if that would ever be an option again he doubted the matter at hand could wait long enough for him to appease his wife. Of course he knew what his later father would do, he would attack with all forces just to prove House Lannister was not one to be trifled with. He remembered the stories people had told him of his grandfather -an amiable but weak willed man, and how he had almost run their names into the ground, allowing lesser lords to stomp all over him. Perhaps the only influence his grandfather may have had on his father was that his carelessness had served to harden Tywin, making almost any event in the Seven Kingdoms somehow an insult, even in the most obscure indirect way, to their House.

 _What would my father do?_ He thought as he tossed a paperweight back and forth in his hands. _Surely he would call the banners, make an example out of the bandits. Have their corpses hung all the way from the Golden Tooth to the borders._ But Jaime could not help but think it was too much of an effort for mere bandits. It was all too much trouble just to make an example out of them, and with the Winter and the gold not being as abundant as it used to be perhaps it would be a better not to squander resources so freely. _Yes,_ he thought, _i'll send a host of my own men. A good thousand. Quick, and to the point. They'll eliminate the threats, restore the peace, hang the bodies outside each town to remind everyone that it never pays to cause trouble for us. Perhaps I shall even visit each of the towns and villages to make sure things have settled and make an appearance.  
_ He loathed the idea of not participating himself. It made him feel useless, and weak. Like he was some high lord too proud to fight, as if it was not what he had spent his entire life doing. As if it was at times the only thing he had. But as the new Lord of House Lannister, it would be unwise to put himself in unnecessary danger. Or be away from his wife so soon -though he did not waste time in correcting himself that she damn well might not want him there regardless.

Time was proving to move far too slowly for his liking. By the time he had finished all the stationary matters at hand in his study it was not even midday yet, and Damion had informed him that there was nothing else to get done for that day until much later when they would retrain the horses -and Jaime was suddenly at a loss for things to distract himself with. And it was only just midday.

Casterly Rock was huge, and no shortage of rooms and crevices to explore, but somehow Jaime did not feel right wandering aimlessly through his own home whilst his wife was probably still in their rooms shaken by events caused at his own hand.

He had promised to be good to her. And he was sure Lorraine knew people made their mistakes, but he also knew she would expect him to admit that it had been a mistake in the first place. A colossal one at that.

He stalked back to their suites, his head down in deep thought to how he could possibly phrase an apology. Apologies were not exactly Jaime's forte. Just as he had made the sharp left turn leading to the hallway their suites were he lifted his head to find Lorraine coming back to their chambers as well from the other end of the hallway. She slowed once she had registered him as he had stopped completely in his tracks, unable to move and too afraid to scare her away -unknowing how to proceed. She was covered in dirt and swear again much like she was the previous day, but what was different was the fact that she was wearing the dress he had given her. He supposed even she was not so stubborn as to turn the dress away when she had no other alternatives to it.

With his eyes still staring at her with caution, he could not make out the expression on her face. But surprisingly so, she continued on into the room at a deliberate, steady pace and did not close the door behind her.

With caution to his step he entered after her. She stood in their lounging space with her back to him, but even he could see her breath was heavy and her fingers were fidgeting nervously. He closed the door behind him with a gentle click and did not miss the slight shudder to come across Lorraine's back at the sound indicating they were now alone once more.

Taking a light step towards her, his mind still uncharacteristically blank,

"Lorraine" He all but whispered to her. And she gave him no indication that she had heard him. Lowering his head down, he pressed the bridge of his nose between his index finger and his thumb, trying to think of something he could possibly say to start.

"What...happened last night...it was not..." He could not find the words, and he suddenly heaved out, "I was not worthy."

She turned to him sharply then, facing him fully, as if her shortness was not an issue, and she stared him down. He had thought that the few times they had disagreed he had seen flashes of anger in her -but he was now all too quickly realising that it was merely annoyance he had seen. _This is anger._

Her mouth was pressed firmly together and he could all but hear the sound of her teeth grinding. _Are you in any way related to Stannis Baratheon?_ He held back the comic thought as he was faced full on with the wrath of his little wife. Her arms were now crosses against her chest, her eyes wide and her whole frame nearly shook with the bubbling anger. But she made no other move. Nothing to communicate with him. She just stood there, waiting for him to elaborate, and he had no choice but to relent.

"I was wrong to do that to you. I was not thinking, my lady. I hope you can forgive me."

" ** _Why?"_** _Why what? Why do I hope you would bestow your forgiveness upon me?_

 _"_ I feel ashamed of what i've done, and I hope you can move on from this." He almost winced at how insincere it sounded.

She shook her head at that and once again turned away from him -this time marching to the same table he had pressed her up against, and grabbed a notepad to scribble furiously in.

" _You have done things far worse, why appease me, my lord? I am only your WIFE"_ He sighed out loud as he read the thin parchment she had slapped into his hand, getting the sense now that a calm discussion was not how this matter was going to be resolved. And hiding behind false courtesies and mechanic insincerity was not the way to get anywhere with her now.

He looked at her seriously then, trying to thaw the icy storm brewing in her eyes, and took a long breath in.

"You matter much to me, Lorraine. I was angry at something that had happened, and I took it out on you because I felt frustrated by everything. There is no excuse. Only a promise that it will never happen again."

" _Why should I believe you?"_

"Because the thought of anyone hurting you makes me want to have their head. And somehow knowing that I had hurt or caused you pain...well, it doesn't make me very fond of myself. So I can't imagine what you currently think of me."

Her eyes did not waver from his, but still he felt like she was lost in thought over his admissions and was still confused over how to answer him.

Realising he had not actually yet apologised to her, he decided to do it in a matter that would please them both -him in a way that would not entail him actually saying the words, and her in a way she was extremely familiar with. So, lifting his finger so it stood between them, he bent all his fingers except for pinky into a fist and curled the pinky down in Lorraine's direction. " ** _Sorry"_**

A small smile escaped her, but it was immediately replaced once more with her perplexed expression as she turned down to write once more.

" _What would possess you so in order for you to hurt me this way?"_

"I told you, Lorraine, something had gotten the better of my temper earlier on right before I had gone to see you."

" ** _What?"_**

He audibly sighed out, not wishing to discuss that particular subject with her in the current context.

"If you must know, I had gone to see Edmure Tully." She seemed stunned by his answer, and continued prodding.

" ** _What happened?_** "

"Lorraine I would really rather not get into it no-"

" ** _What happened?"_**

Finally giving up and feeling the weight of the entire time from the last evening to right now, Jaime plopped down onto the couch and rest his head in hand. Cautiously, Lorraine sat in the seat opposite him, still eyeing him for a response -albeit with a hint of worry in her features.

"He just... was not very easy to deal with. He resents me -which is fine, plenty of men do, and I took his home. But I couldn't... _do_ anything about it. I had to just stand there and let him think he had somehow won. I felt like I was getting laughed at."

" ** _That's all?_** "

"Well it didn't really help that you and I...you were miserable before we got here. I would hear you weep at night, and all I wanted to do, strangely, was hold you to me. I have, for quite a while now, as you know felt a very _physical_ attraction to you...I was just not used to feeling that way and not acting on it. Because I wanted you to come to me. And now, I think it's fair to say i've ruined _that._ "

She nodded slowly at his words, trying to look considerate and understanding, but Jaime could see the plain blush in her cheeks and knew that even through all her freeness Lorraine was still shy when it came to sex.

" ** _I was afraid of you"_** His words leapt out in response,

"I know and i'm sorry. I don't want you to be afraid. And I promise you," It took a lot not to move to stroke her cheek, "I will never mistreat you in that way again."

" ** _I forgive you. This time."_** He chuckled nervously at her response, but where they stood now with things left it too awkward for him to do anything. He could not completely ignore or disregard her, but he did not know whether he could venture to touch her yet.

Hesitantly, he reached his hand out and placed it atop hers and tried not to feel offended at the jolt of nervousness that he felt in her hands for a moment.

* * *

 **Lorraine**

 _When Jaime placed his hand on mine, I got the sense that I had not really entirely forgiven him. I had become a liar._

 _His touch still felt threatening and heavy, like it was somehow containing me. I did not look at him then, for surely he had noticed. It was an awkward situation we were in, and I myself was trying my very best to keep images of last night out of my head as we sat in front of one another._

 _When I had awoken that morning it was with the resolve that I would not allow my husband, or the acts of my husband, to break me. And though I did wait for him to leave our chambers before I left the room so I would avoid yet facing him, I did pick myself up, put on the dress he had gifted me the day before, and gone about my duties. The entire time I had been working in the garden I had worried that he would see me wearing his gift as some sort of act of forgiveness, when it was hardly so. A part of me wanted to let that man know that his gifts did not scare me, his money and gold could never buy me and as his wife I was not obliged to put up with his dishonourable behaviours just because I was too shy to turn away his gifts._

 _But he had stuttered, and mumbled and shifted and fidgeted out as he apologised, and I could tell he was nervous. He thought I would never forgive him, and at the time I had thought that may have been true. But there he was trying, and I could somehow see that he meant it. His admittance that our lack of copulation was a factor in his eventual rage did make me realise that perhaps I was moving too slow, but I could not just jump into bed with him now could I? I don't even think he would let me, Jaime has too much pride to allow that. He would not accept for me to give myself over to him just because he had expressed a want for me. And truth be told, judging from the way his touch still sent a trickle of fear down my back, I doubt I would savour the thought of him unbuckling his breeches near me so soon._

 _He made to leave not long after we had settled silently, and I remembered asking whether he was going to see the Tullys again. He had smiled thinly,_

 _"_ No. Not today. Just retraining some of the horses and taming the others." _I nodded._

 _"_ Would...would you like to come?" _And I immediately shook my head at that, and Jaime obviously held in a chuckle. Perhaps one day I would find it in me to ride, but today had already been emotionally taxing -it did not need me adding to it by facing a new fear._

 _With a curt nod, Jaime stood up and took his leave from me and I exhaled at the relief that I was now alone again._

 _Just then, Amber scrambled into the communal area and I walked over to her, picking her up and taking my seat once more as I placed her in my lap. I stroked her soft fur in deep thought at all that had occurred but my thoughts curiously lingered over the Tullys. I had wanted to ask Jaime then about Roslin and her babe, but felt that I did not want to prolong the conversation further. What would Edmure Tully have to say to Jaime that was so...provocative?_

 _I imagined the family in my mind. Was Edmure Tully mean to his wife? Jaime had not let on as much. But I could not stop imagining consecutive family portraits of Tullys in their chambers. The Tullys having dinner. The Tullys by the sea. It made me feel less alone in this castle._

 _Interrupting my thoughts, the maid I had been working with closely in the garden, Myra, came in after she had knocked asking when I would like my luncheon. I plopped Amber down in the seat next to me and reached over the notepad, expressing to her that I would like to have a bath first before she could bring my food up so I may, once again, eat alone._

 _Before she left a stroke of genius happened upon me and I furiously waved my hands around to catch her attention. Once again furiously writing into my notepad, I delicately handed her the messy page of instructions._

 _"After my bath I will have my luncheon in the south garden. Summon Roslin Tully to join me."_

* * *

 **Roslin**

She sat there stunned at what Myra had said to her, and could feel Edmure's eyes glaring into her skin.

He had been so miserable and grumpy, and the few moments he would find any cheer was when he was with her and Brynden, but Roslin had felt a strange sort of guilt towards Edmure because of how she felt at Casterly Rock.

Strange as it was, Roslin found Casterly Rock, a place she was currently being held in as a comfortable hostage, was far less dreary than any other place she had lived in. The Twins was not only dark, wet and boring all the time she had lived there but had been permanently marred in trauma for her and so many others that spending another night there was out of the question for her. Riverrun had not been any better. But Casterly Rock was suddenly different. Yes, they were confined to the castle -but Roslin had always been confined to castles throughout her life. The sun was a welcome change to the unrelenting rain, and the sound of the waves helped little Brynden sleep at night.

She calls him her littlefish, she thought it fitting since he had been named after the Blackfish -whom she still prays is alive and well somewhere far away from the madness.

When Jaime Lannister and his bride were due to arrive to Casterly Rock the castle rumbled in excitement and Roslin, because of Edmure's constant gloominess and hatred for the Lannisters, had to quiet the excitement she could not help but feel. It was all she had in this kind of existence. She had always been a quiet girl, a _nice_ girl. And she could not really afford to have nothing to be nice about anymore. She was prone to bouts of sadness, to crumbling when it all became to much, to crying when she had not the strength to carry the weight of her sorrow. But she did not want little Brynden to grow and know his mother to be a sad one. Giving birth to him was near impossible -but if she did not die birthing him then there was nothing that could happen to her that would break her resolve to provide, through all the odds, a good home and family for her son.

"And what would the Lady Lannister want with my wife?" Edmure questioned the maid and she immediately faltered in her response, still unused to his bluntness.

"I don't know m'lord, she didn't say." He turned back to face Roslin then,

"I can't let you go, what would a mute want with my wife?" Before she could reason with him Myra the maid interjected,

"M'lord, if I may, my Lady Lorraine seems very sincere. She's a gentle soul, m'lord."

The young maid had had a soft spot for the Tully's since Roslin had arrived with her child, and Roslin was for one glad to have someone to at least talk to. Edmure on the other hand was glad to have someone on his side somehow, which was preposterous since Myra, and all of the servants, were and would remain loyal to their Lord. And from the sound of it, Myra was growing quite admiring of her new Lady. Before Edmure could open his mouth once more and turn down the offer on her behalf, Roslin spoke up.

"Tell Lady Lorraine I accept. I'll get ready at once." And with a curt nod and clumsy bow, Myra left their rooms.

Her husband looked at her hard and slowly stood up to move behind where she sitting on the couch. He rested his hands on her shoulders and began massaging her slowly, and her eyes closed in relief -though she was expectant of his chiding remarks.

"What are you thinking?"

"I'm thinking, my love, that I could use the fresh air."

"You could have-"

"No, I could not." And she gave him a meaningful look. Surely he must know that it wasn't even all that possible to say no. They did not have the advantage of refusals.

"I can't help but worry about you." He whispered to her, and she noticed the strain in her voice. _Perhaps you could use some fresh air as well,_ she thought to herself.

They were not confined to their rooms, and have been given leave to walk the many gardens and open areas and clearing in Casterly Rock -though there have been some sensitivities regarding the places they thought the Lord and Lady Lannister would frequent, but Edmure had barely left their rooms since his arrival.

Of course, this was all very hard for him. " _I had done it for you"_ he had said to her, but she did not want their lives to stop at Casterly Rock.

She got up out of her seat, still a little sorely -the birthing bed was not a comfortable one, and made to walk away from him to go and prepare for her luncheon but he had grabbed her gently by her arm,

"Do be careful"

Edmure's concern over her always made her feel warmth for him. She had never been fussed over, never been nurtured in anyway. But even though she was now a prisoner of sorts, her house was now known was a disloyal one, her husband exiled from his own birthright and her wedding a bloodbath as she was being bedded, she was glad that Edmure Tully was her husband.

She kissed him on the cheek,

"I will"

* * *

 **This chapter did not go the original way that I had expected it to, I had planned on fitting in something else but I was surprised at how much the Jaime-Lorraine scene took up so I decided i'd put all that other stuff in the next chapter. Hope you enjoyed! _Please_ review.**


	25. Curious Measures

**A/N: Well...Sorry for the long-ish wait -if anyone is truly waiting, but I found it hard to work on this chapter for some reason, I got stuck when I started the Jaime POV. Plus, I watched the whole second season of Penny Dreadful over the past few days and read a few fanfictions as well and I myself find I am incapable of writing while i'm engrossed in other media.  
** **It was interesting seeing different reactions to the last chapter and speculations (as well as suggestions) on what it is Lorraine wants from the Tullys. I guess you're about to find out.**

 **Enjoy!**

* * *

 **Roslin**

Roslin fidgeted with the end of her long sleeves as Myra led her to the gardens where the Lady of Casterly Rock awaited her.

She tried not to think of all of Edmure's warnings and instead focused on the darkened head she was fast approaching. The figure was sitting down and leaning back into a chair, staring out at the view of the Sunset Sea in front of a table adorned with a myriad of different foods.

"M'lady," She heard Myra announce, "Lady Roslin has come."

The Lady turned around to face Roslin, standing up to face her at once when she had registered her presence.

She was older than Roslin by a number of years, but something about her seemed evergreen and youthful as she smiled kindly are her. Roslin thought to herself how beautiful Lady Lorraine really was, for she had a gentleness the servants did not mention lay in her features. The wind blew gently through their hair and Roslin marveled at the thickness and richness of the Lady Lannister's hair in comparison to her own fair brown hair.

 _I wonder if Edmure would think her fair. Or if he would think her fairer than I._ She thought to herself silently.

Giving her a shallow bow, Roslin clasped her hands together and began to address her,

"My Lady, I am honoured to meet you, and humbled by your request that I join you." She fumbled out the words, still not entirely sure how to address the silent woman. Myra had assured her on their way there that she should speak to Lady Lorraine just as she would with anyone. " _But how can she speak to me?"_ She had asked, to which Myra replied, " _M'lady knows how."_

Now nodding to Roslin, Lady Lorraine motioned for her to take a seat and they both sat down in unison.

It was awkwardly silent for a few moments and Roslin had to fight to finally look up from her yet to be filled plate.

Lady Lorraine was looking at Roslin strangely, like she was examining something, like she was checking if she was real. As the Lady moved to grab a hold of something next to her Roslin finally registered the notepad sitting on the table next to her. _So this must be how._

" _How is your son?"_ She had asked first by way of her notes and Roslin smiled gently at the thought of her son asleep safely in their rooms.

"He is well, my lady. Though perhaps he much prefers sleeping in the day time to the night." Her hostess gave a slight chuckle -or it could have been scoff, Roslin could not yet tell since she was struck at hearing the sound of her voice. It was a normal voice, for the most part, but the fact that it was there led Roslin to realise that the Lady's muteness was somewhat of a choice.

They proceeded on with light small talk as the food was served and Roslin, in slow waves, grew less apprehensive and relaxed more in present company.

" _How are you finding Casterly Rock?_ "

" _Are you comfortable here?_ "

" _What do you spend your days doing?_ "

That was the content of most of the Lady's questions, and it seemed more and more obvious to her now that Lady Lorraine had very little idea of their whole situation, including their lodgings. Somehow it made Roslin feel better, for it only placed the Lady far away from all that happened and confirmed that she had nothing to do with any of it.

After a long silence following the niceties Lady Lorraine materialised from the folds of her lap a small letter and slid it across the table in front of Roslin. Roslin eyed the small piece of paper, and then back at her hostess and gulped down before her small fingers picked up the paper and proceeded to read it.

" _My Lady, forgive that there is no other way I could communicate this to you but to write it down, and I preferred to get this letter done beforehand than to have you wait while I write it._

 _Just in case you have not already been told so, I would like to extend to you my warmest welcomes to Casterly Rock.  
_ _I realise, my Lady, that our situation is not an ideal one. But I would like you to know, despite any animosity between our houses -or husbands for that matter, that you can consider me a friend. Or at least someone that wishes you well.  
_ _Your unfortunate situation is a result of this monstrous war, and I understand completely if you have taken it to heart that the Lannisters are the enemy. I am not here to defend any house -even if it may be the one I have married into, but I am here to let you know that I wish for you and your family to be comfortable here.  
_ _I understand you, strangely. The feeling of being away from my home is so foreign, even if I am not too far, but I still feel so lonely without any friendly faces or familiarity in sight._

 _If you would accept, and I understand how hard it is that you trust the wife of the man that has made an enemy of your husband, I do not see why you and I can not be on good terms. I know that no place can replace your home, your true home, nor Lord Edmure's, but if I may speak freely neither I -nor Jaime if I am correct, want you to feel as prisoners.  
_ _Casterly Rock is, as you can see, a very large place. And we are the only two families living in it. Would it not make sense to have a friendly face around? If not, I would completely understand if you would like to retain your freedom in a different wing of the castle that is farther away so you would not have to happen upon us. It was only by coincidence that I happened upon the sound of you and your babe whilst I was examining the south garden, Brynden is it? He is so lovely, even from afar._

 _Do not be afraid or embarrassed to be honest or refuse me, it is perfectly within your right to do so. And I apologise if you feel like I have put you in an uncomfortable position, I just thought it was worth the effort."_

Lifting her eyes from the page, she looked upon the woman that was claiming to be her friend. Or at least offering. Her eyes seemed tired, and her posture was relaxed. She looked upon Roslin with understand and a glimmer of hope that Roslin had all too much seen erased from her own time and time again. Without much care to herself Roslin began speaking without heading her brain first,

"The gods wouldn't hear my prayers. I prayed it would be a girl, day and night." She started, and Lady Lorraine's expression of hope contorted into one of confusion.

"If it was a girl, no one would want to hurt her. She'd be safe. Even though they had told me that The Kingsla-" She faltered before correcting herself briefly, and the Lady herself urged her to continue.

"Even though they had told me that Lord Jaime said we would not be harmed and that we would get to be with Edmure again, I was still so scared. But then I held the baby in my arms and I felt so happy, it was so strange. It made me think, did every woman my father put a child in feel this way? I didn't want to let him go. I didn't want to let him go so much that leaving everything else behind didn't matter at all. I love him so much that the thought of little Bynden safe made me hate Riverrun." She looked back at Lorraine then, a tear stinging her eye.

"When I lived in The Twins, I hated it. My sisters were awful to me. My father cared not for any of us. It was always crowded, and loud. My time in Riverrun was not one I am too fond of recalling either. They took my harp away and I had little to no comfort. I had no one, not even an enemy's wife to confide in. In Casterly Rock, I can not pretend it was not been difficult seeing my husband in such a state of sadness, but Casterly Rock is safe. The sound of the waves soothes my child to sleep and the air is warm and I can move from balcony to balcony and bathe in sunlight." Her eyes had become engaged with a sense of excitement over her ramblings and she stopped slightly to lick her lips, taking a moment to lock understanding in her hostess's eyes.

"Living by the sea is not at all like living by a river."

And just like that, it was like Lady Lorraine had had her answer. She nodded discretely, and moved to the chalice to pour the young girl some water. After eyeing Roslin carefully, the Lady moved her hands up slightly, venturing to motion something to her and hoping she would understand.

" ** _Harp"_**

"Harp" Roslin repeated in more of a question.

" ** _You like the harp?_** "

"Do I like the harp?" She asked once more, hoping her lucky streak would not end there. Lady Lannister nodded eagerly to her then and Roslin gave a toothy smile of pride in return,

"Yes, my Lady, I like the harp very much."

* * *

 **Jaime**

Training and taming the horses had afforded him with some reprieve from all the day's happenings. All this madness had only just occurred the previous night but to Jaime it felt like time was passing by all too slow.

He had made his apology, and somehow felt proud it had gotten him _somewhere_ with Lorraine. He had been prepared to be rebuffed and pushed away, to be lashed out at and it going nowhere really -as he had been used to with Cersei. But what he was continuously being reminded of every passing day was that Lorraine was not at all like Cersei. In fact, she may just be the farthest thing from her.

He had been "forgiven" -for now. Even then, he tried to forget how she had felt uncomfortable at his touch and though he had felt good about discussing the issue with her and clearing the air, matters were still not as clear as they could have been with them. _Would she still sleep in my bed?_ He thought, _or would the night she spent in that other room be the first of many?_ He almost sneered at the very thought of a suddenly empty bed after he had gotten used to the strange warmth she brought with her.

She still blushed at his mentioning of having her, surely she must think him a fool for being so affected by one thing. Did it even matter to her? He wondered if it truly did, whether it even made a difference to her if he touched her at night when the light was low and her skin moist.

She had been so...receptive to him before. Always returning his kisses and venturing for her own. Grabbing at his shoulders, sifting through his hair, cupping his cheek whenever she saw fit to do so. He recalled the way she would subconsciously press her body to him, was that all of no consequence to her? _How could it?_ He asked, _How could it not matter to you so when you had sighed at my touch? When you had rolled your hips back to meet mine? When I felt you clenching when I was inside you?_ It was a kind of ecstasy he had had a taste of from her and the idea of it being so frivolous to her was not one that gave him much solace. She enjoyed him, she must have. She must have wanted him -for he could not get the image of her eyes in the candlelight, so hooded with lust and so aroused by the wonder of those unexplored sensations.

But even with her more or less obvious enjoyment and reaction to that one night, Jaime knew that she had not known pleasure. Not _true_ pleasure. He had taken his knowing full well that she would not have hers, telling himself all the while he had plenty of time to make sure she did. Plenty of days to spend with her body splayed across his and his hand entwined in her hair.

It was a foreign sensation to Jaime, a foreign _want_ to give someone pleasure purely for the experience of doing so. Cersei had always known herself, had always known what she wanted. There was nothing new to do, no new length to explore -nothing but the thrill of the forbidden. Looking back on all of that now, he wondered whether pleasure was something his sister was even capable of feeling. He had surely, almost immediately, stopped searching for hers. But it was something he _wanted_ to give Lorraine. He _wanted_ to see her squirm and convulse, to see _if_ she could squirm and convulse under his touch.

But how could he do that without her thinking it was all for him? How could he do that without her thinking he was taking something from her, more than he already has, in the process?

He walked up the many stairs and through the many halls to their chambers. He was still sting with the dirt of the day, the airy smell of the outside, and he somehow relished it -he was not made for lounging around his castle all day. It was almost dusk, still too early for dinner, _but surely not too early for some wine._

The door to their chambers opened with a click and was greeted with the sight of Lorraine sitting on the sofa, sewing something into what appeared to be one of his tunics.

He could not help but compare that they stood now almost just as they did last night. But last night he had stood at this door as a monster, and now he stood repentant. _Isn't it strange? I have murdered men without a second thought, how is it I am able to feel such guilt towards her only?_ Jaime thought to himself then that he probably knew the answer to his own question, but wished he did not.

Just as he had entered the room his wife looked up tentatively from her sewing, pricking her finger in the process. Her face contorted in the shocked pain and Jaime swiftly made his way to her side and sat by her on the sofa as she carefully sucked on the pierced flesh of her finger. She waved him off then, smiling softly but still not fully meeting his eyes and carefully inspected the shirt in her hands, hoping it had not been stained by her clumsiness. Sufficiently satisfied at her thorough inspection, she handed him the flimsy sheet of weaved cotton with a triumphant smile upon her, and Jaime could not help but return it as he took the tunic in slight confusion. Looking down upon it now, he understood what she had done and why she was proud of it. She had sown on to one of his plainest tunics a luxurious crest of his house, lining the golden threads that made of the fighting lions in a bright scarlet, almost bringing them to life.

"You made this?" She nodded, still not meeting his eyes.

"I did not know my wife was such a seamstress." And unknowingly almost, she giggled at his joke, the realisation that she had forgotten all that happened the previous day and night dawning upon her quickly.

Jaime knew almost as soon as he had met Lorraine that she was the kind of woman to quickly forget a wrong, but force herself to remember in some twisted way to honour herself.

Now realising that they were indeed not sat apart at any icy distance, he venture to bring his hand to her knees gently, trying not to bring with it the crude implication it usually had.

"Thank you. It is far too good for me" He hoped she knew what he had meant. But Lorraine, still unsure of his touch, got up slowly in a way to try and not cause Jaime any offense.

" ** _You're welcome"_** She gestured quickly before turning away and making her way to her room, _their room_.

Listening to the sound of her shoes clicking, Jaime felt himself get up and follow her into their bedroom, finding the door open -finding relief that it had not been locked. She stood slightly solemnly by the window sill, her back fully facing Jaime. He had to remind himself that Lorraine had never seen the sea before, _strange as it is I can imagine here with ease with her feet in the water._ It would only be natural for her to marvel at a sight he had been long used to, but Jaime could not help but notice a strange stillness to her stance and it gave him the idea that perhaps she was not looking out in wonder, but perhaps in search of some sort of peace or understanding.

He approached her carefully, hoping his steps would not pull her out of her gloomy haze so he could observe her still. But once he had reached her side her head then twisted to him and she gave him a consolatory smile, one he could tell was laced with a sadness he could not describe. He reached for her cheek, and she closed her eyes briefly as she trembled and then relished in the contact but turned away after that brief moment of weakness.

Now finally resolved in his next course of action, Jaime remained persistent. Somehow, he knew that if he would leave her to her own devices he would have no chance in regaining the potential of what he had so carelessly thrown away. He cupped her cheeks with his hands and turned her to face him fully as the setting sun's rays danced across her face. He could see every bump and blemish on her face, every dot, pigmentation and hair was no his to look at. He could see the reluctance in her eyes, the fear of handing herself over so easily, but her stubborn nature would not let her look away -and so he delved into her dark orbs hoping to be lost in them. He knew that now was the time to say something.

"I want to show you something. Will you let me?" It came out far more strained than he had wanted it to, but he kept himself silent awaiting her response.

They stood there for a long moment, her face held tightly in his hands and their eyes locked on one another, and eventually, Lorraine nodded her acceptance.

He moved his cool gold hand down her neck slowly, and she shivered. Soon both of his hands had slid down to her own and still looking straight into her, he moved backwards and led her to their bed.

Her eyes now held a slight alarm to them as she registered their destination and he could feel her form stiffen slightly as she hesitated in moving forward with him. Adamant in allowing this to play out, Jaime encourage her forward with a hand to her back and waited until she had sat down, albeit with her back painfully straight, to reassure her,

"You have nothing to fear" He whispered, and he knelt down so both his knees were now on the ground to look at her and hope that she would find truth to his words through his own eyes.

Her back sagged slightly, but Jaime knew Lorraine well enough to know she did not like what was unknown to her -it made her nervous. But he was determined to continue on the course of action he had set for himself, as he always had, and face the consequences later.

Still knelt on the ground, Jaime shuffled through the lower skirts of his wife's gown in search of her feet. Once he had placed his hand gently around one ankle, he gently pulled her foot from her ankle out of the slipper she had been wearing, and proceeded with the next one. He made a conscious decision not to look at Lorraine as he did so, for a part of him did not know what he would do if he saw fear in them once again.

Finally done with both of her shoes, he stood once again. And still avoiding her stare he bent his back down and leaned down to her level, resting his weight on his hands at either side of her.

"May I kiss you?"

He could hear her heart now and they way her breath hitched at his question. _This is it,_ he said to himself, _this is it where it I start._ Finally bracing himself to look back at her and receive her answer he was surprised to be met by the curled darkness in her features. Her breath was hot, everything about her exuded hotness, and he realised in himself some desperate urge for her to accept -not only so they may move forward tonight, but as a sign that they move forward from every night onwards.

Instead of nodding, Lorraine arched her neck upwards so her lips were perfectly angled to meet his, and he gulped down as he leaned to kiss her -hoping he had not misinterpreted.

It was gentle regardless of his desperation. His lips danced on hers, and savoured the sensation of her soft lips as she moved to caress hers across his own, teasing him further. But despite the urge, the want and the tease he did not push the kiss further -only getting enough to taste her and giving enough for her to become sufficiently reacquainted.

He pulled away gently, hoping not to rouse too much suspicion as she reopened her eyes to face him. Her eyes were somehow darker than they usually were, and he recognised something in them, something primal but yet too scared to admit it.

"Do I have your permission to proceed?" Gods, he did not want to ruin the moment with the technicalities of consent, but he felt like it was necessary for him especially to know whether he may proceed -mostly out of fear of the sting of rejection.

Taking no time to think, Lorraine nodded, her curiosity now piqued. Moving closer to her, Jaime wrapped his hand around her back and pushed her farther down the bed as he balanced himself on top of her. Placing a delicate kiss to her lips and planning to place another on her neck, he was surprised that she trapped is lips in yet another kiss, using her tongue to coax out a more fervent response to her own efforts. He indulged her so, gently nibbling at her bottom lip and she opened her mouth further to him. He reached for her skirts then, bringing them slowly up her legs and she continued to lose herself in the kiss. Once her skirts had reached her thighs he pulled away from her lips finally, stroking the skin on her the inside of her thigh as he grazed her neck with his teeth. He brought himself back up again to look at her passion stung lips and her half-opened mouth.

He did not know what she was expecting to happen, but Jaime was quite sure that she had not expected to see him move down her body until his face had almost come in contact with her own thighs.

Knowing that he did not want to explain to her exactly what he wished to do next, he decided it was best she lose herself in pleasure. He kissed her soft thigh, licking and biting softly until her cocked up head and returned back to the bed and he could feel her body moving in a natural response. Distracting her with his ministrations he moved his hand farther up her thighs and then pulled down her small clothes, removing himself from her skin for only a second as he moved to discard it. She looked up at him once again, her cheeks red and eyes wide in befuddlement. Before she could ask what he was doing, he pulled her skirts up all the way and placed his hot mouth on her deliciously wet sex.

Lorraine's hands moved quickly to his head to push it away from the most private and unexplored part of her, but to Jaime's pleasure her hands quickly went from trying to push him away to digging into his hair in arousal.

He could hear her mouth now open and a small moan escaped it as Jaime darted his tongue into her, savouring the sweetness of something he wished he could taste day and night. He snaked his good hand up her body to cup her breast and he squeezed to mirror the pressure he had applied to her sensitive bud. She sighed out audibly at the sudden sensation and Jaime had to hold her down to stop her from moving away so he may continue. He wanted to give her pleasure, he wanted her to _know_ there was pleasure to be had.

Her fingers combed roughly through his hair, urging him to pick up the pace. He used his tongue to dart, lick, stroke and press upon every area he noticed her display a reaction to and before long he could all but smell the desperation in her for something she did not yet know she could have, release. Despite her now near frantic movements, Jaime remained gentle and refrained from allowing any roughness in his touches. He massaged her breasts steadily as he moved his mouth back up to the sensitive bud he was sure Lorraine had yet to know could give her what she needed. Creating a sort of vacuum around the sensitive area Jaime sucked at it, simultaneously darting his tongue on it and he could feel Lorraine's hands press his head closer to her delicious warmth as her body convulsed out as it heightened to meet her climax. Her moans only grew loader, and her sighs had more shape to them as she neared her end, breathing out to meet every stroke of the tongue and every flick to her bud. Jaime was unrelenting, not stopping to even breathe until he had known she had taken her pleasure. Positioning his mouth at a higher angle he kept up the pressure once more and she cried out high pitched and desperate "oh's" and "ah's" and then she let out a strangled sigh,

"Yes" she said, and all at once she unraveled and Jaime could feel her cunt convulse under his mouth, her opening pulsing as he savoured in her climax dripping down her thigh. He licked her thigh gently, aroused at the sight of her so shattered and the sound of her voice reacting to his expertise.

He plopped down on the bed beside her as she caught her breath, and then and there Jaime Lannister decided he would taste his wife every night until she would have him again. And he had to admit to himself that a large part of that was for him to hear say something in ecstasy.

 _I truly am shameless, aren't I?_ He thought to himself with a smirk resting on his satiated face knowing Lorraine's arousal still shone at the edges of his mouth.

* * *

 **Lorraine**

 _It was safe to say I had never felt anything like what my husband had done to me._

 _All of the apprehension I had felt at his strange approach to my lower body dissipated when his mouth touched my wetness, and I was suddenly in a world that was not my own. It felt like everything around me, including myself, was on fire, and a particular spot in my nether regions burned with a sensation I had never before known._

 _But it was the ending, my ending, that shocked me the most. I was no longer even in control of my own hands, nor was I in control of my mind or voice. Sounds and words slipped out of me as I trembled in pleasure beneath my husband's wicked touch, and scorching brightness was the only thing I could see as I encountered the highest of heights I could have ever reached._

 _I feel like that is what Jaime thrived on the most, my inability to control anything when in that state. He proved me powerless and completely at his mercy, whimpering whenever his mouth or fingers came in contact with my mound._

 _And he did not want anything in exchange for the mountainous pleasure he had pushed me into. We did not discuss it, why he was not taking his rights when I was so obviously allowing him to touch me in wicked ways, but I got the impression that he wanted me to approach him when I was ready. And I was glad for that, for although I could easily give in to him like this, letting him inside me once more now came with a kind of intimacy I was still not so ready for. But he did not seem to mind so terribly for the moment now and after what had happened I knew in my heart that Jaime would never try to force it on me again. And for the most part, I could not argue with the current arrangement. Night after night he lay me down and took me to my end and back again, and after it was over he would hold me to him and I would fall asleep. It is hardly inconvenient for me._

 _One night, I recall, he played with my budding nipple as he kissed me down there, and my back arched out as I felt his touch to my nipple down in my core and somehow my mouth said yes to him once more. He would have nearly stopped if I had not held his head back down._

 _The night after that, he introduced his finger into the equation, sliding it in to my folds and then pressing it into me, creating an excruciatingly delicious rhythm as he penetrated me with his fingers and drove me to insanity with his tongue. I don't even remember what I said to that, for the pleasure was far too much to bear and I climaxed immediately afterwards, staying in a pleasured haze as I watched my husband lick my slickness off his fingers._

 _We did not speak of it -the fact that I had spoken. Surely he knew it was all involuntary, but a part of me hoped it was not in his expectations that I speak. A part of me hoped that he did not enjoy it, hearing me speak, for I have come to not only forgive but to grow extremely fond of my husband -and I have no wish to disappoint him._

* * *

 **That's all for now! Expect the next chapter to be out within the next week.**


	26. As Far As Your Eyes Can See

**A/N : How's it hanging? Hope you all enjoyed the last chapter. If i'm being honest, I am once again finding the interest in this to be quite minimal as I have noticed that i've lost a couple of followers over my last few updates so I don't know if I should move on from this. Is my writing getting bad? Is the story not moving in a popular direction? I really won't know unless you tell me so I urge you to do so. Maybe i'm just feeling down at the moment cause i've not been feeling very well with flu, but I think i'm probably gonna take a little break from this until things start looking up cause I feel a little strung out with all the work I need to get done as well. Maybe if I leave it alone for a week or so i'll get inspired.**

 **MORE TO THE POINT: An element in this chapter is inspired by something I read in another wonderfully done Jaime fic called " Juxtaposed" by Lady Fountainhead. It was just something I read that I instantly visualised, took to heart, and it kind of became a canon trait to Jaime even though it was never mentioned in the books. I'll be more specific as to what it is at the end of the chapter so as not to be a spoiler! **

**Hold on to your seats. I'm kidding. I'm a bore.**

* * *

 _Course is the feel of my unrefined sands,_

 _walk my beach and revel in my dreaded sun._

 _Spend the day with me,_

 _let me have you whole._

 _-Unkown._

* * *

 **Jaime**

"Oh, Jaime"

Despite his earlier ministrations Jaime stopped suddenly at the sound. His name had escaped her and it was not something he could pretend to ignore anymore.

He had heard far more of her than he had expected, and Jaime found that applying his skills to his wife's awaiting warmth every night was the only time he could hear her voice so freely.

He looked up at her. The eyes that had been so hooded with expectant pleasure were now alarmed and cautious, she gulped down as she made contact with his own and they neither one of them knew where they would take it from here.

Uncharacteristically of his little wife, who was always so head-on and borderline confrontational, Lorraine pushed Jaime's head down to the place he had so thoughtfully been attending to earlier and Jaime could all but refuse her demands -especially when they were this delectable. She climaxed in silence with her eyes shut tight, and Jaime added that to the now growing list of faces she made when she had reached her end.

It was the middle of the day, which was unusual for them as they only seemed to conduct these particular activities when the sun had at least set. But she was being coy when he had walked in, she had _approached_ him. And as previously stated, how could he refuse her? Her practical admittance of her arousal drove him mad with anticipation for she was slowly and surely opening up to him. Night after night the intimacy between them grew and he felt the first buds of trust return between them.

 _Should I mention something?_ He thought silently as he wiped the evidence of what had just happened off of his face. The sound of his name roll of her tongue with such pleasure gave him chills, and it only made him want more. But he would wait. He had silently and without words promised the both of them that. The only one who had the power to deem whether he was worthy enough to derive such from pleasure from his Lorraine was she herself.

A little while later, after they had both settled out of their lusty fixations, a knock on the main door sounded through the room and Jaime called for whomever it was to enter.

"M'lady?" Came the sound from a young maid he had seen increasingly over the past few days in Lorraine's company, he had forgotten to ask why.

Lorraine stood graciously, if he did not know better he would have never guessed that just now she had been reduced to shivers and pulses at his touch, and walked over to address the young maid. _Mary, was it?_ He had never been very good with names.

She seemed to have a large instrument of sorts in her hands but Lorraine standing in front of her obstructed his view of the curious object and he tried not to look as curious as he actually was.

"M'lady i've brought you the harp you had asked for. It's not been touched in years i'd think, but I got Allister to polish it best he could. Are you pleased enough with it M'lady?"

Lorraine seemed enthused by the sight and state of what Jaime heard was a harp, and he could not help but wonder why she had asked after it. She was not very fond -or good at the harp as he recalled her saying, could this be for practice? _Is my little wife so bored that she is making do with forgotten hobbies_? He knew the harp and any musical instrument had likely not been touched in years or so, for it was only his mother he recalled was fond of music -the harp in particular. And when she had died it was easy to say all the music died with her. There was a singer, though. Whitesmile Wat he had been called, Jaime had been in his presence at Riverrun as his aunt was fond of music but he recalled him from earlier on in his youth entertaining what guests they would receive here at Casterly Rock. _Perhaps she is missing music in her life, does she find her new home dreary_? He had been remiss in showing her the grounds himself, and had yet to give her a proper tour. Though he could say he had been an _attentive_ husband over the past few nights, during the day he had been extremely busy and forlorn with coordinating a time to strike on the bandits, getting the castle back in order, retraining guards and managing the accounts and debts of the household. He had been so engrossed in his own dealings that he did not even know what Lorraine was getting up to in her time outside of gardening. After the maid had left and Lorraine had placed the new polished harp on one of the sofas near them he took it upon himself to ask her just what it was she was up to these days,

"I daresay you are not the best harpist there is in the West, hoping to relearn your lost talents?" Lorraine returned to him with an unimpressed look,

" ** _It's not for me"_** he let his confusion roam freely on his face then at her answer knowing there were little others in the castle she would want to give a harp to. _Perhaps she wishes to send it to one of her sisters,_ he reassured himself. But he could only ask to know,

"Then who, may I ask, is it for?" and Lorraine then reached for the notepad that he noticed was always conveniently in her pocket nowadays,

" _Roslin Tully."_

She seemed unaffected by her answer. As if, naturally, she would be gifting such things to their hostage, the wife of a man who despises him. And over all of that, someone Lorraine did not even know. Although now, looking at the way she regarded the harp with such pride in her endeavors, he thought to himself that that may not be as true as he thought.

"What reason do you have giving that to Roslin Tully?" Her eyes were now bordering on annoyance as she looked at him again,

" ** _Why not?"_** She shrugged.

"You don't even know the woman."

" ** _Yes I do"_**

"How? When?" She sighed out at that, clearly now annoyed at his worry and overall confusion on the matter.

" ** _We share our meals. She is a nice girl"_**

"And why did you not tell me of this?" She returned to her notepad then with a challenge in her eyes. He noticed she always wrote things down when she was particularly annoyed - _or angry._

 _"Do I need your permission to do so, my Lord?"_ He stopped himself from saying what he was about to say next.

Lorraine, especially after all that had happened between them, had been more defensive about what she was and was not _allowed_ to do and Jaime himself did not mean to sound as confrontational as he did when he had asked. But he found it strange Lorraine would have wanted to spend her time with Roslin Tully, _is she that lonely?_ He thought was he tried to soften his gaze enough for the conversation not to take a sharp turn.

"Of course not, you _are_ the Lady of the Rock are you not? But you can understand why I would ask, surely." The fight in her seemed placated at his comment and he silently commended himself for his new found diplomatic spirit.

"I suppose I just have to ask whether you've shared Lord Edmure's company at all as well?" And she almost leapt forward in denial to his question.

He felt a strange relief at that. The last time he had spoken to the unfortunate Tully something did not sit well with him in the way he spoke of Lorraine. It was not as if he was worried about her in _that_ way. Yes, Edmure is known to tend to whore around, but his wife was not a whore. Nor was she one to give in to any unwanted advances, as he knew full well. He worried her being somehow manipulated by Edmure. Perhaps he would want information. Or maybe greater leniency. Maybe he would try fooling her so he may forge some sort of escape plan. It was silly and preposterous but Jaime knew that angry men could also be desperate men. He had not yet told Edmure of his plans for him in King's Landing, so him trying to hatch an escape was still a relatively low, but real, possibility.

"And Roslin...the girl? She hasn't asked you anything?" She replied with a light scoff and looked down at her fingers.

" ** _No, I just felt lonely. She is good company. What would she ask me about?_** " He did not know why but he felt something sting as he interpret her. He had brought her here and all he had wanted to do was spend time with her. All he could even remember of Ashemark were his mornings, afternoons and evenings spent with her doing trivial things and now it seemed like they were spending less time together.

"I trust you know what you are doing but it is possible that she could want information from you. So just...be aware" Leaning back into her chair Lorraine awarded his comment with a tired smile,

" ** _What could I tell her?_** "

"Plans, movements, I don't know. Anything you may hear from me."

" ** _You tell me nothing._** "

And she was right. It was not on purpose, he just did not have the time to discuss any of it.

He remembered how his mother had always been his father's confidante, and he never understood why anyone needed to tell or share anything with anyone until he had spoken to Lorraine in such a way. She had proved extremely useful in terms of political delicacies, and he knew she would probably be an asset in matters regarding his new position as Warden of The West, but he realised it would be up to him to make use of her the way he needed. _Perhaps my little wife is not entirely content with just meeting her end every night. A little bit of conversation is all she needs._

He smiled and stood up, refusing to allow the so far pleasant afternoon to turn sour, for he had taken it upon himself to change the state of limbo they seemed to be in. Extending his hand far enough for her to reach, he helped her stand so she was facing him now. He stroked her face with the back of his fingers and placed a soft kiss on her delicate lips.

"Are you meeting Lady Tully soon?" She shook her head.

"Then how does a tour, an overdue one, sound to you my lady?" Her eyes seemed to resume in their glimmer, a shine he felt she had almost forgotten back at Ashemark as it was constantly duller by tears, anger, boredom and occasional lust.

" ** _Yes"_** She had replied with a more enthusiastic smile to her features.

Still holding her hand, he moved to the door in longs strides and brought the latch down to begin their journey. Looking back at her for a moment in her plain looking gown of cream that he had given her -she had ordered more of the same ones but they had yet to be finished, something in him swelled at the sight of something so ready and alive and excited about something new.

"Shall we begin, then?" He said with a smirk, and the wife with whom he was still learning to appreciate smirked right back at him.

* * *

 **Lorraine**

 _It had taken a little while for me to stop feeling so daunted by the huge castle that was my new home. But all the strides I had believe I had taken in my short time here had all been for naught once my husband gave me a proper tour._

 _He took me to the main library first, which was an awful choice because I truly did not want to leave it. Textured maps of Westeros and Essos were carved into heavy oak on the walls, like a sort of tapestry splayed across the entire perimeter of the huge room. I could scarcely believe it. I, simple Lorraine Marbrand was standing in one of the biggest libraries in Westeros and it was all..._ mine _._

 _I ran to all the closely stacked volumes that seemed forgotten in one corner, they were all documents of the Dance of Dragons, the Greens Blacks, the infamous civil war between siblings for the throne on the backs of their dragons. If I did not know how real it was I would think it was some sort of epic fantasy, something from a dream -or nightmare. Jaime had watched me with equal amounts of wonder. I'm sure he thought I did not notice, but he was not so lucky -I was merely too entranced with the my new findings to care._

 _I tried to be considerate as best as I could, for I knew Jaime was not overly fond of libraries. But this was my new home, and it was my duty to fully acquaint myself with it. But after close to an hour had passed as I scavenged through all the books I thought to myself that I would have plenty of time to search through this place and decided i'd let my husband show me around everywhere else he thought was worth seeing._

 _"You remind me of my brother" He had said to me as we walked out the library. It was not something we often -or ever, discussed. And so I took it upon myself to squeeze my husband's hand reassuringly, letting him know it was alright to remember him and he did not have to talk about it if he did not wish to do so._

 _Next, he took me to the observatory. Well, the_ main _observatory. He said his mother had commissioned it to be made up when she had first come to Casterly Rock, and I wondered if I would ever commission anything or mark the castle in a way that would allow future generations to remember me. It was remarkably warm, and according to Jaime if it were not for the bricks of salt that made up the room against the glass the heat would seem almost strangling. But instead it felt soothing, and the air seemed purer than it could have ever been outside. The room was still relatively bare and_ _after remarking that I could have an easel and canvas placed there to make more use of the room_ _I tried not to show me swift boredom to my husband realising that this room held much significance to his childhood. I had plopped down onto one of the sofas directly facing a view of the sea in an attempt to ease the awkwardness in the air -I somehow felt like I was imposing. Jaime sat next to me then, and forced my shoulders back so my back was on his chest and somehow we ended up laying there for a little while in perfect silence. I could not really call it silence though -the sound of the waves was amplified in that very room and I could not ignore the sound of his heart beating against my head, or was that my own heart? It felt so intimate that it might as well have been. He wrapped his arms around me, closely and we just stared at the ceiling together. I wondered what it was he was thinking about, but I found I did not care. He seemed calm -relaxed, far more than I had noticed him to be over the past few days. And I was content to lie in his arms like that for as long as he would have me -which did not prove too long after we got back to our senses from our salt brick induced haze. We got up a little awkwardly at first and did not look at one another, as if we were somehow back to strangers -as if he had just stormed into my library. But I kissed him. Perhaps I wanted him to know that I was still there with him, or that I still wanted to kiss him -either way, I learned that kissing Jaime could never do me much harm._

 _We passed through a few music rooms and he showed me around a few ornamental rooms, but they were of no considerable value to me...just empty spaces. He had even asked if I wished to make the walk to the Hall of Heroes but I think he felt as well as I did that fresh air would have been a welcome change to the stony cave that was our home. We were already at a crossing point in one of the halls, and I could plainly say that I had not even ventured this far out into the castle before. I noticed the wolfish grin I had so missed come across my husband's face and I knew then that he had decided for me where we would go next._

 _Stepping to our right we moved down a long corridor. We went down a small flight of stairs leading to a small clearing and then back up another short flight right in front of it, we almost seemed to be racing to what was to me still an unknown destination and I felt my husband get almost giddy at the prospect of our destination. Soon, finally, we arrived at bright white opening and Jaime held my hand in his tighter, like he was bracing me into new grounds. With only a moment to stop and consider the next move, we rushed out, hand in hand._

 _We were at the beach. I was at the beach. There I stood, my husband in hand and the Sunset Sea before me, and I had never seen anything so beautiful -or terrifying. It was all so vast, my eyes could not even see past it. I was so taken by the beautiful shores that I did not notice my feet slowly sinking into the ground. Sand. It was sand. I had never seen sand before. And once Jaime had moved us to a nearby rock so that we could remove our shoes I discovered how warm sand was. It was like sand soaked up the sun and feasted on its heat. I, Lorraine, love sand._

 _We got closer to the beach and I could feel the incoming waves teasing my toes. I looked back at Jaime, how was still intent on looking straight at me in a shameless examination._ _I turned my head back then as I wondered what it was we left behind and was stunned to see Casterly Rock hovering over me. It looked like a huge lion standing mid-roar ready to devour anything that would come its way, could I have really just walked out of that? Could I have been living in that? I looked back to meet Jaime's eyes that were still wandering over me,_

 _"_ ** _What part of this is ours?_** _" I asked, gesturing over the entirety of the castle grounds, the beach and the Sea around us. And with a sly side smile he answered in surprising seriousness,_

 _"_ As far as your eyes can see." _Then i'm sure he would not mind if I ran into it, i'm sure -I thought to myself._

 _I spared no second looks back at my husband as I ventured into the sea before me, standing still immediately at first contact with the realisation that it was_ cold _. The husband I had so eagerly left behind was now in front of me, grabbing at my hands and pulling me forward into the freezing water. I shook my head fervently at his attempts but he laughed me off, instead taking me over his shoulder and walking into the sea until the water was halfway up his thigh. With a loud splash he threw me down in to the water and I involuntarily clung to him due to the insurmountable cold I was surrounded by. Again, he laughed. And I slapped his chest. And he kissed me._

 _I could taste the salt on his lips, or perhaps they were on mine. But he kissed me like he wanted to tell me something, and I was so keen on listening to him. His tongue moved inside my own and everything sting of cold meant nothing against my skin as he held me closer to him. I was realising more and more that such things became all too trivial when Jaime touched me, and for once I did not care what that meant for me -and so I kissed my husband back the only way I knew how._

 _We swayed slightly with the waves, and when his eyes of such green looked back into mine I found a hint of mirth in them and so I raised an eyebrow at him,_

 _"_ ** _Do I displease you, husband?_** _" He laughed._

 _"_ Not at all. But we have gotten quite...wet. Perhaps we should return to our rooms? It'll be time for supper before you know it." _Surprised at his announcement I looked back towards the horizon and only then just registered that the sun was setting. How strange it is, my husband has made me forget about the setting sun._

 _I did not waste time in agreeing with him and to my delight Jaime, without asking, decided to carry me on his back the whole way to our rooms so my "feet would not get cold"._

 _After we had returned to our rooms and had headed to our rooms to undress Jaime lead me to my convenient changing screen and, strangely for him, asking me what I would like to wear next so he may prepare the dress for me as the maid was not there._

 _I felt an alien sensation overwhelm me at him just asking something like that, at asking to do something like that for me. It was so little, but it made me think of all the other things he had done for me. Yes, Jaime was not perfect, but he was, to me, far from a bad man either. And what overwhelmed me further was the fact that there were very little things I wanted to do anymore that were merely only to serve him. I wanted to...do things that I have had the impression would please him and from what little experience I have and growing curiosity felt that may serve to please me as well. Taking the initiative then that I would make my husband truly mine, that my husband was truly worthy and that I had known it the moment I had agreed to marry him, I turned to face him in my wet dress._

 _He eyed me like he was still expecting me to answer his question. I had forgotten what he had even asked._

 _"_ Lorraine? Are you cold?" _He asked, his voice plagued with concern._

 _Without heading his earlier question any mind I swiftly unbuttoned the front of my thin dress and slid it down my body, leaving me in my shift -which I swiftly moved to discard not a moment after._

 _Jaime's eyes were now wide, and I hoped he had not forgotten what he was supposed to do with a naked woman so soon. I stepped closer to him, somehow fearing he would step away. He did not. I pressed my body against his wet clothes now, ignoring the cold, wet, material and instead trying to focus on the strange bursts of fire running through me with every touch. I leant my head into the crook of his neck and bet his ear the way he had done to me before, and then I finally felt him move to touch me. His hands went straight to my waist, his golden one offering no warmth but a strange comfort I had grown accustomed to. I moved, kissed and bit at his neck the way I had always wished I could, I needed him to know._

 _Take me, Jaime. Don't you know? Take me._

* * *

 **Jaime**

Had he heard her correctly? He did not get as much time to reconsider as she moved to loosen the strings of his doublet.

A part of him wanted to devour her. A part of him wanted to take her on the very spot they now stood on. But a larger part of him knew she not only needed to explore him, but knew that he wanted her to. It made him feel... _wanted_. Finally, after so long, Jaime felt like someone wanted him enough to give herself over fully with only the promise of himself in return. _No games, no motives, no services and favours. Just us._

He stayed still as she removed his tunic, and she let her hands roam him freely once his chest was bare. She gave him a short kiss, and surprised him by moving her lips down to his own neck. What surprised him further was how much he reveled in her lips, so consuming and so hot on him. He found his eyes coming to a close as the combination of her intoxicating lips and her gentle hands consumed his skin and he felt every hair on him alive with anticipation.

As Lorraine moved back out to face him Jaime finally took it upon him to make use of himself. He caressed her waist with his good hand and she in turn splayed her hand across his chest -effectively pushing him back until he had reached the bed.

She reached for his breeches and unbuckled them with ease, and Jaime was wondering why he was not yet moving. But once she had successfully pulled his breeches down and returned her eyes up to meet him he saw them pleading, begging for something he knew he wanted her to have. He forgot to think about what this must have taken for her and how unused to taken any sexual initiative she truly was. _You could have fooled me, wife._

And even though this moment and its implications meant that she trusted him, even though her coming to him meant that she had taken leaps to meet him -he wanted this to be easy. He did not want to assign such importance and pressure to what they were about to do because he wanted her to feel like she could come to him anytime with this and he would have her any way she came to him in.

 _Gods only know how I want you, woman._

Feeling like they were at another crossroads, Jaime knew it was up to him to lead the way. And so he did.

* * *

 **Lorraine**

 _He grabbed me by my waist and lay me down on the bed before him,_ finally. _He took my breasts in his mouth and something about the slight animalistic tinge to our current situation freed me from all the restraints that had thus far held me down. Everything from fearing my own want for him, to the doubting myself in my inexperience and my reluctance to give in after he had wronged me so. I had angrily, at the time, thought that the worst thing I could do was give him what he wanted. But now it was different. It was what I wanted too. Gods help me, I want my husband._

 _He took my breast in his mouth and I wrapped my legs around his waist, holding his skin close to me -it was the only sanity I could afford in this state._

 _Having his fill of my bosom, Jaime moved his head up to kiss me shakily with want as he his hands snaked down to my core and he rubbed at my wetness -stimulating all of my senses._

 _I could not call what was growing in me exactly courage, but perhaps it was my inhibitions dissipating like snow falling off a mountain in an avalanche. I felt like my skin was peeling away and all the walls I had kept around me were falling and there was no longer anything I knew -or feared. All I knew was the man hovering over me, and I moved my sweat hands down and wrapped it around his erect length. There was something...mesmerising in the knowledge that his arousal was directed towards me and here I held it in my hand, was it silly of me to feel so powerful at that realisation? It mattered not if I did, for here I lay, a mess of shivers and moans waiting to be taken._

 _I was feeling so...much. I felt like I was being pulled in every direction by Jaime's hand and his mouth that I doubted if I would feel him enter me. But I did. And when I felt his full length inside me in its entirety I opened my eyes to bore into his, unlike the last time he was inside me._

 _He stroked his length deliciously inside me and my mouth emitted silent moans lost to the air, lost to the passion I felt growing all the more as he picked up his pace. It was a different sensation than the feeling of his mouth on me, but it still felt so...so good._

 _I wrapped my hands tighter around his shoulders and held on to him as he pumped through me and something strange inside me felt insanely stimulated by his movements. I could not describe it, but it was like something inside me wanted to explode, like it was a pain of malleable glass that was waiting to be shattered -I needed something to break it. And that something finally came when Jaime moved his mouth -that had been previously preoccupied licking the inside of my mouth, down to my hardened nipple and bit down on it._

 _I'm sure I yelled. I'm sure I screamed. For it was like fire, fire go through me a thousand times over. Burning every cell in my being and every vein I had until I was unrecognizable, until I was new. I had barely calmed from my frenzied orgasm when Jaime himself raced into me and reached his end inside me._

 _It was nothing like anyone had describe to me, no one could have said anything to prepare me for what I had felt at Jaime's emptying his arousal inside me. It was a state of bliss, of perfect fullness and comfort that he had found enough comfort to reach this form of closeness with me. I felt him pulsing inside me, what a strange thing that is?_

 _I kissed him fully on the lips, hoping he would know how much I appreciated his trying, his patience, him. I hoped he would know how grateful I was for him._

 _When he removed himself and I was rewarded with emptiness I stopped himself from moving to a water basin to wipe the remainders of his seed off of me, I strangely did not care about what stained or stuck to me -or the fact that we probably had a dinner waiting for us, I only wanted him to lie with me._

 _As I lay with my back to him, peaceful with the knowledge that we were truly each other's now, I felt Jaime playing with my hair. It started off innocent enough, and I assumed he was merely combing through it the way he usually did, but the attempt quickly took shape as I felt him twirl my hair expertly with one hand through loops and the likes. Granted, he gave up quite soon as his unusable hand debilitated his ability to expertly braid my hair, but I did not pretend to ignore his attempt. I turned to him, facing his eyes still dusty with exertion,_

 _"_ ** _Where did you learn how to braid hair?_** _" His peaceful smile fell a little._

 _"_ I used to braid my sister's hair" _He had brought up two of his siblings in one day, it was definitely progress. Even if it was progress I did not yet know how to respond to or encourage. Instead, before I could think of something smart to respond with he leaned down to kiss me, brushing he thumb down beside my eye brow._

 _"_ I think I might prefer braiding such dark hair, anyway." _And at that, I could not care less about his siblings or what had been done to them -or the dinner that still probably awaited us. I still, could only care about the Golden man lying in my arms, carelessly braiding my hair._

* * *

 **A/N : How'd you all like this chapter?**

 **The part in which Jaime braids Lorraine's hair whilst reminiscing is what I had taken from Juxtaposed (with full permission of course) but still felt like it deserved to be given full props because I feel like it adds depth to Jaime's actions. It's a little childlike and I feel like that's what Jaime misses the most.**

 **Anyways, _please_ review.**


	27. Relatively Golden

**A/N: First off, I aplogise for the longe lapse in time for this update, finals + writer's block = not good for the story. A big big thanks to Katheryne B (who is currently in the process of rewriting her own Jaime fic) who's been a big help and honest reviewer with me -thanks for the support and for your honest opinions. Also a big thanks to the Guest that reviewed my story, so nice to hear you're enjoying this!**

 **I'd like to address the issue of Jaime and Lorraine "moving forward" in the last chapter. I know it might sound uncharacteristic of Lorraine since she was herself very angry, and it was a tough decision to make (i'm still considering going back and adjusting some things) but I ultimately wanted things to move in that direction. I feel like I should explain that in terms of Lorraine, her going all the way with Jaime had more to do with her own want for sexual exploration than her willingness to forget. Because, trust me, Lorraine has not entirely forgotten -which you will notice in the coming chapter.**

 **More than anything, I want these characters to be _real_. And I hope to show that in the way Lorraine doubts herself -much in the same way i'm sure many of us doubt ourselves for making certain choices, and that we also sometimes forgive someone despite ourselves -i'm just saying it happens people! I just think Lorraine would _really_ not have forgiven Jaime if she truly thought he would do that again or if he didn't think he was in the wrong. And don't got me wrong, Lorraine may have let Jaime "hit it" but she is in no way going to be a peaceful, doting and easy wife to have. Part of what makes Lorraine special to me as a character is she disregards the technicalities that come with speech and therefore has very little limitations when it comes to calling people out.**

 **Moreover, personally I feel like i've been moving slow in terms of intrigue and drama. I had a lot planned but I felt like I didn't want all of that to be going on whilst Jaime and Lorraine were still on the outs. So hopefully, this chapter will contain the beginnings of my master plan. Mwahahaha.**

 **Enjoy, and _please_ review!**

* * *

 **Jaime**

He was strangely almost giddy with excitement. Something about being rushed blindly through the halls and up and down the stairs led only by Lorraine's small hand gave him the strange sense of adventure -an adolescence he had all but forgotten.

She laughed when he bumped against the wall at a sharp turn and he finally used his weight to stop her wild run. He spun her against the closest wall and faced her, the dizziness of their recent escapade still fizzing around his mind and he could faintly see stars dance around his wife's face. With a lazy stroke of her cheek he proceeded to tell her just what he thought of her sense of direction.

"I see being cooped up in your own fortress has done nothing stimulate any proper coordination in you." She scrunched up her nose at him in that way that he so adored.

" ** _Tours have been scarce"_** He raised his eyebrows at that, drawing himself even closer against her frame.

"I see...you _need_ me for something, as it turns out, don't you? How curious." The rough punch she awarded him with against his shoulder, it was safe to say, was not too harmful -if it had ever been. He found comfort in it, for it meant that things were alive between them. And Jaime wondered sometimes if he had truly ever been alive before then.

Could he have ever anticipated feeling so invigorated by such a lady upon first meeting her? When he thinks back to it now he recalls how her enigma frustrated him at a time when his character demanded that he headed no one else any mind -and so he tried. But there was something burning in her that drew him to her. Parts of him could not help and compare her to every one else he had known in his life at times. _Nothing like Cersei,_ he was always so quick to say, but at times -when she was sound asleep, he would look upon her and wonder freely in a way he felt he could not when her consciousness consumed him. In those long moments he would openly compare the two women he had known so well, part of him alarmed he would find any similarities, all the way from their hair to how they sipped their wine. And what he found eventually was that he was right and assured at assuming she was nothing like Cersei. It made him think about whether there was any goodness in Cersei at all, and he felt a little sad for both Cersei and himself. Other parts of Lorraine, he noticed, he could only match to Tyrion -surprisingly yet another person he did not relish in thinking about. He was not entirely sure if it was guilt or misery, but his head throbbed and his chest heaved in shallow wheezes whenever he remembered the sinister look in his brother's eyes as he vowed his hatred to him, listing their sister's lovers to spite him and proclaiming himself the murderer of his bastard -even though Jaime knew fully well it was not Tyrion who murdered Joffrey. Lorraine's loyalty reminded him of Loras Tyrell, the man Jaime best believed had replaced him. Her love for cats so like Tommen, and her stony disposition when she thought no one was looking while she concentrated so like a certain bastard from the North he had long since forgotten about.

He looked down at her as her being so asked for a challenge. Her eyes were of such a rich brown, he had never thought to look at anyone's eyes that way before. Even eyes of deep green like his, or the bright sapphires of Brienne's, he had never given anyone's eye colour much particular thought or affection. _Perhaps it is shallow of me to divulge such an interest in the ins and outs of a person only after she has let me have her truly._ He did not care, really. For he had peace now -although he did not know how long that would last for.

He pushed himself away from the wall, and her smirk only grew. He was sure his wife thought him incapable of suppressing his want for her now that she had become more receptive to him. But being receptive to Jaime, as Jaime had quickly realised after their first _real_ night together, did not mean that she was prepared to give in to every whim he may have had. And while Lorraine did show her desire to him more often than he had expected he also learned that she was still reluctant to think of herself as awaiting his mercy. He extended his hand back towards her once more,

"Should you? Or shall I?"

And with a gleam of a dare flash through her eyes her small form was once again bolting through the halls with Jaime in close pursuit.

He had told her they were receiving his cousin and newly appointed Hand of The King, Daven Lannister, and his wife today at the Lion's Mouth and she had insisted she knew the way, after all it had not been long since she had been led in from there.

Finally sensing an end to the hapless journey Jaime and Lorraine arrived at the top of the steps that stood at the peak of the entrance to find Daemon already dutifully awaiting for the party to arrive.

"Ah! My Lord, my lady. I hope you are well!" Jaime only nodded swiftly, not wishing to further engage in idle chit chat, whereas Lorraine turned to face their loyal castellan and proceeded to award him with a warm smile -indicating he had her full attention.

Jaime imagined that by now Daemon had grown used to being ignored. He was a short, aging man with little to no valuable skills and unfortunately for him that left him very little place in this world. _If his last name did not match mine I don't think he'd ever rise above a stablehand,_ Jaime thought to himself silently as he once again looked over the man now conversing with his wife.

"I must say my Lady, the work in the south garden has truly been inspiring. I must ask, were you always such an avid gardener in Ashemark?" Daemon spoke as if he were discussing dragons or unimaginable treasures. It was naïvety at best, but he felt a little respite that now there was yet another person Lorraine could interact with. Daemon, as Lorraine had described, had grown instrumental in her regrowing the garden and, being the loyal servant he prided himself on being, he adapted quickly to her mode of communication.

By now Lorraine and Daemon were having their own conversation about a foot away from Jaime and Jaime decided to focus out on to the surrounding open area in search for the anticipated arrival.

Despite Jaime not being easily impressed, he could admit that Daven Lannister was someone he was not at all ashamed of having as kin and say in all honesty that given the circumstances Daven was the smartest choice to be placed as Hand. That was not to say that Jaime was very fond of him -but he recognised that he could scarcely claim to be any better. Daven was a strong man, and loyal as far as he could tell. Jaime was sure that there was no sour taste left in Daven's mouth at Jaime's reclaiming of his titles as Warden of the West -Daven had himself admitted it was not something he wanted. And he had been all too relieved at Jaime's arrival at Riverrun to take over the siege. Daven Lannister may have been loyal, but he was not very accountable, which worried Jaime since he was placing him in such a high position, but for now they all just needed a semblance of stability.

Just as he thought of that he noticed a cloud of debris gather around a moving mass approaching the gates. He moved to face Lorraine then and found that she had already extended her hand for him to take. Placing her arm on his he proceeded to walk down the great steps with Lorraine in no particular hurry. By the time they made it all the way down the horsemen were at the gates and Jaime turned once more to find Lorraine's sweet and usually short-lived façade resting on her face.

Jaime wondered sometimes if it was a conscious decision or not for her to so swiftly change her disposition and then back again when she was at comfort. For now, he inwardly smirked at the fact that she may just be accidentally perpetuating the image he wanted to present to Daven upon his arrival. He did not care for appearances or politics all too much, but a small part of him wanted to remind Daven who was still the reigning Lion -it was partly why he did not want to give him the opportunity to ride up the steps to the Lion's Mouth.

Finding his face now, Jaime could not grasp why he may have been so worried. The hardness that revenge had encrusted in his features had almost disappeared, and all that was left were green eyes buried in a golden ball of facial hair. Especially now that he was standing next to his wife, scrawny and simple, Jaime could not see the threat Daven stood to be to him except for the fact that Daven's sword hand was still in tact.

After he had settled out of his horse Jaime decided it was time to approach him and made sure that Lorraine's arm was still firmly placed on his and her stride matched his own. He wanted to present them as equals, which Jaime thought they were -for in the short time that she had been at Casterly Rock she had been just as big of a help to the fortress as himself. She handled all the staff personally, and in the short weeks that they had been there she had become much appreciated and loved and Jaime thought then that that was perhaps why so many of Ashemark's staff were in attendance at their wedding.

"Cousin! Welcome." He could hardly tell but at his greeting Daven's beard slightly upturned and Jaime recognised his broad grin then, not too far from his own.

Daven returned Jaime with a shallow bow and then proceeded to firmly shake Jaime's hand, his eyes slowly moving to explore his cousin's new wife.

"My Lady, I am honoured to have been received by you so." He kissed her hand, and Jaime wondered whether his beard tickled her skin. He could not help the slow burn of his gaze onto the affected area.

Lorraine nodded to Daven, strangely affectionately, one would not even be able to tell that Daven was older than Lorraine.

Daven then introduced his wife, Marla Frey, who's eyes never left the ground. Even with Lorraine's forward hug and insistence she face her the little Frey still stood behind her husband looking dull and acutely afraid. Jaime did not miss the subtle frown Lorraine displayed at such timidness. _No doubt she is already making plans to take her under her wing_. It certainly would not do for Lorraine for anyone under her roof to remain in that condition and seeing how she had adamantly taken steps to welcome Roslin Tully under her wing Jaime had a strong feeling Lorraine was not about to hesitate to do the same to Marla. He almost let out a chuckle then as he realised that Marla Frey and Roslin were in fact sister, _or was it cousins?_ He thought. Either way it was a little laughable that they should be reunited under his roof, and he gave himself a chance to wonder if Walder Frey's daughters would even _want_ to be reunited.

"Are we to stand here and make idle chatter or will you show us inside, old Lion?" boomed Daven, and Jaime made sure to return his smile with only vague irritation.

It was true that he was not the fondest of Daven Lannister, but he _did_ like him. And above all that he knew he could use his council here. Not just as a trusted advisor, but for company for both him and Lorraine.

"Shall we, then?" He all but challenged.

Lorraine swiftly moved to loop her arm through Daven's, looking back at Jaime with an insistent smile and a subtle nod to walk with Marla.

He felt like he was walking with a slightly warmed statue, if anything at all. He tried conversing, which was awkward enough as it is, but he had to admit that he scarcely even heard her replies and did not want to harass the poor girl into repeating her answers, it was not as if they had much value to him regardless.

Lorraine and Daven on the other hand seemed to be getting along nicely, and he traded the silence of his conversation for shamelessly listening in on theirs.

She reached out to touch his long golden beard, and she laughed at his jokes. He could not help but take note of the fact that Daven's hair was of a stronger golden hue than his. His right hand was still there, and it cupped Lorraine's with such ease.

Jaime had never doubted himself very often. Especially when it came to his youth and vigor. But he could scarcely ignore the fact that although she displayed superior maturity Lorraine was younger than he and Daven was of a closer age. After hearing of all of Cersei's exploits and having confirmed that she had taken his cousin Lancel as a lover, someone who was said to look exactly like himself in his youth, Jaime could not help but recall the sting of being replaced. He did not want to ask himself what it would be like to have both the women he had ever known so intimately take a younger cousin of his as a replacement.

 _She is nothing like Cersei_ , he kept reminding himself.

Once they had reached the agreed upon chambers Daven thanked them for their welcome and his wife all but scurried into the room. Before he himself could retreat he told Daven he would require his company in his study later on before dinner in the main hall.

"If I should find it well enough, i'll be there."

"Good, I will see you then."

After everything that had gone on with Lorraine and her more than reasonable willingness to move forward with him he had taken it upon himself to be more forthcoming with her with his intentions for now and the future -and he was quite glad that there had been no mention of the past. When she lay her head in his lap to idly read or sew on the lazy afternoons in which he would have a moment to respite with her he would detail his day to her, even if she had not asked. He would tell her what he did within his duties, _why_ he had done them and the reason they were imperative. She had admitted that it helped her understand the way things worked better and he had joked that she was probably preparing to take over his duties for him once he "mysteriously vanishes". She had laughed at that.

Before Daven's arrival Jaime had explained to Lorraine why exactly he would needed him to come to Casterly Rock before heading to the Capital. Granted, Lorraine was not overly apposed to more company at Casterly Rock, but he still thought she should be aware of the circumstances. He needed Edmure Tully to arrive at King's Landing with someone he trusted, and Daven was the best option seeing as he was the Hand now. He had asked Lorraine how she felt about them leaving and whether she was sad that she would not share Roslin's company for probably a long time after they are gone but she had nodded in good faith and taken it in stride. He nodded back, telling her she would have plenty of guests and she could invite her sisters as often as she wanted, but he did not miss the sadness that graced her brow.

The political tension was thickening still even after the Riverlands had been effectively muted -there was also the issue of the Iron Born raiding the North that he had yet to even think about, he needed time with Daven to discuss these matters and what action both him and the crown should take to prevent further chaos.

As they made their way back to their chambers, Lorraine with elation in her step and Jaime slower as he was still deep in thought, Jaime ended up walking slightly behind his wife. Once he had come to his senses and refocused on the figure before him he eyed the intricate detail in her dress. He had never been so proud of a dress.

He had it ordered for her, she seemed to have thus far liked the dresses he had so far ordered to be made for her -granted they were all plain, loose gowns made for labouring tasks, but Jaime had decided that he wanted to see Lorraine in his house colours. Something about that nagged at him, another itch for a reminder of reality.

Now staring into the deep red folds of the dress, laced heavily in gold, his lips quirked up and he stopped dead in his tracks.

"My, how wonderful you look in that dress."

She turned to him then, her face the epitome of smug coyness.

" ** _Really?_** "

"Yes. Matter of fact I don't think i've had much of a chance to take in the dress in its entirety. Would you do a quick twirl? For me?" He was toying with her, but her face remained neutral.

With her chin high she stepped in front of him and gave him a gentle nod before spinning around at a high speed in never ending circles. She twirled and twirled in front of him with no sign of stopping as the colours of her dress seemed to blend into one, a field of crimson and golden wheat.

He gave out a loud bellowing laugh before he reached over to stop her. Her hair swung wildly around her face and her breath was heavy as she panted, he could only look down at her panting frame with a smile. And she giggled. And so they stood in the middle of a spinning corridor laughing at one another.

After they had made it back to their chambers Lorraine scoured the room quickly in search of Amber, who had in recent days become scarce in appearance. They had initially attributed it to her perhaps getting lost and getting used to new surroundings but Lorraine had then suggested that she simply did not appreciate being cooped up in one place for so long. _Was she perhaps speaking for herself?_ He thought it unlikely so since she hadn't ever really left Ashemark until she had gone to Silverhill before it had been taken.

"Do you not tire of constantly searching for that cat? Leave it be!" He sat down on the couch, stretching his muscles in the process in an attempt to have some quick rest before having to head out again.

" ** _I've seen her with another cat_** " She motioned as she sat on the other end of the couch, resting her feet on his lap with caution.

"Then she has a new friend. Just like you." She dug for her notebook to respond.

" _I wonder when_ you'll _start making new friends._ "

"HAH" he laughed.

"I don't need new friends. I have you."

" ** _And our cat._** "

"And our cat."

She moved herself then, replacing her feet on Jaime's lap with her head and she climbed further up his chest - _much like a cat,_ Jaime thought ironically. They stayed there, content with silence as they entwined their fingers with one another's, it felt unusually warm.

After a long while Jaime regretfully withdrew from the strange embrace they had created and made to stand up as Lorraine's eyes scoured for his explanation.

"I must go see Edmure Tully now." A part of Lorraine looked slightly shocked at his forthcoming revelation. While walking, eating and talking with Roslin Tully had now become a mandatory part of Lorraine's day Edmure Tully still remained an elusive character to her as she had never met him and he rarely ventured out of his rooms. She understood that Roslin did not feel comfortable discussing her husband with her but she did give out the idea that, understandably, he was not entirely happy with their current situation.

" ** _What about?_** " She inquired, and Jaime could tell she was more curious about whether he would actually answer her. Everything seemed to be some sort of test now.

"With Daven's arrival I believe it is time to inform Edmure of the plans we have for him. It is still a little early to send him off to King's Landing yet but at least now he can grow accustomed to the notion and we may ... _quell_ any concerns he might have about the matter." She nodded understandingly, but with silence.

Moving down to place a chaste kiss on her cheek, he nodded to take his leave.

"I will see you at dinner tonight"

As he left his room and trailed through the upcoming halls he thought that while he did not fear Edmure or whatever his reaction would be, he would still long for the silence he had with Lorraine.

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 **A/N: ****Bit of a filler chapter but I felt like I couldn't post such a long update to get back in the groove of things. Hopefully will have more before the start of the next week, i'm inspired to work again!**


	28. A Rebel's Dream

**A/N:** **Sup? Well, as promised, here you all have the latest update.**

 **I've changed a minor thing in the last chapter just because I had forgotten that I had given Daven the title of the Hand of The King. I forgot that I had done that so I accidentally updated saying that Daven and his wife were to stay on a near-permanent basis. But I have now changed that to saying that they will be staying only a little while before heading to King's Landing (which, if you read what comes in this chapter, actually ends up making much more sense).**

* * *

 **Edmure**

She was happy. And for the time being, that mattered to Edmure far more than what the source of her happiness may be.

In the time he had known Roslin he had found her to be quiet -no less delightful, but still...quiet. It was a trait he could tell stemmed from her not being used to speaking so freely, not like he had been. But in recent weeks his wife had been spending more and more time with the Lady of the Rock, and he found happiness in her that he usually only saw when she was sat with little Brynden.

Of course, he still did not trust the motives of Lady Lannister. He had not met her himself but Roslin had not stopped speaking of her charm, her kindness, her warmth. In times of war Edmure's immediate suspicion would be that she was trying to extract information from them or baiting Roslin somehow, but he had found it hard to crush Roslin so when she had obviously tried so hard to keep things light and positive between them.

Though he could not bring himself to so easily stomp on the new friendship she was enjoying he could not resign himself to accept that this _prison_ was now a viable home for him. He would throw himself into the sea if it were not for the very reason he was here, his family. _  
_

Edmure could never find any beauty or appreciation about the West, not while he knew the circumstances regarding his being here. The Sunset Sea was loud, and smelt of fish to him. The land was too dry. The horizon too grey. Everything was grey. And he did not want it to be any other colour, for the dreary grey fueled his anger and he feared losing everything if he did not yet have his anger.

 _At least I can make use of my anger,_ he thought to himself bitterly as he sipped his wine harshly.

He was sat on the balcony graciously afforded to his suites just feet above the high tide. Roslin had decided on taking Brynden out for some and had suggested he should do the same, he wanted to show his wife he could heed her advice whilst still remaining subborn.

The waves crashed against the stone holding up his balcony, the sound from the waves and the wind covering over the sound of someone entering his chambers.

"Enjoying the fresh air?" He heard come from a masculine voice he was not accustomed to hearing in recent days, and wished for it to remain so. There was never any need to rub salt in the wound.

He spun in his chair to confirm his unfortunate visitor and found to his disgust Jaime Lannister standing there bathed in all the sun's glory, near glowing in his shine doublet and arrogance.

"What brings you down here, Kingslayer? Tired of your new guests so soon?" His jab was only awarded with a tight smile, and Edmure was impressed that not even the Kingslayer's fists were clenched.

"I'm afraid there are matters we must discuss." He rolled his eyes.

"I do believe the last few times we had things to discuss it did not leave us friends, Kingslayer."

"Thankfully I do not seek your friendship."

Edmure was surprised at the ease the Kingslayer had found at slinking off to his side and sitting down on one of the chairs adjacent to him. He was thankful for the table between them, it served as an obstacle to keep Edmure from pouncing at the smug Lion.

"Then what is it you seek?" His curiosity was not piqued enough, not even when he noticed the KIngslayer absently playing with his own fingers in an attempt to phrase the discussion correctly.

"I suppose you already know quite well that the Capital is not exactly stable."

"Yes." He said with a wild grin. He could still not be sure what this was all about but it did bring him joy to think of King's Landing, Pig's Bay, in tatters. The Queen Mother shamed, the King but a boy and the Hand murdered. Lannisters, be it, imprisoned, befuddled or dead were always welcome to Edmure's thoughts.

"With my uncle's death comes the reshaping of the small council. The King had asked that I give suggestions to whom to place onto the council."

"Asking for my opinion Kingslayer?" The Lannister's smile seemed to grow grim as his eyes pinned him to his seat.

"No. Your opinion is not needed. Randyl Tarly and I have agreed that it is best you be placed on the small council as Master of Coin."

The wine he had gulped down hitched in his throat and he had to cough up the remainder. He did not want to seem shaken by the news, but he could not help but show that he was taken aback.

"Are you out of your bloody mind Kingslayer? Master of Coin?"

"Yes. Believe me, it was a decision made in full clarity."

He eyed him with unprecedented suspicion.

"Why? What you and your lot have to gain by placing me as Master of Coin? What would you get if I were to go to King's Landing?"

"First of all allow me to correct you, there is no _if_ in the matter of your departure to King's Landing. You will be going with Daven. Secondly, I suppose you know as well as I that the Riverlords would never accept Emmon Frey as their liege, not to say that he is even worth it. The Kingdom, and the King, need peace. You provide that peace. You prove the King with a merciful image, and your service will be viewed as a sort of penance. After a good number of years of service, you will be Riverrun will be returned to you -and you may return to it."

"There's a catch, i'm guessing."

"Many. Your son will be left as a Ward to the King when you return to Riverrun in the future." It was now his fists that balled up tightly,

"Never."

"I don't recall saying you had a choice. How else are we to ensure you behave after you've gone?"

"How are you to ensure i'll behave in the first place?"

"King's Landing is a pit of snakes, you're a fool if you think every move you make will not be closely watched. You won't even be allowed to leave the Red Keep."

"And what if fail miserably at my role?"

"You won't have a chance to really, it's almost purely a title. I suppose this is what politics is, isn't it? Not my cup of tea, personally, but it must be done."

"Do you think i'd go along with this? That i'd let that _bastard_ have _my_ son? That i'd let you send me there just to have my throat cut?"

He must have thought he was an idiot, surely. King's Landing, of all places? He was a good as dead. He had given up his family's home just to die. He was boiling in anger, and bubbling over ever more as he read the Kingslayer's calm demeanor.

"You and your family, just as you will be closely watched, will be fully protected. And frankly I do not have to explain anything to you, but your son _will_ return to you. Just as it has been your duty to keep your family safe it has also been mine to ensure that the Kiing finds peace with his people." He could not reply for even with reason he was still suspicious that this was all an elaborate assassination.

"Do not mistake my words, my Lord. Just because I promise your protection for your cooperation, it does not mean you are invincible. One wrong move, one whiff of treason, and your head will justly mount a spike and even the Riverlords would not contest it."

Bitterly, Edmure thought about how well planned this had all been. He was surprised that it had even come from Jaime Lannister, whom he considered thick. But of course, he must have had help from Randyll Tarly. A sudden idea popped into his head, and he decided to pursue it, if only for the mere end of giving Jaime Lannister a bit of suffering.

"Tell me, Kingslayer, what does your little wife make of all this? Won't she be sad losing a companion? Perhaps I should meet her before it is too late."

"Good bye Edmure."

And just like that, the Golden Knight had gotten up and exited without another word, leaving Edmure to simmer in his bitterness. He replayed that same conversation they had had in his father's study the last time they were at Riverrun.

 _You will never know how sick it makes me to see you in this room, Kingslayer. You will never know how much I despise you._

 _You will never know how much I despise you._

 _You will never know how much I despise you._

 _"_ You will never know how much, Kingslayer."

* * *

 **Lorraine**

 _It pains me to admit it, but our dinner was far more cheerful than it would have been had it been just Jaime and I, as has been the case for over a month now._

 _Daven was a delight, and I knew he would be so from the moment I met him. Strange to think he is so different from my husband when he is in fact the closest relation to him I had met thus far. I almost felt a little guilty interacting with Daven as much as I had, laughing freely as his jokes -as I had always done with anyone I had come across, whilst simultaneously giving his wife the lesser of my attentions._

 _In truth, I had tried to encourage her to join in more and I believe I have given her ample opportunity to do so, but she had succeeded in avoiding participation at all costs thus far in the evening._

 _Strangely enough, I felt like Daven was quite well suited to his wife. Even though it is my firm belief that no one can ever be devoid of laughter and joy, Marla Frey and Daven Lannister looked well complimented sitting by each other's side, perhaps even juxtaposed. Daven is boisterous, frank and quite loud -which Gods know we needed around her, and Marla is quiet...a kind of quiet I believe I can appreciate in no time. His long golden hair made his wife's shine brighter, her dark eyes made his grow a little greener, it would all look so perfect if I did not catch the strong sense of misery that overcame their features whenever their eyes met or their hands brushed against the other's._

 _While I can admit I had been quite enthralled by our latest company, I could not say that I was not also focused on my husband, who, for some strange reason, looked extremely uncomfortable in his own seat. His brow knotted, his eyes seemingly focused on a spot on the table but still distant. He was not_ there, _and I began to wonder why._

 _I had not had the chance to ask him how his discussion with Daven before dinner went -I had not even asked truly_ what _they were discussing, but I knew Jaime would tell me on his own now -of course it would give him no joy at all to hear that that was a lesson he had probably learned thanks to me._

 _Daven had grown accustomed to me straight away, if he were not my husband's cousin one would think he was all too familiar but in truth I did not care, his directness and sharp tongue was a breath of fresh air._

"I do hope I am not too much of a bore, cousin." _Daven had directed his gaze to Jaime who was sitting at the head of the table, opposite me._

 _He smiled back at him, I did not need to be as perceptive as I was to know it was not a sincere one._

 _"_ Self-doubt does not suit you, cousin." _Jaime drawled out before taking a large gulp of wine from his embellished goblet._

 _Daven laughed loudly and it resounded through the entire hall._

 _We had not eaten here before, Jaime and I. It had always just been...Jaime and I, and so there was no need to ever take up so much space. But now, even with present company this hall seemed eerily empty. Its walls were barer than I had expected them to be and for some reason I could not look away from the dark naked brick, slightly damp and waiting for life to enter it. I could imagine people would ignore the bare walls if the hall was full of people. Full of joy and laughter and dancing, I wonder, will we ever have that here? Or did I leave that all behind in Ashemark?_

 _I had always taken the sense that Jaime enjoyed keeping to himself. As much as I believed he desired glory I don't think he enjoys festivities all too much. He had never been a man of too many words especially in the company of many, but between me and him he spoke more than enough for the both of us._

 _I noticed Daven's gaze shift to me then and I adjusted myself once more to face him._

 _"_ It seems my cousin is still preoccupied in thought from our earlier discussion." _His eyes were directed at me but I could tell from the sheer volume of his speech that it was meant for all to hear._

 _"_ I can not blame him though, the state of things is quite heavy to bear." _I looked to Jaime then, hoping for some kind of an explanation as to why Daven was so openly talking about this at the dinner table and I realised my husband was not looking at me but at his cousin, in a way that I could only describe as fierce scrutiny._

 _And again, Daven laughed at Jaime's expression._

 _"_ Oh calm cousin! There are wives, not strangers! Surely it is of no harm to let them in?"

 _At this point I did not even care what Daven had to say, my eyes were frantically on Jaime hoping he would not twist the knife his was now gripping hardly in Daven's eye or something of the sort._

 _But just as I thought he was about to burst I could visibly see him calm suddenly. His shoulders relaxed, his eyes forewent the intensity they had just a moment ago held and his let the knife fall out of his fingers loosely._

 _"_ You are mistaken, cousin, if you think I do not inform my wife of everything there is to know. It is just something I much prefer explaining to her in private."

 _Daven nodded in some sort of defeat, but not without a victorious smirk that suggested that he had perhaps gotten what he wanted out of that exchange._

 _"_ And now that you have reminded me of the matter you have so... _graciously_ brought back to my attention, I beg to take your leave and retire with my wife. There is, as you have stated, much to discuss." _Continued Jaime, and I did not even have enough time to gesture to my guests that I wished to bid them a good night before I was awarded with the sight of my husband's back exiting the hall._

 _As I trotted after my stormy husband I wondered in earnest if would be at risk of facing another...tantrum. The last time I had seen anyone get to him was when he had gone to see Edmure Tully that one time, and that one time was almost enough to break whatever faith I had in him._

 _And even though I followed him blindly through the halls knowing we would be in the privacy of our suites, far from anyone to her me should I scream, I still wondered whether I was in any danger from my own husband._

 _How curious must that be? This is a man I see every day. A man that makes love to me with vigor and inspires a lust in me for things I had never known I wanted. A man whose hands drape around my body while I sleep and his fingers trace around my neck when he kisses me. But he always also the same man that pushed against a table and had attempted, in a blind fit of rage, to use me harshly. And even though I had said he was forgiven, which I truly thought he was, I can't completely forget it. Not even if I wanted to._

 _Once we had reached our rooms Jaime waited for me to enter before closing the door behind us and pacing hurriedly by the sofa. He was not even looking at me. I stood still as I waited._

 _When he finally stopped he looked at me with a sort of regret, and proceeded to sit down in his accustomed spot on the sofa,_

 _"_ Won't you sit down? I suppose there is much we ought to discuss."

 _Instead of taking my assumed position by his side, I found my feet freeze when I had arrived in front of him and I hesitantly bent down until I was sat at the floor by his feet, like a cat. I rested my back on the sofa and lay my head by his knee as I felt his hesitant fingers sift through my hair and my own draw aimless circles on his knee cap._

 _I looked up at him already peering down at me,_

 _"_ ** _I am listening"_**

* * *

 **Jaime**

As he began to explain to Lorraine the important discussion he had had earlier that evening he could not help but relay it all in his head like it was unfolding before him again.

" _I can't say the council sounds particularly...enticing. Nor the idea of court as it so currently stands. But who am I to refuse my King?"_

 _"While I know you won't be the most exemplary Hand, it is not what worries me most."_

 _"And what worries you, cousin?"_

 _"You know."_

 _Daven leaned back in his seat, looking past Jaime's shoulder into some unkown point in the sea._

 _"Yes._

 _They were both silent, waiting for whichever one would dare to elaborate first. Whilst Jaime was sure they were both on the same plane of understanding he knew there was no shortage of secrets on both their parts, he would await the clarification._

 _And finally, Devon had regained his hard stare and returned it to Jaime._

 _"The ironborn. No slow movers, i'll admit."_

 _"They'e been surprisingly quick pillaging the North which, as you know, is too vast and the ironborn too vain to be done with so swiftly. They're moving down, and it's with purpose."_

 _"And what do you suggest we do? The Capital is in disarray, at a near war itself with the Faith Militant, what match are they to pirates?"_

 _"They don't want the Capital. They can't, at least not now."_

 _"Then what_ do _they want?"_

 _"I'm not sure. Maybe they've just been too quiet for too long, their balls are itching."_

 _Silence reigned once more for a short while before Daven continued thoughtfully._

 _"If you say they don't want the Capital why would you bring this matter to my attention?" Jaime was almost stunned at his answer. If he had not known Daven's dislike for holding more heavy burdens to him he would call him insolent -not that Jaime had ever paid much mind to insolence._

 _"Because it concerns you. What happens in the West concerns the crown, just as what happens in the Riverlands."_

 _"If you're so convinced they don't want the Capital what makes you so sure they'd want the West at all?"_

 _"Because the chances of them having it are far greater." He found it strange, looking at Daven from the same seat in which he watched his father work for years. Was he destined to become like him? Shaking off the thoughts, he continued,_

 _"The Sunset Sea leaves us exposed, we're one of the smaller Kingdoms and we're just on their way but not too far down south. And as far as they know we are rolling in riches and rubies and gold."_

 _Now looking around his study, Daven looked upon the hanging tapestries and the ornate walls before answering,_

 _"They're not too wrong, cousin."_

 _"I need you to bring this matter to the council. Send a fleet out for our defenses and a host of men to arm the borders and push back the pillagers out of the Riverlands."_

 _"What then?"_

 _"What do you mean?"_

 _"They'll be back in the North-"_

 _"We'll drive them out of the North."_

 _"The North needs to be left alone right now."_

 _"Perhaps. Or perhaps not. Even there were any plans for the North the ironborn must be put to rest immediately. I've had enough of those damned pirates and their drowned god."_

 _Daven looked at Jaime suspiciously,_

 _"What do you have planned, Jaime?"_

 _Choosing to speak thoughtfully and with care to his words for added diplomacy in his conversation, Jaime explained,_

 _"Things needn't be so delicate much longer. The North must have a solution, no one will respect a King who in addition to allowing his own wife to be imprisoned on false charges would let a handful of his Kingdoms get pillaged and his largest Kingdom run wild in wars and attacks and a sadistic Warden."_

 _He could not tell exactly, but he sensed a small smile grace Daven's face,_

 _"I did not know you cared so, cousin."_

He thought about what that meant as Lorraine took in his information. He had never cared, why now? Some part of him felt like he owed it to Tommen, some part of him felt like it was his twisted way of honouring his father, and an even smaller part of him felt like he was protecting the realm for Lorraine, for their children.

He wondered, as he spoke of the matters discussed, just exactly when it had all gone sour.

" _Do you think they know about the mines?"_

 _"The ironborn are imbiciles, Daven, but even they know about the mines."_

 _"Not that they_ exist, _but about what gold is left." It was then that Jaime had eyes Daven suspiciously,_

 _"What do you mean?" Daven laughed at Jaime's incredulous expression._

 _"Oh, cousin! You needn't worry. You did not think i'd have been made Warden and not been made aware of the dry mines?"_

 _He knew it was the truth. And he knew he could not lie. But it sounded unsavory, and it sounded like he was being taunted for it._

 _"We have other means-"_

 _"Not enough to fund a war, old Lion."_

 _"And what is it exactly you propose we do? Hmm?"_

 _"Call in the debts from the crown, surely"_

 _"Demand money from my nephew, a boy newly crowned?"_

 _"There is no room for a high horse on a tight ship, cousin. I can't pretend to know too much but I do bel-"_

 _"Enough of this."_

 _"But you aske-"_

 _"Enough."_

Lorraine drew his attention back as she climbed onto the seat next to him, obviously deep in thought. Jaime knew he should not kept the information about the approaching Ironborn from her for so long but he did not want her to worry, nor did he want to lie to her by saying it was no real threat. For the most part, it was unlikely it would be a real threat as the Ironborn were never known to usually venture this far south and they had always been crushed. But now they were under Euron Greyjoy's leadership, and his savage reputation preceded him. Jaime had never feared the idea of a war or a fight, but he stood to lose more now he ever thought he had.

The last time the Ironborn ever ventured to the West they overtook Fair Isle and had to be forced out. He wondered if they would strike there again, and how much worry that would instill in Lorraine since her sister was now living there? In a brief moment of selfishness he wondered if he would have to accommodate her sister and her husband here if things got to that, or whether he would have to send them away all together, including Lorraine for her own safety. _The Gods must surely hate me._

" ** _Should I be worried?_** " It was the question that he feared the most. He had already told so many lies by omission but he now believed they were all to protect her, to _keep_ her, would he lie to her now?

"I don't know, my darling." He brushed her cheek with the back of his fingers and twisted a stray hair in one of them. He hoped they would not have to separate, for he would miss the dark strings of muddy brown intertwined in his hands.

She smiled at him somberly and he tried to return a more cheerful smile in hopes of keeping her from a grim mood.

" ** _What will happen?_** "

"I'm still not sure, we're still discussing that. But I plan on ordering men to head up to the Riverlands as soon as possible to start attacking, as well as strengthen the defense of the borders."

" ** _What about the Sea?"_** Her worry was obvious, her eyes almost welled up.

"That's where they came from last time, so it's unlikely they'll come the same way. There's no need to cause unnecessary panic, but if we begin to suspect they'll attack there I assure you and your sister will be kept safe -be it here or elsewhere, you'll be safe."

" ** _And you?_** "

"I'm almost offended you're worried about me."

She jumped on him and held him tightly to her in a close embrace, digging her face in his neck.

"And on the other hand, I find your concern quite sweet." At that she moved her face back to look at him, their noses touching slightly, her breath hot on his.

"As is every part of you." He whispered.

And then she kissed him with a kind of desperation he did not know she had ever contained.

He rolled them over on the sofa so that he was pressing Lorraine beneath him, grinding his hips against her as she moaned. He wanted her, he had always wanted her, but not like this. He pulled away to look at her once more, stroking her hair,

"You're not...really worried, are you?" And he had his answer when the woman who had an answer for everything could not even look at him.

He had her now, he was in a place he never knew he needed to be and he could feel it slip away. He did not want the memory of her face to be marred with fear, nor did he want to think about her waiting for him -biting her nails and anticipating news. Somehow it did not suit her. Lorraine could never wear sorrow or worry very well, _no_ , he thought, _she is only fit for the sun and warm the night breeze_.

He leaned down to kiss her once more,

"Gods and men could not keep me from you, wife." And once again she laughed, the laugh he was always subtly desperate to hear. The laugh he had heard the first time he had ever laid eyes on her.

Now touching her with renewed passion, his fingers grazed at her thighs roughly once he had slipped them under her gown and she in turn pulled at his doublet. He kissed down her neck and onto her chest as he removed her smallclothes and she tried to in turn reach for his breeches but her hands were too short.

"You need not rush" He laughed as he looked up at her, glowing with want.

He swallowed her upcoming giggle, he could taste it in her mouth. The vibrations tantalizing against his tongue, she tasted like peaches. As he swirled his tongue against hers he unlaced his breeches and pressed himself against her, relishing in the feeling of closeness -of intimacy. She opened her legs for him so naturally as if she were a blooming flower and he was the sunlight. He had never thought of himself as anyone's sunlight.

As he entered her he kept his eyes on her face and found her eyes in turn staring back at him. He watched as her mouth slowly opened and the groan of pleasure slowly left her lips knowing it was him causing it, and proceeded to enter her again with a strong thrust just to see her react again. Every thrust from then on gained him a different sight, a different sound, and he continued on that way until she herself could not take it any longer. She rolled her hips desperately against him begging him to pick up the pace and satisfy her with release and he feigned ignorance by continuing on with his torturous pace and dug his head in the crevice of her breasts. Taking initiative on her own on the path to her own end, his wife effectively rolled him off of the couch and onto the floor so she could land on top of him and adjust herself as she took all of his length in.

He now wore a wicked grin, impressed by the strength of her desire as she rode up his length in a fast pace. She grabbed at his collar to steady herself and she grind up on him on every thrust and her eyes closed as she took in all the pleasure in shocking waves. Jaime moved his hands up to her hips to help her keep up her desired pace and he slowly felt himself lose control with every grunt she awarded him with. He was slipping away to pleasure and could not hold on for much longer. He squinted hard, trying to retain himself just long enough for Lorraine to reach her end, but when he opened his eyes he found her staring back at him already -and he knew exactly what she wanted.

With a load groan he climaxed into her warmth, emptying himself completely and swimming in pleasure. And as his eyes were awake with fulfillment he watched as Lorraine's face contorted as he spilled his seed in her and she rolled her eyes back in pleasure as she came to her own end, grabbing even tighter on his collar as she clenched around him.

When she had calmed she lay her head on his chest and they breathed in silence, their sighs and moans echoed in the room and lust filled the hot air around them. He kissed her dark head of hair and thought to himself that now, he was home. And there is not a thing he would not kill for it to always remain that way.


	29. The Sunset Sea

**A/N:** **Hey all! Hope you all enjoyed the last chapter and sorry for the long delay!  
I realised that I accidentally forgot to copy paste something (or may have accidentally deleted something) from my last chapter so i'd advise you to go back and read the ending because there was a part missing (so sorry!).  
I'm afraid that updates will probably be a week/8 days apart from now on cause my class load has tripled! I hope the story (or the quality of my writing) does not suffer too much for it!  
In a stroke of genius or insanity I came up with an idea for a new story (also ASOIAF) and in my excitement spent a lot of times giving it thought, but then I realised I probably shouldn't start writing anything else whilst i'm still writing this. As far as what i'm planning for this, I can assure it DOES have an ending, and i'm planning for it not to exceed 60 chapters in total.**

 **I would like to thank reviewer (and recent follower) Quindecim : Your words literally woke me up and got me writing, welcome and I hope you enjoy!**

* * *

 **Roslin**

Roslin smiled at the sight before her. Brynden was in Lorraine's hands, held up slightly so the sun was smiling at him crookedly and gurgling merrily at Lorraine's funny faces. She could not help the giggle that escaped her.

She had, admittedly, been on the more solemn side of things since hearing news of their departure. A part of her hoped that despite Edmure's suspicions he would at least find a freedom in King's Landing he had never felt at Casterly Rock, but a larger part of her still felt the jilted injustice of being torn from the kindred spirit she had so longed for.

Roslin had a husband, he loved her to what she believed was a great deal. He was charming, had done everything in his power to ensure her safety, cared deep for her and inspired passion in her when they were alone at night. Roslin also had a child, a son. Her son would quiet down in her arms only, would wrap his hand around her little finger, would make her feel wanted and needed in ways she had never thought she could possibly want. Roslin had had many sisters, many brothers, many step-mothers, many servants, but she had never had a friend until she met Lorraine Lannister. She often pondered if it was some cruel joke from the Gods, to give her everything while also condemning her in every way. She had, for most of her life, been a victim to circumstance. But she had finally met someone that did not see her as unfortunate for being Walder Frey's daughter -and that same person was to part with her soon.

Was she crazy for growing so attached? Perhaps. It was only natural; Lorraine was kind -something not many had been to Roslin over the years, and she inspired strength in her. Now, Roslin would be thrown in the snake pit with not even an ally by her side, would she succumb to the loneliness now that she had tasted earnest friendship?

Resuming her thoughts to the commotion at her side she noticed that Lorraine had shifted positions by lying on the grass with Brynden lying on top of her, lightly fighting his way up.

"Are you sure that's comfortable?" She asked, and Lorraine only responded by looking at her then back at Brynden as she made a face that indicated nothing less than contentment.

The South Garden was one of her favourite places now, it was where she and Lorraine spent most of their time since Lorraine had taken it upon herself to fix it up -to which Roslin had to admit was excellently done. She had felt guilty for sitting idly by as Lorraine had relentlessly weeded out and dug holes in the garden, but as they lay here in the splendor of the grass rolling in the fruits of her efforts, Roslin felt like it hardly mattered.

"Did you not say Marla would be joining us?" She tried not too look as curious as she did.

Marla was only her half sister, and in truth her and Roslin had not ever had much to say to one another when they lived at The Twins. But still, Roslin always thought she could see herself in that particular sister, and they were afterall kin, it was strange that she had not even a peep of her since her arrival. Perhaps she was too shy to approach knowing she was a guest and Roslin was a hostage -even though Lorraine made it sound like it was the opposite way around.

" ** _I asked. She's shy"_**

"Yes, I suppose she is." Her curiosity glimmered through her once more and she could not help but satisfy the nagging urge to ask about details Lorraine had not yet mentioned.

"Does she.." she started as she adjusted herself to sit on her feet, and in response Lorraine sat back up with Brynden now in her lap.

"Does Marla seem at all happy with her new husband?"

As her friend offered her a knowing look, Roslin quickly chose to rephrase.

"I..I was not assuming anything my Lady. I just umm..I wish to know how she fairs. We were not always the closest of sisters but i'm sure you understand that, as kin, I merely-" her mouth was stunned shut when Lorraine handed her the notepad she had been scribbling in as she had been rambling on,

" _There is no shame in being curious."_ She smiled at her gratefully and decided to continue with transparency.

"Is she miserable?"

" ** _I think it best she answer that herself"_** Quickly remembering herself Roslin brought her hand to her lips swiftly,

"Have I over-stepped my Lady?" She was awarded with a loud laugh escaping her fast friend,

" _Not at all. I merely believe I am unequipped to answer that question."_ She wrote to her and Roslin could only sigh out in relief and frustration. Surely one would think it strange that two sisters could be under the same roof -albeit a remarkably large one, and not see each other. As she looked away somberly she felt Lorraine's reassuring warm hand on hers and turned her head back at her to find her calming disposition and a note in little Brynden's hand,

" _Fear not, before you are set to leave I will make sure you are properly reunited."_

Roslin was not sure how to feel, grateful was definitely part of it. She wondered why someone would go out of their way for her, no one besides Edmure ever had before. His voice in her head rung through, telling her to not be so trusting and naïve, but the overwhelming warmth she felt blossom through her pushed it all aside. This lady had done near everything to make Roslin feel welcome. _She gave me a harp_. All the emotions swarming through her could only result in a simple smile.

"I will miss you in the Capital. I would ask you to visit, but i'm not as silly as I used to be. Write to me?"

Her friend nodded affirmatively, and they both returned their gaze to the Sunset Sea wallowing in the final glow of the sun. In truth, Roslin felt slightly guilty that she would look back on her time at Casterly Rock fairly fondly whilst her husband would remember it, or possible everything thereafter, with disgust.

Just as her mind had settled on how comfortable Lorraine looked with a child in her hands, and how she fondly wished for the Gods to bless her with one for herself, she noticed a flash of ginger fur followed by a spotted flash and her eyes chased the sight, as did Lorraine's.

"Was that Amber?" She inquired, and Lorraine sighed out in exasperation.

" ** _New cat._** "

"A strange cat. You best make sure her new friend is not such a bad influence!"

" ** _Just as you are to me?_** "

And as their laughter breezed through the air, accompanied by the babe's happy gurgles, Roslin prayed for a fraction of that happiness to follow them, and silently composed a song for her beloved friend on her harp. _A song of smiles for you, Lorraine, a song for all the smiles you have given us._

* * *

 **Lorraine**

 _Walking down the long halls once again on my way to meet Jaime in his study, I tried not to allow the dark walls to bring out the solemness tugging at my chest._

 _I had known the day would come, of course. I knew since before I had ever even laid eyes on Roslin Tully that she was not a permanent guest at Casterly Rock. And so it was my own grief to bare, only me to blame, for any resulting sadness I may feel at her leaving. I had approached her, I had asked for her friendship. In the most unlikely way, I had built a stronghold of affection that I felt was irreplaceable to me at the moment. But, like all good things, they must come to an end. And I sincerely hoped that it would make way for even better things to come her way in near future._

 _I was not stupid, of course. Part of my worry of parting with Roslin stemmed from the fact that she would not have any protection whatsoever in King's Landing aside from what my husband had promised in exchange for her husband's cooperation. I had never met Edmure Tully, and I was not sure I would get the chance to before he left, but I had the strange feeling that he was not a man who so quietly accepted defeat and extortion. That is not saying that Roslin had anything to do with that impression, for she always grew tight-lipped when her husband came up in conversation and I quickly learned to avoid the subject altogether so she would not feel like there was a conflict of interest or doubt my intentions._

 _What worried me almost as much as the safety of Roslin and her babe was the fact that she would have no companion. Roslin would more likely revert to the sweet and silent girl I had found her, unwilling to have any sort of opinion or express herself. Would she not laugh in King's Landing? I could not stand the idea of that. Perhaps I could write to Duncan, and he could ensure her safety for me. Perhaps, if permitted, Duncan could also keep Roslin company -or suggest a fine lady who could._

 _As I reached my husband's study I reached into my notebook to write in a reminder to write to Duncan regarding the matter occupying my mind. As I mechanically made my note the door opened from the inside and I was now faced with my husband's cousin, Daven._

 _"_ Ah, my Lady. So good to see you! I would ask you to accompany me for a walk but I see you've come here with purpose. _" I nodded affirmatively and feigned disappointment._

 _It was not such a lie, I had wished to spent a little more time with Daven since our last dinner. Perhaps I should schedule a game of chess with him and his wife, two birds with one stone._

 _"_ That is not to say I do not have my own wife to attend to, my Lady. I must take your leave. I'll see you at supper I hope. _"_

 _"_ ** _See you then_** _."_

 _And he was on his way._

 _Feeling aversely relieved from that certain exchange I calmly strolled into my husband's office to once again find he had not been alone. A tall, stoic figure stood ahead of my husband's heavy desk clad in black armor. I knew it could not have been any of the castle guards just by the figure's outline, so the question stood -who was he?_

 _Jaime then stood, allowing my eyes to ween of the strange figure -who had not even turned at my entrance,_

 _"_ You're here." _He said, and it sounded like he was exhaling in some sort of relief as he approached me, moving to grasp my hand in the process. It wasn't until then that I realised that I had stood completely still since entering and registering the foreign company at hand._

 _"_ ** _Who's that?_** " _I signaled to Jaime knowing it would go unnoticed by the object in question._

 _Jaime raised his eyebrows as if he had just now remembered that his visitor was in fact still in the vicinity._

 _"_ Right."

 _He turned swiftly so that he was still grasping my hand but facing the stranger's back. I thought he resembled a draw bridge then. How funny, I should tell him so. Perhaps later._

 _"_ Ser," _And almost at Jaime's command the figure turned to face me, and it was almost as if his being so unremarkable took me by surprise. I don't know what I had expected, but his stoic disposition and his silence gave me an impression of strangeness. For some reason I had thought I would be faced with some sort of warlock with black lips and pale eyes -how silly! Instead I was met with what many would call a plain man -but I have always lived with the belief that no one could ever be plain._

 _He had a pale face, his lips were thin, his shoulders were broad and his back was impeccably straight. Everything about him on the surface would suggest hardness, but there was something else. Something in the way he clasped his hands so firmly at his front and averted his gaze from my eyes directly suggested that a rock-hard shell was not all there was to him, to this stranger._

 _"_ This is your new Lady, Ser. Lorraine, this is Ser Benedict Broom, Casterly's Rock newly returned master-at-arms."

 _Benedict Broom. What a lovely name. The man -Benedict, nodded to me briskly then,_

 _"_ An honor to make your acquaintance, my Lady." _He still would not look at me directly, and I found myself staring at his hands. I extended my hand then, awaiting him to shake it if he would, and I was taken by surprise once more at the queer softness of his fingers. I had never met a knight with such soft hands._

 _Benedict Broom, however, looked positively mortified at the contact and so I decided to withdraw promptly, sensing that it was not at all his preference. Interrupting my silent investigation of our new head of staff came Jaime's voice once more -how strange that my silent knight is now the only one filling the room?_

 _"_ I was just speaking to Ser Benedict about you," _I looked at my husband with easy suspicion,_

 _"_ ** _Where you?_** _"_

 _The smile growing on his face did not make me feel too well. It had mischief written all over it._

 _"_ Yes, matter of fact, i've decided to assign him as your sworn shield." _I did not want Ser Benedict to think me a ridiculous woman, but I could not stop the widening of my eyes and the drop of my jaw at Jaime's statement._

 _My eyes hardened on Jaime's and I tried to somehow give him a glimpse of what I was really thinking without offending Ser Benedict. How could I describe glaring at my husband as if to say "What in the world would I need a sworn shield for? Why have you done this? Why didn't you tell me? You could not have asked? What farce are you running?"._

 _I was caught off guard once more by Ser Benedict who rose his voice to speak,_

 _"_ I would be honored to serve you, my Lady." _I hoped he did not consider me too rude as I shook my head at him incessantly and laughed nervously at his statement, somehow trying to desperately write this off as some sort of joke or misunderstanding._

 _My frantic attempts at alluding the situation were stopped by my_ dear _husband's hands on my shoulder accompanied by his own very fake laughter. He forced a sincere smile to Ser Benedict,_

 _"_ As i'm sure my wife is also proud to have you at her service. Now that we've got that covered I'd like a moment alone with the Lady, you may leave"

"As you wish, my Lord. Good day."

"Good day."

 _As soon as the door clicked behind the tall knight I forced myself out of Jaime's grasp with a war in my mind,_

 _"_ ** _Have you gone mad?_** "

* * *

 **Jaime**

Jaime stood in his large study, and it seemed like there would never be enough room to hide from his wife's obvious anger.

Once again, Lorraine was fuming at him. But he had a reasonable explanation for it all this time.

He put his palms out towards her in a calming surrender and hoped it would at least marginally sooth her temper. And he was only marginally correct in his assumption.

"Won't you sit down?"

" ** _No._** " He understood from the shake of her head and her feet remained firmly pressed to the floor in defiance.

"Please?"

And still her head shook and he sighed out loud. _What in the world am I to do with you, woman?_

 _"_ There was been word from the Ironborn." And just like that, the Lorraine's fuming anger that had so filled the room went silent and there was nothing but her blank eyes staring back into his, waiting.

"Perhaps I should have led with that." He quipped in an attempt to lighten the mood. It didn't work.

" ** _What have you heard? What has happened?_** " He found his hands once again snaking their way to her shoulders, perhaps to provide them both with some comfort.

"Be still. Don't worry so much. Sit down." And this time, she listened.

He almost felt nervous. How was he to phrase it all? It had all come in one quick wave and he could not afford to put off telling her especially with all the upcoming events, there would not be enough time to avoid the situation.

"I've received word from the Riverlands informing me that there's been a host of Ironborn scum seen around Oldstones. It's...farther south than I thought they were."

 _Why isn't she moving? Should I keep standing? Should I sit next to her?_ He decided perhaps she would receive the coming news better with comfort, so he sat himself down on the chair beside her -but he still could not look at her.

"It wouldn't be fair of me to ask you not to worry, but I need you to trust that I won't let anything happen to you, or us." At that she gave him a sharp turn,

" ** _Is that why that man is here?_** " _Pace yourself,_ he thought, _I am not done giving you the news._

 _"_ That _man_ is here for your protection, Lorraine."

It struck him a little, but still far more than he thought it would. He almost expected her to spit it in his face, " _you were supposed to protect me"._ Knowing that he was not the one who could protect Lorraine the way she would need did not sit well with him. He looked down at his Golden Hand, _what good is this gold if I can not use it to protect the one I love?_

And at that it all came crashing down on him. He could not even focus on Lorraine's shallow breaths and what she was trying to say to him, his own breathing had become shallow at the realisation. Had his wife finally fallen prey to the precious circle of people Jaime called his loved ones? He hardly thought it was possible, he did not even know if that was something he could even be capable of. _Love is a farce_ , he told himself. He used to tell himself that there was no love anyone could feel as pure as the love he felt to who's blood was his own. _You are mistaken,_ and he reminded himself that it would not be the first time he was so. But still, it begged the question, if not love -then what was it he was feeling towards his wife? What made him wrap his arms around her carelessly in the mornings? What drove him to watch her as she made her personal notes? What was the force pulling him to her regardless of the outlook, weather or circumstance? _What in the Seven Hells could it be?_ He pushed the thought aside and welcomed Lorraine's furious waves for his attention again,

"I'm sorry, what was that?" For some reason Lorraine seemed taken aback by his brief moment of reprieve. He always listened, and the subject matter at hand was far from boring or irrelevant.

But nevertheless, she repeated herself with peculiar patience,

" ** _I do not need protection_** " He laughed. Sure, it was not the venomous insult he had expected anyone to have spewed at him but still, it was laughable.

"With all due respect my dear I do not think Amber's claws are sharp enough to be considered as real protection."

" ** _I can protect myself. And I have you._** " Her sentiment warmed him, even though he knew he had to crush it.

"That's not all, my dear." His hand moved on its own accord, stroking her cheek the way he usually did when they were alone, when she was _his_.

Once again, he recalled his conversation with Daven. There was so much they had gone over, and so much they needed to go over still. If there was anything he could commend about Daven outside his dominance in battle it was that he was upfront. Jaime had never had much mind for social niceties -he could say he had had his fill of it after all that time in King's Landing, so Daven's forthrightness was refreshing. That was, if there was anything refreshing about the topics of discussion between them. After Daven had suggested calling in the crown's debts the idea stirred within Jaime and he had eventually grown a little more reciprocal to the notion. But among the chaos of chasing the crown for coin a solid solution for funding a shut-down against the Ironborn had yet to be found.

"Sources around the Banefort, not completely reliable ones might I add, have sent word of a ship coming out of Pyke, heading south."

Once again alarm reigned through his little wife and he had to physically stop her from shooting up from her seat and pacing around in worry.

"Listen, _listen_ to me. We can't be sure, and we can not afford to stir up unneeded panic-"

" ** _But my sister!_** "

"I know, I _know_. Defenses are being called up as we speak for both bare spots of endangerment. And I promise we'll bring your sister here as soon as we find out the truth about the ship. If it's true you have my word you and your sister will be safe. You have my word. You have my word, Lorraine." He kept repeating his promise over and over again it would mean something, somehow trying to calm her racing heart.

His wife, his woman, leaned over to him and held him closely to her, clutching at the very threads of his clothing to keep him close. It was not long before he felt dampness at his shoulder. He tried to move her away to look upon her, to somehow reassure her, but she resisted and kept him close. Stroking her hair, he did what he could do to stop the sound that seemed to rip at his chest.

"Hush now. I promise, I promise the borders will be heavily guarded. I promise the voyagers will do all they can do to seek information about any thing coming our way, be it a seagull. I promise Ser Benedict will protect you. I promise that if it comes to it you and your sister will all be safe." But it was no use, she kept slowly sobbing in his arms.

"I know you're worried about Elaine, but I promise you will have no reason to. She will be with you if there is any slight sign of danger approaching. And there is not a chance in all the Seven Hells I would ever let any harm come to you. Do you understand me?" He finally succeeded in pulling her far enough away to look upon her, to make sure she had understood all he was saying. To make sure she knew just what her safety meant to him.

But she would not let him have it, and instead kept her hands over her face -now only slightly sobbing in sparse shudders of breath here and there. He watched her with his hands drawing soothing circles on her wrist until she had calmed enough.

He reached to her hands once more and moved to uncover her face. _This was it_ , he thought. This is when he would look her in the eyes and suffer the consequences to his decision.

"I promise I will do everything in my power to keep you sa-"

" ** _Not just me. I want you safe too. More than anything_** " Another stray tear fell, and Jaime knew she was not making it easy for him. He could only find strength in repetition.

"I promise I will do everything in my power to keep you safe...even when i'm not there."

Incredulous, as always, Lorraine looked at him with horrified suspicion.

" ** _What are you saying?_** "

"I must leave soon after Daven, to gather the soldiers and head for the defenses."

" ** _Why?!"_** Her desperation was apparent, her worry over-flowing out of her silent words.

"These are my bannermen, Lorraine, I can't order them to fight what is to them a still unnecessary war for me while I sit here!"

" ** _You can't fight! You can't go to battle! I won't let you!"_** She was frantic now, almost jumping out of her chair for air.

"But I can lead!

It's necessary, Lorraine. That's why Ser Benedict is here and he will continue to be here for you until I can-" And before he knew it she was on him once again but this time her crying went completely uninhibited and Jaime could almost hate himself for it.

It was often enough that he would hear the sound of Lorraine's voice nowadays. He would hear her laugh, hear her grunt and groan as she worked and walked, hear her coo at Amber whenever she was in their room. He would hear her moan out in pleasure whenever he had her to himself, he would hear her release sighs of ecstasy by his mere touch. He cherished every sound he heard from her. But he could not bring himself to relish in the sound of her voice as she sobbed wildly into him -because of him.

He gripped her tightly and brought her fully on his lap, cradling her like she often cradled Amber and rocked her back and forth.

 _You are young still,_ he thought to himself as he looked upon Lorraine, now silent and drawing the same circles on him -though he had the sneaking suspicion they were to calm her more than him. _So young and soft and unmarred by the tribulations of war. My heart -if I had one, sings to you. I hope you hear it._

 _"_ Look at me," and gently, she did.

"I can not ask you not to worry. I just need you to know -you must know, you _will not_ lose me. Is that understood, my little wife?"

She smiled. It was little, but to Jaime it felt like she had not smiled at him for years. Her lips were the sun, the curve in her cheek its rays.

Somehow, in some twisted way, they had managed to recompose themselves and stood facing one another obeying the silent order to leave the room that was now racked with so much emotion. It was definitely not an ideal place to leave their conversation, but Jaime could daresay it was a better outcome than he had hoped to have in the past.

Lorraine was full of flaws, he knew, but those flaws would never consist of malice -at least not to those she was fond of. And Jaime often hoped he was one of them -though he could more or less confirm it. He knew that whatever aggression she was feeling now or might feel in the coming days would be a reflection of her worry and grief. He tried to understand that she was feeling loss and anxiety and _fear_ all at once but he could not help but feel slightly offended that she did not think he felt the same -or possibly even worse. Did she think he relished the thought of leaving her? Especially with unknown threats approaching? Did she think that he was choosing to leave to chase some awaited glory instead of lay in her arms all afternoon? Did she think having her out of his sight would bring him anything other than a suffocating sense of loss?

Nevertheless, he stayed mindful as he walked with her. Strange enough, she was the one leading him -he barely registered where they were even going until the reached the Conservatory and he found a set table waiting.

Awkwardly, he remembered that she was having her lunch with Marla today, and realised that his presence at that moment was not required.

A little shocked and a little impressed at how easily Lorraine looked unaffected by the emotional encounter they had just had, Jaime finally found it in him to break the silence once more.

"I suppose...I will leave you here."

She nodded. All she did was nod. And he leaned down to kiss her.

"I will see you in our rooms later?"

" ** _Yes_** "

And with nothing further, Jaime walked out of the room his wife was in.

He walked the halls in silence, which was surprising since he could usually hear the faint pitter-patter of some servant's feet at any given time. But for some reason, today of all days, it was silent. It was not all too welcome to him, so instead he filled his thoughts with logistics and the details of their moves forward -and before he knew it he was fast approaching the main part of the castle, and the rustle and bustle and resumed.

 _A fortnight after Daven leaves the troops will have assembled. I'll leave then. I'll have to speak to Daemon in case Lorraine's sister comes. What of Ashemark? Should I send them there if it gets too dangerous? Or is it not far enough away?_ He was thinking to himself in silent ferocity before a rattled messenger approached him lead by Daemon himself.

"My Lord, there's been a message-" Jaime, as always, paid it very little mind.

"Yes, i'm a little preoccupied so i'll have to ask you to have it delivered to my study."

"If you would not mind my Lord, it has come with instructions that you receive it personally, it's been said to be of grave importance-"

"Everything is of grave importance Daemon, I am Lord of Casterly Rock"

"Yes, yes, I know my Lord it's just tha-"

"It's from Meereen, M'Lord." And just like that, Daemon stopped existing to Jaime.

 _Meereen?_ He pondered, _who would write to me from Meereen? What business do they have writing me from Meereen?_

"Who is it from?"

"I've been instructed not to say M'Lord, not that I would know. The letter's not sealed with any known crests, M'Lord."

The scroll on the plate glared at him, juxtaposed by the dead paper and the light illuminating off the silver platter. Jaime snatched it and without another word nodded a swift thanks to the messenger and returned to his chambers. Barely even in through the door Jaime tore at the seal and marveled at the sight before him.

 _I know this handwriting._ It was a penmanship he had dared not forget. He began to read,

 _Greetings, Brother_

 _..._

* * *

 **A/N : On a weird note a lady moved in upstairs and her wifi is called "Lorraine" how weird is that? **

**Tell me what you think!**


	30. Bias

**A/N:** **Hey guys! Hope you were all happy with the latest chapter? So sorry that i'm behind schedule, I know, I suck. I had written almost a whole chapter for Lorraine on the website from a University computer (AND SAVED) but then when I got home it got deleted! All gone...over a thousand words...vanished. I got really discouraged after that. I couldn't really find the time but as soon as I started again it was hard to stop. I was just so inspired when writing the last chapter -I finally got things going didn't I? I wanted to make it good and not rush it so much.**

 **Thanks to all my new followers and reviewers!**

* * *

 **Jaime**

 _Greetings, Brother_

 _You'll forgive me for not wishing to keep this too lengthy, conciseness is a new talent I fear I must learn all about._

 _After you so kindly let me out of that prison our sister had put me in and sent me off with the Spider -in a box might I add, do you know how uncomfortable boxes are to travel in? No, why would you? Where was I? Oh yes, leaving Westeros! I found myself with old Varys in Essos. And after a series of events I think it wiser not to disclose to you, I found myself in Meereen, as a loyal advisor to Danaerys Targaryen._

 _Yes, it was all well and good helping a young girl, and rightful heir, stumble her way through turmoil as I imagined coming back on the backs of one of her dragons and burning Casterly Rock to the ground -how is Casterly Rock by the way? Back to the point...we have a problem._

He could scarcely believe what he was reading. It was Tyrion, _this is Tyrion._ If the handwriting was not at all telling then the style was more than expository. _Tyrion...in Meereen? With Danaerys Targaryen?_ At this point he could only worry what his intentions were for writing, especially after their last conversation.

 _The Targaryen Khaleesi has flown off on the back of one of her most unruly -and deadly dragons. No one knows where she is, and I have been governing in her place in the meantime._

 _This is not a warning to you, but a suggestion for an agreement to arise from nothing more but common interest. There has been talk -even out here in Essos, of how far the Greyjoys are willing to go for another rebellion, albeit a successful one. And Casterly Rock is just about as far as West goes, which makes it quite close to Ironman's Bay, correct?_

 _Why would I care about you or Casterly Rock being taken by those sad pillagers? Euron Greyjoy. I'm sure you've heard of him -the banished younger brother of Balon who coincidentally found himself back at Pyke the day after his dear elder brother's death, the owner of Silence, the reputable sadist. Yes, that Euron Greyjoy. He has sent his brother, Victarion here to court the Khaleesi in his name of all things! However, I have successfully sensed that there is not much love between these too brothers -as i'm sure you have heard the tale of Euron and Victarion's saltwife. Sounds a tad familiar, doesn't it? Oh and did I mention Victarion is here with a Dragon Horn that Euron gave to him as leverage? It would prove useful if anyone was brave enough to try blowing the thing. Apparently Euron has a reputation for poisoning his gifts, you see._

 _Now that i've given you some back drop, I will get straight to the point. Since I happen to personally know that the West is not currently participating in any farce of a feud, I know that you have vassals at your disposal. I know that because of your position, your exposure to the sea, the history of the Greyjoys completely destroying Lannister fleets as well as Victarion confessing to me that his brother plans on claiming the West personally, it is probable the Ironborn will advance West._

 _I said this wasn't a warning, but I suppose it is. A little. I still need something in exchange for something you could benefit from. Capture Euron. Kill him. Spare Victarion the taboo of Kinslaying, and they will leave you at peace. And once my Khaleesi returns I will convince her that if and when she decides to reclaim her rightful throne, you, the West and your new wife will be left untouched and unharmed._

 _Sincerely, you know who._

 _p.s. Congratulations on your nuptials. I hope she is lovely._ _I am surprised your dear Addam Marbrand would so readily give his permission to fuck his sister. But am I, really?_

He could almost laugh. Almost. The letter was not signed but he knew, painfully he knew, exactly who had sent it.

 _He knows,_ he thought. Tyrion knew about what was going on West, and he knew about Lorraine. He did not bother to wonder how.

After that night in the tunnels of the Red Keep, after the night he saw a grim fire stir in Tyrion's eyes at his confession and the ashes of that fire he found in his father's room in the morning, Jaime did not think he would ever see or hear from his brother again. His brother who, overcome with bitterness and vengeance himself confessed to a crime Jaime knew very well he did not commit just to spite him, just to somehow _hurt_ him.

He could almost feel betrayed at the fact that Tyrion had so readily sided with the Targaryen if he was not so curious about how she had even accepted him. And in regards to his proposition, he hardly thought it was something the Targaryen "Khaleesi" would agree to. Afterall, they don't call Jaime Kingslayer for nothing.

 _She has the Mad King's blood in her veins, she will not see reason when it comes to me. If she comes to me._ He thought, instantly forgetting that the great Targaryen girl was nowhere to be found. _Perhaps she is already on her way._

He shook his head at the thought. It was mildly inconveniencing him that Tyrion had even bothered, Jaime was already having a trying day. And only seconds later did it occur to him how strange it was that the thought of hearing from his only brother from the other end of the world, that hearing from the brother he had loved and hurt, would be a "mild inconvenience".

Before he could reread the letter once more and truly understand its implications his ears stood alert at the sound of footsteps approaching the chamber door and in a panic he stuffed the letter furiously into a trivial ornamental box.

When the door clicked open and he turned to face it in a hurry he found it to be none other than his sweet wife, of course. He smiled at her and immediately knew she could sense the nervousness on him. For some reason, though, she chose to ignore it -only keeping the vague suspicion in her eyes.

" ** _You're here."_** He clasped his hands behind his back, hoping she would somehow not see them sweat.

"Yes." He gave the silence no chance to reign, and quickly silenced it with the sword of his tongue.

"I, you see I was one for the day. I thought i'd wait for you here."

" ** _You could have joined me for luncheo-"_**

"No no I had already eaten. Are you tired? Do you want to sit down." The suspicion did not fall from her eyes as she shook her head.

He needed something to occupy the sudden space of time. He needed something to occupy him and his thoughts. He needed _something_.

"Well then how does a walk sound to you? You could show me your work for once!" Hesitantly, she giggled. Yes, he was getting somewhere now.

" ** _You would be bored_** " He waved his hands in response,

"Nonsense. Come," He extended his bent elbow out to her and she eyed like it was a goblet of wine she had never tried before.

"Show me."

And the touch of her hands wrapping around his arm may have not been enough to steer all thoughts of his brother behind, but it enveloped him in a warmth he had missed. And for now, for the current moment, for the afternoon with his wife in his arms and the knowledge of the breeze curling through her hair, that was enough.

.

* * *

 **Lorraine**

 _For the second time that day, my husband and I walked with one another. And, for the second time that day, it went on mostly in silence. But this time, I was not under the impression that we were both in thought about the same thing -mostly because I had no idea what it was that had so obviously rattled my husband so._

 _He was hiding something from me, and I found myself slightly assured about the matter. I knew...I knew I did not like him keeping things from me. But he had changed so much, and somehow I was confident that he would not hide it for long. I found it important to myself that I should wait until he comes to me himself._

 _As the darkest ends of the halls seemed to swallow us and we remained in cavorted silence my thoughts strayed to Elaine and the blank letter I could not bring myself to write._ _Even the thought of approaching the matter, to face Elaine -even through paper, and lie like my hands were not already shaking...it was too much to bear just yet. It struck something in me, it choked me, to know that danger was amidst us but I could still not be sure. I cursed the day we had been separated. And I know that if it comes to it, I will curse the day I separate from Jaime as well._

 _I can not exactly say when I had developed such a deep and traumatic fear at seeing someone leave me. Perhaps it was when Addam first left us, and the day swallowed me up and spat me out onto the ground where I cried when he left. I remember being about ten years of age and standing by the gates every single day, waiting to see his horse. Waiting for news. Waiting for him even when the hot ground burned at my bare feet. And when he finally did return I attributed it to my religious wait and I promised to make it my shrine._

 _Where is my shrine now? Who do I worship, who must I beg to keep us safe?_

 _Our silence was interrupted by my sudden giggle. I was thinking of what Elaine would say if the reports are true and she had to come here. Something like, "Does it take an invasion to have me as your guest, sister?" I looked back to Jaime, he was smiling._

 _It was the strangest thing, i'm sure i've mentioned it to myself before. But I had grown so very attached to the man I had married...who knew? I did. Surely, I must have. For now I can not even imagine what it would be like to be indifferent about the matter._ _I daresay I shan't even find comfort sleeping in our bed without it, not since we had made it our bed. I can barely even remember what it had felt like to be alone._

 _I know I had never truly been alone, I had my family. But when I went to bed at night, it was just me. Jaime is...part of me now. Together, we are our own house...we are a home. I'd like to think we complete each other. And i'm afraid to think of what i'd be without him by my side. Is that terribly selfish?_

 _The light we had come to suddenly tore me out of my reveries, and I found myself standing in the midst of the bare garden I had not yet approached in my endeavors. It was the East garden, located on a large open clearing in the East wing -I had not even realised that was where we were headed. The staff told me they had dubbed it the Garden of Thorns, something about the soil made all the flaura in this particular space grow heavily prickly, to the extent that I had even heard that Jaime and his siblings were not allowed to play up here in fear of injury._

 _It had not been tended to in a long while, and I suppose the late Lord Tywin was happy to allow it to whither away. All that was left of it were shrubs and puffs of dead grass. It could not have been somber if it had tried._

 _"_ What have you planned for here?" _And it was just the sound of his voice as he said it that turned me to wind. His voice, so full of the things he would whisper at night, his smile so genuine I could almost see the child that was not allowed to play here in the long summer. I had begun crying for the second time that day._

 _All but leaping to my side, Jaime rushed to embrace me._

 _"_ Sore subject?" _I would miss him, I would miss this. This was Jaime, and I would miss him._

 _"_ Hush now," _he said as he stroked my hair gently. I was not sobbing like before, merely a few stray tears...but it warmed me that he knew that I needed him to hold me._

"I think we should go back to our room." _I nodded, swallowing down the thick tears. I did not even know what I was crying about any longer._

 _Instead of loosening his grip on me so that we can commence back, his grip did not waver and to my shock Jaime leant down and picked me up. He looked at me as he carried me, my face surely incredulous at his nerve and he looked back at me the way only Jaime Lannister could,_

"Don't you worry. I've got you. _"_

 _By the time we made it back to our chambers I was a giggling mess partially by Jaime's renewed joviality and his insistence on using his hand placement to tickle me. He laid me down on the bed gentle, undoing the strings to my gown as his eyes stayed on mine._

 _He took me by surprise by removing his own clothes and simply laying next to me in the bed with one arm underneath me, gripping me tightly to him. He drew soft circles into my skin and I found my eyes slowly closing, partly comforted by our position and partly ashamed that I could be so weak. I was weak because Jaime was taking care of me, completely. I had completely disregarded how this day had had any effect on him, and had in turn offered him no comfort. I lifted my hands up slightly higher than my head so that he could see the gesture I was making -if he was not already asleep._

" ** _I'm sorry_** " _His circles stopped._

 _"_ Do you want to know what I thoroughly enjoy about you, my dear?" _My heart stopped. Whatever movement my head was telling my body to make would not prevail, I was stiff in his arms. I had no idea why._

 _His breath blew across my ear,_

"You apologise when you're wrong, and I let you. But i'm here to tell you there is nothing here for you to apologise for. Look at me." _I did. His eyes were pained, but so beautiful._

"I won't lie to you. There is much to come, either way. And I know a separation is not ideal, I know that. Do you think I would enjoy sleeping in empty tents when I could be sleeping next to you, beautiful woman? But it's necessary...and I _know_ you know that...I just feel like...like I _need_ you to know that... _this isn't what I want_...but I have to- I must...I don't want to be anywhere without you, but I also don't want to live in a world where I can't ensure your safety...so you must know...all of this it's-" _I cut him off by embracing him and using two of my fingers to cover his lips. I did not want to hear my husband grasping for words so painfully when I knew what he had meant to say._

 _He did not say another word. We slept like that, with his arms around me and my fingers on his lips -and I felt peace that whatever it was in our bodies that made us feel the way we did was the same._

 _The next morning I woke up with my husband's arms still around me, still so deep in sleep. As I looked upon his sleeping face I wondered how many maidens in the land were in love with Jaime Lannister, or at least the idea of him. With the sunlight hitting his face and growing hair he looks like a king people would write thousands of songs about, he looks like a God soldiers would worship for glory. He looks like a man I have promised to stand by through everything, when will I become the woman worthy of it? I best start acting like it._

 _I leaned over so my lips were right at his ear, and I smiled at the thought of him feeling as I feel whenever his breath reaches my ears. I whispered, faintly enough to cause breath to leave me,_

 _"_ Wake up, my prince. _"_

 _He stirred slightly before opening his eyes at me and smiling, completely oblivious to what he had just heard._

 _I gripped his shoulders and kissed his shoulder blades neatly as his eyes opened at their full capacity._

"Good morning" _He groaned as she stretched out. And I responded by moving the hand that had previously been on his shoulders down to his manhood._

 _His seductive smirk always irked me to no end, but at this moment it was what I yearned for. He pulled one of my legs across his hips and moved on his back, moving me up on him so that I was straddling him -and right before I let myself fall into a pit of pleasure by placing him inside me I wondered if he marveled at my face in the morning sunlight too, thinking me a goddess._

 _It took a miracle to finally tear myself away from my husband after we had finished -I insisted that we have breakfast together from now on, and he obliged me for the most part._

 _I, for one, was feeling starved. We had skipped our dinner last night and I had definitely worked up an appetite this morning...I almost had to fight Jaime for the bread. As Jaime gobbled down at his ham furiously and I proceeded to pour myself some more water our morning feast was interrupted by our dear old castle castellan._

 _"_ My Lord! My Lady, how do you fare this morning?" _He seemed far more cheerful than he usually was -which was strange considering the general atmosphere of things these past few days._

 _I gestured my hello to him and tried my best not to resume my focus back on my food to quickly just so he could awkwardly stand there, watching. Thankfully, that was prevented by Jaime -who himself seemed to be in a better mood than he was on most mornings...I wonder why. I couldn't help the growing smirk on my face._

"What has you so cheerful this morning Damion?" _He said, barely sparing a glance in his subject's direction._

 _And still wearing a wide smile Damion replied,_

"Oh the most shocking news, my Lord! I went to speak to the Maester Creylen this morning and I found him with Amber...she's pregnant! Can you believe it? Apparently the other cat she's been running with was a male and...you know... well...we'll be having plenty more cats around it seems!" _His face was bright red, as was mine for that matter. I knew that other cat was trouble!_

 _I could not help but let my laughter bubble through at the news, all this time...who'd have suspected? By the time I could look at Jaime we were both in hysterics and I could even hear a few chuckles escape Damion...what a wildcard Amber has been. On the bright side I should have a lot more chances to raise a kitten right it seems!_

 _I met with Roslin later and relayed the happy news to her, she grew even redder than Damion! After her few giggles died down she looked at me with her small eyes and her mouth trembled slightly, wanting to say something it was unsure of. But, and I was proud to say this about my friend, she expressed herself fully to me,_

"It doesn't...bother you?"

" ** _What?_** "

"Forgive me I shouldn't have said anything" _I reached over to place my hand over hers and let me eyes pin her in place, pleading her to go on._

" ** _Go on_** "

"That...that you're not withchild yet. People talk, even if you pretend you can't hear them. That much I know."

 _I leaned back in my seat considering my answer. For one, no, it did not bother me at all. The subject of children was not on the highest of orders to me, though I knew it'd be important in the long run. It is just Jaime and I for now, and i'm happy._

 _I can laugh about this. I will laugh about this. And I will pretend not to see the pity in people's eyes as they think: Even her cat is pregnant and she is still not. It is I who pities them, truly, for they think I would let anything as trivial as that to make me think of myself as less than a woman. I pity them because they do not know what it is to be happy with what you have instead of constantly longing for more -especially when it is for another's approval, to fulfill some sort of duty. I married Jaime because I believed I could be happy with him, and I think that despite it all, I am. Why would I ruin it all by hating myself for allowing myself to be pressured to conform to some unwritten standard?_

 _I waved Roslin's concerns of me like a weak gust of wind and covered it all in good humor,_

 _"_ ** _Amber is apparently trying harder than I_** " _And the wrinkles I had so grown to admire around Roslin's little eyes returned and so did the sound of her laughter -followed by a gurgle from the only man allowed in on the conversation._

 _I leaned down to face the little man and he grabbed my thumbs with all his might, waving them around wildly in a strange sort of dance. And it was then that I found myself humming out a tune I had so long since forgotten._

 _._

* * *

 **Jaime**

He stood on the elevated roof silently as he watched over Lorraine and Roslin's exchange. She laughed so freely with someone Jaime still thought would be to her a stranger.

He recalled that not too long ago he would watch as she interacted with her brothers and sisters, and remembered now that he had seen the same sort of ease in her then that he saw now with Roslin Tully. She was happy.

He did not exactly know how Lorraine exactly felt about the subject of children. She seemed to laugh it off easily enough that morning but he knew how persuasively deceptive she could be. Jaime could claim to know his wife well, but for the many trivialities they had discussed during their lazy mornings and long nights -children had never been part of the discussion.

For Jaime, it was not a priority, nor was it a necessity. Logistically speaking, they had only just started in their... _efforts_ in reproductive actions, so it was expected that there would be no immediate pregnancy -but Jaime was all too aware that it only takes once. He did find himself wondering sometimes what he would see of himself in a child of his and Lorraine's...he would not mind such brown eyes. So he had expected Lorraine's mind to stray to that thought, naturally, every once in a while. He liked having Lorraine all to himself, they were back on good terms and everything seemed...peaceful between them, he was not prepared for any disruptions. What worried him the most about the matter was how vicious people could be with their opinions.

Lorraine was not one to care too often, but she was Lady Casterly Rock now, and whatever scrutiny she may have felt as Lorraine Marbrand could only be intensified greatly now that she was Lorraine Lannister.

But looking over now at his wife, who seemed not to have a care in the world besides how the wind carried the tune of her laughter, his thoughts of punishing those planning to attack Lorraine with their vile words dissipated.

He had admitted it to himself before -he liked the thought of her being happy, even if it meant her being happy without him. What would become of her once he had left her alone? He could not imagine Amber's kittens would be enough to subdue his wife's loneliness. Nor could he imagine his wife sitting down in their big bare castle awaiting his return. No, as much as it may have irked him...he wanted this woman to smile even when he was not near.

 _I'll order Whitesmile Wat to return_ , he thought. Whitesmile Wat was the resident singer at Casterly Rock until he had left with armies to the war and had not been back since, to Jaime's knowledge he was still at Riverrun with his aunt. _Perhaps some music will do her spirits some good._

But it was not enough, and he knew it. What else could he do? He crossed his arms over one another on old rock of the rail and leaned forward, still staring intently at the vision before him.

 _I can't have Elaine here, not yet...not without good cause. Duncan is needed in King's Landing. Reina would not get here in time. Perhaps I could call Addam to come? But I imagine he would want to take Lorraine back to Ashemark, and I need her here. I'll keep that option open._

He carried on with his intent thoughts, _surely there is something more I can do._

And just then, it him harder than the wind blowing unto the sea. He would keep Roslin and her babe here with Lorraine.

They obviously made her happy and made for good company. Edmure's agreement could be changed. In fact, it might be a better incentive for him, at least until all of this was over and he could return and remain in Casterly Rock for good. _Yes..._ he thought, _this is working out better than expected._ He wondered if this is what his father felt when plotting and planning.

A small, sincere smile found its way to him. And he thought of the smiles his decision would award Lorraine with, and his smile widened to the vision.

* * *

 **Again, sorry for the delay! I had a lot of tests the past week. Hopefully the next chapter will be up in a week or so (or hopefully beforethen since I have a long weekend ahead).**


	31. Impasse

**A/N:** **'sup? First off, many many apologies for the late update..I have been SWAMPED with Uni work and working on my book -and this was probably the hardest chapter to write, you'll see why. If I am being realistic this is probably how it's gonna keep going. I got the feeling my latest chapter may not have been as well received as the others, so please tell me what I could do better and i'll take it into account. As for this chapter, I don't want to spoil anything that's coming but it'll be a very...full chapter. What do I mean? Wait and see.**

 **.**

* * *

 **Lorraine**

 _As I returned to my chambers to check on Amber with a smile still creasing in my features I reminded myself not to linger too long as I had made up my mind to speak to Damion shortly about the state of the main hall, the Gods only know I needed a distraction._

 _If I were being mindful though, I could in earnest say that the main dining hall was not all too bad...or so i'd never tell Jaime. Perhaps it was just so different from Ashemark, so lacking in the warmth I had reveled in for all my years._

 _The air was warm as I entered, and it made think when would the time come for fires to start being lit around the rooms -and whether I would need it without Jaime by my side. Shaking off thoughts that I would have much rather kept at bay I walked in to my bedroom in search of a certain naughty cat._

 _As my eyes scoured the room desperately for a bundle of orange curled in a corner they settled on one of Jaime's tunics carelessly lying on the floor. I picked it up and examined it closely for any stains, I had no idea why. Instead, I found that one of the buttons had fallen off and I sighed out in only slight frustration as I came to think of how exactly my grown husband had managed that. It was strange how Jaime was unarguably older than I but at times, when the light was right and the mood merry, he was the Handsome young Knight I had heard so many people speak of._

 _My eye brows furrowed at the sight and I decided that I would not be the wife that would leave my husband's shirts to the staff -at least not yet. I could handle a button, after all. No sooner had I turned around to face the door again I was met by Myra and my curious cat slithering around by her feet,_

 _"_ Apologies for the intrusion, M'lady. _" I waved her off, instead focusing on the letter shining above the well polished tray._

 _"_ You've had a raven from Fair Isle, M'lady" _My eyes widened in an alarm I could not yet process and I greedily rushed to pick up the sealed letter with Jaime's tunic under my arm._

 _I slowed myself down, knowing that I had to brace myself for any news I might expect to find. So I lifted my head, now feeling extraordinarily warm, and gave Myra leave to exit. I moved to the seats in our lounge and almost instinctually Amber came to my side and rest her warm head on my skirts._

 _Breathing in deep, I tore the seal and opened the letter to read._

 _Dearest Lorraine,_

 _It's been a while since i've last written, I know, but things have gotten slightly hectic. But do not fret! I still have time for you._

 _I know there is something glaringly obvious we had not discussed...and I thank you dearly for not bringing it up to me before. I was admittedly undecided. But now I can say, in terms of my marriage, I am beginning to find happiness._

 _Even through your letters, i'm glad you never asked about Jason in detail -for I would have never found it in me to lie about it. I will admit...I thought him boring at first. And I longed for you and everyone so badly! Oh how badly...you will never know. I thought i'd never find laughter like I did in Ashemark. But i've come to know my husband better than that. And he is a good man, I am happy to report. He is quiet, but he tries -he truly does. You would like him, i'm sure. He is a man of the land as well! I once ran out of earthy toned paints and he concocted some sort of mixture using berries and some sort of powder and some oil...it's very interesting if you'd give it a chance!_

 _I have missed you ever so dearly. I laugh still, but it is a dull laugh in comparison to the ones in your presence. How I miss everyone! Father as well...perhaps I should write him a letter after I have finished yours...is it too soon to arrange a visit? Or some kind of a reunion? Casterly Rock is not at all that far away you know. Or would Lord Lannister prefer to keep you all to himself? If so, please send him regards and tell him to take mercy on a loving sister. Or perhaps you should come to Fair Isle? It is quite splendid here...it's very charming! Granted, it may not as be as grand as The Rock, but still, charming._

 _Please write back soon...and give Amber a snuggle for me._

 _Your Sister,_

 _Elaine._

 _It was clear to me that my days were far darker than I had originally thought them to be, since what I had expected was sure destruction and chaos. It brought me little relief, for some reason, to know that all was well with Elaine and her new life. I could not decide if I felt bitter about that or if I had grown bitter long before that. Was I so absorbed and sure of the possibility of a threat that I had immediately accepted what pain might come with it? Elaine is fine, and she is happy, and that should matter to me more than anything else. But as of now, all I could think of after reading her letter was whether I was truly as happy as she. I thought I was, but I am starting to see the edges of the dark cloud hanging over me and it frightens me. I had never thought of myself as a pessimist, would being a Lannister change that?_

 _Brushing the thought aside, especially since it would not help me with the predicament itself, I looked down once more to the flimsy tunic laying at my side and decided I would take action on something I could at least control. I reached for my sewing kit on the side table and recalled that I had placed the button into a different box._

 _As I picked up the gold-traced box I found that it was unlatched, which I found strange since I had not used it in a while. I sat down once more in my seat and Amber did me the courtesy of staying by my side. I treated her with a smooth brush of the back as I prepared my apparatus for my domestic duty._

 _After I had carefully and successfully smoothed the white soft white thread through my needle I opened up my button box to look for an appropriate button, but what I found was not at all what I had been looking for._

 _It was a scrunched up letter that I had not read before now, in a hand that I had not seen before now. The bells ringing in my head to stop reading it came all too late as my eyes skimmed through the page -there was no time to justify it._

 _"Greetings, Brother" It said on the page, clear as day. This is Jaime and I's room, could this be Jaime's brother? Could this be Tyrion Lannister?_

 _My mind went frantic as I scrambled through the note trying to grasp at as many straws as I could find._

 _"You so kindly let me out of that prison our sister had put me in and sent me off with the Spider" If this was Jaime, that means that he was responsible for releasing the man who had killed his nephew...why would he do that? And why would he not tell me?_

 _"Found myself in Meereen, as a loyal advisor to Danaerys Targaryen" The exiled Targaryen girl? What business would he have with the Mad King's daughter?_

 _"We have a problem" Oh, dear._

 _"Has flown off on the back of one of her most unruly -and deadly dragons" Dragons? What in the world is he speaking of? Dragons have not been around for hundreds and hundreds of years? What sense am I to make of any of this?_

 _The next thing I read could do nothing but make my heart drop._

 _"Greyjoys are willing to go for another rebellion"_

 _"History of the Greyjoys completely destroying Lannister fleets"_

 _"His brother plans on claiming the West personally"_

 _"Capture Euron. Kill him."_

 _So the Greyjoys truly were advancing, if Tyrion was to be believed. That means that...Elaine can't be safe. It means that none of us are safe. And if Tyrion speaks the truth then it is up to Jaime to end Euron himself. But how long had Jaime known? How long had Jaime soothed my concerns and hushed my worries just to lie to me about the impending invasion? Even with this letter, whatever kind of a warning it may be, there is no surety in the matter. Jaime could capture Euron or we could all perish before he sets foot outside of Casterly Rock. And how long was Jaime planning on waiting to take action? He says it is his duty to take action, but where is the action in this? What is he waiting for? For someone to die?_

 _I felt dizzy, and_ angry, _and it was only then that I found the ending of the letter that came after the cryptic signature._

 _"I hope she is lovely. I am surprised your dear Addam Marbrand would so readily give his permission to fuck his sister. But am I really?"_

 _What kind of a man is this? I was sizzling, fuming with red-hot anger and this child of a man who I had not even ever met was giving me grief via a cryptic raven._

 _I had so many questions, and someone needed to answer for them. Where is Jaime?_

* * *

 **Daven**

 _Harrion Karstark._ That was his name. The man who's father had killed his own. His revenge had been robbed from him from the Boy King who no longer is, and every moment of his remaining life Daven thirsted and dreamt of a way to avenge his fallen father. Even now as he sat across from his cousin Jaime, awaiting yet another order he had to burden himself with, all he could think of was Harrion Karstark. He had been told of Harrion's cousin declaring for Stannis Baratheon was a weak attempt to get Harrion executed for a play for Karhold, but he had no joy in an obviously flawed plan when he was not the one behind it or in front of it. He wanted to swing his sword, and he wanted blood to drip from it.

A better man may have reasoned that it was not Harrion's fault that his father had slew Daven's, but Daven would argue that it had been his revenge to bear -and his to execute. He swore to himself, day and night, he would not rest until he had avenged his father. And perhaps then he would find peace.

"Your attention would be ideal, Daven" He smiled and looked down at his fingers knowing charm would get him nowhere with his cousin. Jaime Lannister demanded his undivided attention and for now, Daven would have to give it to him.

That being said, Daven _did_ notice a queer spring in Jaime's step. Something about the way he held himself right at that moment seemed like he has come up with something. Something with purpose and innovation, and something that breathed new life into the dead. Daven hoped it would be something worth-while, and not some desperate attempt at uniqueness.

"You have it, my Lord. Tell me, what is on your mind?"

"I've decided to change the terms of Edmure's move to King's Landing." _Interesting,_ Daven thought. He had always thought it a little too... _lenient_ , but then again he was not too interested in politics, so what would he know?

"Oh? What would these _changes_ entail?" He asked with a raised brow.

"Lady Tully, and by extension her babe, will not be joining Lord Tully in King's Landing."

He could not help but widen his eyes in alarm at that statement.

"At least not right now." Jaime smoothly followed with. He noticed him shuffling nervously under his newly scrutinising gaze and he gave him an odd smile in a way to get a response out of him.

Daven opened his mouth and shut it again trying to find the words to start with.

"Why?" He could only ask at this point.

"We'd have more leverage this way,"

"Yes but, we've already told him we're taking his whole family there with him. If we go back on our word-"

"We never _gave_ him our word."

"Regardless, don't you think it would rattle him? Do we really need to risk that?"

"If he is rattled enough to rebel he will be executed and his execution could in no way be disputed -that was the whole reason this plan works. The Crown shows mercy, and if he is ungrateful to it then his end will be justified. It's that simple." Jaime was starting to look to Daven like he was growing more and more irritated at having to explain himself, even though he had welcomed the idea of Daven's commentary.

"I just don't see how the advantages weigh out the possibility of things going wrong. That's all." He did not know how else he could possibly put it.

"And _I_ am telling _you_ that you can not see the bigger picture. With Edmure in King's Landing knowing we still have his family he will be obliged to play the dutiful part -especially when first impressions are so important." Daven could only see that it was right to argue,

"But would he not have already done that with his family with him? I honestly do not think it necessary and I feel like I should repeat that it would not be in our favour to anger him shortly before our departure-"

"I am your Liege Lord Daven-" And it was at that point that Daven had to break away from the formalities that had for so long tied him down,

"And I am _Hand of the King_ , my Lord."

He was now caught in a heated stare with his elder cousin whom he had so openly challenged. The look the older Lannister returned to Daven was one of contempt, to say the least, and Daven watched in awe as his cousin's face slowly cooled back to an indifferent air of neutrality and he leaned back in his seat to regard Daven like a prey awaiting an attack.

"Don't forget who put you there. Especially since I would have no issue removing you."

Now, Daven saw things for what they really were. He was under someone's thumb, there was no denying it. And it was not as if he cared so much about what power-play they were to pull next, but his loud mouth did nothing to help him.

"So I assume that I have just agreed to be another pawn in this game?" At that, Jaime shook his head.

"No. That is, you don't have to be. I chose you because I knew you had substance. You're a good leader. But most of all, I knew you were someone we trusted, and I knew you would serve our family well. You are loyal, above all else. And that is why I am trusting you with this."

Daven gulped down and thought to himself about whether Jaime Lannister really did know better than he. Granted, he was older -but not all old men were wise. He had lived in court almost all of his life and served four Kings -one of which died at his own hand. Could Jaime Lannister truly know better? He did not yet know, but he decided to entrust the same loyalty and faith Jaime had spoken of back into him just far enough to find out.

"I understand," he said as he got up. He never liked simmering too long in the face of defeat -or compliance.

Just as he was about to turn he heard Jaime add,

"When you get to King's Landing, I need you to announce at the first Small Council meeting that Casterly Rock is calling in their loans to the crown."

He turned, swift and confused and altogether startled that Jaime had taken in his recommendation after stomping on it so assuredly.

"What?"

"With interest. You said it yourself, I have a campaign to run. I need the coin for it."

"But, how am I to get them to agree?"

Jaime got up and walked over to Daven, bringing his heavy hand to his shoulder and squeezing it tightly, almost in a warning.

"Talk to Randyl Tarly. Get it done."

He nodded, and hoped for his own sake that it was not to be taken as a sign of obedience. Before he left Jaime added that since he was on his way and Jaime himself had "more work to do" that Daven should inform Edmure of the changes. He disliked how nonchalantly Jaime regarded the task, how he had waved his good hand at him to do his bidding -as if Daven was not all too aware that Jaime had no interest in facing Edmure himself.

He walked down to the hostage's chambers in a dazed fume, his brain was in overdrive -thinking, planning, scheming. He thought of how to avenge his father, and what twisted ways he could hurt Harrion Karstark. _I will take your sister as a wife, have you executed, inherit your castle, piss on its walls and set it on fire._ It was the only thing to calm him, _violence_. An agenda that gave him purpose.

When he finally made his way to enter to see Lord Tully, how is in no surprising way still solemnly in his chambers, Daven found that he had far less regard about the matter now than he did when he was walking up to the room. Was this how it worked? Would he just distract himself with a nontrivial task of revenge and violence while he did another's bidding? Is this how he was to survive? Was he becoming Jaime Lannister?

He told Edmure the news in much the same fashion he could imagine Jaime doing. When the words finally left him in icy departure Daven watched as the ornamental vases flew off the table at Edmure's command and force. He watched as Edmure thrashed his fist on the table and walls over and over until they were bloody. He watched as the room vibrated at his booming commands and fury reigned his features -and he wondered just how much that would cost them all.

* * *

 **Jaime**

Jaime could feel himself change. He had never done as he had done earlier in his study. He had never felt as he had felt earlier in his study. He was turning into his father, Tywin. And it was bittersweet. He had a strange sense of accomplishment about him as he walked back to his chambers, but he could not help but feel something about it all felt insincere.

The plan he had proposed to Daven obviously had its merits and he was quite sure it would not waver in the wind -but that did not erase the fact that at heart he knew it was for selfish means. He did not want Lorraine to be alone, especially not now with everything happening. If Tyrion's letter was true that meant that war was coming to the West along with the Winter. He would have to leave and it would likely not be short, and he needed to rest easy knowing Lorraine's happiness was undisturbed.

Of course, he would have liked to give himself more credit than that. He knew his departure would effect Lorraine, and he would like to believe that his place in her life was one that was yet unable to be replaced -but he could not stand the idea of her being changed by the war. He could not imagine despair and loneliness overtaking her, and he wished to never know how well she may wear it.

But now that he had done something about it, he could walk to his chambers -back to his wife, with something to offer her. He could give her something, something he knew she would like. He imagined her embracing him warmly as he told her, _perhaps she would whisper a thank you,_ he thought as his mind stretched the sound of her voice to a formulation of words he had imagined she would say to him.

All his thoughts of marital bliss were brought to a shocking halt when he had freshly entered through the chamber door to find an unintelligible object being flung right in his direction. He moved away swiftly to avoid the collision and looked down to examine the object. And to his horror, it was the very bright gold box he had hidden something all too familiar of his away. Looking back in the direction in which the box had been flung from he found exactly what he had feared staring him right back.

A very, very angry wife.

"What in the seven hells-" He exclaimed still watching Lorraine practically shake in rage until she interrupted him by throwing a flimsy piece of parchment across the room.

It landed comically close to her still, but he withheld his laughter as he approached her -albeit with caution. He did not need to see the letter to know what had instilled such fury in her.

" ** _Explain_** "

"It seems I don't need to." He turned his head up in pride hoping he could find some ground to stand on in the meantime. He would not cower so early on in an argument, not even to Lorraine. Something told him however, that she did not fully appreciate his stance right in that moment.

She moved to him ferociously, picking up the scrapped paper in the process, and proceeded to wave it in his face like it held the marks of condemnation he so deserved. By the way her accusing hand was continuously approaching his face, he was could safely assume she was reiterating her earlier demand.

Gritting his teeth, he uttered,

"Sit down, Lorraine"

Her daring eyes still not leaving in his, oozing defiance, she shot down to the floor right in front of him in a second and crossed her arms over each other, waiting.

His forehead wrinkled as he tried to stare her down, frustrated. Jaime bent down to meet her hoping to soften her, but she did not waver from her demanding posture. Sighing out, he finally gave in -but probably not in the way that Lorraine had hoped.

"You know, I don't recall marrying a child. But if that seems to be the case I will stop hesitating to treat you like one!" He proceeded to grab her upper arms and pull her up to meet him. She, of course, resisted in every way she could -kicking and scratching like a cat in heat. Eventually her efforts were rewarded with her freedom from his grasp, only to be met by the floor once more as she fell to it swiftly. Still splattered across the ground, Lorraine kicked Jaime's shins with ferocity, trying to dent the armor his largeness exuded. He lounged at her with tenacious force and collected both her wrists in his own hand as he sat on her feet, restricting her movement to a bare shuffle.

"I'll release your hands, only if you are reasonable. Is that fair? Hmm?" As her breath calmed to a generally acceptable level, she nodded to his proposition and he untied her.

Of course, he did not expect Lorraine to remain all too peaceful or at all good on her word, and that was why his reflexes were more than astute when she attacked him once more and his hands held her shoulders away from his person -but still effectively sitting on his legs.

" ** _Why didn't you tell me?_** " She asked with desperation as they both knew their fight was futile. She knew she wanted answers, and Jaime knew he could not live without giving them to her.

"Listen-stop! Listen." They were silenced, and Jaime knew it would be for good until he spoke the truth.

"I got the letter yesterday." He started, trying to cool his nerves. _I have no nerves. I am a nerveless knight._

"I didn't tell you because I couldn't trust the information. I still can't. Tyrion can't be trusted, not after anything. Was I just supposed to wage war and order an evacuation at the whim of my angry brother?"

" ** _But why didn't you TELL me_** " He noticed her emphasise her words in every way that was known to her, and proceeded to explain to her his reasons -even if they may have been just slightly unreasonable.

"I just didn't want you to worry. I would have told you, eventually."

" ** _No you would not have-_** "

He conceded,

"Perhaps not the _whole_ truth. I probably wouldn't tell you about the source, mostly because it would not serve you in any way. But I would have told you, you must believe that. I just had to get things in order for you, I can't just drop it on you. I had it planned, and it was all coming together and if you had just waited you would have seen that I had made every arrangement for your comfort-" He desperate plead for reason was interrupted by a slap in the face.

" ** _My comfort?!_** " She stormed up, too fast for Jaime to stop her.

" ** _Forget my comfort! I am not glass!_** "

"You would have been alone! I had to do something, I care for you do you not see that? That's the only reason i'm making Roslin stay here with you!" The revelation stunned her -almost physically, back a few steps and her eyes were wide in surprise.

She cocked her head to the side slightly, regarding Jaime in the strangest light. And he could not say he was enjoying it. Right when Jaime thought she had almost reached a catatonic state her face contorted into one he had on occasions feared to find her wearing.

" ** _How dare you?_** "

And now it was he that was left confused.

"How dare I? What have I done to cause offense?" In response she scurried over to the round table where her notepad lay. He could not help but role his eyes at her, never in his life had he had such a passionate fight so silently.

Just as he thought what she could possibly be relaying to him he felt the weight of the notepad thump against his chest. He knelt down to pick it up and read its contents -but not before giving Lorraine a disappointed look.

" _With what right do you separate a woman from her husband on my account? For my comfort?!_ "

It was now Jaime who was incredulous as he looked back and forth from the paper to his wife, confused as ever.

"I don't understand. You don't want Roslin to stay?" His question was followed by another scribble and another parchment being thrown at him.

" _Not if it means separating her from her husband and making a bigger mess of things than they already are._ "

They both stood there, visibly much calmer than they had been minutes ago, and both of their actions and statements had sunk into the both of them.

Still wrapped in the blanket of silence, they simultaneously looked away and both felt like the time for talking, for fighting, had passed. The sun had fully set, and they were both tired. So, so tired. He noticed her eyes drooping, it made her seem older. It made her look in a way that he had never seen her before, like life had worn her down -when before she was so untouched by the trials and perils of life and war.

They slowly moved about each other, not saying a word or looking in the other's direction. It was like a limbo of wills; both of theirs have been temporarily suspended from duty, and neither one could stand another fracture being made.

He had his dinner in the study that night, she in their rooms. He already knew they would not speak again, so there was no need to endure a meal in complete awkward silence. He sat in his chair doing next to nothing, trying to find something to fill his hands with all the while his stomach only dropped further. The hour was late, far later than he could expect Lorraine to stay up past, when he decided to return to their rooms.

It was pitch black and strangely cold. When he finally found his way to their bedroom he considered sleeping in the other room before deciding he was far too tired to think that option through. He stepped into his bedchamber to find the lump of Lorraine body, as expected, curled up on her side of the mattress, somehow exuding warmth even from her sleep.

It felt like a long journey from where he stood at the threshold to the bed, and it helped that the mattress was soft enough to pull him into slumber without letting him ponder the days happenings to deeply. As sleeps final needles pricked into him he whispered out,

"Forgive me." Not knowing who it was for, or who would listen.

His sleep was dreamless, but short-lived as he was roused away by a gentle hand caressing his arm smoothly. He opened his eyes to the sight of Lorraine sitting upright by his side, her face suddenly young again. But in her eyes still sparkled the shining light of experience, the heavy burden of knowing.

"The first weeks after...what happened...I couldn't sleep well either."

It was heavy, coming out of her, but it was something. She hesitated slightly, her tongue seemed unused to the movement, and her mouth came down too hard on some letters, but he could hear it, he could _understand_ it. He could understand _her._

For his part, Jaime, too afraid to even move in case he might scare her away, just sat there slightly upturned on his elbow, staring with harsh incredibility.

"Addam would come to my room and sit on my bed, much like this. He would talk to me. Maybe he hoped I would answer. In the end he would always sing to me...always. And it was the only thing that could put me to sleep. Every night he would come, and scare away the dark parts of me that would cause the dark bags under my eyes -even if it meant he would get dark bags under his eyes." She took a small break to chuckle to herself and look back at Jaime, who dared not even smile. The sheen that was starting to form at his brow was all but reflected in his wife's eyes, glistening greatly like they were holding back a war.

"I never thought you would be selfish, Jaime" His name, there it was again, falling so painfully from her.

He tried to open his mouth, he tried to say something,

"I-I-," but he was met with a soft hush from her.

"Maybe you should listen tonight." It was still dark, the moon's soft glow was only just barely gliding across her face.

"Whatever happiness you think I could find with Roslin here, I can not accept if it comes at the cost of robbing her of the happiness she could find with her family. Don't be selfish, even if it is for the both of us. I learned what love was a long time ago, Jaime. And I love Roslin much like a sister, I do, that is why she must leave with Edmure. My love," He drew his breath in as she reached out to caress his face with two fingers,

"you are my furthest happiness. Yours is mine. But I need you to speak to me. I need you to talk to me." and that finally teased out of him an intelligible sentence.

"I don't like leaving you here alone."

"There are...other things." He looked at her with a shaking need to figure her out,

"What other things?"

And to his very last day, Jaime still did not know whether he had spoken to her that night or if it was all just a dream, but he still remembered the comfort her voice had brought him and the intimacy it animated.

* * *

 **Ah! Tell me what you thought of this! I'll be honest I knew that I _wanted_ that confrontation to happen but when I finally got to it I had _no_ idea what i'd do or how i'd go about portraying it. It really is a challenge sometimes getting my ideas and thoughts across when one of my main characters is a mute (deciding what POV to go with which event is such a detailed process and I have to be absolutely sure of it before writing it all out). In this case, I was torn whether I should have had their confrontation (or at least the start of it) all in Lorraine's POV, but there were other things I wanted to convey in Lorraine's POV and I feel this way it is more harmonious with the ending since I was planning on ending with Jaime anyway.**

 **I promise to work harder because I really want to get this finished and start on my new story! I really want the new story to be out before the new season airs...and hopefully I think it's doable.**


	32. Family Duty Wounded Honor

**A/N:** **Hey guys, let me start by saying that I feel awful for leaving it this long...but things have been quite frantic around here and i've been struggling to find some times for myself -so I hope you'll forgive me!**

 **I'll be honest I wasn't even really _trying_ to get much work in...up until a few days ago I literally only had one paragraph down. But like always, once I started it was hard to stop and I felt inspired once again. Enjoy!**

* * *

 **Edmure**

 _How dare he?_ He thought to himself as the very bane of his existence stood in front of him in his own prison. Was not even that sacred for him? He had already sent his lackey to deliver his message, loud and clear. What need would he have to gloat? Though he did not quite understand why he had to bring his wife, the new Lady Lannister, along with him. Perhaps it would serve her well to know who she had married, and she could see it clearly now. _At least_ , Edmure thought, _at least I can have that._

He did not miss the way the Kingslayer's wife tried to hide how closely she clung to her husband, all that time alone had taught him to be more observant. She was, of course, beautiful in a muted way -he almost giggled at the double meaning. He hadn't expected any less of the Kingslayer. He was a pretty man, and pretty men only married pretty women -especially if they got to choose. She was a strange beauty though, the kind even he would not often leer at, but the kind to command someone's attention every once in a while. But even with all his observations he could not tell what was coming, or why Lady Lannister was trying hard not to show how nervous she really was.

"Something else the matter, _Kingslayer_?" He made sure to emphasise the word in his wife's presence. Perhaps Jaime Lannister was not hearing that word quite enough as of recent, and Edmure would surely not want the knight to forget.

"What other things have you come to rob from me? I'm not sure I have much left." It still scorned something maleficent inside him to think that the only thing he had would be kept from him, like a child being kept from some sweet cakes.

At that he heard a sigh being breathed out and he knew to brace himself as the Kingslayer's stance did not waver, but Edmure noticed him placing a hand on his wife's hand and turning his head to look at her in what seemed like reassurance. His silent wife nodded to him tentatively and motioned -with that same head, for him to go on. When he returned his gaze to Edmure he felt a strange surge of uncertainty rise in him, and he felt like he was now unsure of where he stood.

With a loud intake of breath, the Kingslayer began -albeit, hesitantly.

"We-...I-..." He shut his mouth again to consider his words, and Edmure was close to asking him to rid him of the misery of watching him struggle to find words before he opened his mouth again.

"Yesterday. When I made the decision about your place in the Capital, i'm afraid I was not thinking with complete clarity. We-... _I_ now realize that I was near-sighted in regard to the matter and..." He slowly gulped down as Edmure eyed him with even greater suspicion, only removing his gaze from him to look at his wife who was looking up at her husband with great caution.

With Lannister's pause he moved to look back at his wife. And once again, without disappointments, she offered him a reaffirming smile and what Edmure noticed to be a gentle squeeze to his upper arm.

"I fear I must apologize." That was something Edmure hadn't even thought he'd hear.

He leaned back on the table against his back, trying hard to hide the smugness the Kingslayer's apology now afforded him with, and he let a small smile crack through his usually stony face.

"Go on.." he said with his smirk still apparent. After everything, he enjoyed seeing some of that Lion's pride swallowed down before him.

"It would serve no one to keep your family apart-" Was what he heard come out of Jaime Lannister before his wife nudged him with his shoulder without looking away from Edmure with a sympathetic smile. He resisted the urge to chuckle. Loudly. Nevertheless, Edmure would wait until they were finished -which they obviously still were not, before making any comments.

"I meant," Jaime corrected himself, "I was mistaken."

 _By the Gods,_ he thought to himself, _the mighty Lion truly has been tamed._ Although, he would add, not completely judging by the way the Kingslayer's nostrils flared and his grip tightened upon his golden hand -it was obvious he was executing a tremendous amount of control not to lift Edmure off his feet and throw him into the see. And yet his wife seemed calm, even a little proud, and Edmure wondered how exactly such a quiet little thing had such control over one of the most feared men in Westeros.

"Your family will be joining in you in King's Landing, as previously arranged-"

"I can't say I have any complaints about that reversed decision. Is that all?" He announced nonchalantly, looking around the room trying to decide just how relieved he was. After all, a prisoner allowed to keep his family with him was still a prisoner.

His roaming eyes prevented him from noticing the shift in both his hosts' dispositions. Regardless of what he would have liked to think, they were not exactly gloating when they walked in. But now their postures had changed and their grips on one another loosened slightly. Lady Lorraine, who's grace had almost given him the impression of an upturned nose, now stood just slightly paler than she was and looked down at the ground solemnly like she was waiting for an execution.

Slowly removing his wife's arm from his own, Jaime Lannister started once more.

"There is one last thing, Tully."

"Oh?"

"Your child, your son, won't be a ward to the King."

Edmure was about to comment that that was excellent when he was met with the realization that if Brynden was not to be a ward to the King he'd be someone else's ward.

Just then he fumed, in the quietest way he could. His face crumpled up in rage and the people in front of him were standing in a blurred vignette.

"What have you done?" Was all that could leave him. He was surprised not to receive an answer. At that, he lifted his head and yelled,

"Speak! Pray, do tell me to whom you've auctioned off my child! My son!"

"No one!" He heard Jaime interrupt firmly before he added,

"When your son is five years of age he will be sent here, to Casterly Rock."

Suddenly Edmure felt sick. It was twisted in so many ways, there were so many ironies entwined with one another that he could no longer tell what was funny and what was some cruel punishment. He thought of Catelyn again, he had been thinking of her much over the past days. He remembered how his sister doted on him, how she fiercely protected him at every turn no matter what he had done. And though it had pained him to admit it, he still waited for her to burst in somehow and take him in his arms and hide him from all the cruel things happening to him. _Maybe Catelyn would have done a better job protecting Brynden than I ever could. I tried, I did everything I could._ He thought, recalling the day he had given up everything he had left just to ensure his family's safety. What was it all for?

"Was it not enough for you to take my home, _Kingslayer_? You had to take my son as well? What are you planning? _Tell me!_ What will you do to my boy?"

Almost instinctively Jaime moved a step in front of his wife, guarding her slightly with arm -standing cool and unchanged in front of his prisoner.

"This is not about taking anything from you, Tully! Your son had to be a ward of someone's, that was inevitable, it _had_ to be done. But this is the best choice for him. My wife will take care of him like a nephew, as you already know she 'll be able to write to him, and should either I or my wife find reason to be in King's Landing he will accompany us to see you. He will be returned to you once you return to Riverrun, you have my word on that."

Edmure stood shorter than the Lannister knight, but his anger had given him enough growth to openly snarl at his opponent like he was going to devour him whole.

Was this the plan the entire time? Is that what was going on when Roslin went back to their chambers to rave about how sweet Lady Lorraine is?

"We all know how good you are for your word, Knigslayer." He spat, and he wished then that his words would enough poison in them to stir the little mute to the truth of Jaime Lannister. He almost chuckled when he remembered that perhaps she already _did_ know.

 _Of course,_ he thought, _he got to choose. All you Lannisters get to choose._

 _._

* * *

 **Lorraine**

 _It had been a hard morning. And though I knew Jaime did not take any particular joy from stepping on Edmure Tully any further, it was far less than pleasant for me. But we had done what was best, for everyone. Jaime's original change of plan was flawed -yes, but regardless of his initial intentions there was a fact I neither I nor him could deny any longer, something had to change to consolidate the agreement -or alliance, or whatever this thing may be. The Crown needed to be sure that while Edmure could be comfortable, he couldn't get presumptuous. And the sad fact of the matter when it came to great families is that the best way to ensure a house's survival is to offer up a child, an heir, as collateral. Even if one was to be objective there were still little viable options. The North was still far too unstable -even in the foreseeable future and the Crown could not count on there not being any secret rebellions or conspiracies -especially considering the previous closeness of houses Stark and Tully. The East was currently greatly influenced by Petyr Baelish, and Jaime had mentioned that his connection with Tully's might seem a little suspicious. Besides, he had said, The Vale is not known for breeding strong men, to which I had replied that Ned Stark and Robert Boratheon had been wards of the Vale only to be received with an ambiguous shake of the head. But it did strike me that perhaps Jaime cared for little Brynden even the tiniest bit if he felt some sort of interest in him growing strong. Which I thought was quite endearing and -...wait, where was I going with this? Ah, yes, The Stormlands a good option perhaps, but too close to the Crownlands and too riddled with shifting loyalties. The same could be said for Dorne. The only real options left were the West and the Reach. But really, in all truth, who better to keep the King's best interests at heart than his own uncle? But it was more than just that, I couldn't let Roslin's child be sent of like that. There was logic, which was fine, but there was also loyalty -and I could not let that waver. The least Jaime and I could was to take it upon ourselves to raise little Brynden here, where he knew he could be safe. Roslin would know that...wouldn't she? It had been a hard morning._

 _I decided to myself as I walked the strangely sunny outlying path by the beach that Roslin would be happy. Not_ happy _, of course, but she would see reason. Who better to take care of Brynden than someone who thinks of his mother like a sister?_

 _And besides, who wouldn't think Brynden would be safe with me? Whoever that may be would certainly change his mind once they saw how vigilantly Ser Benedict Broom followed me around. Or might he prefer the term, "shadowed"? Either way, it was unnecessary as of yet. But it had occurred wordlessly, like nothing before it had counted. It was as if the entire argument was washed away somewhere in the sea and I was faced with the brutal truth of it this morning when I left my chambers only to be faced directly with my new sworn sword._

 _I had never had a human shield before, a protector. I always thought that was Father, or Addam, I thought Jaime would try to fill those shoes before he realised I was done being protected. But even when, as a child, I played princesses and dragons and kings and knights I always imagined my sworn shield the same; a chiseled jaw, icy eyes and the thickest head of hair._

 _But Ser Benedict, like myself I suppose, is not at all what people might expect. He's very...stony, reminding me of stories i've heard of a certain Stormlord rebel. The way he held himself also reminded me of what I remember of Tywin Lannister. His posture, his shoulders, the way he breathed and spoke -even his feet! They were all so very tightly wound. Except for his eyes though. They were...not exactly soft, but they held a certain kindness to them I could not yet trust or explain._

 _Either way, we do not seem like a very dynamic pair. With my muteness and his off-warding attitude there doesn't seem to be much in the way of common interests or mutual participation and eagerness._

 _I splayed my hand out onto a bush on my right hand side and I could feel Ser Benedict move to react before realising it was just a harmless gesture. My fingers slithered through the weeding veins of the bush and tempestuously avoided the thorns like an obstacle course. Was that all I was doing now? Avoiding thorns?_

 _The past few days have been exhausting, mentally and emotionally. It felt like every day there was word of something new threatening to happen to us. And it had all happened so fast. This wasn't the place I had thought I would be in, it didn't feel like what had been described to me. No one told me that there might be a threat. No one told me my sister might be unsafe. No one told me that my husband might wage off to fight a host of pirates and possibly never return. No one told me, so was it fair that I had to walk around here pretending like all my pieces were held together when, in truth, I didn't know what pieces of me existed and what died away long ago. I don't know what i'm made of or whether I even have the will to see all of this through. Would I have been happier back at home living in the bliss of denial I had long since chosen to subscribe to? Where things could just happen_ around _me once more instead of_ to _me._

 _My thoughts were interrupted as I heard a scurry of fast paced footsteps, ones whose lightness I had grown fondly familiar with. I smiled to myself as I spun around to meet the incoming bundle but was surprised with what was stalking towards me. It was Roslin but, it did not look like her. I recognized her figure, her hair, her big eyes but something was most definitely amiss. Her shoulders were heavy and her face was marked with a decidedly ugly downturn of her brow as well as a creasing frown. It was something far more sinister than I had hoped to see that day._

 _"_ You! _" She accused me with pure venom in her voice. She had almost reached me but was stopped by Ser Benedict's hand._

 _What was he doing? This is ridiculous. This is Roslin, this is my friend Roslin._

 _I opened my mouth slightly in question, confused as to what was happening._

 _"_ You wicked, wicked cruel woman! _" My mouth was now fully agape and tears stung Roslin's once pretty wide eyes._

 _"_ I should have believed Edmure when he told me! You vile creature! What have I ever done to you? What harm had I ever caused? _"_

 _What was she talking about? What is she saying?_

 _"_ Tell me, tell me! What difference did it make? Claiming to be my friend? What were you trying to accomplish if this is what you meant to do all along! Take my son away from me, take Edmure's heir!"

 _I was stunned at her words and I immediately felt the sting of her words. Was I a horrible woman? She doesn't understand...she_ must _understand! I moved to motion,_

 _"_ ** _I would never-"_**

 _"_ Stop lying! Stop trying to steal my child!" _She screamed in near hysterics barely held back from me by Ser Benedict whose irritation I could se growing. I, on the other hand, stood still with my arms wrapped around myself as some sort of guard._

 _"_ ** _You don't understand I will protect Brynden-"_** _I tried to explain but I was interrupted once more,_

 _"_ You are a sad, sad woman and I would pity you if I did not hate you with all my heart. You know I might be a prisoner and you might have your castle, may the Gods damn it, but you're still jealous of me. Pathetic little childless mute...even your cat can get pregnant but you can't! You and the Kingslayer deserve one another."

" _Enough!" I heard come from Ser Benedict and in one swift motion Roslin was being rushed away from me as I stood watching._

 _The weight of her words crushed at my chest and began to slowly suffocate me as they simultaneously stung at the ruins I had left of her friendship. My breaths were shallow as I thought, is this what it's like to make choices for other people?_

 _But even with the poison flung at me I could not bring myself to regret the decision Jaime and I had made. It would have been made by someone else sooner or later, and I knew in my heart it was the best thing for Brynden and the Tully's, and perhaps the whole Kingdom. But what I did not know was that in protecting the one I loved and care for, she would hate me with all her might for it. Her words shook through me one more time, and I closed my eyes leaning onto the bush for balance, the thorns finally pricking my fingers. And I let them. I let them._

* * *

 **Jaime**

Dinner that evening had been far too quiet and silenced than he had wished it would be. Of course, Jaime understood how jarring the morning's happening may have been on Lorraine but he had not quite anticipated her to be so taken aback by the ordeal. She sat solemnly across from with barely a glance to spare, instead choosing to encase herself in her own arms and it left the ornate seat looking...hollow, if Jaime could say.

But he couldn't. At least, not just yet. He was a fool for thinking somehow all would be well once they had put up a united front -that she could look at him without seeing mistrust. That was how it had always worked with the people he cared for, they would fight and then, as always, the world would be against them and they'd have to stand together, and then everything would be alright again. _As long as we win,_ he could remember Cersei saying, _as long as we always win._

When they had walked earlier she seemed fine enough, though he could not miss the hesitant coldness in the way he held her, but by the afternoon she was barely there with him and the distance in her eyes seemed more than endless. Even when he had introduced her to Whitesmile Wat, a minstrel, a musician, a man who made sounds that seemed to intimate emotion and engagement, Lorraine still seemed far removed. With every smile she gave came the swallow of something that was irking her, and by the way that she was lankily playing with her food all throughout their dinner together he could not help but feel it was him that was bothering her.

They had fought, of course, like children the night before. And now they were acting like too adults both too stubborn to be wrong. But he _was_ wrong -that he had to admit, at least in part. But she had come to him in the morning, so ready to stand by his side and hold him to her. She was telling him that they were in it together, that she would not abandon him. But was it all in title? Had he unknowingly pushed away the only person he could now envision his happiness with? He could not just accept that everything they had built together, _with_ one another, could just disappear.

At that, for some strange reason, he suddenly remembered his young cousin Tyrek. What he remembered of him was what a growing young boy he was, and how his hair shined golden even bright than Joffrey's had. Suddenly taken, _gone_ , from King's Landing -assumed dead by everyone. It was so strange for such luck to seem to constantly claim this particular line of Lannister - _none of us have seemed to have it too easy_. Not him -in spite of what people might say, not Tyrek, not his uncle Tygett, not his uncle Gerion nor his uncle Kevan for that matter. Not his scheming father, his wretched sister or his renegade brother. _Is that the kind of life I had shoved Lorraine into?_ He thought to himself as they walked back in silence, the awkward eeriness of their dinner still lingering behind them.

It hit him like a wave, remorse.

 _What am I doing?_ He thought. For once, he thought.

 _I had plucked a girl right from her home, where she had been content all her life and where she would have probably remained content, just to bring her here and subject her to life with an crippled old fool who could not even find it in himself to apologise when she needed it the most._

He could not help but think of her somewhere else, happy. Maybe even with someone else. She had nothing but try her best to make this place her home, and yet without knowing he still treated her like a guest, like a stranger. She had given, all she had done was give since the moment she arrived at Casterly Rock. She had shared and laughed and twirled and forgiven and what had he done besides close himself shut like a clam every time she tried to get close? The realisation made him feel like he was back at Ashemark, trying to speak to a girl who could not be spoken to.

They were in their rooms now, bustling about in empty shells trying to keep busy, trying not to look at one another. Lorraine picked up Amber and strode into their bedchamber, and Jaime waited with hesitation before slowly following her in.

"Lorraine" It left him plainly, and it stopped her in her tracks.

She turned around, eyes tired and holding Amber to her, she had given far too much.

Jaime stood awkwardly across from her, the air hardening the wall between them. The wall that could only be crushed by the decision he was about to make.

"He didn't do it. He told me he didn't do it. And I believe him." Finally showing a sign of life, Lorraine quirked her head at him confusedly.

"Tyrion." He explained faintly, and understanding suddenly flood into his wife.

Her eyes were still tired, but softer now -like they had been touched by something. He moved to sit at the edge of the bed, trying not to look at her as he spoke.

"It made me feel good, when I was younger, that I had someone to protect. But Tyrion was always clever, far too clever to keep him out of trouble. He'd call out Cersei's lies and contradictions, he'd question my father's every decision. But he never lied to me. Not once until the last time I saw him." Lorraine moved slowly to the edge of the bed, sitting by his side but still not touching him, afraid to push him too far or remind him that she was there.

"Before he left...before I _helped_ him escape, I told him about something my father had done -something _I_ had done to his first wife," He gulped down before continuing on to tell her the tale of how his father had ordered Tyrion's wife to be taken away and raped as Jaime convinced Tyrion it was all just a reuse for him to lay with a woman.

"When I told him, he said that he had killed Joff," He was finally looking at Lorraine now, a shaking fear in his eyes,

"He said he killed him. He was lying, I know he was. And then he killed my father and...and.." He looked into his wife, her eyes reminding of the first time they had met -beckoning him over.

"I still trust him. I still believe him. And it's what I fear the most, that my love for him will get us all killed. And I...I can't live with that. For anything to happen to you because of me...I could never have that. Never." He looked down at his forehand once more trying to regulate his breathing, afraid his passion would now only upset Lorraine. But he was surprised to find dainty little fingers creep their way atop his lap and rest lightly and comfortably in his own hand. In a flood of heat he almost missed her other arm come across his shoulder as she rested her head against his chest.

"Roslin hates me" She whispered with her voice shaky, and it seemed to mold them tighter together as they both rocked in silence.

They closed their eyes together, and eventually laid back on the bed like that in the same pose they had held upright. And once again, Jaime could be content simply with the sound of his wife's steady breath and warm heart.

* * *

 **So? What did you think? Please, please review since it really has been so long since i've written and I want to know what you guys think -it's pretty much the only thing keeping me going right now.** _  
_

 **Thank you for reading!**


	33. Ice and Tears

**A/N:** **Hey all! First of all...I am beyond sorry for the long hiatus. I've just not had the time (or honestly the inspiration) to keep going...this whole Game of Thrones dry spell has really gotten to me! DROP THE BOOK GEORGE! ...Jesus. Anyway, if any of you are still reading I would like to THANK YOU for your patience and I really hope I can pick this up again because I owe it to the story and also I really need something to do!**

 **I hope you all enjoyed the last chapter. I feel like I should explain it from my perspective to give you some insight. I really wanted to show that they both have doubts about what's happening and that it's pretty much a natural thing to wonder if you've done the right thing. I wanted this to be rocky for them and this will be something they have to get through regardless if they remain together physically or not. But Jaime talking about Tyrion was his way of giving back to Lorraine because he's finally realising that giving and fighting for this doesn't include brawn or warfare or gold -it involves how much of yourself you give to the person you're with and Lorraine -though still reluctant to give everything over, has shared more than he had with her. I hope this clears things up for you all!**

 **I would like to thank "Guest" for his/her's nice words when reviewing my story. Thank you so much and I hope I don't disappoint you with these updates all over the place! And i've also gotten the comment that Jaime seems a little OOC -if you could please message me and explain how exactly he seems OOC to you I will try my best to fix it (please).**

* * *

 **Jaime**

It had been that way night after night now. They had stayed up. He would speak, and sometimes she would throw in a few stray words. And after comforting each other their bodies would eventually melt into one and they would fall asleep together, fully dressed, on their bed.

But today was the day Daven would be leaving to King's Landing with the Tully's and Jaime was dreading it for Lorraine's sake. It made him wonder, what moment exactly had it been, what moment had he chosen? What day had the Gods deemed it appropriate for him to unwittingly put someone else's comforts, thoughts and fears before his? When had the Gods exactly chosen to curse him? And somehow, in some sick twisted way, he knew he had been done for since Ashemark.

There was something he could not resist in Lorraine -and not strictly in a lustful way, but in the way he cared to know how Myrcella was feeling under the hot sun or whether Tommen wasn't being terrorised by his brother -he _cared_. He thought of her sitting by a fountain in need of a chess partner, reaching for heavy and forgotten volumes in a dusty library, chasing cats, whatever it was he would think of it and anticipate her needs and analyse her state of mind. If he did not know any better Jaime would think he was being a more or less _adequate_ husband if he were qualified to say so.

Looking about from where he lay in the middle of the bed he carefully wrapped his fingers around his wife's delicate shoulders, subsequently kissing it tenderly when a slight squeeze would not rouse her. Briefly, as her eyelids fluttered open and a light whine escaped her lips, he thought about how tender he had become and who would be proud of him for that feat.

The woman lying next to him scrunched up her brow like she could already tell the day was going to be foul -not that Jaime doubted she was right. He wished the day had never come, he wished for the slightest of moments that he was not who he was and that him and Lorraine only existed in a constant hoop of the moments they shared in this room, in this bed, together. His mind circled back not for the first or second time in that very morning of how different he was to himself and to everyone he had known before. _When was I such a wish-er? Surely they would laugh at me now._ He thought before being snapped back to the dreaded reality of what they would come to face by his wife's hardened expression.

"I see you're not going to bother wishing me a good morning." He tried to say in a reprimand to somehow make her smile -which he succeeded to do for only the briefest moment.

Her lips curled back into one another and she focused her eyes onto his, wrapping a hand around his neck and the other around the arm keeping him propped up by her side. She spoke to him with her eyes, without a word he knew what she had meant.

"I'm not looking forward to it either" He narrowed his eyes at her. Though his spoken sentiment was meant to make her feel like he understood that this entire situation was less than savoury he also knew that it had to be him to stern up and drag her to the task. Just as she would silently scold him to be kinder to the staff or the way she would prod him to take a tighter hold on neighbouring village matters he knew that in some way he had to _help_. Not that she would ever admit to wanting or needing it. At least that was another thing they had in common.

Nodding in remorseful understanding Lorraine sat up, stopping momentarily to shake last night's dreariness off of her. After making sure she was fully up to the task -he himself could not figure out at what point he had become so... _attentive_ , they wasted no more time in preparing -at least physically, for the day.

They left their rooms, followed closely by the well awaiting Benedict Broom trailing along to the far left side of his wife. He could not say the man was not diligent, that was for sure.

Benedict Broom was everything a good knight should be -everything that Jaime had once prided himself on being. He was quiet, reserved and kept to his own but it was not to say that he was not sharp. A lesser knight would have scoffed at Jaime's attempt to have him reduced to a sworn shield - a glorified bodyguard some would say, but although it had not been explicitly expressed he knew that Ser Benedict must be aware that circumstances have shifted and that the surrounding atmosphere was not safe enough. And he would like to think that he would not assign such a guard to his headstrong wife had it not ben absolutely necessary. He truly would like to believe that.

Breakfast commenced in silence on the terrace, even Marla Frey was more willing to indulge in idle chit chat than they seemed to be. He asked them casually about their journey and the exact logistics of it and was in turn awarded with the information by a yawning Daven.

"I see your visit has ended just in time, growing bored of us already?" He witnessed the small smile engraving itself in Lorraine's features at his comment and he could not suppress a twitch of his own mouth at the thought.

Daven, eyes open now and awake enough to retort, answered Jaime's jab,

"Oh you know me, cousin, always eager to get back to work." To which a small giggle escaped his wife.

Daven turned to look at her then, and if Jaime had not been so bored he would have probably missed the change in his cousin's expression from boredom to something akin to pride. It did not last long though, and Daven looked back to Jaime's direction, focusing his eyes on Lorraine and sharing a knowing look with her that even without checking Jaime knew she returned.

"For the sake of the kingdom then I hope your diligence is not fickle."

* * *

 **Benedict**

The sky seemed awfully dark for such an early morning. _Perhaps it would rain_ , he thought to himself. He worried for a moment what the implication of rain would for the outgoing party's journey.

It seemed like that was almost entirely what his thoughts and subsequent deliberations consisted of in more recent days; a list of sequential worries that very rarely directly included or affected him.

But that what was his job, or at least that was his job _now_ , he supposed. He did not have a lot to complain about. He was an esteemed knight under the employ of one of the most revered house names in all of Westeros. He was head of the armoury and styles as the sworn sword to the lady of the Rock. That in itself was a curious matter.

He had been a guard to many a lady in his time, but never had he been reluctant to cause offence by merely doing his duty. For some reason -thought it was a reason he was sure of, he could not help but sense that his presence as her protector was a stab at her ability to take care of herself. And to be frank, Benedict had never before found himself caring what his guard meant to those he was guarding until now.

He supposed it was because of this position felt so...final. Or at least that was the way Lord Lannister had made it sound to him. He would serve their house as fully as he could and his own name would be rewarded for it.

"The Brooms have served the Lannisters well and with loyalty, and it is your duty as well as mine to ensure that that legacy continues" he vividly recalls his employer saying to him -even though he could almost feel Lord Lannister's strong want to roll his eyes at the sound of those words leaving him. Which frankly, Benedict understood fully. It was part of the reason he was so willing to follow Lord Lannister's orders so diligently -because he knew that he and him were the same.

He knew Lord Lannister when he was Ser Jaime, and he knew he was still Ser Jaime. He knew that they both strove for and worked to maintain callous indifference as their best state of being. He knew it was his business not to care. He knew they both valued efficiency over camaraderie, at least these days it was true. He understood Lord Lannister, both past and present, and so he found nothing that could sway him from his service. And somehow, some way, Lord Lannister knew it too.

He stood dutifully once more, to the far diagonal left of the object of his sworn oath, staring at anything but the back of her head -which the sky seemed to be striving for. The air was cold, but not because Benedict thought that it was definitely going to rain now. No, the bite in the air had amplified itself once the Tully's walked out of the open stairway and into the awaiting courtyard, formally standing to face their hospitable keepers.

Benedict tried not to think of how this was probably the first time Edmure Tully had left his rooms since his arrival. He tried not to think of how the angry tears were held in Roslin Tully's eyes. He tried not to think of how the little babe would howl in the carriage with the thunderous rain attacking from the heavens. These were all things his job did not entail him to think of, but as he noticed his Lady's breath held inside her tightly by her inflated back it was hard not to match his thoughts to hers.

 _Someone should start talking before it starts raining._

"Lord Tully, it is with my cousin's charge that I trust you will arrive in King's Landing safely and serve the King to the best of your abilities. My wife and I wish you an easy journey."

Even someone not as careful as Benedict would notice the tiredness in the rehearsed speech. Lord Lannister knew it had no meaning to its recipient, he knew it would not fix anything that was broken. But they all knew it had to be said, it had to be _heard_. They all knew it, and that's why it was no surprise when Lord Edmure merely nodded with something Benedict could only describe as disdain, and not even he could bother to _want_ to straighten him out for it.

And suddenly, it seemed, with a flurry of nodding heads the party seemed ready to make its way out. But then his Lady took a step forward, and it was all he could do not to grab her arm -if it weren't for the warning look from Lord Lannister he did not know if he could have held himself, so instead he ghosted behind her slightly. Like he always did.

And he did nothing as he watched her kiss Lady Marla on the cheek, as she also did with Ser Daven who also kissed her hand fiercely. He did nothing as she approached Lord Edmure with a hesitation he could see. He just stood by and watched as she awkwardly bowed deeply to him -dipping her head up only slightly to look at Lord Edmure. It was then that Benedict finally caught on to what she was doing -or what she was _trying_ to do. She was apologising. And Benedict knew full well now that this entire display was directed for one person in particular. The one person he had had to physically restrain from attacking her.

It was like everyone in attendance's breath was sucked in as they all watched the exchange in horror. Lady Lannister now stood facing Lady Roslin, reaching out with her hands -which Benedict did not miss the slight tremble of, approached Roslin's shoulder tentatively. It was in that moment that his attention finally shifted to the receiver of the gesture in anticipation, and she did not seem at all receptive to whatever advance his Lady was making. Her lips were tight, her knuckles white and wrapped around her son's waist, he could almost hear her hiss as she aggressively shrugged her shoulder away and her eyes remained focused on something far away.

Something broke inside him for the Lady, whose back he had come to know unquestionably. He watched it slouch in defeat and her head drop to the ground momentarily before she turned back. Her eyes were sad, they always were these days. But still, his expression remained unchanged and he resumed his position as she resumed hers.

Without another word, the whole party shuffled into their carriages and it seemed like mere minutes that they were gone. Like they had never even been there to begin with. The dust that followed their hasty departure was reprimanded back down to the ground as the first showering of rain came upon them and they all swiftly moved back to the very mouth of the lion.

He stood farther away from her then, careful not to linger and watch as her husband placed his hand on her left arm and spoke to her in a tone Benedict could never recognise whenever he heard it. She did not reply, obviously, with more than a few curt nods and a tight smile to counteract any of his worry. Before removing his hand from her Jaime shared a look with him then, and they both knew that she most certainly, was not alright. But they also knew that she most certainly would not admit or show that to anyone watching. No, Benedict could not claim to have his Lady's confidence -or his Lady's _anything_ really, but he knew her well enough to know that at least.

His shared look with Lord Lannister told him that his service was still required, and he resumed his place behind her just as Lord Lannister placed a placid kiss on her head, cutting himself away from her for the day.

Wordlessly, he followed his Lady as she made her way to her chambers, stopping midway with her as she obviously decided to reroute to someplace else, he never asked. As they made their way to the unknown location of her choice, _Gods know there are far too many of them here at the Rock,_ he could not ignore the change in her breath and the slight shudderings of her shoulders. He could not _ignore_ them, but he could not say anything either. And he couldn't say anything when she stopped walking altogether and leaned into an alcove. And still, silence invaded him as he watched her rest her hands on the damp walls as she sobbed silently, her spasms masked by the occasional thunder. She gasped slightly every once in a while, and still he stood dumbfounded by her side, watching. He did not know what to do in these situations, it was always easy not to do anything. But he had not anticipated this every happening, and certainly not so freely in his presence.

He watched with horror as his hand overrode his control and reached out to the Lady in distress. His eyes widened and his mouth went dry as his hand came to rest on her shoulder in a way he hoped was comforting as she shuddered uncontrollably. And to his surprise her own hand snaked up to his and squeezed it -not in confirmation or thanks, but with pure need for support. And he just stood there, Benedict of House Broom, knighted by Lord Tywin Lannister himself, the pride of his name, with his hand on a crying girl in distress. He stared at the offending hand, wrapped up tightly in her slender fingers, and though he felt embarrassed and at a loss by the whole situation in itself, he had simultaneously never felt more useful to someone before in his life. And for that, Benedict Broom knew he would not leave this Lady, no matter how hard she cried or how loud the thunder roared.

* * *

 **Lorraine**

 _It is dinner time and I am drunk and sad._

 _It may not be befitting of such an esteemed lady, but what's the point of life if we can't surprise each other every once in a while, eh? Besides, with barely anyone left here at Casterly Rock who else is left to surprise me but myself? It won't be long until Jaime's gone too. Is this how my descent to madness begins? I'm sure those who talk about me would not be so shocked to learn that. I wonder what will come of my madness, if I were in fact mad. Should I throw myself from the cliffs? That seems to be in fashion. Lysa Tully did it -as did Ashara Dayne, and look at them! Infamous and unforgettable! I can see it already, the Lannister curse they'll call it, maybe it'll stop Jaime from remarrying. Perhaps it might be worth the trouble. Oh but then Jaime would get sad and Addam would get sad_ and _angry and he'd fight him and there'd be all this ugliness and the people that don't like me would be all too happy to gossip about it and i'm sorry but I just refuse to give anyone the satisfaction. I guess that's off the table now._

 _Or perhaps I am just being bitter. Does it suit me? Jaime would not think so. Do I care? Not at the moment, no. Though, judging by the looks i'm getting I should probably slow down if I wish to avoid a lecture. Gods, that was probably the most annoying thing about being a mute -everyone in your life had to talk enough for the both of you._

 _And though our new minstrel was in my eye-line I could hear him far better than I could see him. Was music always this obvious and jarring? Whitesmile Watt, is Whitesmile Watt the summary of Jaime's Aunt's tastes? I am so close to having an unsavoury thought about my Aunt-in-law. What has become of me. When did I stoop so low?_

 _I am, as Roslin Tully would probably tell you, a child snatcher._

 _Actually, who gives a toss what she thinks? Certainly not I. Which is a lie. I care a lot. But she is probably leagues away from me by now and should not, nor will she ever, know._

 _Maybe it was just the initial shock of her public jilting that has me so tense. When has anyone ever backed away from me, ever? I am amiable. I am plenty amiable. People do not shirk away from me, I shirk away from people._

 _But then again, i've never really been responsible for taking someone's child from them, have I? And it wasn't just that she thought so, it was that I genuinely was responsible. It was my idea. If I hadn't said it, it would not have happened. Or not have been planned. But what else could I have done? Would she have preferred Jaime separate them? Would she have wanted her son growing up with strangers in turbulent and unknown political atmospheres? I suppose she would have bloody well wanted to keep him with her. Mothers. Even i'm not that naïve, Roslin. But I also suppose i'm not a mother either, so could I really blame her?_

 _Who was I trying to fool, anyway? I couldn't blame her. I don't. I did what I had to do. And she did the only thing she could do in response. It was impossible. And instead of accepting it like the Lady of Casterly Rock, the wife of one of the most formidable men in the Seven Kingdoms, I have resorted to get drunk at dinner and indulge myself in an excruciatingly awful drunken inner monologue. Delightful._

 _Though I could do without the painfully sharp melody, Whitesmile Watt. His name is too long. Whitesmile. His smile is anything but white. More orange than anything else, really. Did Jaime think I could be fooled by his transparent attempts at compensation? What is a minstrel to me? Did he think a simple singer could replace the place he'd taken somewhere near my heart? I hadn't pegged my husband was someone to sell himself short._

 _He couldn't even look at me. He just continued to miserably stab at his food as I stared him down. And as hard as I tried, as hard as I could with the Arbor fogging my mind, I tried to forget that I still wasn't sure what kind of time I had left with my husband._

 _Was all of this in preparation of a life without him? He might as well not be here, it was so silent -and that's coming from a mute too. It's like the alcohol's unleashing all the potential for the untold mute jokes i've had stored in me -there are so many of them!_

 _It was then that I decided to lift my foot onto the table, my eyes anticipating Jaime's. When he looked up in shock my sense could not even answer him with a sly smile, I could imagine I looked quite challenging from where he sat._

 _"_ Whitesmile-" _He interrupted. Finally, someone was talking._

 _"_ M'Lord?"

"Leave us"

"M'Lord." _He left, closing the door with him wearing something of a leer -it could have been the alcohol, though._

 _Here we were now, alone at last. At dinner. It is dinner time and I am drunk and sad. And my husband is staring at me like he knows not what to do with me._

 _It is at this point that i'll admit that I had not exactly thought my actions through. We were alone, completely now, and that left me wondering whether I had unintentionally walked into an early scolding._

 _Benedict had been excused long ago, and I was uncharacteristically torn at seeing him leave. He had been kind to me when I had thought him incapable of it -to be fair, I had also thought myself incapable of falling apart so readily in front of someone who was essentially a stranger. I had wanted to thank him, but in this inebriated state it's a wonder I could even form thoughts._

 _Hmm. What are my thoughts now, as Jaime approaches me, eventually leaning on the end of the table on my side._

"What is it you're trying to accomplish, my lady?" _Gods, he has his stern voice on._

 _I wanted to say that this is all a sham. I wanted to yell. I wanted him to know that it feels like everything is falling apart. But instead I moved my hand to his upper thigh and avoid his eyes, surely hungry by now, burning holes in my head._

 _I moved my hand up, reaching the centre of his passions and stroked him slowly, teasing him like I had never had the patience for._

 _His eyes have lost their colour to me as I watched, their envious green darkening into an oblivion of nothing. I was staring into the abyss, and there was nothing I wanted more than to drown in it._

 _I moved myself up to kiss his neck, his low grown torturing me in the process. Suddenly, his hand grasped at the arm I had slung around his neck and the famous green had returned to him._

 _"_ What are you getting at?" _He was hard in my hand. I could feel him clearly through his breeches. I wanted him to take me here. I wanted him to take me everywhere._

 _I all but leapt up to lay claim to his lips once more before his strong grip stopped me once more._

 _"_ Lorraine."

 _Lorraine. Lorraine, he said. He said it the way he spoke to Daemon when his patience had run low with him. Had he run out of patience with me as well? What was he even waiting for?_

 _I huffed audibly in his face before pushing myself off of my heavy seat, effectively bringing a chill to the heat that had grown between us. I tried to walk off, I really did. But my head and my feet failed me all too quickly thanks to my sudden movement and I felt the room spin before I felt the familiarly offending hand grip my arm tightly._

 _Was he going to yell at me? Was he going to scold me for acting like a child? I knew he could see through me. And yet he did nothing but hold me close to him, like we did to one another every night before we eventually fell asleep. I had been dried of all the tears I had to cry, did I even want to cry? No, I wanted to be held by my husband. My beautiful, golden, stupid, gentle husband._

 _His touch, though once intoxicating, in that moment was far too sobering. And I, quickly realising the churlishness of my actions, grew red and feasibly embarrassed as his hands washed through my hair calmingly._

 _As I finally braved to look up at the man whose arms were currently acting as my brace I was almost stunned to see a small smile. His small smile. The one I knew was only mine. Perhaps it was someone else's at some point -I would never ask, but now, it was all mine._

"If you wanted to make love so badly you could have just asked."

 _I may almost be in love with you, Jaime Lannister. Almost._

* * *

 **Damn I felt like I needed this more than it needed me. Hope you enjoyed a drunk Lorraine, a wildly different narrator when she's intoxicated, eh?**

 **Stay tuned...for torture.**

 **PLEASE REVIEW.**


	34. Isle of Faces

**A/N:** **Hey-yoo! Surprised to see me back so soon? Thought running two stories would get the better of me? Well you're wrong. Don't worry though it's still pretty early you could definitely be right if you just a wait a little -i'll crack.**

 **I hope you all enjoyed the last chapter. Please guys, tell me what you're feeling -ok? Is Jaime OOC? Is it too slow for your liking? Was Lorraine too drunk? Is she not drunk often enough? Want more fluff? Want more smut? Tell me, and I will do my best to deliver!**

 **Anyhow, to explain the last chapter -I wanted to kind of kick off Lorraine's spiral. For someone who's pretty much composed all the time she's starting to lose it and this touches on her deep-rooted abandonment issues. Plus, you know, her husband's off to fight some pretty notoriously ruthless pirates so like...i'd be kinda worried too. But that's just me. I hope you liked Benedict Broom too - just in case you were guessing...he is NOT into Lorraine nor will there be anything remotely close to that between them in case there was any confusion. It's the law of displacement ok? Lose a friend, you find a friend. She's gonna need someone. This is a girl that was used to growing up with all her siblings around her all the time and now she's pretty much alone. I wanted to portray that that's an actual struggle, you can't just marry someone and have your life turned upside down and expect nothing to change besides your sex feelings.**

 **This chapter you'll get to see a lot more of how Jaime's dealing with all of it as well (surprise, surprise, he's not too happy either!)**

 **Plus, we get to hear from the old family again! Fun! Yes? No?**

 **I'm hella connected to these characters you guys. Like, sometimes I forget that Reina and Elaine and Duncan...aren't _real_ or even canon. Fanfiction...we're all here to suffer together aren't we? Anyways. ENJOY.**

 **.**

* * *

 _Dearest Lorraine,_

 _It feels like it has been so long since you have written, I hope everything is well with you. Margot sends all her love and regards. As do I._

 _How is your work at Casterly Rock fairing? Any news on the gardens? The gardens here seem to miss you. As do I._

 _I've heard news of the Tully's leaving the Rock to finally make their way to King's Landing, I imagine that must be a burden off your shoulder. All that awkward unpleasantness, I suppose it's good news to know you're no longer sharing a roof with a known rebel._

 _Duncan writes to me -as does Lord Tarly to Father, and he seems to be coming along splendidly. Or at least as splendidly as you could squiring for Lord Tarly, by the Gods, a formidable man of course but such a bore! Though I assumed you'd say I was one to talk._

 _I miss you very much my love. Perhaps a visit is due soon? I don't suppose it's been long enough since you've been there for you to be leaving so soon, so perhaps you could accommodate Margot and I sometime. Though I admit I have been quite busy as of late, i'm sure something could be arranged in the span of the next two moons._

 _Write to me when you have the time, I dearly wish for it. It's so strange not to have you here, where you had always belonged. Though I don't doubt you fit in beautifully at the Rock -far better than I ever did I expect._

 _Ever Yours,_

 _Addam._

* * *

 _Dear Lorraine,_

 _I'll have you know that the smell here is far worse than your husband had ever made it out to be (or maybe he had grown used to it!), as for the court I can't really say much about it since I can not really call myself a heavily participating member -people here are, as you would expect, very rarely inclined to have their interest piqued by a lowly squire such as myself._

 _I never knew fashions varied so drastically in King's Landing. Honestly, Lorraine, dresses are merely a few patches of silk held together by a few strings. Though, I will admit, the girls from Highgarden do wear them well. There is a girl, a ladies maid to Queen Margeary, who I think is very pretty. I haven't found out her name yet, but she is a dream to look at when I get the chance to peek. Perhaps one day when I am a proper knight I could ask for her favour, do you think a beautiful woman would give me her favour sister?_

 _But it is all as well that I do not have something as trivial as a courtship to distract me -Lord Tarly's work is very demanding! But Father and Addam say it will make me stronger and more "resilient". Do not misunderstand me, sister, for I know that strength and knighthood are not only useful but vital to a man, but by the Gods Lorraine if you could see how relentless Lord Tarly is you'd think i'd be marching off to war in a fortnight._

 _The Tully's will be arriving soon, as you had told me. Lord Tarly himself is in charge of organising their guard detail -which has been quite difficult since there seems to be a shortage in knights and as you probably already know the Kingsguard can not exactly be spared at the moment. As a result, I might have to be assigned as an occasional escort. Which I can not say i'm not slightly relieved about -anything away from Lord Tarly is a slight relief. And plus, I could keep an eye on Lady Roslin, just as you had asked._

 _I've been thinking about things a lot recently and i've just realised that Lord Jaime is your second cousin. Well, our second cousin to be accurate. How come I never realised that before? It's not like I didn't know his grandmother was Father's aunt. That made Father Tywin Lannister's first cousin, did it not? How come no one ever boasted about that? Do you think I could get away with using this newly realised relation to my advantage here? I mean, it was not enough that my sister was wife to one of the most powerful men in Westeros but that I was actually related to him! Lo and behold, Duncan Marbrand, Lord Lannister's cousin -once removed. I imagine not. But then again others have clung on to even more distant relations in the hopes that it would further them, shame it was all in vain._

 _Perhaps you and my brother in law could visit soon? I know it's not been long since he's last been here but I trust I could tempt him with an expository dinner about your antics! Do think about it, will you? Family would be a welcome sight...even if it is just you._

 _Ever Yours,_

 _Duncan._

* * *

 _My Dear Sister,_

 _How busy must you be for you not to respond? I see becoming Lady of Casterly Rock has made you too good for me!_

 _Enclosed with my letter is a painting I made of the coastline -isn't it beautiful? I won't wait for you to confirm it since I already know it to be true... though i'll probably die of old age before you'd respond._

 _I know that with Roslin gone it must be getting a bit lonely, but you still have Lord Jaime. Or is it Lord Lannister? I'm still not sure what would be proper of me to call him. You know him better than I Lorraine, would he be inclined to strike his sister in law down for not addressing him correctly?_

 _Oh how I would love to visit! You know I would darling! Especially since Casterly Rock is so incredibly close, but Jason worries that the journey would have an effect on the pregnancy. It's not been going as smoothly as I had anticipated, there have been a few incidents but the Maester assured me it would all be well as long as I stayed relaxed and at home. Which I suppose Fair Isle is now, isn't it?_

 _Perhaps you could come visit! If your husband could spare you, that is. I absolutely insist that you be here for when the baby comes. I've already written to Reina and Janyne and i'm sure Addam and Margot and Father could come up as well if we asked -it could be a lovely reunion if we wanted! Of course, we'll have to do without Duncan. I don't suppose our brother would expedite his efforts and get himself knighted in a few moons, would he?_

 _Perhaps you could answer me with a drawing of your own, however horrible it might be._

 _I miss you achingly._

 _Ever Yours,_

 _Elaine._

* * *

 **Lorraine**

 _Where could I even begin? What lie would I have to spin? Why am I lying to my family?_

 _I had been excited to receive their letters, since any news from them was welcome and I knew reading what they had to say would bring me comfort -especially with Roslin gone. But I had not anticipated that as soon as my feelings of longing and love had calmed I would be met with the fear of having to meet their words with dishonesty._

 _They had all asked for me to visit or for them to come visit, and how could I ever deny them? But I knew painstakingly well that I had to._

 _"_ No one can know of this." Jaime _had said one night when we were discussing his departure. I, of course, had to pick his brain about every last detail pertaining to his journey._

 _"_ ** _Why not?_** _" I had asked._

 _"_ There can not be any unnecessary worry."

" ** _But what about-_** "

"I will tell you when it's time to worry." _He had interrupted, selfishly trying to soothe me. And though I had wanted to argue the matter I knew deep down he was right. If I were not his wife perhaps I would have told him so._

 _But it did not make it any less difficult. The mere thought of writing back to Addam -who was always so callous and indifferent to writing letters but had obviously made an effort to seek me out, insincerely formed a lump too large for me to swallow down. It was torture enough not saying anything about Roslin to him -I had only told Duncan for the sake of acquiring his help with the situation, but omitting a truth was not the same as telling a lie. What lie would I have to weave this time?_

 _What I would write in my letters -though perplexing, was a strategic alternative to have to consume my thoughts. It was after all far better than having to think about the impending emptiness of my bed._

 _I understood the situation. I understood he had to go. I understood I wouldn't know when i'd have him back. I understood he could make me no promises. But it felt like he was throwing it around so loosely just because it was a matter now accepted. Every time he casually mentioned the fact of his departure or anything related to it felt like a stab to the side of my neck and I could physically feel my face tighten. Was he not breaking as harshly as I was?_ _All my pieces were scrambled, rough at the edges and scratching at every surface of me they had come to know._

 _Today he was giving instructions to Daemon and the household guard about the exact formation of their departure and what distinct supplies they would need -and how they would plan to ration it later if need be. At luncheon of all times and places. It was rare enough we got to have lunch together at all, so the fact that this time could be marred by the never ending presence of a matter that was of great inconvenience to me was not exactly adding to my joy._

 _I looked at my food, aching to want to eat. But no desire came. I felt sick._

 _But when I heard Jaime's conversation stop I lifted my head back up to face him and it was all too clear that I was lying to Jaime too. He sat there and though a part of me was infuriated at how unaffected he looked while I was crumbling I somehow pulled on a smile. How could I scowl? How could I do anything but smile -even when everything in me was trying to stop me, when my husband looked at me like that? Nothing went away, everything still loomed over me -but it was like I was somehow stopping it from doing the same to him._

 _"_ Will you be heading back to the gardens today?" _He asked,_

 _"_ ** _No, I have some letters to write_** _"_

 _"_ How social of you"

" ** _For my family_** " _He nodded comically and I laughed thinking it was a little strange -my husband was ever so rarely comical, at least not on purpose._

 _I wanted to tell him about the letters. I wanted to tell him about what they had said, what they had asked of me. But I was tired of crying in his arms, and somehow Jaime and I had come up with a sort of unspoken agreement where we did not really discuss or make any future plans. Perhaps he did not want to have to make any promises he did not keep and I did not want to force him to be a liar for me._

 _"_ Are they well? Any idea how Duncan's coming along? Randyll Tarly boring him to an early grave yet?" _I laughed as I nodded in confirmation, it was good to laugh again._

 _We finished our luncheon as we spoke about the trivialities of the day-by-day running of things. Recently, I had taken up a lot more things in regard to my duties as the Lady of Casterly Rock -more than just the almost finished restoration of the gardens. I had taken to ordering new furnishings for some of the barer halls, consulting with the land farmers about investing in crops on abandoned lands and even on occasion venturing out into Lannisport to visit the orphanage I was apparently patron to and spend some coin at the market. I always had Daemon and Benedict (of course) with me on these ventures outside of the castle walls, and though I had initially been a little terrified of stepping out into a place where I would be recognised and judged it was so good to be around people again. Things were alive and buzzing and I could even, for a few brief moments, forget that my life was on the precipice of change._

 _"_ ** _I think I will go now_** " _I motioned to him and before I knew it Benedict was pulling my seat out for me. I had not expected he would understand that yet._

 _With Jaime still sitting down, I walked over to his side of the table to give him a swift kiss on the cheek before heading off. Before I could do that he had his hands firmly placed on my hips as he maneouvered his head so his lips could collide with mine_

 _He rarely ever kissed me so publicly, and I could feel eyes shirking away from us. We had our eyes closed, our mouths not even moving against each other -just savouring the feel of him on me. My hand moved up to rest on his jaw, the same jaw I had ventured kissing for the first time when I was just a shy young maiden -his best friend's youngest sister. I pulled away slightly, setting my lips on his nose for a quick kiss, and I wore my smile as I faced him once more._

 _"_ Enjoy your day, wife"

 _I left him with a giggle and Benedict hot on my heels -but I did not make my way to the solar as expected. And I was beginning to feel sorry for Benedict for having to put up with my tempestuous change in direction so often. I walked through the same way that Jaime had once led me through and eventually found myself facing the same open arch that had led us to the beach that first time._

 _I took my shoes off in the entryway before stepping outside, the sunlight not as harsh on the sand as it was the last time I was there. It still felt course under my bare feet, but also incredibly soothing as my feet shifted heavily in the folds of the endless grains._

 _I was a dozen steps out when I realised I was missing the feeling of someone behind me -a feeling I had not realised I had gotten used to until then. I looked back at Benedict -who was still standing at the entryway, and he still had his eyes trained on me. As I stood there with my feet buried in the sand I examined his face as we held our unspoken staring contest. He was unsure, looking at the sand like it was a ring of fire around me, like he was an intruder. I may have thought of him as just that if anyone had asked me a moon ago. But I was not where I was a moon ago, things were not what they were a moon ago, I am not the same. Nor was Benedict the same to me. Somehow the stoic guard, strong and reliable and not particularly enjoyable to be around, was now an integral part of my sanity. Steadfast and quick, he was to me what the burning tree was to Ashemark -something that would always remain there._

 _He somehow understood my silent invitation and took his first unstable steps to join me, and I turned back to resume my walk along the shoreline. That was what I liked most about Benedict -the very same thing I could not stand with Jaime or anyone else, the silence between us._

 _I had always loved the silence, but I knew enough about everyone else to understand that it was alarming to them, and its absence instead was a sign of continuous functioning. But I let Benedict see me in silence in whatever state I was truly in -in a time when I couldn't be anything but what others needed of me. I didn't have to pretend, I did not have to wear any other face. I could spend my time foolishly wondering where I had gone, and what woman had replaced me._

 _When had I become this person? When had I become the person that had to struggle to find an instance in which I was real? I wanted to blame him, I wanted to blame him for walking into Ashemark and stealing me away from it all -from the comfort and the happiness and the very splendour that was fibrous to my being. But I could not. Not just because none of this was his fault but that I had chosen him. I had wanted him. I remember it distinctly, he had asked me to dance and I never wanted his hands to leave me. He had stood close to me and all I had wanted was for his lips to claim me. He had asked me to marry him and I had said yes -and at no point afterwards did I wish to say no. I was a woman grown and I had made my bed, it was my duty to lie in it without blaming my husband for either the choices I had made or the ones that had been thrust upon us._

 _But still, I had never been so exhausted by feeling like a liar. I felt somehow duplicitous to every one I loved by not being my one true self -by not expressing what I was truly feeling. Wasn't that what my silence had been about to begin with? That I would not use words as some sort of shield. Didn't that devoid me of all my arguments? It turns out, you don't need words to be dishonest. You could just pretend everything was alright when it was not. But there was nothing I could do -nor was there anything else I would choose to do. It was for the best, and though I knew it was done for the preservation of everyone's peace of mind, I knew it would never be something I was thanked for. It was a necessity they would not understand._

 _Sometimes keeping secrets from the one you love the most -your brother, your sister, your husband, is the only way. I'm not sure what that way leads to, but it is the only one my options can allow me to walk down._

 _._

* * *

 _Dearest Addam,_

 _I am so glad to know that you and Margot are well. Please give her plenty of kisses for me -which you should already be doing to begin with._

 _Our dear Duncan has written to me as well -in great detail might I add, about his adventures as Lord Tarly's squire, but I have every faith in him that he'll pull through. And i'm sure you do as well._

 _Casterly Rock is as wonderful as ever, of course. But what with Jaime's cousin gone it admittedly is a bit lonely. It's so big I fear even a hundred guests would still feel quite lonely. The gardens are pretty much finished as the staff and I have been recently working tirelessly to get them done -i'm not sure what for. I'm just worried I won't find another project to take up my time before I'm done with the gardens._

 _I don't think I need to explain that I miss you greatly as well. It has been so hard not to see your red hair at every corner -especially when I finally had you back after all that time. A visit to the Rock is far overdue but I fear that it'll have to wait until both Jaime and I are relieved of our more pressing duties. Not that my longing to see you is not pressing enough._

 _Is everything alright with Father? He has not written to me in so long, nor has he responded to my most recent letter. I hope he is not too overwhelmingly preoccupied with anything. I suppose you're my only spy now -do check on him, brother. It would be nice to have one thing less to worry about._

 _I love you, I love you, I love you. Jaime sends his regards and I know he misses your company as well. You didn't hear that from me._

 _Ever Yours,_

 _Lorraine._

* * *

 _Dearest Duncan,_

 _You should not sell yourself short. You may be a lowly squire but I can assure you you are indeed a handsome one. I would not at all be surprised if you've already become the object of some young maiden's affections -perhaps the ladies maid you noticed had noticed you in return. And i'm sure once you are a knight all the maidens would be waving their favours in their hands for you to take._

 _But even with all that said, do not let your eyes wander for too long dear brother. These ladies are someone's daughters or sisters and the haughtiness of the capital makes it logically the most likely place for suspicion. Just don't get yourself challenged to a duel over some young girl's honour, alright?_

 _As I had explained, I merely want you to be watchful and careful over Lady Roslin, nothing more. I do not wanting you involving yourself with Lord Edmure, just to be safe. Just watch over Roslin, make sure she's comfortable, make sure no one mean or malicious comes her way. And do not, for all that is good, mention me to her, is that understood?_

 _And yes, Jaime and I are second cousins now that I think of it. I suppose we're a far cry from the Lannisters though -no green eyed golden haired gods are we? And you know Father had never had much love for King's Landing, so what good would leeching off a cousin do for him if he had no intention of sending any of us there? Except for you of course, he must have a lot of faith in you._

 _As for a visit, it is true that I would like to see King's Landing at some point. I already know that the King has requested we come but honestly I am not sure if Jaime would allow it so soon after his last visit -he has to let the situations brewing there settle as well before going back to check on things. I'll talk to Jaime about it, I would love to see you take orders for once._

 _Ever Yours,_

 _Lorraine._

 _._

* * *

 _Dearest Elaine,_

 _Your painting is indeed marvelous my love -even a lady as haughty as Lady Lannister thinks so! I have also heard, from many a reliable source, that she misses you dearly and can not wait until she can tease you about how fat you've gotten._

 _As for a drawing in return, I'm afraid I must decline. I would rather not mar your vision with my unskilled attempts. But I have in appeasement to your wrath sent with this letter a small blanket in our house colours for the little one -oh do let it know we are anxious to meet it! I'm sure father especially can not wait to welcome his first grandchild._

 _You can have it on good authority that you may address my husband however you like (you did not hear it from me), thankfully my husband's indifference extends so far I doubt he would care what you called him. Although I doubt you make it your mission to write to him._

 _I would not let you visit even if you tried! Your health is the highest priority, and I will not allow you to put my niece/nephew's life in peril for a meager visit to my humble cottage! I assure you I -as well as the rest of us, will be there when the baby comes. I would not miss it for all the stars in the sky._

 _And though Duncan is by no means on any expedited paths to knighthood I am hearing from multiple sources that he is doing very well for himself at the Capital -so there really should be no delays in seeing him._

 _I miss you and all of your laughs._

 _Ever Yours,_

 _Lorraine._

* * *

 **Jaime**

She was different in a way that he knew she hoped he would not notice. It was obvious to him beyond reproach that she had been exhausting herself with her un-matching persona, but if it made him glad for anything it was for the fact that she did not notice his own changing faces.

All he wanted to do was lock himself in their bedchamber and memorise every part of her before his duty would tear him away. All he wanted was to be able to face her knowing that their embrace would not be lost forever.

He had never felt that way before, not even with Cersei. With Cersei it had always been a suffocating love and whenever he went away it chased him. He fought for it with everything he had because he had known nothing else to live for. With Cersei it had always felt like a decision he hadn't made for himself, like it was a greater destiny no one would understand. It felt like he had started walking down a long hall and the sword behind him just made him run faster and harder to the room he had to get to, his only mission was to get to the end; to see it through.

But there were no rooms with Lorraine. He had met her when he was free falling, and she had been the only thing to catch him -even if she had not known it. And faced with the feeling of slipping, every waking moment without her felt like a nervous night sweat.

Why had she chosen him? Why had she wanted him?

 ** _"Because you are brave. And kind."_** She had said to him in the maze in Ashemark when he had asked why she thought he was a good man. He would never forget those words. Not ever, and not now when his marriage and his wife were hanging on by a thread. He never expected that after _finally_ settling down with someone who was _good_ and precious the Gods would choose to shake everything to its core once more. But even when he had to listen to her weep while she dreamt or watch her painfully hold herself together living day-by-day, he remembered what she had said to him that one sunny day. And although no one would agree with her had he asked them, he knew he had to be just that for her.

 _I will be brave and kind for you, that is the least you deserve of me._

So Jaime told himself, day in and day out of the incessant torture, that he was lying to her for her own benefit. Even though she probably hated him for it, he was thankful she couldn't see how white his knuckles were every time the subject was brought up in front of the both of them and he had to give orders about the matter like it was nothing. Like it was just a trip and he would be back in a fortnight.

He walked with Vylarr, the captain of Casterly Rock's guard, around the outer terrace circling the castle as he discussed with him the emergency guard detail surrounding his wife and the new training schedule for the guards that would be left at the Rock. He lifted his shoulders straight, the way they always were when he was giving orders, and his voice never shook once while he repeated over and over again things that he did not even want to hear. " _When we leave." "Should anything happen to my wife." "Unclear when we will return." "Arrangements for an escape."_ They were all things he would have preferred to ignored. He had never felt so exhausted, he had never felt so old.

He stopped himself and Vylarr in their tracks when he noticed two familiar figures walking along the shoreline, their footprints only a memory behind them. She was wearing one of the dresses he had had made for her, the simple white linen that she had loved so much. It was flimsy under the gentle breeze, but it somehow reminded Jaime of his wedding day.

An old cripple stood and waited for an unusual bride in an unusually white dress in a sept full of people that loved her. It felt like it was another age. She looked so exhausted, and it felt like she had aged a thousand years over the course of a few moons. The few moons that should have become a blissful forever for the both of them. _"_ _But I can promise that I will try my very best to make you happy. I know that. And of the many things I may be, Kingslayer being one of them, I can not bear to kneel in front of someone as precious as you and lie. You remind me of the good I once saw in the world. And perhaps it is selfish of me to ask that you let me keep that by me, but I assure you would want for nothing if you were to accept."_ He remembered saying to her to convince her to accept, and now he felt like a fraud -something he thought he would never have to again feel when he was with Lorraine.

His hand reached into the pocked in his breaches and he felt once more the letter he had received that same morning from Lord Marbrand, and reminded himself that that was yet another omission of truth he would keep from Lorraine -one of many. Though if it meant protecting her and her delicate heart, he would look her in the eye and lie to her just as he had been taught.

As he looked over her solemn figure once more, walking farther and farther away from him until she was a dark speck in the infinite sand, he could do nothing blame himself again for the millionth time that he was the reason for her unhappiness when he had promised her anything but.

* * *

 _My Lord Marbrand,_

 _Though I certainly am not happy to lie to my wife, I know that she could not handle such news -especially at such a time._

 _I will keep her away from Ashemark -just as you have asked, but I implore you do let me know when you decide on telling her the truth of your condition so that I may ensure I am there to soften the blow._

 _She has been...not exactly delicate but I fear she is on the verge of being so. I'm sure you must think that I have failed her as a husband, and at this point i'm not sure you're quite so mistaken. But there are things beyond my control that choose to affect us in the greatest of proportions. I only ask that you trust that your daughter will be taken care of, and loved to the highest of orders._

 _I love her. I hope you understand that. I love your daughter, and I have never been prouder to love anyone in my life. And so you must understand that there is not a force in this world that I am prepared to allow me to tear away from her. Nor is there anyone or anything I would let hurt her, not when it is within my power to protect her._

 _I hope you rest easy knowing that._

 _Sincerely,_

 _Jaime Lannister._

* * *

 **Review review review! Tell me what you think!**

 **Next chapter will provide us with a change of scenery, back to King's Landing!**


	35. The People's Court

**A/N:** **Top of the morning to ya! As promised, here is the next chapter based in King's Landing. It's not going to be a regular thing but I just wanted to have a check in of what was going on outside Casterly Rock and take a break from our two very problematic favs. It's been a bit of a whirlwind juggling two stories now (if you like Jon fics you should check it out it's called Heartsbane) but I think i'm not only managing but that it's given me new life. I don't have to stare at the same page or chapter for days trying to figure things out anymore, I work on one POV in one story one day and then move to another POV in another story the next day!**

 **trytrytry : The first thing to note is that (for now) it is not a full blown invasion. It's a major _threat_ of invasion and so the main strategy is containment. I personally think the Ironborn are a little overrated -they are vicious of course and people _should_ fear them attacking villages but I think so many people forget that they are such a tiny force (at least on land). Jaime is heading back to the Riverlands to scout and block them from doing anymore damage. And like I said they're not in war but the issue of continuing the line will come up next chapter. Jaime is not a particularly paternal person and his feelings towards reproduction are very... _complicated_. And Lorraine as well has always maintained that she doesn't _need_ children but of course...do outside pressures really care about how they feel? Not really.**

 **MGrey : Thank you so much for the encouraging words! Maybe there is a problem with the display and that's why it's not getting enough traction. Your review pushed me to get this done sooner!**

* * *

 **Edmure**

He had only been to King's Landing once before. He had come to visit his sister a decade ago, it felt like centuries to him. He rode in on his horse, _Lord Edmure_ , they had announced him, _Son of Hoster Tully and heir to Riverrun_ , he spent his time there laughing and drinking and wenching -it was hedonistic and Edmure left no pleasure to spare. By the time he had left he was so saturated with fulfilment that he swore he would not need another instance of such debauchery for another decade. He was wrong, of course, and he was back to his old ways in a fortnight.

But Edmure could not help but recall that promise he had made himself when he had been young, carefree and leaving King's Landing while he was fast approaching the gates to the very same Red Keep. He rode in the carriage this time, of course -he was not _that_ trusted of a hostage, instead of his horse. And he would be contained to the keep, even to his own room if need be -he did not expect any less of the Lannisters, instead of being free to leave to a brothel whenever the mood struck him. He would not be welcomed in as a guest of the Hand, but as a prized mare made to be brought in front of the entire court and publicly bend the knee to a little boy. He wished his knee would break on the way down.

The worst thing about the entire ordeal was not even the indignity of it; it was the uncertainty. Even as the carriage shook onto the entrance Edmure could still feel his fingers fumbling nervously at the idea that it was all an elaborate trap. For his own peace of mind he had to remind himself of the disproportionate logic to that thought. _Why would they lie to you if they were just going to kill you?_ Which he repeated over and over again until the carriage door creaked open for them.

Thankfully, the yard was empty with only the Hand and his wife -their companions during the journey, standing directly before them.

"I'll take you to your rooms. You'll be sharing the suites. I hope that is not too much trouble." The hand looked at him with a bracing pity, and it made Edmure sick to his stomach. _Daven Lannister_. He was a Hand who looked like all he did was take orders. _The Crown shits, and the Hand wipes. Daven looks like a wiper._

While he may have been plagued by paranoia at every turn that his back was still a target and it was all a foolishly bad plan to take him out Roslin saw it as more of a move on their son; which was the saddest thing of all. His wife, who had graced him with smiles when he was at his darkest -the one who could bring some light to the unbearable, was sour and pessimistic over the entire ordeal.

He didn't love the thought either. _Kingslayer had taken my home, and now he will take my heir._ There was far too much irony in the thought and the mere sound of Roslin's desperate sobs and surprisingly intense anger was more than enough for Edmure himself to set off. But some deep dark part of him that he never liked addressing all that much thought that out of all the places his son could be if not with him, he'd be at Casterly Rock. It was the same part of him that knew that this deal was a chance to get everything back. He just wished that the stubborn and spiteful part of him which Catelyn always scolded when he was a boy would not ruin it or put his family in harm's way.

He felt a sort of regretful bitterness wash over him every time he looked at his family. He was sowed into their sleeve now, wasn't he? He had made the hardest and most gruesome decision of his live all for their sakes -something he had chosen not to regret, but at every turn it felt like his choice was being held against him and Riverrun haunted him in his dreams. _Family. Duty. Honour._ Those were his house words, and Edmure wondered not for the first time just how high he held all of those. It is what his sister died for. When he thought of her, he thought of those same house words -would others think the same when they recalled him?

Every turn felt like a surrender, every move felt like a compromise. It was like his whole life of easy hedonism and indifference to authority had all caught up to him in the harshest of ways.

His decision to marry Roslin was no decision at all -nor was her acceptance of him by any choice of her own. All the events that followed his wedding night were spun completely out of his own control, and he was asked to make decisions that were in fact, not decisions at all. He had not chosen any of this, but he could choose to love Roslin and little Brynden the way he did. His bitterness would seep through, it was hard to control bitterness when a man had nothing, but he loved the little he _did_ have. A girl as sweet as a perfect summer day and a boy who would be strong -stronger than his father at least.

They walked promptly and obediently to their rooms without a word to Daven or to each other -the only sound that filled the halls was Brynden's gurgling. When they had finally arrived to their chambers on the third level Daven opened the door for them and allowed them to walk in before following behind them shortly.

Edmure looked around the room carefully, only finding that it was far less humble than he thought they would be afforded with. The room opened to a lounging and dining area and connected to two other rooms -a bedroom and a nursery. He watched as Roslin slowly moved to the window then, and he wondered whether the view was nice enough for her until Daven opened his mouth once more.

"I'll leave you both to rest for now. Someone will come for you when it is dinner time so you may...meet the King." Edmure knew he heard no further malice in the man's voice, but it was unbearable to him not to imagine it. And so he only nodded tersely in response to his statement, wanting to be rid of him at his earliest convenience.

As soon as Daven shut the door behind him Edmure felt his face fall in a mixture of tiredness and slight relief. He was weary from the long journey -carriage were a new pain altogether, and relieved that he was not in a dungeon.

Letting out a strong breath, he made his way over to the window where Roslin was still solemnly standing. In front of them was a view of the city, bustling with people, and further on the Bay -alive and blue.

He smiled to her then,

"Enjoying the view, my love?" She didn't even turn to him to respond,

"It smells like shit." He laughed immediately at her declaration, but did not miss how she seemed numb to it. She still stood there, silently, staring out at the sea.

Pessimism did not suit her. Not one bit, not to Edmure. And he frowned at the realisation that the beginning of their new life had already hardened her -he had imagined that he would be the one to sulk while she tried to lift his spirits.

Tentatively, he moved his hand around her shoulder and she finally looked back up at him, as did little Brynden.

"Don't let them break you. They can't break us." He said gently, kissing her nose before taking Brynden in his own arms.

"Get some rest, i'll stay with him." He insisted in the same tone, and before he could realise what was happening his wife had grabbed his neck and kissed him strongly on the lips with their son between them.

"Thank you."

* * *

 **Duncan**

He had asked his father about his name when he was a boy once and where it came from. _Am I Duncan because you are Daemon?_ He had asked him, and he still clearly remembered his father's loud rumble of laughter before answering him.

He had named after Duncan the Tall, who was a knight in the KIngsguard during Aegon V Targaryen known for his unwavering loyalty. His father had told him that loyalty was a quality often forgotten among nobles the loss of which never went unnoticed; he had told him that he would be loyal and that would be his crowning glory.

"Don't let that give you any ideas about joining, boy!" He had added with a boom of laughter, and Duncan could not help but laugh at that himself. Addam used to chase him around in the gardens pretending to be Aerion the Monstrous and Duncan Aegon the Unlikely -their game, however, stopped after the rebellion. But it would still bring him a smile every once in a while when he thought of it, and he would think to himself that he would neither want to be a king or a the man sword to protect him. Especially now, as he stood by Lord Tarly in his study, wondering how any members of the Kingsguard could make a lifetime out of this not seem as dreary as an hour was.

Earlier that day, he stood once more behind Lord Tarly as they both watched the Hand and the Tully party arrive at the keep -albeit from a farther off balcony which Duncan doubted they would be visible from. His gaze darted sparingly over the figures accumulating out onto the empty courtyard but it was hard to miss the only woman with a babe standing between it all.

Lorraine had instructed him -albeit cautiously, to keep a steady eye on her friend for her and Duncan was far too curious not to oblige. The very sight of Roslin Tully reminded him of his sister, and he was almost ashamed to admit that that hint of familiarity was enough for him to latch on to it.

His opportunity had arisen a few days after they had all arrived.

Lord Tarly had meant to speak to Lord Edmure in the garden path, and his wife and child were there with him as well so Lord Tarly had asked Duncan to stand guard by them -no doubt wanting his own privacy with Lord Edmure.

She seemed like a nice girl, if not a little sad. _Like a lark_ , he thought. He watched as she doted on her young boy, still completely unaware of his presence behind her. It wasn't until she slung the babe by her shoulder that the child had taken it upon himself to point out at Duncan, gurgling in the process, and Roslin turned to examine the object in question as Duncan exchanged silly grins with the babe.

"Who are you?" She had asked, not at all as rough as the question would beg.

He stood dumbstruck for a moment; it was never a question that he had had to answer. But he quickly realised that he had replaced the guard who was previously watching over them and he was, by all means, an unfamiliar face to them.

"I'm Lord Tarly's squire, my Lady. He asked me to stand guard for you while he speaks to your Lord husband." He replied with a vague and flimsy gesture to the direction he had known them to be walking in.

Her expression to his answer seemed quizzical at first, but the light in her eyes quickly shone through as she seemed to make some sort of connection.

"You're Lorr-...Lady Lannister's brother?" He was shocked to be recognised; and by his title no less! But what was perhaps more shocking was the hint of malice in her voice which he had not expected to hear.

Nevertheless, he grinned widely and clasped his hands around his front instead of his back.

"Aye, I am my Lady."

She turned from him, carelessly throwing out, "I know who you are."

Duncan knew that it was not his duty, order or even his business to ask or engage the lady -not even in the favour he had promised his sister did it entail that. But perhaps it was the lack of good company, or the father that his own sister had found her to be pleasant enough -or maybe even the sad crease in her brown, that moved Duncan to speak once more.

"Has my sister been telling tales of me, my Lady? I hope they are not all bad."

At that she turned around once more while she rocked her babe in her hands. It looked like she was going to open her mouth to say something but held her tongue, and instead she continued to eye him curiously -piecing a puzzle together that Duncan was unaware of.

"And what tales has she told of me?" She asked once more with a voice much smaller than she had originally used.

He smiled gently at her,

"All good ones. Though you didn't hear it from me." She smiled back at his joke, still too guarded to afford the conversation with a laugh, but Duncan took it as a good sign that she had not turned her back to him again and took it upon myself to continue to pick up their conversation.

"He looks like a strong lad." He pointed to the blubbering bundle in her arms and she smiled as she looked upon her babe; a smile truer than he could claim to have seen from her just yet.

"I hope so." She placed a soft kiss to the child's soft head and moved him to her knee as she sat contemplating something -to which Duncan took as a sign that he should step back for the time being, reminding himself that after all, it was not _his_ duty.

"If either you or Lord Edmure -or the little Lord for that matter, should need anything you are welcome to ask. Any friend of my sister's is a friend of mine."

To that she smiled sadly once again, and Duncan had to remind himself that it must not be the only smile she had. But perhaps it was the only smile she had for him at the moment.

"Thank you, Duncan."

"You remember my name, my Lady?" He said with an even wider grin than usual.

"When you have as many siblings as I do, you'll find learning names is a necessity; not a skill."

If Duncan did not know any better, he'd think the Lady was jesting with him.

* * *

 **Tommen**

His mother's trial was fast approaching and besides his own worrying nature -he had all the good sense to worry.

He was not allowed to regularly visit his wife, though it was by no decision but that of Margeary herself's. She was angry, it was understandable, at the indignity of the entire trial. The first night she had been returned to him she had looked upon him with a burning gaze that he did not think she was capable of having. Gone was the sweetness in her eyes and sighing lust in the corners of her mouth, the Sept's cells had replaced his wife with someone he could barely recognise.

" _You didn't fight for me." She had accused him once they were alone._

 _"My love...I did all I could I-"_

 _"You didn't fight hard enough!" She spun around in her chair, refusing to face him after her outburst._

 _"I was locked in a cell and accused of vile sins against the Seven -sins that I know you are well aware others have committed. And yet I stand to blame for them, Your Queen."_

 _"What are you talking about my Lo-" She interrupted him again, this time with a dangerous gleam etched into her pupils._

 _"You know very well, Tommen. You_ know _" Her voice was small and low -but it did nothing but inspire fear and confusion in him. And eventually her little voice died down the rest of the way and he was met with silence at every move he made to speak._

After that night she had declined all of his summons to see him; as well as not summoning to her by her order. All he heard from his wife was what Lord Tarly deigned to tell and update him on.

His mother, however, would rarely let him leave her sight. The imprisoning had had an effect on her as well, obviously, but as opposed to Margeary it only seemed to increase his mother's affection towards him. Sometimes she would come to his room at night and hold him to her as he slept, and he would wake up in her arms.

 _"I asked for you everyday_ ," She had said when he asked her why she came to his room one night, _"And now all I want is to have you in my arms."_

He sat now in the very throne room that so many had gathered in the night before. He sat on the steps now, instead of the throne, and he was alone with only his guard standing outside -instead of his mother by his side and hundreds of people watching as Edmure Tully bent the knee to him.

It was not something he cared terribly for -he did not understand why such a show had to be made of things -not like Joffrey had been. But his grandfather always reminded him that making an example out of people would demand respect from all the saw. Tommen wondered now if it was only fear he was talking about.

He was a boy king, a growing boy -yes, but still not a man grown. Not like his father was.

It was so lonely -being shunned from his own wife and smothered by his mother. There was no one that to guide him -no one to be _nice_ to him. All the people who did that had a habit of disappearing.

 _Myrcella, Uncle Tyrion, Uncle Kevan,_ he made a list to himself as he remembered his uncle Jaime.

He had hoped he would be happy, but he had no one to ask. At that moment, sitting on the stone steps that he was sure his uncle had stood guard on many times, all he wanted was to hear his voice.

His fists clenched unusually tightly as a strong lump collected in his throat and he struggled to push away his bad dreams. He would stand on an island -barely the circumference of his throne, and when he would look straight ahead he could see everyone he loved on dry land smiling and waving. They would walk away, and every step away felt like a kick to his throat as he could only stand there helpless. Tommen would often look down to the water in his dreams, but in its place he'd find fire -an endless pit, and he could hear the screams of all the men the Mad King had burned in the very room people bowed to him in.

Tommen's shaky hand raised itself to his head and he allowed his head to fall into it as the barely choked back sobs finally escaped him.

Everywhere he turned, there seemed to be no solutions to anything. He had a mother who adored him but did not _know_ him. A wife who could not look at him. He had a People that did not believe him. A council that made his decisions for him.

The doors opened suddenly and Tommen scrambled his hands frantically around his face to wipe off the evidence of his burst. It was a crack in his armor he couldn't yet fix. He had known enough about King's Landing to know that emotions were weakness. Perhaps he had no armor at all.

He looked up to find the Hand - _his Hand,_ standing at the doorway, pausing only momentarily before he proceeded forward to where Tommen was sitting.

He stood up briskly, trying to make up for something he knew he still lacked with posture. His Hand bowed to him shortly and he returned it with a brief nod.

"Your Grace."

"My Lord."

"I've just received word that your uncle, Lord Jaime, is set to leave to the Riverlands within the week. I thought you should know. The journey should not take him long to get there, but i've sent back our quickest raven with him so that he may correspond with us as soon as he can when he is there."

That was another matter altogether -all the business with Ironborn. It terrified Tommen to know end to know that not only were those pillagers close but they were on land. _Harsh lands breed harsh men,_ he remembered someone saying. And even his father, who crushed the Greyjoy rebellion, relayed to him some of the horrific things they had done. But even with this, and even with one hand, Tommen knew there was no one he trusted more than his uncle Jaime to get it sorted.

But even with that, Tommen knew, that were it not for the Kingdom and his own uncle's happiness -he would have him here.

He sagged in a mixture of relief and exhaustion and made his way back to his seat on the cold step while Daven remained standing -awaiting his reaction.

Suddenly, he wondered why his uncle had not written to _him_ directly. _I am King, after all_. He thought. But then he had to remind himself that it was a matter better left to the Hand -one in which he was already vastly more familiar with than Tommen himself.

He looked up at the man with the golden beard now, wondering why he had not allowed his face to be familiar to him -wondering why he kept trying to imagine someone else's face in his place.

"How is my uncle?" He asked, allowing his shyness to seep through.

Lord Daven smiled briefly at that and motioned with his hand whether he may take his seat next to Tommen, to which he nodded in acceptance.

"He is very well, your grace."

"And my uncle's wife? How does she fair?" His curiosity had always gotten the better of him.

"An exceptional lady, your grace. I believe she has made your uncle a far happier man than I had known him to be, if I may say so myself." Tommen turned to find a small smirk that Daven did not seem in a hurry to wipe off his face any time soon, and soon enough he found a small smile creep up to his face as well.

"I should to visit them soon, once all this madness if over." He expressed sincerely, hoping that his words were not lost to the wind as they usually were.

Daven nodded,

"I shall make it the first order of business, my Lord."

* * *

 **Roslin**

The waves brushing to shore held something calming in it as she watched on from the gazebo in the gardens, but the loneliness she felt had her on guard at all times.

Everywhere she turned and every pair of eyes that landed on her Roslin could not help but compare to what she had encountered at Casterly Rock -after all, it was the only other place she'd lived in by the sea.

And it was possibly the only place she had ever made a friend -though she had good reason to question whether Lorraine had been that to her.

Roslin wished she could think of Lorraine with more spite than she could muster at the moment, but nothing came no matter how hard she tried. She wanted to hate her for what she had done; she wanted to tear her memory to shreds and build with those a duplicitous monster that would teach her not to trust anyone again.

But what had Lorraine truly done with her trust but return it with her own? To that Roslin could not yet answer. Nor could she answer why she had not told Lorraine's brother that in technical terms, after the last couple of encounters with his sister, they were not good friends.

Perhaps she could not bring herself to say anything because his unknowingness made her realise that Lorraine had not told him either. Roslin was not sure what that really said about Lorraine.

 _I'm still calling her Lorraine._ She noticed. After the spitting words she had thrown at her and barely held back attack she would have thought that she could come up with another name for her; _something to match the Kingslayer, perhaps._

But nothing came. Nothing came but the dawning that in this pit of snakes that stank of shit and wine, she missed her friend. Every time she looked at her sad harp sitting in the corner of her room, she thought of Lorraine's clumsy fingers as Roslin had tried to teach her to strum it. Every time she walked the gardens she would recall the smell and sight of Lorraine standing in her muddied linen dress, eating grapes like it mattered not. Every time she looked out at the sea, she would think of Lorraine dipping little Brynden's toes in it. Even when she looked at little Brynden, she would think of the only other person besides Edmure whom she had allowed to hold him so. Even her brother looked just like her, his dark hair following her like a ghost. Could Lorraine truly have been protecting Brynden? Was she capable of doing so?

Roslin, admittedly, did not know much of politics or war or the Seven Kingdoms themselves, and she may have missed having a friend, but she knew without a shadow of a doubt that she would miss her son far more when the time came to separate them.

And that, no matter how hard she wanted to try, was something she could not forgive.

* * *

 **And that's it for King's Landing.**

 **Stay tuned for Casterly Rock again next chapter.**


	36. The Eleventh Hour

**A/N: I'm back with Jaime and Lorraine -and i'm finally gonna get the ball rolling with these too! Lots of movement, lots of shit happening, lots of new stuff, less thinking!**

 **I feel like I should let you guys know that I'm thinking about taking a hiatus from both of my stories when Game of Thrones finally starts airing again so that no one gets confused with the show and also so _I_ don't get confused. So let me know what you all think about that.**

 **I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

 **Jaime**

"Alright, now pull at the reigns - _gently,_ gently."

Out of all the things Jaime thought he'd do if he ever returned to Casterly Rock, teaching a grown woman how to properly ride a horse by herself was _not_ one of them. And even more surprisingly than the very notion of their _lesson_ was the fact that it had come from Lorraine's own suggestion.

Every time Jaime had asked her to accompany him for a ride she had refused so often that Jaime learned to stop asking altogether. Even the _mention_ of horses did nothing to inspire any want for an activity with them in his wife. At the beginning he thought she had just been aggressively indifferent to the idea, but as he watched her white-knuckling the reigns and yelp with every move of the mare Jaime quickly realised that it was fear that had driven her refusals. So Jaime was a little more than taken aback when she had suggested that they finally go on a ride this morning -which by now he assumed his wife was vastly coming to regret. If he was not leaving in the next two days Jaime would no doubt be teasing her about it ,but instead he chose to do something his character was very unfamiliar with - _be patient._

Regardless of his wife's initial apprehension, to which he was _surely_ sympathetic to, it was an experience he enjoyed in finally cherishing. The wind broke through their hair as they picked up speed and once they got far enough away they could see Casterly Rock in all its might against the afternoon sun. He couldn't help but compare Lorraine's hair blowing wildly in the wind to that of her horse -a horse Jaime was very proud to say he had perfectly matched to his wife. Her name was Arrow, and her name was the only brisk thing about her -really, she was the sweetest of all mares once acquainted with her new master. Even one as reluctant as Lorraine. She was not the fastest of horses nor was she the most agile, but she was strong and patient -just like his wife. He hoped his wife would realise that too if she gave it enough time.

They took their time to ride back and Jaime took that time to savour in the things around him -the trees, the ground, the cliffs, his _wife_ , and he wondered when it had all become home to him. He was proud of it, perhaps he was even proud of himself a little bit for being open enough to come this far even though he himself would have been quick to call it weak not so long ago. But it felt nice to know that there was something _real_ that stood behind him and _for_ him, something that would not turn its back on him when he walked away, something that would not fall in his absence, something he could declare to all the world would be waiting for him to return.

When they finally reached the stables dusk was already beginning to settle, and his wife looked a little too unsettled. She winced slightly as he helped her down from Arrow, clearly unused to the initial discomfort of riding - _it's not the first discomfort she's had to get used to between her legs,_ he thought as he almost let his smirk apparate before thinking twice about it. The last thing he wanted to do was discourage her from trying something new -and it didn't hurt that it was something he thoroughly enjoyed as well.

There were not many things they like to do together. He liked swordplay and training and riding horses, he did not have the same patience as Lorraine did for reading or sewing or even _gardening_. Jaime was adamant in making the opposing list longer. He wanted to do more than just make love to his wife, even though some days it was all he had the will for.

"Promise me you'll practice." He said tentatively, not meaning it to sound more like a question.

" _ **Maybe.**_ " She motioned trying to feign deep thought, though Jaime was already a little sure she could be _persuaded_.

"Well if you ever get around to it be sure to take Benedict with you." Jaime reminded her as they began their way back into the main castle.

" _ **Of course**_." She smiled simply in return, almost as if she was trying to make a child complacent.

"Oh I see...you'll say anything to keep me happy now, is that it?" He teased trying to make light of what they both knew was coming.

" _Aren't you happy already?_ "She scribbled into her notepad as they walked.

"Perhaps, that doesn't mean there are not things that I may want for." He said in a lower tone, hoping -but also knowing full well, that his wife would catch on to his meaning.

Her reply came with a look of raised eyebrows and a suspicious smirk on her lips, she knew exactly how to play it.

"Like this." He said again with his voice even huskier than it was the last time as he gently pushed her to the wall and kissed her neck.

A moan escaped her at the contact his lips had made and he took it as a sign to push closer to her, effectively pinning her to the wall with his hips first. He traced his lips down to her collarbone and grazed his teeth slightly where it protruded -knowing very well the things it did to his wife.

Just as he had expected, her hands moved feverishly up his shoulders and reached ungraciously for his hair. His hands were everywhere except where it mattered, somehow a part of him was still awaiting some sort of permission -even though he couldn't bring himself to say that her moans were not enough.

Sensing Jaime's apprehension Lorraine moved her hands down to his manhood and though there was no physical wall against Jaime's back it was he who now felt pressed.

They had made love faster and more desperately the closer the day of his departure came, and were it not for the pain of leaving the writhing woman he was pressed against Jaime had no complaints about the turn their physical relationship had taken. He had her in their lounging area, in the garden that one time, that other one time against a rock by the beach, the caves, the library against the dusty volumes, it only made sense he would have her now in a dampened hallway. _It was inevitable._

Erasing all thoughts of him taking her in many more places, Jaime refocused his attentions to his wife who had skillfully switched their standing positions and was now working his pulsating length with delectable expertise. She dropped to her knees next, and Jaime had to stop his jaw from going completely slack at the realisation of what she was attempting to do. _It seems this will be an evening of many firsts._ Jaime couldn't really complain.

Though the aggressive mutterings and damnations to the Gods that left him may have been mistaken for complaints if one was not viewing what Jaime was. Besides the very sensation of feeling his wife's breath on the tip of his manhood, besides the way her fingers hungrily curled at his length, the sight of her with her mouth slowly parted and his cock hanging by her face painfully awaiting some sort of release had him almost panting in anticipation. Her eyes glimmered lustfully up at him, and Jaime knew that she was aware of what she was doing to him, she was taking her time. But when she finally did bring her mouth to him, closing around the tip and stopping a moment to savour his deep sigh, it was Jaime who did not know what he was doing anymore.

He closed his eyes even though the current sight was something he didn't want to look away from, but the pleasure was too consuming that it warranted a special reaction. She lowered her head even more, patiently taking in his length inch by inch until she was quite close to the hilt but not quite there -and Jaime did not care, all he cared about was her hot, wet mouth and the things she was doing to him.

She bobbed up and down in long lascivious strokes and he placed his hand in her hair almost harshly -just the same way she did to him when he was pleasing her in much the same fashion. It wasn't until she started moaning and the delicious vibrations sent electricity up all through his body that Jaime started to think he was really in trouble.

"Mmm, don't stop." He breathed out, and she vehemently obeyed his command as well as subtly increased the pace she was working at, lightly touching the tip with her tongue with every stroke.

Everything built up in Jaime and focused towards his centre, all his surprise at where they were, all the passion he still had left to show her, all the ways in which he wanted to have her, it all came rushing to him and concentrated into one pure moment of whiteness that left him shattered. He spilled his seed into her awaiting mouth and she swallowed him whole almost expertly, it almost made Jaime wonder whether she had been practicing. _Or perhaps I have just been a thorough instructor._

They settled themselves quickly, surely by now used to the performance after their recent series of impromptu couplings, and Lorraine extended her hands sweetly for him to take. He stared at her little fingers and recalled that they were one of the first things he had noticed about her when he first saw her back in Ashemark, _who knew these would be mine?_

Instead of grabbing the hand that she had extended he stretched his golden hand out behind her waist and grabbed her to him whilst simultaneously taking her offered hand in his golden one to place a sweet kiss on it and proceeded to whisper sinfully in her ear,

"You are full of surprises, Lorraine Lannister."

They walked back into the veins of Casterly Rock with a gloating swing in both their steps and Jaime's hand never once moved from where had placed it on his wife's hip - _except for a few accidental brushes to her breasts._

They retired to the conservatory where they had made a habit of spending their dinners since the dinner hall was bare at best even with their previous visitors; to resort to it once more especially after their last awkward dinner there was an unpleasant notion that both Jaime and Lorraine did not want to repeat -not with the stakes so high to make every moment a good one.

After dinner they would lie on a love seat with his wife's head on his chest and both their feet off the ground in a hazy food-induced coma.

Jaime had to admit, this was nice. Of course, it wasn't exactly what he had pictured his life being, but he couldn't even remember what frame he had drawn up in the past for his life. Everything behind him had disappeared, not even with a memory it seemed, the only thing his old life left him with was the guilt of withholding it all from Lorraine and a missing limb. However, that guilt diminished notably whenever he would imagine the look of disgust to cross Lorraine's face at the knowledge, the same look that came to everyone's face when they knew who he was, the same look he was holding his breath for when he had first met her. With the fact now firmly established that yes, Jaime was indeed in love with his wife -a notion that many would deem unremarkable but for him was a giant leap from where he used to be, things just became more difficult to bear. She trusted him in ways he would usually warn people away from, and somehow he had to trust her too. He was trying, he truly was, but it pierced his will just a little harder to know that even if he did find it in him trust her he could never bare everything out to her so completely, never _everything._

As he played with her hair gently -something he was aware she didn't exactly like but for some reason tolerated from him, she hummed soft into his chest and it made Jaime wonder why everything felt so perfect just as it might fall apart. _Perhaps that's what makes it so perfect. I've always been a reckless man_. He recalled with a smirk.

His fingers moved smoothly down from her hair to her neck and up to her chin with a delicate strain so she could look up at him. The way she looked up at him hit Jaime like a wave, and he came to the conclusion that whatever dwelled in him for her was like nothing he had ever felt. What he found in her eyes was home, her own contentment to being as they were, and it involuntarily brought him an unabashed want for that to continue regardless of whether he was around to witness it. The first flutterings of the realisation rippled through him fiercely and while she remained droopily looking up at him from where she lay his whole being tightened underneath her. In the next moment, just as he relaxed, his lips crashed down onto hers and she received him with no hesitation, no pauses and no questions.

Jaime slowly pulled Lorraine up so that she was eventually straddling him and they both reveled in the feel of one another's lips. He had rarely had the opportunity to revel in her so since his departure was made known, not since before she had completely let him in again, they had been rushed and feverish on all counts just to try and wordlessly fit in as many moments as they could. His hands moved from where they were firmly planted on her waist up to her dark locks and he used the position they were in to pull her head even closer to his -he did not know what he wished to achieve by this but he wanted, _needed,_ her closeness, the need pricked at all of his nerves and his hands stopped working from his mind but from a primal and basic part inside of him.

With his eyes tightly shut and his wife torturously grinding onto his lap he shot up, moving his hands down to where her thighs met her knees to pick her up with him, and blindly tried to push her onto what ever surface was available. His blind expedition eventually led him to what his good hand identified as the dinner table and he sat Lorraine on there as his lips remained loyal to hers. _What was I ever thinking?_ He inwardly scolded himself at the memory of the last time he had his wife pressed against a table, her violent thrashes against him and the words that fell out of her just to push him away, as that same wife currently whined against him and was blindly tugging at all his edges to get _something_ off of him. Thinking back to their most recent encounter and how he had still cautiously awaited permission Jaime wondered whether, regardless of her forgiveness, he thought himself well and truly worthy of her? He had to. He had to feel that, at least once. _It may well be the last time._

This time he awaited no permission; neither of them did. He felt her own harsh hands tear desperately at his doublet to only reveal a small patch of his shoulder that she immediately bit down on. Jaime in turn snaked his hands up harshly to her centre and tore the smallclothes that fell in the way and slid his fingers in once there was nothing impeding his path. He slid himself into her slick folds already completely sated at the sensation of being wanted so badly by her. It was a sensation he still could not get used to; being wanted by someone, being wanted by someone who was too shy to go to Lannisport on her own but never shy enough to proudly stand against the world with him and say they belonged to one another. He paced through her hard and grabbed her hips to keep him -and the table, steady. Lorraine's hands explored him in random circuits before finally landing on his backside to give her enough pull to lean back just enough so that she could look him in the eyes.

As he gazed down at those eyes of brown, a brown he would have always called plain, Jaime saw everything in them as he felt his cock move through her tight, wet sex. Jaime saw the stars and the Gods and every lit candle in prayer in those eyes that deepened with every thrust he awarded her with. Keeping a firm grip with his golden hand on one side of her hips, Jaime scrambled his good hand up to where he knew all of Lorraine's nerves were bundled up just above her centre. As he moved his fingers closely to her pleasure his wife's head tipped back at an unnatural angle and her whole body moved back onto the table -awarding him with a full view of his efforts. From that position he could see how perfectly pink and flushed her cheeks were, how her chest was beginning to pulse and sweat at their movements, how her mouth opened so tantalizingly as her delicious moans slipped out of her.

They took each other's pleasure blindly and hid nothing under the masks of lust covering them. They fell together deep into the abyss. It was a sensation he did not know how to get out of.

.

* * *

 **Lorraine**

 _As Jaime stilled before me when he reached his end, I held his golden head to my neck and kissed his ear, wondering briefly whether i'd miss those too. There was not a part of him I didn't want, not even his easy arrogance or his nervous ticks; I wanted all of him and it scared me to no end. Now I knew i'd accept this man no matter what mood or form he came to me in, that my conditions would fall to the ground if it meant that I would have all of him against not having him at all._

 _The night was as deep as the slow breaths we were taking as we regained our senses and tried to smooth down the harsh edges of ourselves that we had created. As I picked up the torn piece of linen that was once my smallclothes from the ground I looked sheepishly back at Jaime who was fumbling curiously with the flapping piece of his doublet that only held on flimsily after I had torn it off._

 _"_ I didn't know you were so strong _" He teased, and I let a real smile through as I leaned in to his arm, regretting the previous moment in which I was not close to him._

 _I took one last look of the view we had left before we exited the room to find how dark the night had become and fully registered how tired I truly was, and that meant that I only had one more full day left with Jaime before he left._

 _I suppose he must have picked up on my attempts to spend more time with him; though I myself can not say that he was too unhappy about it. Jaime had been hounding me for months to go horse riding and I had been too proud to openly admit how terrified I was of riding. And it was on all counts terrifying when I first started, the sudden and unbalanced height I had, the rocking movement, the_ discomfort _I was to gain from such movement. But as per my usual fashion I was too stubborn to admit defeat to a_ horse _-or Jaime, and so I pushed on with our ride and was surprised to find the first inkling of familiarity at the activity as well as little peaks of enjoyment. The thought of continuing to ride -especially with Jaime not around, had sounded preposterous to me when he had first mentioned it -but then it had me thinking that it could be a nice surprise for him to return to. I felt guilty that I was trying to appease him_ now, _thinking only of_ now, today, tomorrow _, and not forever. I had tried to refrain from any thought or talk of the future since it was too unbearably hard to look at with such uncertainty, but I suppose riding a horse would not be too much trouble -it could give me something else to do, and i'm sure Benedict would enjoy something else to do besides walking behind me._

 _As we made our way closer to our rooms my ears picked up the sound of someone running from the other end and I looked up to find Jaime looking back at me in alarm. When the running feet in question approached our eye line I could feel Jaime's arm sag a little in relief -it was only Damion, but the look on the man's face was anything but reassuring. Perhaps it was because I had never seen Damion too worked up before, but the sight of his eyebrows clenched in open sweat and his mouth open and dry with alarm had winced out some alarm from myself._

 _"_ My Lord, My Lady, there's something you need to see-"

"What is it Damion?" _Jaime asked, letting his anger seep through instead of his worry._

 _"_ You must see it for yourself, My Lord." _He said quickly, and without another words he was running back to the direction he had previously come from and I kept my hand firmly planted in Jaime's as we both rushed after him even though I could sense Jaime's itch to send me back to our rooms seeing as the events were of a curiously alarming nature to our castellan._

 _We found ourselves back at the Lion's Mouth, the entrance yard, the same place I would have to let go of Jaime, and in the darkness my eyes could just make out a low horse -drooping lazily and swaying as a few stablehands tried to keep it upright. Sat on top of the dying horse was a mass, fallen and limp, covered in a dark cloak._

"My Lord, you must see who it is." _I heard Damion say and in the next moment my hand was devoid of Jaime's and my eyes had to watch him approach the unkown sight before us to inspect it as Damion had said. I moved to join him but immediately felt a gloved hand hold my shoulder back gently. When did Benedict get here so soon?_

 _And so all I could do was watch as the mass wrapped in darkness unfolded before us, in the dark I could see lashes and scratches mar skin and bony shoulders peak from under the roughspun wool covering it -but the head of golden hair was unmistakable even in the unforgiving darkness we stood under._

 _I kept my eyes strictly on Jaime as I found his face contorting first in confusion and then spark in recognition at the half dead boy whose face he held in his hands. It only took a moment for her to drink in his expression before he ordered Lewys and another castle guard to take the boy inside._

"Fetch Maester Creylen and see to it that he tends to the boy. Go, now!" _He yelled crankily at Damion and he made his way to me with a rush in his step._

 _I waited for him to explain what was happening, who the boy was and why he was there, but Jaime did nothing but pace around me with his hands in his air. He opened his mouth once to speak and my fried wits frayed in anticipation, but nothing came as he settled back in confusion once more. Not able to take his falterings any longer, I moved to face him and placed my hands firmly on his upper arms, my eyes asking a question that did not need asking._

 _"_ It's...It's Tyrek." _Who was Tyrek? The confusion in my eyes must have given me away._

"He was -is, my cousin. He...He went missing during a riot in King's Landing. We never found his body...we thought he was dead...I didn't believe it but it..it's him, Lorraine."

 _I turned my head swiftly at the blood left on the courtyard by the dying horse and wondered what miracle of all miracles had led the lost boy to our very doorstep. Although, looking back at the blanched face of my husband, I could not make out whether or not this was good news or not._

 _We stood with my arms about him and his body still, so still in the night air. Things had changed once again before they were even due to, and only the Gods knew what this would bring us all._

* * *

 **Let me know what you think about this new revelation!**


	37. May We Meet Again

**A/N: I honestly thought i'd never put this chapter out -it took me so long to write! It killed me writing this, it was so difficult especially when I got to Lorraine's POV -it took me forever.**

 **Probably the last chapter i'll put out before the hiatus. See yall in May!**

* * *

 **Damion**

The night before had been an eventful one -Damion could not say that they had had many of those as of recent. He didn't even know how he could recognise the boy, but he looked just like Ser Jaime in his youth as well as Lord Lancel -it was near impossible of Damion to deny that there was a connection between the two. He hadn't uttered a word -not that he could what with his inanimate state, and the unfortunate horse did not make it through the night from the wounds its had sustained getting there. They gave him a room, a hearty fire and a Maester to check up on him and both him and the Lord and Lady of the castle were restless until they got his diagnosis.

Maester Creylen left the boy's room with a heavy shadow on his face.

"There's nothing wrong with him internally, and there are no infections but...the bruises on his body...they're disturbing, my Lord. From the look of him he's also severely dehydrated and probably been starved for days. I gave him some water and milk of the poppy to sleep, I don't we'll get much in the way of information out of him in this condition. We best wait until he recuperates." Maester Creylen had informed them grimly -it was no ordinary sight at Casterly Rock to see a young boy so mistreated.

Lady Lorraine had left strict instructions to have someone watch over him while he slept and be there in case he needed anything before she herself retired still looking uneasy by the unexpected return.

And now the three of them all stood with their arms crossed facing the bed that the now awake lost boy lay in. He had still not said a word -to them at least, and Damion wondered whether having all of them there as opposed to just Lord Lannister was wise -but his curiosity had gotten the better of him and he couldn't resist when Lady Lorraine had asked him to be present.

The boy just blinked at them, waiting to be asked an array of questions he was by now expecting.

"Do you know where you are, Tyrek?" They all seemed so still, the only thing moving being Lord Lannister's voice.

"I hope so, cousin Jaime." He let out feebly, his voice still small and hoarse from the degree of his malnourishment. _It's Lord Lannister, now,_ he remembered.

It was a curious thing to behold. He looked all Lannister, of course, but he was both halves of each of the couple that stood before him and had taken him under their care. Tyrek's father was famously Lord Tywin's younger brother, and the boy's mother, after all _,_ is his Lady's paternal aunt -meaning he is a first cousin to both the Lord and Lady in his own right for each. Damion did wish he could stop thinking of such trivialities when the matter at hand was far more pressing.

Lord Lannister's hand let go gently of his wife's as he approached the bed of much attention carefully.

"You're at Casterly Rock. You're safe."

"I know, I was trying to get here."

 _All that time, he was trying to get to Casterly Rock?_

His Lord turned to face him then,

"Damion, could you give us a moment?" He asked with the usual command in his voice, and Damion was quick to reply.

"Yes my Lord, of course my Lord." Damion muttered insistently as he scurried out of the room and Lady Lorraine gave him an apologetic smile as he closed the door behind him.

He had barely walked a whole minute through the halls to his office when he was called to by a discomposed maid.

"Sir, Sir!"

"What is it Myra?"

"I've come to call Lady Lorraine, Sir, her cat's Queening! The Maester's taken her to the Kennel now!" Damion could not say he was particularly well versed in terms of cats and their gestation periods, but it all seemed so soon.

"Oh! Oh!" He exclaimed as he ran all the way back from where he had just come from.

He excitedly knocked on the door and for the first time since his Lordship's return he dared to open it without any audible consent.

They were all still stood or sat in the same he had left them in but now his Lordship's head was turned furiously at the offending door Damion had just burst open while her Ladyship's eyes widened in alarm at his imposition.

"Seven Hells Damion-" His Lord started in frustration but Damion cut him off before he could continue and instead faced his Lady fully.

"My Lady i'm sorry to interrupt but i've just had news that Amber is Queening!" As expected, the Lady's deep brown orbs widened even further and she turned in shock to face her husband. In a wordless exchange, Lord Lannister nodded his approval to his wife with a small smile and she immediately picked up her skirts and ran out of the room with Damion in close pursuit.

At some point during their race to the Kennel Damion noticed Ser Benedict Broom's thunderous footsteps jog slightly behind them and he wondered at what point he had noticed and joined in.

Once they had reached the Kennels which lay in the western outer end of the castle two kittens had already been birthed, the thin layer of embryo still surrounding them as the Maester refocused his attention on to the still birthing cat.

In all his years a cat's queening was not something he had directly witnessed -especially not with her owner, his Lady, stooped directly next to her with afterbirth staining her expensive gown.

In the end, five kittens were birthed successfully with the Lady Lannister's help, and Damion could not help but feel his admiration for the lady grow as she sat on the dirty floor of the kennel stroking the kittens in her lap. For all the grandeur of House Lannister it was safe to say that Lady Lorraine lacked a certain pride that many Lannisters possessed, but she not of Casterly Rock -she was of Ashemark, born to be brave and raised to be humble.

 _A fine addition to Casterly Rock, if I may say so myself._

* * *

 **Lorraine**

 _I had only seen Tyrek once when my aunt brought him to Ashemark when both his mother and my father were newly widowed and wished to spend time together. He was an infant, I was barely older than a child myself, but I remember regarding that he didn't look anything like my aunt or my father -he was all Lannister. And he still is, even though he was broken in more ways than only time could heal, that was still strangely very Lannister._

 _Perhaps Tyrek's reappearance was a good omen from the Gods. Or perhaps it was an appeasement of sorts -giving me enough company should Jaime not come back to me. I shook the thought away violently, there is no need for such a pessimism here -especially not in a kennel with five little kittens and one new mother._

 _I remember the day Jaime had brought Amber to me, she was an appeasement as well -and look at all that she had given me and all Jaime had given me since then? I have forged a home here, and though I can welcome the new additions to it with little promise of what is to come I can shower them with all the affection my little heart can not give my departing husband._

 _Amber had come to me just an unwanted kitten that had the great fortune of sticking to my husband while he was away from me and now I sat in a kennel with all five of her kittens on my lap while I myself had none to call my own._

 _It didn't bother me -I had insisted on that to everyone, to Roslin, to Jaime, to myself. I had never dreamt of having children or making my house proud by becoming a mother. And even though I knew that the son of Tywin Lannister would eventually expect an heir for the dynasty, neither he nor I were in any rush. He never looked at my belly like it was betraying our marriage, he never insisted nor asked about it, I don't think Jaime and I had ever even discussed the subject at all. However, I had never been put in the position that I was now in -nor had I ever dreamed to be placed in it._

 _In the little world I had created around myself in both Ashemark and Casterly Rock I had managed to turn a blind eye to the war that had still not died out -not completely, and it all came like one slap on the face after the other. The uncertainty, the danger, the threat of being left alone forever in the home that Jaime had brought me to with nothing to show for it. Nothing to show for us._

 _It doesn't bother me. It doesn't bother me._

 _My eyes danced upon the litter of kittens, a variety of mixed variations of their parents. They all sat in my lap while my womb still lay empty._

 _It doesn't bother me. It doesn't bother me._

 _One tear escaped me._

 _What if I never saw him again? We were supposed to have time; nothing but time, where had it all gone? I couldn't remember a day I had even spent here, what did it all mean if I didn't have a part of him no one could deny me of? A part of him that belonged to me just as fully as it belonged to him? Would whatever we made together look like Tyrek? Half Marbrand, half Lannister at heart but strongly favouring his father in looks. I could withstand a thousand whisperers and hundreds of Roslins pointing their accusing fingers at me -what I couldn't stand was losing the man I loved._

 _The rest of my tears pooled out in quick succession._

 _What kind of a desperate woman had I become? Did I owe nothing to myself anymore? I was losing all parts of myself and yet all I wanted to hold on to was Jaime. Sevens hells, with everyone else, Jaime is all I want._

 _Oh don't go. Don't go, don't go, don't go._

 _He was leaving tomorrow and through the haze of making love and spending time with him I had forgotten the drop in my stomach I felt when I thought of sharing the castle with his ghost. I want a child if it means it's a child of Jaime's. I want a child if it means green eyes and blond hair and sly smiles like they knew everything. I looked down through blurred eyes at the triggering sight of new life and wished that somehow, I would be left with something I could love just as much as I loved him._

 _I decided to leave them all in the kennels that night -they needed time with their mother and a human such as I could hardly pry any longer of hopes of imprinting myself forcibly unto them. Instead, I walked to Tyrek's chambers, even though I knew that unless he was having an impossibly long conversation with the feeble and tired boy Jaime would not be there -but nevertheless I went._

 _It was dark, but by his bedside shone two candles halfway melted, and so I made my way deeper into the room with purpose. He looked so peaceful, so quiet, in a way different than what his earlier fearful disposition demanded of him. The remaining light kissed his cheekbones -still lacerated and bruised from unknown sources, but his hair was washed and piqued with rich gold. Tyrek's bones were visible through his fingers and his collar, his skin still draped desperately over his figure, but there was room for growth -there was room for health. I wondered for the millionth time how he was so utterly Lannister when he shared my own blood, and again I questioned whether any child of mine would inherit my brown eyes or brown hair -would Jaime even want them to? Would Jaime even want them, at all?_

 _It was a question I now had to ask myself, and my mind reminisced over the contradicting logics I had been faced with when it came to my husband. There was a reason he had become Lord of Casterly Rock -a reason he had requested it, it couldn't just be because he wanted to marry me. I had known him barely a week, it was just out of the question and frankly worrying if the man I knew as my husband was so enamoured by someone as simple as me to ask for a release from his vows upon our first meeting. He had to continue the legacy, and I was kind and pretty and_ there _. But I could never forget our wedding night -my dress, his hands, the growing pleasure I was beginning to feel and then the sudden action of spilling his seed outside of me. I couldn't claim to be a Maester, but I was a highborn lady raised among other highborn ladies -I knew how to make a child. We had resumed doing so when we had finally resumed our activities as most married people should...but was that some sort of an appeasement, a relent? Was he just resigned to the idea?_

 _And that led me to my other question -a question most women I know would most probably turn a blind eye to. We've been making love for months -most ardently, most passionately, and though I had just only thought about it it begged the question -_ why _was I not yet withchild? "Even your cat can get pregnant but you can't." I'll never forget those words -but now they meant more to me than just the poison they were full of, they held truth in them now. For it was true, I had myself just bore witness to it, and only moments ago my lap was full of the evidence of it while there was no crib, no cot, no womb and no babe to contradict the statement._

 _I leaned down as I got closer to the bedside table to blow out the lit candles, thoughts still whirling too violently around my mind to notice the movement next to me. BeforeI drew wind I felt a bony hand grasp tightly at my loose handing wrist. In alarm, I turned to the direction of the offending grasp, hoping Benedict was near. Instead, my alarming assailant was just a sleepy boy, eyes dusty but still as open as they would allow._

 _"_ Don't, please. Not the dark." _He plead softly into the fading dark, and my hand unknowingly snaked from the base of the candle to over his still gripping hand and I nodded to him encouragingly._

 _I had known you when you were but a babe, but now, in the dark, I would recognise you anywhere Tyrek Lannister._

 _He fell back asleep almost instantly as I slowly backed away from the glaring candle and made my way out of his chambers feeling like an intruder. It was hard to think, especially without all the facts, about what had happened to him in all the time between the riot in King's Landing to making it here at Casterly Rock._

 _I found Jaime where I expected him; in our chambers, sat on the edge of the loveseat with a hefty looking goblet in his hand. I nearly grimaced at the thought of having to deal with drunk Jaime -which was a rarity in itself, on our last night._

"It was Varys." _He said, his head barely hanging on his formed fist. I didn't know what it meant yet, but I was glad it was something he could tell me. I was glad that he tells me, now._

 _"_ ** _Who?_** _" He didn't look at me as I asked, but i'm sure he knew it was coming, especially when he answered._

 _"_ Master of Whispers. The former one, I should correct myself. He's somewhere in Essos now." _Jaime finally looked up at me, and I moved to sit next to him. My hands quickly found there way to his golden one, and they began soothingly caressing it as if it would feel it._

 _"_ ** _He told you?_** _" I whiffed the scent of wine leave his breath as he chuckled bitterly._

 _"_ All Tyrek knows is that he was grabbed by a bald man when he made it to the Keep and the next thing he knew he was dropped off somewhere in the Riverlands with no food, water or help. He was a boy, just left to fend for himself like an animal." _Jaime sounded disgusted at the notion where I felt sad picturing the scared young boy I had just seen somewhere alone, in the dark._

"That bald scoundrel. He got away with it, too. He might as well have just left Tyrek for dead. It's a wonder he's even alive." _Jaime continued on, the anger lining both his voice and his eyes._

 _He got up and left my hands to instead face the darkened Sunset Sea that only glowed with the reflective torches of Casterly Rock._

"The man I sent my brother off with." _Was all he whispered, perhaps he hoped it would disappear into the sea and somehow be undone. I knew of course. He told me, and at the time I could not decide on what I thought of both Varys or Tyrion, but now I felt more than spite at such a militant enthusiast for the "Realm". What worth does the realm retain if its subjects are off kidnapping and abandoning children in its name?_

 _I walked over, meek and for once in fear of rejection observing Jaime's angered state, and wrapped my arms around his middle, pressing my face into the back of his shoulder in the process._

"He could have died." _He said._

 _But he's alive now, and here, I wanted to say. He was our blood -undeniably, and in our home. He's safe and he could be ours, we can save him. We can save something, Jaime._

 _He's changed. Have I changed my husband? Jaime Lannister cares now. Not too much, of course, but he cares about me. About our home. About his King, I know that. About Tyrek, i'm sure. Maybe even all our new kittens. He cares, however much he might like to regret doing so._

 _When we made love still half asleep that night I wondered whether it was all just a dream -all of it. Was I really as mad as people once speculated? My Ashemark was safe, it was a haven -isolated and neatly wrapped around my fingers, it was my own world, ever unchanging. And out of nowhere it was turned upside down by a strange new arrival. He burst through my perfectly formed world, my perfectly formed peace, and all of a sudden my life had changed and it would never return to what it once was. I could never return to the not-knowing, to the hazy dream that was my existence. Did I dream him, too? It couldn't be, could it? He came like a volatile fog that swept me back up with him. Jaime was the rush of slow kisses that left the maiden I had been sweating at night for more, his touch was all warmth and his green eyes a pit I could only enjoy falling in. He was a dream, he had to be. And even with the pain of the nightmare that was to come, all the complications and uncertainties, I would rather kill my way through the Iron Islands themselves than wake from this splendour._

 _I love him, mother, I think I love him._

 _._

* * *

 **Jaime**

They all stood at the Lion's Mouth -the very same one that only moons ago Jaime had rode into with his new wife.

Everything was prepared, everything was ready for his departure, the castle need only push him out forcefully to stand well without him, but he did not care -not as he watched the woman he was sworn to protect hold herself from breaking.

Jaime was due back north to command in the Riverlands once more, the land that once bore Catelyn Stark -the woman whose daughters he had vowed to return safely. What of them now? Arya Stark, lost forever. Sansa Stark, lost anew -was it a better fate than the one she had in King's Landing? The Riverlands would haunt him now nevertheless be it for the mother or the daughters -and their ghosts.

Tyrek stood by Lorraine. The young lad had insisted he was well enough to see him off -one need only look at him to see he wasn't. Lorraine had insisted that Tyrek be by her side as Jaime wrapped up his final commands to his men, and when he looked back at the sight of them standing side by side he couldn't help but note how strange it looked to have a young man, so like him in all the ways that others counted, standing next to the woman he now could admit he loved. Was he looking at the present? Was he looking at a portrait of what life would have been like had he made this choice earlier? Or was it what Lorraine's life could be with someone younger than an old cripple like himself? If not, was Jaime then looking at the future, if the future existed anymore? Was that young man sired by him, bearing his name as well? Was he looking at a portrait of his heir -the one his own father had only ever wanted?

Jaime approached Ser Benedict first and shook his hand firmly -which was not customary for him but as his wife's sworn shield Jaime could not leave without one final reassurance.

"Anyone goes near her, you put a sword through their throat." It was not a request, and Ser Benedict nodded his head indicating his _full_ understanding of his duties. There was a reason Jaime thought Ser Benedict best fit for the job, and it was because of his utter ruthlessness when the time called for it. Jaime had seen it for himself in battle, and to impress him was a large enough feat as it is.

He only spared a barely knowing look to Damion but it was more than he would usually give -he was, afterall, the main steward to Lorraine's castle now.

Next, Jaime's eyes landed on Tyrek, still slightly cowering by Lorraine's side. Jaime clasped his shoulder only outwardly roughly, he was otherwise careful not to apply any pressure or cause any tenuous stress after the ordeals he had been through.

"I'll be back before you know it, lad." Jaime was never very good with children, not even his own. Perhaps if he was any better Joff would not be dead and Tommen not so alone. "Take care of Lorraine for me. You're the man of the castle now." He let out sparingly, trying to encourage something stronger in young Tyrek than the proud perseverance he so obviously displayed.

When he finally, almost dreadfully, reached the one he held the most regrets for he realised just how badly she was trying - _not as bad as I, i'm sure._

She embraced him closely, tighter than she had when he left her for the first time to King's Landing with all her family's eyes watching.

"Come back to me." She whispered heavily in his ear and he couldn't help the small smirk that crawled to his lips without fail every time he heard her speak. _For me, just for me._

"Or else?" He smiled. Her tears stung her dark orbs.

Jaime gave his lady one last kiss, only one in the thousands they had probably shared as man and wife -not like the three they had shared when they were only betrothed. He kissed her for her sad heart, for her safety, for her damned kittens if that is what she so wished. He kissed her for everything she may have wanted and for all the things he now knew he needed, and he needed every last one of those things from her. It seemed that Jaime was doomed to not learn his lesson when it came to love; he loved, no matter who, wholeheartedly and without care. He loved, most dependently and most ardently. He loved, he loved he loved, Lorraine Lannister just as she was, just as she was tearing in his arms.

He remembered talking to her elder sister, Lady of Silverhill - _Janyne_.

" _I don't know how to speak to her."_

 _"You'll find, Ser Jaime, with Lorraine you do not always have to speak. Words are not always such a necessity with her. I hope that helps."_

Jaime never understood, never fully, until now. Until now when it was he who had no use of words. It was action, only action, that had the right to show her what it was he wanted her to know.

 _Maybe this, this one kiss, could be enough for her. Maybe this'll show you, my darling, my love. I won't say it, not as I stand on the cusp of my departure, not as your tears line your cheeks. Hear me, hear this. My words will serve you when I return, hand and foot I will bear the reminder. I'll tell you how I love you when you are smiling, when you are riding a horse by the sea you so enjoy -only when you are smiling, you were made for nothing less._

He tore himself away, not missing the unimpressively suppressed sob that left his wife at the sudden loss, and Jaime ushered his men to the gates where his back was finally turned and the gates open for his leave.

As the wind howled through his ears while he rode off he compared to the sighs, the muffled moans and the groans of frustration that would all leave his wife at different times of the day, lost to the air but not to his memory it seemed.

The Lion's den bellowed at his departure silently into the mountains, and Jaime only looked back once to make a vow he would never break.

* * *

 **"k amber has her kittens n lorraine cries. tyrek explains that he was kidnapped during the riot. cries. jaime remembers his old self. lorraine wonders whether her children will look like tyrek. jaime buh-byee"**

 **Please review!**


	38. Strenuous

**A/N: I must apologise for the awfully long hiatus! All the Jaime feels on the show have me...confused, over where to take this. To be honest, I usually extensively plan out my chapters before I even get to them, but when I got to the last chapter I posted I found that I couldn't think of anything to plan for the next chapters. BUT I am back (hopefully), and I have some goodies in store for you! Hopefully, i'll be able to gradually ease my way back into things.**

 **HearMeRoar:** **I can't thank you enough for your interest in this story and the support you have provided me -it truly is inspiring! I love that you love this and love you as well x.**

* * *

 **Lorraine**

 _The Sept stood still and quiet as I entered it somberly just as I had done for the past fortnight since Jaime's departure. Praying had never been a habit of mine -I was certainly too young to know the Gods before my 'incident' and too confused to look for them after, they were never truly of any concern to me. But there was no other solace -no other way. And so I turned to the only thing I hoped could sooth me even if it hardly did anything for me; perhaps it could do something for someone else. If the Gods knew what lay in our hearts what good did it do, what purpose did it serve, to need to say those words in front of a certain man on certain days in one certain place? Words are secondary in life -the fact that I exist proves it, but I know now that I would go farther than pray at a close by Sept if it meant there was a chance it'd ensure my husband's safe return._

 _As I lit a candle before the Mother I knelt down on to my knees and tried to speak to someone that supposedly only Septons could speak to. But instead of one intriguing dialogue I found myself in reverie over how deliciously silent the Sept was. Casterly Rock, as big as it was, was hardly ever so. It was silent in my rooms -though, in my bed, at my table, but it was the loudest kind of silence. The sort of silence that screamed for its loss as if it somehow wished to alert me that something was amiss or not in its place -I knew very well what or who wasn't there where he should be -by my side, until the end of days. But here in this Sept, the silence does not speak -at best, there are only whispers of the prayers said here, and I marvelled at the silence that allowed such things to be heard with no shame._

 _I had gotten many suggestions -and complaints over my lifetime both to my face and behind my back, on where to take my unwelcome silence. Nobility was certainly no place for someone as seemingly queer as I. I suppose my husband and I had something in common in that regard -although the extremities of both situations would beg to differ of course. The most popular suggestions had always been to join the Silent Sisters -a monastery meant to respect the dead, transition their souls to the next world and treat our mortal bodies the way the next world demanded they be. It was always a joke -i'm sure they must have thought it fitting for me as well as the vow of celibacy to accompany it, but out of all of the places I was jokingly said to go, the ruins of Old Valyria included, the only place that remained in my thoughts was the Quiet Isle. A place untouched and unmarred by the spoils of man. A place where people did not need their words, they had only gentleness -and such pride was taken in such kindness and peace! It almost sounds to me like a made-up world, something at best across many many oceans, but it was real and lay almost exactly across from where I dwelled. I could only wish for its preservation and its sanctity to be respected and upheld -but I was coming to know too well that nothing was held sacred in this world. Only corruption, violence and war have the potential to grow and spread, and they seem to spread at such a vast and vicious pace that it leaves no time for anything good to fight back. War is always fought with war, so was it even a surprise that out of the entirety of Westeros there is only one small sanctuary of a place that understands the strength found in not fighting?_

 _My senseless prayers for Jaime's safety, for my sister's safety, for Addam's, it all led to some mumble of a prayer for all the causes I knew -lost or not. I prayed for Jaime's uncle Gerion's safe return, too, for he had been lost at sea -presumably on his way to Old Valyria, for more than ten years now. Tywin Lannister sent fleet after fleet looking for his brother, who had left none but a bastard girl in his disappearance, and yet they never found him. Whenever Jaime speaks, or spoke, of him he would have the easiest of smiles and I knew then that his uncle was most loved by him. I saw his shadow, even though I knew not his face, approaching the shores of Casterly Rock with a mist of ships behind him curdling in smoke. I saw it, clear as day, and wished Jaime was here to somehow see it with me. Tyrek was blessed with the miracle of his return, why not pray for Gerion's return as well? Or was that not how the Gods worked?_

 _I finished my prayers in more silence, and as I left the Sept the still early sun shocked my senses -the Sept is a place where time is practically unknown to those that go to worship. Finding myself now at a loss for what to do since I had exhausted my begging for one day, I walked to the conservatory where I could usually find Tyrek in at this time of day._

 _To be fair, though, it was hard to find him anywhere else. I've noticed that he's been quite...shut in. I can't presume to have known him well since I had only known him when he was an infant -but father always spoke of Aunt Darlessa's son as such a spirited lad and yet the young man before me cowered away from the sun and fresh air as if it would scrape off what was left of his skin. He was almost looking grey from being indoors for so long -lions of Lannister do not do well with no sun to water their golden locks._

 _Tyrek looks so much like Jaime -enough, I presume, to be confused for his son. It was a miracle that he had returned and returned to us. Could he have come here, and fought to come here at that, just to wither away? All that time, all those miles traveling, and I feel like the young man has forgotten himself. I have never seen a lion so...broken before. Jaime was fractured, yes, when I met him, but I still heard him roar. He never gave that up._

 _Sunlight broke through the conservatory as I walked in, and just as I did Tyrek's hesitant body flinched away from the glass he was reaching out to like it stung him._

"Good morning. Is it still morning?" _These were only rare moments, but he looked like such a boy then. I smiled and nodded affirmatively. Yes, Tyrek, though time stands still as we await the castle to breathe again, it is still morning. We have a long day ahead._

 _I sat on the seat where his volume lay pushed away and unloved. It seems that he'd rather force himself to read all the books he could find on just about any subject matter to take his mind off something he had not spoken of yet. Jaime always hated books. Perhaps, if I were a lady with a voice, i'd read to him and force him into appreciating it just as I had taken to riding with at his insistence. I was never one for listening to much instructions, but every time I rode out into the broken wind I could feel Jaime close behind -even if it was in fact only Benedict keeping his eye on me._

 _I looked around and wondered how many times I lay my chest on Jaime's chest in this room -how many laughs we had and all those times we made love here. It was all a collection, a long stream of images sliced through with the feel of my hair dancing in the wind, and I shivered unforgivingly when longing slithered up my arms and through my shoulders like a snake._

 _It touched me, raking its nails across the back of my neck as all the colours and sensations burst through my senses. Like a crooked and grim smile, a crack broke through the smooth ground I had made for myself before I had the chance to hold on to whatever was left of menace of my golden memories._

 _"_ Mistress?" _I looked up, snapped out of my torturous reverie, to find Tyrek staring at me with concern._

 _He had been through more than enough, and he did not need to come here just to watch his cousin wallow in her private sadness. Instead I stood up -what did I even sat down for, anyway? And approached him tentatively as I placed a soothing hand on his forearm with a gentle squeeze._

 _"_ ** _Should we go outside?"_**

 _With only me for company Tyrek, too, was quickly taking to my hidden language, and so with quick understanding he gave me his answer with an insincere shrug._

 ** _"_** What is there to do outside that can not be done here?" _He plopped down onto one of the seats surrounding us, leaving me standing and wondering, still, how to get the young man to do anything other than waste away in a castle. I was all too prepared to do so -content at all that I knew before Jaime came and showed me far, far more. But Tyrek was the complete opposite to my past self -he had seen too much, too much and too soon and now he wanted to hide away thinking the world would surely change by the time he decides to come out again._

" ** _I want to show you something."_**

 _He followed obediently -unusual for a Lannister._

 _Our laboured steps took us back to my chambers where he reluctantly entered behind me. We did not need to search far to find what I had meant to show him -the now happy family of kittens and their mother settled comfortably on a larger cot in my -our, lounging area. I crouched by the new family tenderly, and as soon as I did so the youngest of the litter -Pinky, dotted in black spots upon her ranging white and ginger fur, leapt into my lap and purred lightly into my arms._

 _Noticing the empty space by my side, I looked back to find Tyrek standing there looking like he knew not what to do with himself, and I tapped the desired seat by my side for him to down in._

 _It was surely not a scene for nobles of our standing to be seen indulging in, but when had I ever cared about propriety before? Jaime knew that fact well. Sometimes I like to think that it was one of the things to draw him to me if ever one could say I was the kind of person that men were drawn to._

 _'There are no men like me.' That's what Jaime would say to that. I find myself doing that sort of thing more and more as of late. I think about what Jaime would say to this or that, whether his jaw would flinch at a certain display of mine, whether his eyes would wander as they usually did if I was dressed richly in his colours -these were all things I found myself missing like someone had taken something away from me without me knowing._

 _The new kittens in their lazy -and rather luxurious, splendour took to Tyrek with immediate curiosity. Within minutes, four out of the five new kittens were sniffing out Tyrek's robes and trying to latch their tiny, undeveloped, nails into the unyielding cloth. He seemed taken with them in turn, which surprised me even though the entire point was to pique his interest -I could not really say that Duncan was ever the same, and Addam certainly never even indulged or humoured me._

 ** _"Do you want to take one?"_** _It seemed like a natural question to ask now that he was quite_ acquainted _with them, but he looked at me suddenly with so much apprehensiveness and near terror that I found myself in the mode I was always ready to be in with Tyrek -prepared worry._

"Don't they have a mother?" _Could that truly have been cause for alarm to him? Did he somehow fear Amber's wrath? It is perfectly normal to adopt a kitten especially when under the same roof as its mother. Yes, Casterly Rock is vast, but it's still the same place. And yet I had the sense that the specifications about the exact distance that would constitute being 'away' was not what seemed to trouble the boy._

 _I never failed to read his discomfort, and yet its essence or cause was as elusive to me as the sea that stretched before us._ _I promptly answered him with subtle encouragement hoping it would plant the seeds of something beyond the hollowness he knew thus far._

" ** _Maybe they want a friend, too._** _"_

* * *

 **Tyrek**

 _A funny thing it is, truly, for kittens to want a friend and for myself not to feel the need for such. I have not felt the need for such in the longest time..._

 _I promised myself a thousand times over on my travels that if I ever found Casterly Rock, or anything resembling home or family, then i'd be good and live as plainly as I could. But it would seem that my cousin's wife did not find that to be acceptable. To let me be in my nothingness was too harsh a reality for someone like her, and so every day I had to endure not only the constant attempts to liven up the day but that I had to ardently deny her as well._

 _This, however, was not unpleasant. It was nice to touch something soft. Something that did not at all fear you or know the blood that sometimes stained your hands or the chill that turns through your bones._

 _"The night is dark and full of terrors." I have seen my share of darkness, I have had terrors that would forsake the hells. But now I rest at Casterly Rock, and I am prepared to face the light and the sea and the salt of the earth if it means no more fighting._

 _Lady Lorraine did not fear the night. At least, I don't think so. It was very hard to tell what she feared beyond the obvious loss. Lady Lorraine -how strange to think of her so! Lady Lorraine, of whom my mother often spoke of being such a queer and dreary child as well as a lady with no future prospects beyond being a 'liability to her father and brother'. And yet here she dwelled in the den of all the Lannisters. My grandmother was a Marbrand; her niece my mother; and her niece was now my cousin's wife. A Marbrand is lady of Casterly Rock once more. She is half me -is she not? The same way I am half my cousin Jaime, I must share my other half with this perfect stranger. I had never had the opportunity to study here and look up to her the way I had with my cousin -I had not spent hours of my life dreaming that I could match her, just the same as my father did upon Jaime's. But here in this lonely castle I could imagine stranger things were bound to befall me than finding solace and justice in the company of a mute._

 _"_ ** _Let's go to the stables."_** _I was getting quite adept at understanding her -to my own pride, but the downfall to that was that it clearly meant that the invitation was received and thus made it harder to refuse._

 _I have no need for stables. Stables are for horses. Horses are for riding. My riding cloak is torn and dusted, and a new one shall not replace the damage incurred the last time I rode with a dying horse beneath me. However there was something about the way she asked it almost like she was demanding it -like it was not a question at all. And so I gave my quiet acquiesce and trotted to her side as her sworn sword followed closely. Just because we were going to the stables it did not necessarily mean there would be riding involved._

 _When we made it to the stench of the stables the lady I was to accompany darted straight towards her intended target -a strong dark horse I knew as Arrow from all her stories. She was a heady thing, eyes full of night time even in the stark day light, but her new mistress approached her with such ease and forthrightness that I could almost see the mare visibly curl into her touch as she stroked the darkness along her back._

 _Something about the way her hand kept brushing at the soft hairs, so dark that they almost looked wet, drew me in and I found my feet pulling me farther in to the stables and my own hand stretching out to the beast._

 _I forgot what it was like to place my hand on a horse -all muscle and groomed hairs, since I could still feel the backbone of the last horse I had stretch across my ribs at night. Day and night I rode upon it with only one thing in mind; i'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry that you will die just so I might live. And here as I stood before something so alive I wanted so badly to weep for what I felt I had killed._

 _There had been so much done in the name of survival; but what I had strangled and choked with the most ruthlessness was the parts of me that could not exist if I needed the to stay in the world. I killed my empathy, I killed my old home, I killed my mother. Her face was one I could hardly remember -only her voice as it sang to me remained. I did not know exactly where she was or whether she still had any hope of searching for me -Jaime and Lorraine had thought it best not to send word to her of my survival since a raven sent to King's Landing could not be trusted and they had yet to understand the exact mechanics behind my disappearance._

"Mother told me about you...you know." _The world slipped out of me like rain from a dense cloud. My cousin's eyes darted to me in curious alarm, and as I looked down at my pale, shaky hands in a stark contrast against the hair of the horse I found some will to break my silence._

"Whenever she'd speak of our Marbrand cousins she'd list them almost like a nursery rhyme -there _are_ many of you. Janyne, the eldest; Addam, the brave; Reina, the fair; Elaine, the jester; Lorraine, the silent and Duncan, the troublemaker." _I could almost see it now that I could say it out loud myself -sitting in the dining hall with mother as she wrote to my uncle Damon after receiving a letter from him telling her of Duncan and Elaine's latest pranks on Reina._

 _What I could see even clearer was the picture I had painted time and time again in my mind's eye when I was in King's Landing. I'd wish -i'd long, to see Ashemark and meet cousins who would become friends and I could finally let my own eyes bear witness to things that I only ever hear of in letters._

"I'd imagine you all in my mind at Ashemark, especially since I had never met you. I'd be there, too. I only knew your brother, Addam, and even then he was barely an acquaintance. Court has that effect on people, you know, it turns everyone into a stranger. But I kept thinking that perhaps in their -your, own home i'd find friends that I never found back here or in Lannisport and King's Landing. I imagined that Addam would help make me a warrior like him -like my _father_ was, and that Duncan and Elaine would get me up to no good. Perhaps i'd read to you -or practice doing so, anyway, and I thought that if I saw Reina to be as fair as my mother claimed then I should have liked to draw her in my foolish young thoughts. I found I kept thinking of Ashemark more and more on my journey -I nearly went there if it wasn't Casterly Rock that was closer. I never thought i'd meet you of all people here. Somehow...you're just the same as I imagined you to be."

 _It was all true. Especially on my long and strenuous travels, sometimes the only thing that held me closer to the strings keeping it all together was the thought of the once imagined Ashemark -sieged and yet still untouched and glimmering with the etherealness of my painted family._

 _The sound of the familiar scratch of a pencil upon paper drew me out of the recurring image and I refocused unto the sight of my cousin handing me her trusted notebook._

" _You can read to me here, if you 're safe here._ " _I read it over and over again; I am safe her. My fingers curled around the softened hard cover with a simple tree drawn upon it -I am safe here._

"I can't run away from myself." _It left as a whisper, and predeceasing it immediately was the feel of my cousin's hand above mine. She did not ask me whether I wanted her touch -whether it made me comfortable or not for her to feel the skin that so prickly and foreign on my flesh, and yet I welcomed it all together. And soon, I found myself curling into her hands much the same her horse did. In that reaction she must have found encouragement, for she moved around the horse to my side and placed her arm square and steady on my shoulder for a long moment as I looked down breathing. Only breathing._

 ** _"You like to draw?"_** _She motioned, and suddenly restless I raised my head and voice to answer._

"Yes. At least I used to. I'm not sure anymore." _I'm not sure of anything anymore -but I remember drawing, and often. The tuft of my cousin Tyrion's hair blowing in the strange breeze, the sad smile and flowing robes of Sansa Stark was she floated about the keep to look like she was not the prisoner that she actually was._

 _At that, I received another rushed note from my companion._

" _Elaine is a lovely painter. I'll show you her sketches later. Maybe when she visits you could work on something together."_

 _Yes, perhaps. Perhaps, if I were not so broken, I could hold a pencil in my hand without shaking and find colours in mind worth drawing._

 _The small moment of reflection we had suddenly gained was suddenly interrupted by the entry of the stablehand, whom, at seeing us both with such apparent interest to Arrow, asked what he was paid to ask._

 ** _"_** Are you going for a ride, M'Lady?"

" ** _Yes,"_** _She motioned whilst turning to me with a smile before continuing,_ ** _"would you like to join me?"_**

"No, no i'm fine, thank you."

 _Maybe my day was coming -maybe it was just around the corner and a day away, but it was not today. Not with the sky so grey and my wounds so fresh -my mind still so...clouded with who I have been when I was not myself._

 ** _"Another time. I'll go back in-"_** _I rushed my hands onto her elbows, feeling the bone through the layers of linen._

"No, I insist you have your ride. You're getting quite good, you know."

 ** _"Are you sure?"_** _She asked with uncertainty, but I could already see her leaning towards her favoured mare._

"Yes, I have a kitten to keep me occupied now." _I am just like you now._

 _I left the stable but lingered on outside -strangely enough, just long enough to see the lady of Casterly Rock ride off with her silent guard in close pursuit. As the dark head of hair trailed along the line of the thin woods and disappeared against the darkened sky, I wondered whether it was truly the right choice for me to stay put just as I was instead of try to be the cousin -the friend, that I wished I had been so long ago. When the first raindrop plopped onto the skin of my palm in a wide bubble almost like some sort of warning I found myself retracting my earlier statement, and my feet finally gave enough push to lead me back inside where I knew I was safe._

 _"The sky looks too grey, anyway," I kept telling myself, "I don't want to see what comes after."_

* * *

 **Addam**

He charged with force out of the mountains, the constant collision against the wind being almost enough to make him forget the feel of Margot's lips against his temple as she said her goodbyes to him when he left Ashemark.

It was a terrible need -overcome with all of the things he refused to allow any manifestation as Commander of the City Watch, but there was not enough reason to match it. His father, ailing in health and in time, worried too over his sister whose sincerity never seemed to quite reach her letters. Something was off -something was _wrong,_ and it was enough to make him doubt just what they were all thinking sending her off from her haven of Ashemark to a stranger's home in Casterly Rock where convention -something that Lorraine quite surely never took to, would ask of her things that he wasn't sure she could handle.

Addam had nearly rehearsed the number of times he'd tell her he'd visit before actually doing so -but since his worry had exponentially grown, a strange and eager protectiveness he had always had over his sister, Addam waved all the formalities aside. Sure, one would need an invitation to storm in unannounced at Casterly Rock - _but I am not just any one._

 _I am the heir to my one of my liege's strongest vassals. I am the closest friend of Jaime Lannister. I am the brother of Lady Lannister._

He was all those things -and as his heart pounded into the stormy ash that the Westerlands around them seemed to leave in his wake he also wondered whether he was not foolish, above all else.

* * *

 **It felt right to have Tyrek as a full first person POV character somehow instead of a third person. I wanted him to be a little more relatable to Lorraine since they're now stuck in the same place with pretty much only each other for company and I wanted to show this new, special relationship by having the both of them be fist person POV's. Plus, Tyrek in my fic suffers from aftershock and PTSD and I thought that the best way to portray that was through the first person. Tell me what you think!**


	39. Reunited

**A/N:** **So sorry for the long wait, i've been feeling quite depressed the past couple of months, but I decided to put my head down and finish the chapter I started and hopefully i'll feel better enough to keep going.**

 **To my readers who also follow Heartsbane, I am currently working on it just as i've finished this chapter, and will hopefully have something up for you soon.**

* * *

 **Addam**

"Open the gates!" He yelled outside of the Lion's Mouth somehow strangely disappointed that this was not the grand welcome he wasn't expecting. He had never grown used to arriving at a closed gate.

"And who goes there?" A voice came, hidden behind the anonymity of the high cover of the gate tower.

His nostrils, his patience and his tempers flared together, and his response came with a push of anger at the entire ordeal.

"Are you blind, _boy_? Or are these banners too pale for your eyes?" _Anyone would know these banners -anyone would know these fires._

"Aye, I see your banners, Ser, but what is your station and what brings you here?" _I did not ride for a day and a half for this -to be questioned by a boy acting as some obstacle._

" _Lord_. Lord Addam Marbrand - heir to Ashemark and _brother_ to your Lady. So I suggest you don't keep me waiting any longer." He grunted out, leaving behind a long moment of silent hesitation in the thus far lively exchange.

"The Lady made no mention of your arrival." Addam's laughter boomed loud and echoed off the surrounding hills. _I should probably leave out that it was my worry that rode a horse and brought me here._

"Because I had made no mention of my coming here to her. It was meant to be a surprise." _Surprise, sister._

After another moment of silence, probably because the stifled watcher was asking some kind of superior what to do, it was clear that Addam's suspicions were not completely unfounded. _If Jaime were here, if his banners were not seen riding north of the West just like I have heard, then surely he would be standing at these gates with the watcher grabbed by the collar._

"Where is Lord Lannister?" Impatience weaved through his voice superseding the gradual increase of volume he was affording it with.

"He is away, currently." _Away, yes, that much is obvious. But where to?_

"You're hiding something."

"My Lord, Lord Lannister has many loans to collect and work to overse-"

"You say that to me when i've just received word that Lannister banners were just seen marching up the Red Fork? Your squabbles are not of any interest to me. Where is Lady Lannister?" _Where is my sister? Where is Lorraine?_

"My Lord, if you could just let me escort you-" He would not be escorted. _Casterly Rock is where I was a page -where I had grown and learned. Do not presume to teach me the way._

"I demand to see my sister!" His words were not yet over before the gates rusted open and the dust of the stairs entered his line of vision.

It was a blur of horses and the few men he had with him, a straight line of his boots hitting the familiar ground -it was a song of thunderous footsteps and clenched fists, and it all came to a halt when the Lion's Mouth stopped at the Castle Castellan's short, crouched figure awaiting him anxiously.

" _Where_ is my sister?" There would be no greeting. _After this, there can be nothing until I see Lorraine -if she is even here._

Answering the call, a feather of steps made their way out of the deep, dark corridor awaiting his entrance, and in the stubborn light came the vision of something just the same and at the same time completely different than what he had known. She was a woman, a _lady_ , more than ever. And, to a part of Addam he would never acknowledge was disappointed, dressed in her husband's colours almost like she had never lived at Ashemark. This was her home now, he could see that now.

"Surprise." He whispered into the dark, settling air, and she smiled with eyes sadder than he had seen them before.

It didn't take him long to understand why. Moments into their reunion she had led him to her chambers - _their_ chambers, with Jaime still nowhere in sight -but Addam had a feeling that the lack of his presence would be explained. And so it was -from the sightings, to the letter from the renegade Lannister to Jaime's insistence on marching back to the Riverlands -the land that he and Addam had just successfully returned from, and facing the demons of Westeros on his own.

"Why did he not tell me?" Addam muttered without truly looking, but the soft scribbles made their easy way to his ears. He had missed that.

 _"He didn't want to raise an army for something he wants to handle himself."_ And it was now -only then with the reminder of how naïve Lorraine still was, that his fury made its reappearance.

"They are ironborn!" He lunged upwards from his seat. _Have you forgotten what that meant? Have you forgotten the fear nestled safely within your eyes when it was us who lay in their danger the first time they came around?_ Did Jaime Lannister truly have so little care for his sister that he'd leave her a widow barely a year into their marriage?

 ** _"They are small men!"_** She followed suit trying to meet his stature filled with a ferocity of her own, it was not enough to give false meaning to what Addam already knew of that particular army.

"Why did _you_ not tell me?" He asked in the midst of dissipating anger and hurt suspicion. _She would write to me whenever a different wall was painted, and now she hides from me in her letters._

 ** _"Same reason."_**

"And you think I could not tell that something was amiss? You think father couldn't?" He questioned pressingly, more angry that it had truly been so long since he had last seen his sister and that she had changed than the obvious danger that awaited them all should her husband fail.

 ** _"They were just words on a paper."_**

"For a long time they were all I ever had of you, and they have become so again. I've learned to read them well."

A smile cracked through her mournful face, and Addam relented, finally wrapping his arms around the frame that had slipped through his fingers time and time -year after year. Holding her now, she felt more like a Lannister than ever before. _I can't say i've ever done_ this _with a Lannister before, though._

* * *

 **Lorraine**

 _Just barely out of reach -out of touch, from my dear brother's arms I had gone, did another scurrying messenger tail in from the entrance and rush impertinently to us._

"A letter m'lady, an urgent one for m'lord." _The words fell through the boy's teeth, and before my eyes could momentarily lower themselves at the reminder of just who I was missing Addam had the same, ever-present and stubborn, sense to step in._

"Your _Lord_ is not here. Have the letter taken to his study for when he returns." _He ordered, moving a step ahead of me towards the boy with a silver tray and a haunting parchment in its midst._

"But...m'lord...it's of an urgent nature!" _The courier tried to fight -for what exactly, I did not know. Either way, his words died in his mouth in the face of Addam's towering demeanor._

"Then you best make sure it's at the top of the pile, boy."

 _Nodding to a fault, in a near combustable need of the urgency apparently animated to his mission, the boy turned to me for one final appeal and I, in the situation and presence that I was now under, only regretfully nodded my acquiesce and motioned for him to take his letter -one of many that have arrived for my husband, to the study._

 _The glimmer in my eyes had nearly died along with the boy's loss of fight until my eyes fixed upon the sealed paper and the address written on it -it was in a handwriting of quite irritable remembrance._

 _Meereen. Tyrion. Urgency. What he could have wanted -what more he could have wanted?! I could not yet discern. All I knew was that through my failings of keeping the other aspects of Jaime's plans a secret I had to keep this part of it under lock and key -I would have to lie, once more. And so I killed the spark that had befallen me momentarily in my brother's presence. I pressed it down to ashes, and stomped at the dust it left behind until it was one with the ground._

"Lorraine? Is something amiss?" _Without shaking my head too furiously at the question -was anything amiss? Was anything even alright anymore? I rested my hand gently upon Addam's and smiled approvingly at the messenger._

 ** _"Take it to Lord Lannister's study. For when he returns."_**

"Yes, m'lady." _He returned defeatedly, apparently not living up to whatever solemn oath they make messengers swear to these days._

 _It had not been a moment after Addam and I were finally left alone once more that I suggested, with a tenacity not to be disobeyed, that my brother have his rest -he had turned a few day's ride to Casterly Rock into only one. He deserved to rest, to shut his eyes a moment while I acted out my duplicitous intentions._

 _I made my way to the familiar trail to my husband's study while the sun still ruled the day -even if barely, and found the subject of most urgency freshly rested atop the pile of incoming mail meant for Jaime. The last time he got a letter from the sender I suspected it had been of too curious and detrimental a nature to just be ignored. My husband rode North by the prompting of that letter. What more could be asked of him now?_

 _I stared down the parchment in my hand thirsting for a worthy reader. Was I worthy? What if it contained news -or a warning of some sort? Jaime had left me in charge...it was up to me to decide whether I wanted him to have his brother's confidence or risk losing him to some unknown factor. I shook at the intrusive thought, and with a decisive nod, tore the seal that stood between me and betrayal._

* * *

 _Greetings, brother._

 _I can't say your lack of response has been terribly surprising -you were never truly a champion for literacy. However, seeing as the matter I wrote to you about was about the actual pillaging of your 'home', then I must say it is rather worrying that you have left your returned letter bare. Hear me -Euron Greyyjoy is coming for you, and he has the men and the twisted anger of the Ironborn by his side. What do you have besides dry mines and an army tired of fighting? Kill the head of the operation, and you will be spared. There are only so many times I can ask._

 _Post script: There has been talk aplenty about you and your lovely new wife -but no news at all of a bump in the belly. Shocking, really, it never took you that long with Cersei._

* * *

 _It was a notably shorter letter than the one I had stumbled upon before, but short as it was I could not unread it. If Jaime were here...would I hurl a small chest in his direction again? Or would I find it too absurd to even believe the vile things suggested in this letter?_

 _This is the man that murdered his own father. As tenderly as Jaime may have recounted him to me, could he really be believed when all evidence seemed to point at how craven he was? Nevertheless, with the knowledge of Jaime not there to defend himself or his alleged actions I let the virility of such rumours sink into me._

 _I had never truly considered it. Not once. He was Ser Jaime of Lannister, an honoured guest in my home. Our liege Lord. I had been prepared to always think that such talk was strictly gossip meant to hurt the Lannister name...but it never crossed my mind for a moment that it was not. Could petty gossip truly have been the driving force to turn Ned Stark -a man of reputable honour and honesty, to turn against the Queen? Could that by itself be the sole deciding factor to make not one but both of the late King's brothers to take up arms and wage war against the Queen's children? It lay in my hands right now...at this moment...the question I had just realised I should have asked myself long ago -and the hypothetical answer I knew I couldn't bear to hear._

 _I had to consider it, there was no way I could ignore it now. Could Jaime, my husband, have been in an incestuous relationship with his sister? Is that why he stayed at Ashemark? Why he resigned from the Kingsguard? Is that why he was in such a hurry to abandon one sworn oath for another and ask for my hand? Was I some sort of cover-up for an illegitimate relationship gone sour? Whatever it was...I knew without a doubt now that it was over, but will the fact that it ever even begun affect me; someone who always believed that change was possible?_

 _I was in love with him -this man in question, but if this were true how could I bear to look at him knowing the child that I so longed to have with him already existed through his sister?_

 _I shook my head dangerously. I had no proof. No proof but a letter by an angry, bitter renegade. If Jaime were here, he would have a perfect explanation for this...i'm sure. Perhaps this is what Tyrion sought to achieve -cracking holes and dents in our armour. He was laughing at us, he mocked us. He saw us as nothing but simple -that much, I could easily discern._ _Even now he still finds it in him to mock my infertility; reducing me down to my womb just as everyone else has done._ _But I would not let him have the word this time -regardless of what was true or not._

* * *

 _Greetings,_

 _You will forgive my address if you will, lord Tyrion, for my husband is currently elsewhere tending to the safety of the Kingdoms and has left me in charge at Casterly Rock. I debated whether or not to read your letter, not forgetting that it was not meant for my eyes, but the last time you wrote my husband it was with regard to a very unsettling matter that seemed to be of some urgency -and so I feared the matter of urgency would come up once more._

 _My husband is fighting for his people and for our safety -all of our safety. We are not just spouts of common land to be claimed by whatever monarch thinks it in his or her's interest to control. The West will not be threatened by your Khaleesi, and the fall of the Greyjoys will come at our hands -not for her convenience but for the preservation of all our lives._

 _A fit King or Queen rules over his or hers subjects with care above all else, my lord, and so with what care does your new queen bequeath unto us -her supposed subjects? We will not burn for someone else's demands._

 _Do not consider my words treacherous -I merely speak plainly. With any luck, Euron Greyjoy will fail his campaign and die for the justice of those he has harmed and the lands he has breached. Your enemy, and mine, shall be vanquished by your brother -my husband, and we will defend and keep our home from those that seek to take it from us._

 _Yours faithfully, Lorraine Lannister._

 _Post script. Are you truly surprised that my brother Addam would so 'readily give his permission for [Jaime] to fuck his sister'? You seemed to be under the contrary impression._

* * *

 _Yes, it may have been bitter of me to end on such a...crossing, note, but I could hardly say he didn't deserve it._

 _I leaned back into my oaken chair, its legs complaining in a creak as I sighed in heavy contemplation. For once, I didn't want to think about Jaime. It felt like a lie to say i'd wait for him to return to confront him about something when I haven't even settled it with myself. What if he just admitted to it? All of it?_

 _What then? Does the fact that it had ever happened -if it had ever happened, change who he is and all my reasons for loving him? Maybe...maybe this...thing...shaped him in some way. Maybe it made him the man I married. I had resigned myself long ago to the comfortable thought that I didn't care what he had done in the past. I had agreed that the blood of the men he killed had no room in our relationship, and that it was not my place to judge him for it -so was this any different?_

 _Suddenly, the red, the blood, the torn muscle and breaking of bones conjoined in my head and my feet found the closest chamber pot of their own accord. I heaved over the brass pot, emptying the contents of my already empty stomach as I traced a crack on the floor to distract myself from the horrible pain searing my throat and the numbing sickness that gathered in my belly._

 _I could lie to myself and say that it's my unusual sensitivity. I could shake my head and tell myself that the possibility of Jaime's past made me sick to my stomach. But I unfortunately knew myself better than that. The silence I surrounded myself with allowed me to listen to my body in great detail, and one didn't even need to do so to know that I had not bled this whole moon._

 _It had finally happened -the thing I had silently cried into my pillow over. I had foolishly wanted a part of Jaime to remember him by when I knew nothing about how to bring a child into this world. I knew even less about what I was to do with the child if his father was not the man I thought he was. It was a sorrowful I had created in my head now come to life -the sad tale of a grieving widow with only her child as her last hope in the world, but the reality of the situation stung me in more ways than one._

 _Firstly was the tiring sickness that came with the situation not to mention the mixed emotions -that horrid letter was the last thing all the evil chemicals inside of me needed. Second, of course, was Jaime. From what I could tell, in what I was coming to know as my limited understanding of him, he didn't want children. Or at least, he didn't seem to be in any special hurry. What would he think, what would he do, should he return and find me wide with our unborn child?_

 _All the time, all the distance, and all the ambiguity he had successfully kept around him regarding his famous past had left far too much room to sow the seeds of doubt in just the few minutes after I had met with this unknowing accusation. Doubt was a powerful thing indeed, for it takes root in the house of your mind and swirls wildly into all your memories, painting them red with suspicion. From meeting him to even the gentlest kiss to my hand I tried to muster something from memory -some sign, some indication, that he had been hiding his insidious intentions from me, but for some reason all I could think of was that one day by the maze fountain at Ashemark. The day Jaime Lannister proposed to me._

* * *

 _"Do you think i'm a good man, my lady?"_

 _I answered him with a nod of my head. All this nodding and I will eventually get dizzy._

 _"Why?"_

 ** _"Because you are brave. And kind."_** _He looked down, thinking hard and shaking his head. He lifted his head and I found a faint smile, this time full of bitterness._

 _"Not many would agree with you."_

* * *

 _I had taken my vow, and it did not matter how many vows he had broken before the one we took together -he was still beholden to this one as much as any other man under the eyes of the Gods. And I know, deep down in places I didn't know were in me, that Jaime had not forsaken his vows to me. That much, I knew._

 _He is still, just as he was -brave and kind, but would I eventually find myself agreeing with those I swore never to be?_

* * *

 **Jaime**

For once, Jaime was looking forward to sleep. In sleep, in dreams, he could be back at Casterly Rock teaching Tyrek how to be brave again and letting Lorraine sleep on his chest in the late afternoon. In his dreams, he did not have to be so aware of the doubtful looks his own bannermen directed his way when he led them. He was still a lion -at least he was supposed to be, but they seemed to be more haunted by the loss of his hand than he had been.

That's not to say that he hadn't felt its displacement. It was the most grievous loss of his life, more than when his mother or father died -he had died but he was still somehow alive. And yet like some twisted form of absolution, his severed hand gave him a second chance to see clearer -to see past the lies and the twisted sense of loyalty he had created around his family. What had his family -his Cersei, ever done for him? Why did he spend his life's honour killing those she demanded would die, when her fight would go on with or without him?

The only person that had helped him survive, truly, was that Brienne and her abhorring sense of righteousness and loyalty. She had known loyalty when he had forgotten. She had been his savior when he was unworthy. She kept his secret when he bled out his confession -not even Lorraine had bore witness to that yet. But the dame fair had followed her oath and her honour, and Jaime could not think to himself where else she would be if not doing exactly that.

The winds blew harsh and unrelenting as he gathered himself by the small fire in his tent for the night, focusing only on the slow prickling of the thawing blood in his hands and the way the wind wavered just farther north than it did at the Rock. It was during this deep contemplation that he heard a commotion gather just ahead of his tent where he knew the sentries were posted for the night, and his head turned in attention to the alien threat.

 _It could be an iron islander,_ he thought, _a lone reaper or a whole host of them_ , but as he slowly raised himself from his low seat he heard a voice he thought he'd never hear again -one that was almost too coincidental for Jaime to trust hearing.

"Let me through!" Undoubtedly, unmistakably, it was the rough cry of the wench herself. How she was there -or why she was so agitated at being so, remained a question still unanswered.

"No one's getting through tonight, my _lady_." He heard the sentry roughly push her back as the flap of his tent disappeared behind him and the bite of the night air stung his warming nose.

"I demand to see your lord!" She repeated her command, and unbeknownst to her with only a few more footsteps out of the unforgiving darkness, Jaime would meet it.

"Brienne?" He uttered out without realising it had been moons since he spake her name.

She turned in a sharp assault to the calm breeze, and her sharp, jagged, face sagged.

What he found in her was not the relief -or the tinge of happiness, he had expected to find in her fantastic blue eyes, instead Jaime thought he saw disappointment in his appearance to her.

"My Lord." She bowed, the way she usually did, and while she was still low he motioned for his sentry that all was well and he could leave them.

Once she rose again they stood facing one another in a wordless exploration in all that had changed. She looked the same save for the scratches on her face and a feeling that Jaime could not shake getting from her. Nevertheless, he motioned for her to follow her into his tent, and she diligently did so.

Once inside Jaime made to take his previously abandoned seat before realising that Brienne seemed intent on standing and making herself stick out like a sore thumb.

"You're looking well. What trouble have you gotten yourself into this time?" It was a jest. At least, half a jest. Her state seemed distressing, and without wondering how she had even found him he wanted to hear why she seemed shaken.

"It's Sansa Stark, I found her." Sansa Stark. That was a name he had not heard in a while.

 _So, the little bird has been found after all._

He swallowed down grimly, wishing he had a goblet to hide his nonchalance under.

"Well...that's good for you, isn't it?" _I still have yet to see why this has anything to do with me._

"I found her but I don't _have_ her...The Hound does." She seemed sick to say it, and Jaime was too sick to imagine it.

"The Hound?" He repeated incredulously. _How could she have landed with the Hound?_

But that wasn't the question to be answered -his answer was coming soon enough.

"I need your help freeing her from him, they're only a day's ride away." The wench beseeched him with her hand on her sword -the way she did when she didn't want it to look like she was asking for help in the first place.

He chuckled lightly upon hearing it -he could almost think it was a jest in truth! For the last time he had been in the Riverlands with this certain dame, their own swords had met and it can't exactly be said that he had won.

But when his laughter slowly died and the imploring glimmer in Brienne's eyes did not, he had half a mind to think she was actually serious in her proposition.

"What?" He questioned further, but it seemed that was even less cause for her to explain.

"We must hurry! Gods know they might not be there for much longer." She was operating under some sort of idea that he had readily agreed -and she certainly looked at him like she was waiting for him to grab his horse and leave.

"I can't just march my army to save a girl no one knows I was to protect." _A girl who, by all lawful measures, is still considered a co-conspirator and traitor._ But to be fair, Jaime was hardly the most lawful. Yet, still, he couldn't just redirect and lose a day's ride -or any men, to The Hound.

"Not your army -just you. If you don't come alone he's sure to kill her." _Has the Wench lost her mind?_

It wasn't like she wasn't right. He knew Sandor Clegane well enough to know that he would abandon whatever mission of ransom -or any other twisted reason he would have for holding Sansa Stark his captive, once he knows he is outnumbered. And the Hound hasn't been known to leave any prisoners for the sake of it. Still, Jaime found it hard to reconcile himself with the idea of his involvement. _She has never needed me before. She was always been worthy._

"This isn't what I came here for, Brienne." He shook his head dismissively -but he should have known that that was not a possibility with her.

"But it's what you vowed!" Her words stopped him with his back to her. As much as he wanted to forget it, she spoke the truth. Just as she always did.

"One day. That's all I ask of you." She beseeched him carefully once more, and as he wound his fist up in a ball he recalled another vow he had made -one he was determined to keep as well. _I have made vows to a lady with hair of deep auburn, one with golden tendrils, and one of deep brown._

 _"Do you think i'm a good man, my lady?"_

 _She nodded affirmatively._

 _"Why?" He had pushed on -no one ever bothered to answer him. Then again, he had never cared to ask._

 ** _"Because you are brave. And kind."_**

 _It is time to be the man my wife deserves; even if it means delaying my return to her._

"One day."

He did not even spare a look at Brienne, but instead only repeated his commitment to himself. Even as he ordered his men to ready his horse, his squire to adjust his armor and polish sword, he could only think of this new vow he was making to himself. _One day. Only one day. One day._

They rode out in the deep night and did not stop for rest or leisure. _One day. You only have a day to spare._ He suffered the ride in silence and fed off Brienne's badly hidden anxiousness. _Why is she so worried?_ Jaime had seen her fight a bear with nothing but a pink gown and her bare hands and still look less afraid than she did the whole ride up.

When they stopped the sun had long since come up again, and they stood flush against a densely packed forest before them.

Coming off his horse together as Brienne removed herself from her own he looked to her in confusion, waiting for her directions, but she did not speak. She only looked up at the trees like her battle was with them.

"He's...they're in there?" He inquired, puzzled at the strange choice of settlement. He knew Clegane was not a gentlemen, or a stickler for grooming for that matter, but surely he had the means and the strength to secure better accommodations...

"There's a small keep in the heart of the woods. That's where he has her." She looked down at the sinking ground as she answered, her light brows pained and contorted, and Jaime offered a small smile to sooth what he thought was fear.

"Right. Let's get this oath over and done with, shall we?"

He entered the forest before her and kept his pace light and steady, and for once the wench did not take it upon herself to walk in step with him but remained behind him. Jaime thought it odd since he had little idea where he was going, anyway.

They were yards into the forest now, and not even a hint of any kind of structure seemed close by. Suddenly, a bustling noise came from behind a tree, and before Jaime could successfully bring his sword to its attention he felt a cold, wet cloth cover his nose and mouth.

His limbs failed him, one by one, and he felt his trusted sword leave his grip and his back fall onto a stouter figure behind him.

The only thing his eyes saw before it turned completely dark was Brienne, standing as tall as the tree around them, her tears shining enough to show through his dulling consciousness.

"I'm sorry, Jaime."

* * *

 **Hope this was okay -it's been a while!**

 **Thank you so much to the people following/favouriting/reviewing recently...you've really helped me get this out!**

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